“All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth…”

No, that’s not Ben Jones’s letter to Santa, but maybe that old song will inspire him (if anyone knows it, feel free to sing along):

“All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth,
My two front teeth,
See my two front teeth,
Gee, if I could only have my two front teeth,
Then I could wish you Merry Christmas!”

This is my letter:

Dear Santa,

Please bring presents for all the great bull riders on this list, and their friends. This is what they need:

Silvano Alves – all the points they refused to give him last year (the ones they gave to JB Mauney instead)

JB Mauney – a big towel to wipe all the brown off peoples’ noses

Shane Proctor – a located shoulder (he already has a dislocated one)

Jory Markiss – Rock Star Valium

Frank Newsom – Bull repellent

Robson Palermo – two new shoulders

Lachlan Richardson – a sticky butt

Jesse Byrne – nothing; he’s perfect

Valdiron de Oliveira – more knuckle pushups

Renato Nunes – lots and lots of new hats

The G Man – a return appearance

Flint Rasmussen – some new material

Jeremy the PBR sound guy – a hearing test

Leah Garcia – Craig Hummer’s job

JW Harris – a 5th gold buckle (I’m asking in advance for next year.)

CBR – close-up lenses and slo-mo capability

Donnie Gay – another octave (below the one he has now)

Justin McKee – lots more air time (and I don’t mean after being launched from the back of a bull)

Guilherme Marchi – nothing; he’s perfect, too

For all the riders – many soft landings

Bushwacker – a shutout season

The JackDanielsRockStarMonsterEnergyGirls – clothes

For all the Brazilian riders – a translator

For the PBR chute boss – a gag

For Craig Hummer – an even bigger gag. And while I’m at it, let’s sing him a song, too. I think everybody knows this one:

“…and my head I’d be scratchin’
While my thoughts were busy hatchin’,
If I only had a brain…
I could think of things I never thunk before,
And then I’d sit and think some more.
I would not be just a nuffin’
My head all full of stuffin’…
If I only had a brain!”

And most of all, please, please, bring the PBR judges new glasses. And a clock.

PS– The cookies and milk are on me.

About Bull Riding Marketing

Creative services, marketing and public relations professional from entertainment industry background. Published in magazines and newspapers worldwide. I believe bull riders are the new rock stars.
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3 Responses to “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth…”

  1. Esther says:

    I see you read the Tyson article on the PBR website. I read this other article earlier, http://abcnews.go.com/Business/tyson-foods-reach-moms-bull-riding-advertising/story?id=20566636, and found the percentages regarding gender and ages interesting.

    • Jeez– even then, they’re sexist! As if “Mom” is in charge of feeding everyone. (“Mom and her family.”) Is “Dad” not capable of opening a friggin’ package?? They also ASSUME that everyone in that age bracket is a parent! How very 1950s of them. Tyson’s attitude is utterly condescending.

      That market research, BTW, is exactly what I was talking about: I was asked to be on a panel in NYC, and we TOLD them (as I’ve hammered on in my blog) that women in our age bracket are half the audience for bull riding. I told the friggin’ geniuses that they should LOOK at the audience– TV and live.

      The PBR woman is also either FOS or OTL. The market research guys DID ask why we liked bull riding (BTW, they had absolutely NO idea about the sport), and our 99% female panel told them: it was about challenge and individual achievement, NOT guys trying to inflict injury on one another; it was athlete vs. athlete (2-footed vs. 4-footed), it requires skill, etc. I can’t believe that even when the PBR makes an effort to listen to women, they STILL can’t hear quite right.

  2. Trying to be a fan says:

    Yes, Kris, there is a Santa. May all of your wishes come true. Merry Christmas to you and yours.

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