“One thing’s for sure—nothing’s for sure.”—Justin McBride, contradicting the entire PBR marketing strategy.

They just can’t switch from the JB channel. There was even MORE blather:

“I like what you’ve already done, which is touch on JB’s toughness… often we see the guy who’s near legendary status…” Craig blabbering on. I hope someday he looks back on this period of his life and is mortally embarrassed to see himself salivating after a 20-something-year-old cowboy who rides bulls. Ty Murray just flat out called Mauney a “legendary” bullrider.


  • Let me clear up something for the chuckleheads out there. Here is the dictionary definition of “legend”:

a: a story coming down from the past; especially: one popularly regarded as historical although not verifiable

b:  a body of such stories <”a place in the legend of the frontier”>

c:  a popular myth of recent origin

d:  a person or thing that inspires legends*

e:  the subject of a legend <”its violence was legend even in its own time”>

*See a, b, c, and e, in case you think d is where JB fits in.

Okay, have we got that straight?

But wait, there’s more!

  • Interview with JB: “One day you can be on the top, the next day you’re underneath ‘em.” His stupid father said, “JB gets better when he gets sorer.” Shorty tells us something we already know: there’s no sympathy for pain in his family. That makes them cold, not heroic.
  • Craig babbling about poking the bear—the general idea being, when JB comes out of injury, watch out.
  • Now they’re making excuses for JB getting hurt because he had to get right onto a re-ride bull with no time in between. BFD—Robson Palermo’s done it, Guilherme Marchi’s done it, and I’m sure others have, too. But they’re not allowed to have excuses.
  • “Do not place the crown on JB Mauney’s head just yet.”—Hummer, trying to pretend that we don’t know what the plan is. This is how they think they’ll keep the viewers enthralled.
  • Hearing what really happened to JB last night was a revelation. This is one of the few times the “wired” feature was useful. We heard moans of pain, which perfectly normal for a human being. The PBR would have us believe that JB is Superman and never feels any pain, or he “compartmentalizes” it, he’s so tough, bla bla bla.
  • ANOTHER JB Mauney Athlete Profile??? How many do we need???


  • Cody Lambert re Jared Allen: “Yeah, he’s on Spacebook, too.”
  • Air Time was “heads and shoulders above”—McBride seeing double.
  • “It’s kinda creepy seeing you guys agree.”—Justin re Lambert & J.W. Hart. Yep.
  • “It’s called bull riding, not bull sitting.”—Ty
  • Ty estimates he’s been on 6,000 bulls. Wow, there’s some brain damage for ya.


  • Great to see the broadcast concentrate on the bulls for a while, but I don’t think Stone Sober should be eliminated because according to Cody, he “gave up” near the end. One less than perfect trip shouldn’t eliminate a bull as a title contender.
  • Close-up of Percolator looking very self-possessed and Buddha-like. Lambert said he was done with him. I’m sure the stock contractor was so pleased to hear this announced on the air.


  • Luke Snyder is the newest member of the PBR Ring of Honor, which got the Booth Boys talking about rookies—starting with Cooper Davis, because he’s leading the Finals event so far. The obvious Rookie of the Year—Kaique Pacheco—was mentioned second.
  • Ty and Craig are yammering on about something else while the riders are being introduced. What’s funny is watching the cowboys fidgeting on the stage behind them. The whole shlock shtick must be so
  • Another mic moment: Aaron Roy was settling on Hungry Eyes. Somebody at the chute was yelling while applying the wedge: “Well get your fuckin’ toes outta the way, I’m trying to get it in to help you!” The bull was a wash-out. Aaron was offered a re-ride or 76ish. Took the reride.
  • Craig’s new word of the week: “Numerology.” He doesn’t know what it means, but he’s using it.
  • JB has a 57.81% riding percentage. If he scores 87.75, he wins the title. His 86.50 got the audience booing. The judges were shrewd: they ensured viewers for Saturday; they knew they could give him a couple of 90s to clinch the title.

Bonner Bolton “cashed in his chips last night”—according to Craig, who clearly doesn’t know what it means. I regret to inform him that Bonner will show up tonight.


  • Derek Kolbaba is possibly the babiest-faced bull rider I’ve ever seen outside of mutton busting. Cute: Derek hanging next to JB in the locker room, trying to look casual, wearing a feather in his hat like JB, glancing over at his idol every once in a while. Just like a little brother.
  • Ty’s middle name should be “WhenIwas.”
  • I can’t even talk about Cody Nance anymore. The judges have chosen to ignore his spurs, and how he’s throwing his neckerchiefs into the crowd like he’s a rock star. Hey, buddy, dial it down—you’re not Steven Tyler.
  • Back in Black was the bull matched up with Neil Holmes– do you still think Lambert doesn’t control the random matchups? Like the Ryan Dirteater/Red Man pairing earlier this year was an accident.
  • All the tweets that get aired are praising JB. The rest of us and our “we want fairness” “there are other riders” tweets are ignored.
  • Judges called Bonner on having a spur hooked. He challenged; the replay was inconclusive. They gave him an 86, but he thought Percolator was better than that and that he rode better than that—which he said on the air, miffed. This attitude isn’t going to help him much as a newcomer to the BFTS.
  • Somebody please tell Ty that nobody is trying to touch their bulls on purpose.
  • Kody Lostroh was at the event, but nobody mentioned why he doesn’t ride in the PBR anymore.
  • Matt Triplett had an outstanding ride on Little Willie, for 88. If he were JB, it would’ve been a 90-point ride.


  • Silvano Alves came into the Finals 2/14, with a 48.28% riding percentage. Not sure I heard right, but he may have ridden 26 of his 32 bulls in Finals events. Some things never change: he was put on the clock. After his 89-point ride on spinning Rebel Yell, he was positively exuberant.
  • Tanner Byrne was set up with a Canadian bull (another non-random draw), Minion Stewart. His 86.75 was an excellent ride; he saved himself at the direction change when he could’ve easily have gone flying if he wasn’t so in the moment, reacting in the present. Loving this guy more every day!

Poor Ben has an even worse night; last night he was crying, tonight he was so upset about his buckoff, Frank Newsom came over and talked in his ear to make him feel better.

Shawn Ramirez is the chute judge, who decides on DQing by putting people on the clock.


  • Robson Palermo had a terrible bad landing on the top of his head (no helmet), jamming his neck and shoulder. He stayed on the ground on his knees, doubled over, fist pounding the dirt. That’s Stayed there a very long time, surrounded by medical people, was strapped to a backboard with his head and neck stabilized. Crowd was so silent you wouldn’t even know they were there. Neck X-rays next.
  • Oscar P makes Guilherme Marchi’s 16th Marchi ended up grimacing between two medical crew members.
  • Spiderman’s failed trip on Lee’s Dream had him sitting in back of the chute & throwing his helmet in anger. For a moment I thought he was making the groaning sound which turned out to be Hot Iron complaining in the chute.
  • Fire House launched Alex Cardozo high, and Cardozo landed on his (helmeted) head, compressing his neck just like Robson did. More medical rescue, backboard, etc. He was still lying there after the commercial break. The crowd cheered as he was carried out, and he raised a hand to acknowledge them, but it was ambulance time. (I’m making believe I don’t know what happened to him, because this is the last night I watched the Finals farce.)
  • Ty’s snotty remark that Reese Cates is “having a mental breakdown, slapping everything.”
  • JB Mauney has more 90-point Finals rides than anyone. Gee what a surprise. Anyone who’s followed the PBR since 2012 knows why, and it ain’t about all of them being worth 90. The judges have been revving up the “Let’s see if we can get him to beat Chris Shivers’ record” campaign.
  • Valdiron de Oliveira has a 44.12% riding percentage and is #9 in world. He sure was miserable after his (third) buckoff.
  • Kaique Pacheco was put on the clock, and got bucked off by Pound the Alarm. Such a bummer. But hey, Craig found the silver lining: this “has simplified our plot twists.”
  • João Ricardo Vieira needed 86.75 to make the top 5. Instead—ding! 86 on Mr. Bull.


  • Renato Nunes on Redbone ticked me off, leaning so far back that he bucked himself off. Why are you doing this to me??
  • Why is J.W. Harris choking this week??
  • Why didn’t Leah Garcia interview Fabiano Vieira after his ride?

“Scores have been coming at a premium, but you better be prepared to pay full price.”


  • Silvano wins the round, Matt = #2, Cooper = #3, Stetson Lawrence = #4, and Tanner Byrne = #5
  • Alves might as well not have been in the event. Instead of talking about the round winner, the Booth Boys talked about JB in the wrap-up. And again, they talked up Cooper Davis as a rookie, not Kaique.

This is the point at which I stopped watching the Finals. As soon as JRV got hurt a while ago, it was a done deal; the judges saw to that. I didn’t need to see any “coronation” and hear more over-the-top declarations about “Superman.”

P.S.—Ty: change your shirt. It’s a re-run.

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“The Storyline” and all the Coronation crap was beyond repulsive. I would say this qualifies as idol worship, which as I recall Moses was really pissed off about.

Favoritism in action: JB touched the chute in the middle of his ride on Hou’s Back. That’s supposed to be a DQ. And he didn’t have the rope in his hand at 8; his hands were both free in the air. That should be a no score. But the judges didn’t DQ him or give him a zero. Instead they figured out a way to save their boy: re-ride flags for the bull spending time in/near the chute. Of course JB takes the reride. It serves those weasels right that No Regrets bucked him off.


JB descending on a trapeze while Hummer goes into his rap about how he doesn’t want to be Clark Kent, he wants to be Superman! Talk about making a mockery of the sport! How embarrassing! The fact that JB goes along with this crap means he has become the PBR’s lap dog. I’m sorry, JB, but this was way beneath you.

“Watching a legend in the making”—Ty Murray, slugging down the Kool-Aid. Making by the judges, you mean.

“JB Mauney is living on his own planet, it seems.”—Craig, delirious from his Kool-Aid IV drip.


  • Cooper Davis was 5 for 7 and took on Panda Trax. Scored 88 for an excellent trip on a bull that wanted to punish him. “He’s got a bad attitude, but I’ll take him if I get a ride like that.” Cooper Davis’ mother is a breast cancer survivor, and this event was donating $750 per ride and $1,000 per 90-point ride for research.
  • Tanner Byrne’s excellent reactions on Who Dey earned him an 88.25.
  • Michael Lane’s excellent form and countermoves for 86.50 on Big Bunny.
  • Silvano Alves rode Swashbuckler for 87.25. Justin doesn’t think “he’s came back.” It’s just good to see him ride. His interview: “Happy with my ride, not happy with my score.”
  • Bonner Bolton’s 1st 90-point ride was his 90.50 on Walk Off. Hummer started ranting about “dragon slayers.”


Well, these guys did their jobs. And at least the scores were better than in Round 1.

Chad Berger had 9 bulls in the rank pen, 17 in all. H.D. Paige had 3 bulls out of 7 in the rank pen. Does that make sense to you? Yet that’s what Craig Hummer told us.

I liked the thorough analysis of the bulls. “I think they’re a little bit psychotic”—Ty talking about bulls like Stone Sober and Air Time.

  • Stone Sober has 24 straight buckoffs and earned 44.25.
  • Air Time made it to 47.
  • Little Red Jacket after his 44.25 was still kicking ass on his way through the out gate and down to the pen.
  • Roy (you-know-who’s brother) is a fast, muscular headslinger; scored 44.75.
  • If I heard right, Stanley Fatmax is 4 for 69.
  • Seven Dust was rank—went after everyone in the arena, not just Stetson Lawrence. 44.25
  • Kill the Lights 44.75 J.W. Harris was the one doing the direction changes.
  • Bullfighter Rob Smith owns Jeremiah, who did him proud with a 45.


  • Adriano Moraes being funny about winning his 3rd World Championship title at age 36.
  • “Don’t mistake that for confidence,” said Justin McBride about people saying JB’s cocky. I love it—the guy’s clueless about what comes out of his mouth! I think he might be dyslexic—isn’t he the one who would say a bull was no match for so-and-so, when the rider actually got bucked off?
  • “All I can really hear is you talkin’, Craig”—Justin. You and millions of viewers, McBride!


  • Ty has rubbed off on McBride; now they’re both saying “Noonyez” instead of “Nunes.” Morons.
  • F***in’ S.O.B.s were saying Marchi was soaking Smooth Operator.
  • Robson Palermo was David’s Dream’s 14th straight buckoff, was tossed up onto a railing lengthwise— really hurt— escorted off, two guys hoisting him by his belt to try to hold him up. I think the bull hit the family jewels; he could barely walk.


Gage Gay rode Sasquatch for 88.25, but I think the bull wasn’t all that. Leah’s interview: he said nothing’s changed since last year, he just got his confidence back. Her response: “Says last year’s rookie, Craig.” Oh, yes she did.

Results: Bonner Bolton, Gage Gay/Tanner Byrne, Cooper Davis, Silvano Alves

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Round 1 of The Biggest Farce on Earth

I had planned to write about the two PBR events prior to the Finals, when the outcome of the Finals could possibly have been different, but I decided not to waste the effort; I had that creepy feeling. Then I was too sickened by the PBR JB PR machine to even finish watching the Finals. I skipped the last two days of The Coronation. But I did keep some of my notes. I’m not bothering to put them in coherent form, because I still feel nauseated every time I think about what a clown show this year’s Finals were. For what it’s worth, here are the things I noticed—besides Craig Hummer’s heavy breathing.


Craig said something about “the oddsmakers” again, like he did in 2013—are there people in a betting ring putting money on JB? Are the judges making a mint?

BTW, “notoriety” is not the same as “fame.” Notoriety is a negative thing. Bushwacker has fame. Charles Manson had notoriety.

The guys on the couch pre-show bit is pretty boring. Cody Lambert isn’t exactly scintillating. They might as well have been reciting press releases.

”Yet another piece in the puzzle will be decided at the 2015 world Finals.” What puzzle? WTF are you talking about, Hummer? There’s no puzzle here. We all know what has been decreed from on high.

“He’s the best bull rider going as far as I’m concerned.”—Lambert, in another flipflop from his previous evaluation of Silvano Alves.

& of course Cody launched into how he doesn’t expect much from João Ricardo Vieira, & they go harping on the “can’t ride bulls away from his hand again” shtick. He has done it, guys. Just not every time—nor has anyone else.

One of the fools said about Air Time: “He is not broke to ride.” Glad to see the clip of Renato Nunes riding him.

Justin McBride to JB: “We just watched that video of you winning your first World Championship.” That’s called subliminal advertising, folks.

All the gushing is unbearable.

McBride re Alves’s hip: “I don’t think he has came back with it.” Justin has some of the worst grammar in the PBR. Are they gonna fix it as the PBR gets slicker?

R they serious with that Kathleen Turner style voiceover crooning, “Men… Men who bla bla bla… Men…bla bla…” What a bunch of embarrassing crap!

“Is it going to be a competition, or is it going to be a coronation?” Hummer, already wetting his pants about his superhero.

Hype, hype, hype—all Hummer’s unglued moments glued together. Pass me the barf bag.

Paying attention to the bulls: These bills have been amazingly good, but the judges have been stingy with the scores.

  • Pearl Harbor is 0/5. JW Hart compared the jittery bull to a 5th grader with ADD. LOL. Holy crap! That bull was flying horizontally! He was in the air when he kicked out his back legs! Score too low.
  • Jump Street. Another jack-in-the-box bull. Caught serious air.
  • Gangster Bucks – sporting an odd skunk stripe; another bovine with a lot of bounce.
  • Bruiser’s grandpa is Little Yellow Jacket. Scored 44.75 with his high-flying rear end, kicking out the lights.
  • Brutus was brutal. After giving Kasey a shot, he massacred his hat.
  • Big Tex Wishes was fast coming out of the chute, and flew high every jump.
  • Rocco was very agile, took a hard corner.

Mason Lowe in his 1st Finals–  & of course because he rode, he reminds Craig of JB. (Who doesn’t?)

Hummer reminds us that the World Cup was when countries competed against each other. Gee, you’d never know it’s any different now.

“A heavenly performance from Divinity gets Aragao off…” aagghh! Make him stop.

LMAO: Hummer talking about Robson Palermo: “He shared a lot of thoughts with me this year that he spent a lot of time thinking about.” KMN

Cowbanger slammed Palermo against the fence. How was that not a re-ride, when other riders have gotten one for similar situations?

Ben Jones told Ty Murray he had a breakdown in the hotel suite & had to have a cry & get it out of his system. Wow. Guess next time he’ll know not to share anything big with Murray.

“The strongest guy in the world is not gonna be able to strength his way through this.”—Ty talking about Brutus. He still thinks “strength” is a verb.

“Kasey Hayes has been known as one of the dragonslayers.” Since when, Hummer??

Australian Rookie of the Year Justin Paton competed in only 3 BFTS events before landing at the Finals. Does this make any sense?

In case you forgot: Alves has ridden 25 of 30 bulls in various Finals.

Craig blathering about how JB is showing everybody how it’s done and is comfortably going to win his 2nd gold buckle. Never mind who cushioned the ride for him.

How do they not see Cody Nance’s spur hooked into the rope from the get-go?

“These superheroes wear chaps, not capes,” says Hummer, contradicting his previous stance on JB wearing a cape.

Marchi has racked up 547 rides – but he’s kind of hobbling on his way out.

Nathan Schaper is having a baaaad slump: 2/19.

“JB Mauney had gotten into the heads of his competitors.”—No, Craig, he’s gotten into YOUR head and is leaking from your every orifice.

Fabiano Vieira made it look easy on Crazy Days, especially with that snazzy getoff, for 86.75.

And yet another clip of JB talking. He gets so much air time, it’s ridiculous. & then we have to hear AGAIN about “that run he put together in 2013” and “he’s writing the same script this year.” You mean, that run the judges put together in 2013, and the same script they’re writing.

Kaique Pacheco 47.22% riding percentage. I can NOT believe they didn’t give him a score—he did that ride exactly right. Chocolate Shake’s head came up & a horn touched his hand (not the other way round), so it’s his fault? Bullshit.

“Let’s highlight what JBM has done since his 2013 win”—as if we don’t know the script by heart. More shots of him riding.

Lambert predicted an 88 for him on Wicked Stick. Never underestimate those judges, Cody. They threw JB a 91. Clearly the next script is about whether he’ll break Chris Shivers’s record for 90-point rides. Wonder if they’ll stoop to digging out of the prehistoric vaults some rides that somehow went uncounted. Yeah, they’ll stoop to anything when it comes to their Golden Boy.

JB is Round 1 winner. What a surprise.

“It seems it’s his story to write himself,” says #1 Fan. He doesn’t need to, fool. The PBR is writing it for him.


















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A Sprinkle of Allentown, a Dusting of Tucson

Before I say anything about the farce that was the Finals, here’s just a sprinkling of Allentown…

Eduardo Aparecido conquered King Buck. The bull didn’t get his butt in the air that much, which affected the score, but 86 ain’t shabby. Neither is Eduardo: he rode Mississippi Hippy in the 15/15 Bucking Battle, also for an 86. I just love when somebody rides that truck!

J.W. Harris didn’t even know what his bull Big Dan looked like. “I find it best if I don’t know what they’re going to do,” he says casually. And that’s how you score an 85.25.

Douglas Duncan’s bull was The Kraken, and I just can’t believe the arena announcers didn’t take the opportunity to yell, “Release the Kraken!” The monster lost: DD scored 87.

Earlier this year Kasey Hayes had a compression fracture of a couple of ribs, and after riding Circle City, had a really terrible dismount: “Landed right there on my back like a turtle.” A turtle who scored 86.

According to Craig Hummer, who’s been taking cowboy grammar lessons: Mason Lowe “got tossed, turned, spinned, and shuttled” by Double Agent, who tried to trample him, then went after him for real.

Nifty: Valdiron, who’s 36 years old, has a 50-year-old brother who’s still riding bulls. Not so nifty: he was put on the clock.

I’m just sayin’: Justin McBride, who ought to know, says “What a great ride” after João Ricardo Vieira’s ride on All Jacked Up, but the judges gave him an 82.50.

Brazilians were injured en masse: Renato Nunes was as close to gored as you can get, Luis Blanco has two broken ribs on his free arm side, Rubens Barbosa got his face smacked against the chute, Spiderman’s previously dislocated shoulder was hurting and made him lose his grip, Silvano’s got that patched-up hip… dropping like flies.

…and a light dusting of Tucson:

Ryan Dirteater scored 88 on I’m A Gangster Too, who was kicking out the lights. And that’s the guy with no ACL and no PCL. The arena was LOUD after this ride.

Shocker: Lachlan Richardson finally ended his 19-buckoff streak by riding spunky speckled Chocolate Thunder for 86.25.

Kaique Pacheco scored his 4th 90-point ride.


“a battle is brewing between these two go-for-broke gunslingers…”

“The storm is here and the thunder you hear is JB Mauney and JW Harris doing battle.”

“JW Harris & JB Mauney are basically carbon copies of each other.” (SO NOT!)

Or maybe I should say, stick your finger down The Bummer’s throat.

Score one more for J.W.: Because he’s 1600 points behind JB, suddenly there is no JR Vieira (#2) or Kaique (#3). The competition, as envisioned by the PBR, is between only the two white guys. Leah Garcia asked J.W. when he knew it was going to be a two-man competition in Las Vegas. His laconic reply:  “Whenever you guys told me.” He sure didn’t drink any Kool-Aid.

Kasey Hayes: “If I ride bad, I’m hoping to ride the next time, if I ride good, I expect to ride.”

I knew Douglas Duncan didn’t have the tail of the rope in his hand at 8; he was already on the ground—the replay showed he didn’t make it past 7.85 on Easy Money, but the judges scored him 83 and didn’t look at it, though Hummer and Ty Murray stated what we all saw on the air. If that were a Brazilian rider, the ride would’ve been scrutinized, not scored.

Ty Murray: “It feels like I talk about it over and over and over again…” That’s because YOU DO, Ty!

Stetson Lawrence delivered the Comedy Routine of the Year on Micro Man: falling and sliding and hanging and bouncing all over the bull from one side to the other.

Spiderman was DQ’d in Round 1 for catching knots, but nobody saw Cody Nance do it a couple of times. Or they saw it and pretended they didn’t.

This is the event where both João and Robson Palermo got messed up. Palermo had to bow out with a concussion, and Vieira separated his knee.

Wow, there were almost two seconds of silence when Reese Cates came out of the chute on Orange Crush. Hummer must’ve been on a bathroom break.

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Before Finals, there was BlueDef Velocity Finals

The PBR BlueDef Velocity Tour Finals in Louisville Kentucky was guest blogger Courtney Massey’s first ever bull riding event. It’s not easy finding bull riding in her home state of Vermont! Here’s Courtney’s experience, edited for space:

When I arrived at the KFC Yum Center, I was excited to say the least. I walked in early with the VIP crowd. I had heard about a tour and I was hoping I would be accepted into the group with my Fan Club card. That’s what it’s for right? Well, I was wrong. The PBR had nothing for the Fan Club at this event. I talked to the woman inside multiple times. I bought the Fan Club card for that reason, so if there is a tour, I should be on it. Luckily, the tour numbers were light so they caved and let me through. I met many Fan Club members who weren’t so lucky the next night.

The tours were given by announcer Matt West and arena entertainer Matt Merritt. The tour started backstage. As we made our way through the halls, we passed Joao Ricardo Vieira and Rubens Barbosa. After a stop on the dirt, we all climbed up on the back of the chutes and to take photos of everyone, the bulls, and the chutes themselves. Matt West talked to us about everything from the bulls to the stage setups, and passed around a flank strap for us to feel.

Looking around I saw Robson Aragao getting prepped and Matt Triplett listening to music through his ear buds. While West showed us the back of Chad Berger’s truck, we were joined by Tyler Harr, Stormy Wing and Douglas Duncan. I went straight for Douglas Duncan. After snapping a photo, I told him it was my first time at a live show. He told me I was going to have a blast. He was right!

The tour ended with all of us ushered into a room where they passed out PBR program books with Kaique Pacheco, Nathan Schaper, and Matt Triplett on the cover.

I sat approximately 4 rows up from the dirt near the chutes. The view was amazing! I enjoyed not only getting a great shot of the rides themselves, but also watching the riders up on the chutes. I could see them chatting to each other, stretching, and dancing (Spider-Man). Unfortunately, the KFC Yum Center told me I should not bring my camera. Although it’s not professional, it’s also not considered “small” and could prevent entry.  What frustrated me was that the KFC Yum Center didn’t bother checking bags. No one would have known if I brought my better camera. I was able to take a few pictures, but they are not close to the quality I am used to.

Something that struck me about watching PBR Live was the wrecks. The wrecks look more violent in person and I was even more amazed at how tough the cowboys are! An example of this: youngster Derek Kolbaba getting stepped on and run over by Cowtown Slinger.  It doesn’t look good on video, but in person, I was shocked he was able to get up so quickly.

Mike Lee was another rider who took a nasty hit. While the cameras were showing the replay, Mike Lee got up on the fence in front of my section and cheered with us. I love any time a rider shows appreciation to the fans and acknowledges them after a ride. Robson Palermo, good ride or bad ride, seems to always give the crowd a little wave and clap. He’s such a class act!

The biggest fan participation came anytime JB Mauney got up on a bull. The crowd exploded with cheers. Anytime I stood up, it was celebrating after a good ride, but I didn’t block anyone from seeing the ride itself—unlike some Mauney fans. I’m all for supporting your favorite riders, but we have to think of those around us. I hope everyone who wanted to see JB’s ride was able to! JB was bucked off quickly the first night, but redeemed himself on night two. He was the first bull rider I became a fan of, so it was great watching him ride.

My favorite rider is Kaique Pacheco, so I was thrilled to see him in person. He has beautiful presence on his bulls and is a lot of fun to watch! The first night was a close call, but alas, no score. Along with fans around me, I yelled “Challenge! Challenge!” However, it seems you can’t challenge on that tour. I’ve watched the Velocity Tour a few times, but I’m not familiar with the rule differences. The second night was a successful ride on Big John for 83.5 points. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough to get him into the Championship Round, so Kaique’s weekend was over. He’s the number one rider on the Velocity tour. Couldn’t they have fitted him in somewhere?! Later on that night I saw Kaique sitting up on the chutes. While talking to another rider he made a pout expression and did a dramatic thumbs down. I can only imagine that was about the ride.

Gage Gay ended up winning the event.

Meeting the Riders 
Blue Def Velocity Tour Finals

Fan Photo with Kaique

Fan Photo with Nunes and Valdiron

JB Mauney and Alexandre Cardozo

Joao RV

Jorge, Kaique and Wallace

Matt Triplett

Signed SpiderMan Comic

The ChutesEach night I made my way down to the fence to meet with the riders. The riders seem to handle fan requests well, but a couple stood out from the crowd.

  • I’m a huge nerd so I had to bring a comic book for Robson Aragao to sign. It was The Amazing Spider-Man issue, “Chaos in Calgary”. Spider Man is riding a bull on the cover. Robson laughed when he saw the comic and showed it to Joao before signing.
  • The first night I asked Rubens Barbosa for a photo. On the second night, I wanted him to sign his profile in the PBR Program. As I was taking a photo with another rider, Rubens had skipped over me. I called out after him, and he turned around and rushed back over to me laughing, “Oh, Sorry! Sorry!” He was very sweet!
  • I think Mike Lee is one of the best riders to interact with fans. He is the only rider who jumps up on the fence so you get up close and personal. I hate taking photos with a gate between me and the riders, so I appreciate the gesture from Mike. When Mike jumped up on the gate, we were closer than I expected and his cowboy hat smacked against my head. If I wasn’t in “shy girl” mode, I would have made a joke about him taking me out like a bull.
  • Neil Holmes provided one of the cutest moments of the weekend. I had him sign his profile page in the PBR Program. He started, then paused to take in what I was giving him. He looked up at me in shock, “I’m in this?!” I laughed and said, “Yes!” He looked up again and exclaimed, “Wow! I have to get myself one of these!” He was so excited to see himself in the official PBR Program. I don’t think he could believe it! You’ve made the big time, Neil! [Note from BRM: come on, PBR, give all the guys a copy of the program! They earned it!]
  • On the first night I asked Kaique Pacheco for a photo and he nodded politely. On the second night, it was his turn to sign his profile page in the PBR program book. I asked if I could take another picture. “Sure!” He said with a smile. This time I took a selfie. I am awful at taking selfies, and the gate between us wasn’t making it any easier. As I waved my arm around trying to get us both into frame I warned him I was bad at this. He still managed to have a big smile in the photo. Maybe he was amused at my bad selfie skills. I wished him luck in Las Vegas and he thanked me. He seems genuinely happy to handle fan requests.
  • I wasn’t familiar with Shay Marks until that weekend. He was another rider I found really fan-friendly. A friend I had met at the arena had a cowboy hat for the riders to sign. He complimented her hat and took a photo with her after. He left a laid back and sweet impression.
  • Jorge Valdiviezo had to limp around the arena. I saw him take some time to talk about the injury with a fan. It was nice to see him put in the effort with the fans when he clearly wasn’t 100%.
  • Shout out to riders like Renato Nunes and Valdiron de Oliveira who I took nice photos with. I like a lot of the riders, but my heart does lean towards the Brazilians.

I loved the opportunity to see the riders, go backstage, and watch the bulls do their thing! I hope this is the start of many PBR events to come!

For more photos you can follow Courtney on Instagram @CourtMania and talk to her on Twitter @CourtneyMania.

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Renato Speaks Truth to Power

Oh, yes he did! And boy, am I glad. In Round 2 of the Tucson event, Renato Nunes was put on the clock as he prepared to go out on Kufus—while the bull was lunging forward in the chute. Renato waited out the clock and left the chute at 5 seconds—and he was mad. You don’t wanna make Nunes mad; it just makes him dig in and ride hard. The 81.75 score was the judges’ revenge.

The big payoff for me was Renato’s post-ride interview with Leah Garcia. Whatever she asked him was irrelevant. His response: “They treat you like crap here.” At first I thought, Oh no, he didn’t! Did he really say that? Don’t the riders all have a gag order on them?  Pasted-on smiles? Repeating the PBR Pledge of Allegiance? But I can hear grass grow, so I believed my ears. It got even better, as he explained to Leah:  “He put me on the clock; they give me 30 seconds, I can do what I want, so I wait.”

I like his style. He tells the truth. And that’s “the cowboy way.”

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I thought I was hallucinating, so I watched it again. Oh, yes they did. In the opening montage to the PBR’s Tucson broadcast, the voiceover said, “It’s time to separate the pretenders from the contenders.” At the word “pretenders,” a picture of Joao Ricardo Vieira JOÃO RICARDO VIEIRA was shown. It was quick—they probably thought we stupid viewers wouldn’t catch it—but not quick enough to escape my eagle eye.

Somebody at that organization—and at David Neal’s organization, too, since he’s the producer—needs to issue a serious, on-air and in person apology to Vieira, NOW. This disgusting hatred of Brazilian riders HAS TO STOP. If the PBR dislikes them so much, then they should ban them from events—and see how long the PBR lasts.

I am so angry at this farce of an organization. It’s bad enough they’re conspiring to hand J.B. Mauney the world title, but to disparage the rider who’s held the #1 spot for far longer is beyond all conscience. Who let that happen? Who’s responsible for that offensive snipe? They ought to be ashamed. Of course, people who will stoop to rigging scores have no shame. They’re pathetic, jealous, and infantile. (They’ll probably have to look up those words in the dictionary, because they’re also ignorant.)

Producer David Neal has a degree in broadcast journalism from USC. His father was an NBC News correspondent, producer and executive. Is this David’s idea of quality broadcasting– slapping the face of a great athlete, on national television? If he wasn’t aware of this montage, then he’s not doing his job, and if he was aware of it, then he doesn’t know how to do his job. That’s not journalism. That’s low-class, vicious slander. That’s right, slander.

Vieira is not a “pretender.” He’s #2 in the world right now. He’s a contender. He’s the real deal. He doesn’t have his scores inflated by jingoistic morons who insist on having their way. Throughout all the crap the PBR has directed at the Brazilian riders, he’s behaved like a perfect gentleman.

If you’re angry at this attack on João, call the PBR’s publicity office and give them an earful. Tweet about this. Put it on your Facebook page. I certainly will.


Denise M. Abbott, Senior Director of Public Relations 719.242.2800 ext. 3372 |
Jordan Marie Johnson, Manager of Public Relations 719.242.2800 ext. 3258 |
Heather Croze, Manager of Public Relations 719.242.2800 ext. 3226 |

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Kaique Pacheco Wins Charlotte

Championship Round – PBR, Charlotte, NC

To listen to the announcers, you’d think this event took place in Mooresville. Somebody actually said the event was in J.B.’s hometown! Use a map, bozo boys.

I couldn’t stand the idea of watching the first two nights on Carbon TV or PBR Live or whatever the eff it is, so this is all she wrote.

“It’s already like an explosion has went off.”—Ty Murray’s description of Air Time
“A bee-moth like Air Time…” OMG Craig, use your dictionary.

That photo of Air Time’s bizarre pose, with his butt shooting for the moon as he rests on his chin.

Of course we’re getting our major dose of J.B. performing his script.


  • How did Josh Faircloth suddenly show up? How did five riders from North Carolina end up in the event? Is that all it took to qualify? Being born in the favorite son’s home state? SO not cool.
  • Local boy Shane Proctor came off I’m A Gangster Too at 7.99 or slightly sooner, from what I could see and hear, then took a shot on the back of his left leg. “Much like his brother-in-law, J.B. Mauney…” was Hummer’s irrelevant comment. (Just gotta get those promotional comments in there.) I don’t begrudge Shane, but I would finish that sentence with, “he gets to use the J.B. clock.” The ride was replayed without a digital clock visible, so it was easy to score him 88.25.
  • “That was the greatest run to a World Championship we’ve ever seen…this guy is definitely going to be the legend of this sport,” raved Ty about Mauney. Never mind Alves, who won 3 World Championships (some of us say 4). I’m not drinking the Kool-Aid.

João Ricardo Vieira wasn’t in the Championship Round.


  • Off the Grid was seriously rockin’ and rollin’ in the chute; Josh Faircloth must’ve been picturing another ankle break. After several minutes of attempting to get set, it got ridiculous; Josh should’ve given up much sooner than he did. After two more riders, Josh got a second chance—on Fire Rock. Leave it to The Bummer to come up with, “Fire Rock is able to light up Josh Faircloth.” Sounds like a positive thing. Considering what actually happened, Fire Rock was able to burn Josh Faircloth.
  • Buck Dynasty was his usual charming self: he was so eager to get nasty that he hung a foot in the chute on his way out, fouling Renato Nunes, who got smacked against the corner of a post and then bashed in the back. Since Renato was stuck with the bull in the draft, he looked real happy that he was going to get a reride. That didn’t work out so well, either: Stanley FatMax wasn’t in the mood to be ridden. Or should I say, wasn’t in the mood to be done rode? Craig’s take: “Couldn’t have a worse matchup.”
  • The buildup to the J.B./Air Time match: “Will Air Time fall victim like so many great bulls before him?”—Craig, ready to hyperventilate about a potential 98 score. Instead, he was left saying that J.B. had a “dirt sandwich.” Mauney made a Mike Lee-sized plop when he hit the ground. The bull’s head had snagged a bit in the front of the chute, and J.B. also slapped his horn, but still challenged for a foul, which didn’t work. Jared Allen’s impressive bull scored 45.50. Magic Train, another Allen bull, kicked J.W. Harris’s ass and scored 45.25. If I were Magic Train, I’d be looking over my shoulder. You don’t want to make J.W. mad.
  • Stuntin’ Like My Daddy finally got his own back against Cooper Davis, who rode him twice; the third time was the charm for the bovine.


  • Fabiano Vieira was on an 11-ride streak, got bucked off in Springfield, and is now on another streak. He rode Diesel, got smacked against the fence at the getoff, and scored 88.50. Of course the post-ride interview was with Shane Proctor instead of the guy who just beat him. Because…I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.
  • Percolator gave a good performance, including some rear end action late in the ride. Tanner Byrne did some percolatin’ himself; he made it look easy to score 89.25. Of course, when Kaique Pacheco, who turned 21 on Saturday (the 19th), rode Percolator, “It wasn’t Percolator’s best out,” according to Craig.
  • Kaique Pacheco on Sasquatch scored 88.75—as far as you can go without getting an American score. Ty Murray’s evaluation of the ride: “This was off the charts.” Ya mean, like 90? I thought so.

How come some riders already have dirty asses before they even get on a bull?

Pacheco wins! Gage Gay, who won Round 1 was #2, Tanner Byrne #3, Fabiano Viera #4, J.B. Mauney #7. And true to form, no on-air interview with Kaique, who’s now #3 in the world. Because…again, I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.

The wrap-up of the event consisted of Shorty Gorham and Craig Hummer trying to turns J.B.’s loss into a win by talking about his confidence, and how he “captured the hearts of viewers.” (And lots of other blather, trying to make themselves feel better about their favorite rider not winning.) You’d think the guy won the event! They just cannot accept reality: J.B. is not infallible, and a 21-year-old Brazilian kid won, okay? Get over it! These jerks would never do this stuff for JRV when he doesn’t win. This is more of that PBR Gaslight strategy: tell people what isn’t true until they think it is. Don’t drink the Kool-Aid, people. There’s a lot of it around.

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First, the same old same old PBR storyline:

  • First face we see on the broadcast is J.B. Mauney, who introduces the show, watching a video of himself.
  • First thing we hear after that is Ty Murray talking about J.B. being #1, and having him demonstrate how to dress up a ride. Apparently it’s all about the free arm. Listen, that arm work is about balance, not for show.
  • The Athlete Profile was again about J.B. I wonder how many there have been so far?
  • More hysteria from Craig Hummer (they recorded this shit, so we’re going to hear it every time “the fan favorite from North Carolina” goes up to bat): “Is he on his way to a second gold buckle?!?” Ask the judges, Hummer.


  • In a bogus attempt to pacify fans who have been shouting for the judges’ blood, the PBR put replay judge Jeff Shear on camera, clearly having been coached on what to say. We’re supposed to believe that the judges (who were not on camera) award one extra point to a rider who’s in total control of his bull, and if he’s off to the side or out of shape, he loses a point. Those might be the rules that apply to everyone else, but when J.B. looks like he’s in total control of his bull, he gets an extra 10 points. If he slips off to the side, he might get docked one point from his usual 90ish score. Pull the other one, Jeff.
  • I’m A Gangster Too, who was 2 for 13, exhibited “a nice little duck and jive move,” according to Craig. He needs the same dictionary Ty Murray does.
  • “Missoura”, Craig? Who are you, Ed Sullivan?


Interesting to hear about the gate man and latch man’s jobs, and to see how the bullfighters worked to get Billy Robinson out of a scary-bad hangup. was dyed pink for his status as bonus bull, raising money for the fight against breast cancer. Either that, or he works for Betsey Johnson. We’re going to see a pink bull every Friday night from now on, so for those of you who get snockered while watching bull riding, don’t worry—it’s not you, it’s the bull.


  • Hummer says they made a big deal about Silvano Alves’s hip surgery. Uh, no. That’s just his defense against people who have a working memory. The fuss about J.B.’s ankle was the size of a tidal wave. Occasionally we heard about Silvano; mostly we were getting hourly bulletins about J.B.
  • Kasey Hayes scored an 87 on Hustle Man. First, Hallucinatin’ Hummer claimed that Kasey is “one of the riders we always highlight throughout the season,” then declared that he was “trying to imitate J.B. Mauney with his arm movement.” Uh, no, dude. Just because a guy sticks his arm in the air doesn’t mean he’s imitating Mauney. And the only time you mention Hayes is when he’s in front of you.
  • Cody Nance wanted to ride Roy “because he reminds me of myself: he’s just honest and doesn’t cheat you.” Um, there is no mirror here, kid. Roy doesn’t leave the chute with his spurs stuck into the rope.


  • Ben Jones definitely took it to Blind Spot in Round 3 and didn’t let up until he scored 88.25. He won the round. Not so much fun in the Championship Round on Modified Clyde; he became another cowboy crashed against the out gate—flung like a crumpled-up piece of paper you’d chuck at a trash can.
  • Shane Proctor rolled under Darth Vader instead of away. He scored 86.50 but didn’t escape a stomping.
  • Stetson Lawrence almost came off Buckle Up but recovered from being out of position, for 87.25. Then in the Championship Round, Semper Fi trashed him: stamped him hard in the middle, below the vest. He also took several hits from the horns to his head, shoulder, and a couple of other places. I’d have thought he’d have internal organ damage and broken ribs after this. He needed to be helped out by Sports Medicine.
  • Tanner Byrne ate What a Burger for lunch (and 86 points)! 3 rides in the event. Looking good, Red!
  • Mason Lowe was a serious hometown boy: he practically brought his whole town with him: 200 friends and family members. He won round 2 on Pushing Pills, with an 88.50, on his birthday. In Round 3, he earned 87.25 with Come On Baby. God forbid Hummer should let him have his moment of glory, though. His comment: “That’s the first time this season we’ve seen anybody rival the cheers that J.B. Mauney usually gets,” followed by a comparison of his riding style with J.B.’s. I guess it’s official: anyone who ever raises an arm in the air is imitating JB. That means Fabiano Vieira is the only rider who’s his own man.
  • J.W. Harris on Long John was a thing of beauty! He rode him in Springfield last year, and did it for 90.25 this time. I’m sure he didn’t mind how hard he hit the ground, he rode so well. But I have that nagging question in the back of my mind: what was the difference between his ride and J.B.’s 92.25? Was it really just a matter of the bull’s performance?


  • Rubens Barbosa got to 6.94 on Rain Man. Aww.
  • Silvano has ridden only a shocking 2 out of 10 bulls. Obviously his broken hip still isn’t ready for action. He looked fine on Icy Hot, but only for 6.62.
  • Fabiano’s free arm was a problem for him on Johnny’s Boy; he came down at 6.94.
  • Renato was having a great ride on Bruiser in Round 3, but only until 7.41. Bull score: 46.25. In round 1, Bruiser took down Valdiron de Oliveira, for 46 pts.
  • Buck Autism bucked hard and scored 45. On the ground, Kaique Pacheco’s instant reflex moved his (helmeted) head out of the way just after a hoof grazed his face; he was 2 inches from having the whole bull land on top of him.


  • His comment on Douglas Duncan’s buckoff by Legacy: “You can’t just be settin’ up there in a prone position.” Somebody hand him a dictionary.
  • Here’s a real mean-spirited comment on Duncan’s injury, which has been hampering his riding for months: “Nobody cares but his mom.” Wow.
  • “All the inertia going away from you” was his mantra this weekend. Dear, inertia doesn’t go anywhere. Again—crack open your Funk and Wagnall’s.
  • And how about that insulting comment Ty made about Zane Cook, a 3-time Native American invitee to Springfield? “This is like having a high school kid have to step up to the pro level.”
  • Sigh: he’s back to saying “Noonyez.”
  • Talking about Little Red Jacket: “He almost is like dancing on his feet… knuckling them over…”
  • After both Mauney and Vieira were mincemeat, Ty uttered one of his most idiotic comments yet: “Who wants that million dollars the most?” Somehow he can’t grasp that when a guy can’t walk, he might not be able to get on a bull, no matter how much he wants the million. “You just don’t want it enough” is the dumbest thing to say to a bull rider. OF COURSE they want it, or they wouldn’t be doing such a dangerous job for a living! STFU, Murray.


  • Why do they show Neil Holmes’s Thackerville wreck, but not tell us about his health?
  • Hometown boy Brady Sims was taking too long in the chute on Bourbon Borderline; I heard somebody saying, “Come on, Brady!” but it wasn’t a judge. Nope, Sims was not put on the clock. And of course after all his fussing in there, he got bucked off pretty quickly. Ty’s comment: “Where this all went wrong was right when he nodded.”
  • Now we’re identifying Stormy Wing as “J.B. Mauney’s good friend.” Spare me!
  • Gage Gay touched I’m Trouble and didn’t make 8, as far as I could see, but he scored 85.75.
  • Cooper Davis is existing on 1200 calories a day, and has lost 13 lbs. Who knew bull riders starve themselves like models do?


  • J.W. Hart’s two bulls, Born in the USA and Glory Days, turned in Bruce-worthy performances. The first guy kicked the shit out of a fence and deprived Stormy of a ride; the second one ditched Renato Nunes in Round 1, and Ryan Dirteater in Round 3, scoring 44 and 44.25. Was J.W. nervous? “I ain’t had to pee yet.”
  • Slinger, Jr. has an utterly vertical kick—like what’s-his-name, remember? That bull whose name begins with an A?
  • David’s Dream, 11 straight buckoffs. Boot Jack, 1 for 15.


  • J.W. Harris and J.W. Hart were talking about Harris’s 88.25 ride on King Buck in Biloxi. Harris, explaining his post-ride interview: “I was trying to think of something really smart to say at that moment, and it just didn’t come out.” JDub: “Maybe I should’ve given you a clinic for how to get off.”
  • Robson Palermo’s wife Priscilla had baby Lucas at 5a.m., so Papa Palermo got no sleep, but he scored 87.50 on Rebelution, riding loosely rather than clamping down (yay). Very sweet, what he said to Leah Garcia about his third child giving him more motivation: “I make this ride for him,” and talking about how his wife was hanging on by herself with her mama, then telling his wife through the camera lens, “I love you.” Aww!


  • Craig referred to a spectacular photo taken by Andy “Watkins.” Watson, you dolt, not Watkins! The guy’s been working for the PBR forever, and is a fantastic sports photographer—how could you POSSIBLY get his name wrong??


  • J.B. Mauney has a 56.86% riding percentage, which you know is for real, because judges can’t make him stay on a bull. Pearl Harbor didn’t add to that percentage; he went berserk in the chute, crashing against J.B.’s bad ankle and knee. Nathan Schaper was the hero: he singlehandedly lifted J.B. up and out of the chute. (It’s good to have a big guy around.) Whatever happened in there really messed up J.B.; he was on his knees in pain, and you know he tries to hide pain. No Championship Round for him. Backstage shot: a miserable face on J.B., sitting in his shorts with an ice bag on his bruised leg and sprained MCL.
  • Another semi-casualty was João Ricardo Vieira (49.32% riding percentage). Crazy Days bashed him against chute on the way out. The hit to his leg had him down on the ground, unable to walk without help. He “cowboyed up” to accept a re-ride— on Pearl Harbor, the bull that messed up J.B.—an unsuccessful attempt.
  • Valdiron de Oliveira had to bow out after his bad luck with Time Bomb in Round 3, which aggravated his back injury.


J.W. Harris wins—and I’m doing my happy dance. The rest of the top guys: Mason Lowe, Tanner Byrne, Stetson Lawrence, Ben Jones, and Robson Palermo. Nice mix!




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They’re at it again. It’s that time of year: time for the judges to push J.B. Mauney to the top of the charts. Give him a 90 every time he rides. If he gets bucked off, the party line is that the bull wasn’t enough of a challenge; he rides the rankest ones. Does anyone see how that doesn’t make sense?? If anyone else gets bucked off, he got bucked off, period: “shoulda rode that one,” “was no match for the bull,” “the bull got the better of him,” etc. Not with J.B, no sir: the bull wasn’t good enough for him, that’s why he didn’t ride him. What a load of crap.

The judges’ strategy couldn’t be any plainer than this: the onscreen graphic comparing the fall stretch of 2013 to this year’s. It just confirms their plan, which they’re executing smoothly. Keep the scores for most of the Brazilian riders in the low 80s range, except for the guys who aren’t a threat, and throw exaggerated scores at J.B. As long as he makes the whistle, he’s guaranteed a big score.

The win slipped by him this time (god forbid we should say Eduardo Aparecido beat him), but the judges handed him a nice fat consolation prize: a round win worth lots of points. Just like last year’s Finals: when he couldn’t win, they voted his trip the high scoring ride of the event.

Making sense? What am I talking about?! Heresy! There’s a storyline to act out; never mind rational, fair scoring.

So here’s the story of Thackerville, which was handled by the Booth Boys as if it were already in J.B.’s pocket from the get-go. I counted 25 mentions of him—and I’m sure I missed a few when I went to the bathroom or the kitchen. The João Ricardo Vieira count was more like a half dozen.

• The opening segment, visually identifying riders and bulls.
• Stoner Sober is back; haven’t seen him in a long time. Last person to score on this bull was Emilio Resende, in Oklahoma City, back in Jan. 2013, for 88. I think I heard that the bull has 26(?) straight buckoffs. Loved the unbelievable photo of the bull literally leapfrogging 9 feet high over a flattened rider; SS was practically standing straight up; front legs tucked under. He absolutely knew exactly what he was doing. Love his squiggly kick in the air as he’s coming down. Don’t think Renato Nunes appreciated it, though.
• Shaft is 1 for 19, according to the Booth Boys, though according to ProBullStats, he’s 1 for 15. Nice run for the bull!
• Kaique Pacheco comes into this event having won Brazil’s biggest event at Barretos.
• J.W. and LeeAnn Hart are Springsteen fans; they’ve named their bulls Born in the USA and another Bruce song. Guess they’re some of the people who didn’t understand what the lyrics are saying.
• Finally someone gives a Brazilian rider credit for being able to ride bulls in either direction. McBride mentioned Eduardo Aparecido. (#6 in the world last year, which I’m pretty sure a lot of people have forgotten). Eduardo proved it by scoring 85.25 on Deja Voodoo.
• Cool-looking bulls: Intensified Clyde and Earl Sports. Both ends are dark, and they’re light in the middle.
• This is the schizophrenia usually associated with Ty Murray: after all the Brazilian-bashing that goes on, Craig says, “Go go go Fabiano!” as Vieira rides Legal Tender for 86.25. (The judges don’t hate him.) McBride actually said they’re “always talking about J.B. this, and João that, but this guy is putting himself in the conversation.” Thank you.
• Cody Lambert pulled another one of his funny (sometimes) matchups: J.W. (Harris) was given a J.W. (Hart) bull, Snap Back. The bull was aptly named; he pulled Harris down and snapped him forward and off.

• Why does Justin McBride always have a pencil in his hand? It’s not like he knows how to use it.
• According to Craig, Robson “Spiderman” Aragao was singing the U.S. national anthem louder than anyone else; Hummer said how cool that is. Then he gives us the party line about how the Brazilians love their adopted country and the PBR because it’s given them a chance they wouldn’t have had. So if the PBR appreciates how adaptable the Brazilians have been, why are the judges shafting a lot of them a lot of the time in favor of J.B.?
• Why wasn’t Neil Holmes offered a re-ride? Open Season badly hipped himself, changing the direction of the ride– remember that rule? Holmes, who already had stitches in his riding hand, came down under the bull, got stepped on, horned, and bashed. The bullfighters weren’t in position. I can’t believe he walked away from that mess. I’d like to know what the damage was.
• Brady Sims was offered 77.50 or a re-ride because Crystal Pistol had no spin, and nobody criticized him for turning it down. Now, why is that?
• How come only Brazilian riders “have trouble with bulls that go away from their hands”? I never hear them say that about Americans. Example: Vieira took on Superstition, who “usually likes to go to the right, and we all know that’s the direction he has trouble with,” says SFB McBride. Vieira rode the bull. The judges offered him 65.25 or a re-ride because of the bull’s performance. (He turned it down.)

• Round 2: Nathan Schaper on Blonde Bomber, who delivers an average score of 87.1. He should’ve ridden him, it looked like he was doing it, and then—aarrggh!
• Ben Jones came off Gnarly Head at 7.66. On Ben’s way to the dirt, the bull nailed the back of his head. Gnarly, alright. Ben was holding the back of his neck in pain. Off to Sports Medicine he went. Aarrggh!
• Robson Palermo was looking good on Gentleman Jim, then aarrggh! He made it to 7.68.

Round 2: Stormy Wing took on Back in Black. Hummer of course babbles the automatic “swings for the fences” delusion. Stormy definitely took wing! P.F.F. watching him run in mid-air like a cartoon character as the bull shipped him up and out. We’re gonna have to take up a collection to buy him a new hat; he pulverized his out of aggravation.

A black bull was named Sambo. How shameful is that?! More disgusting racist hatred from ignorant morons. Can you imagine the sickening conversation that went on before someone chose this name? Curtis Mendell is the stock contractor.

• “That was as well of a controlled bull ride as you’re ever gonna see,” said McBride about Shane Proctor’s 86.75 on the bull whose name I won’t mention again because it’s so sickening.
• “Another notch in his pistol,” says Justin, making no sense, about their cape-wearing hero J.B. Mauney. Belt, McBride. You mean belt.

I think the PBR should give out buckles for a few more categories:
• Guy Who Has The Most 7+ Rides. Now that L.J. Jenkins has retired, the crown must be passed on to someone else.
• Loudest Buckoffs. That would be Mike Lee, last year’s Thackerville winner, who packs an amazing wallop when he hits the dirt.
• Most Broken Stuff. Ben Jones is your permanent winner.

• Ryan Dirteater had a murderous getoff from Palm Springs. He ended up with a bloody nose, sitting on the ground, stunned, and had to ask someone to push the challenge button for him. He got a concussion, and had to pull out of the Championship Round.
• Margy Time (14 straight buckoffs) made a powerful entrance. Neil Holmes’s face made a loud pop on the bull’s head. A helmet would’ve been a good idea. I don’t see how he didn’t break some bones.
• Jeremiah caused a bad hang-up for Shane Proctor, who couldn’t keep his feet on the ground. Can’t imagine what this swinging around did to his shoulders after that surgery last year. He was in bad shape as he was being helped out.
• Fabiano Vieira, who’s 11 for 12, bobbled all over Red Rover’s back and got his face smacked on the bull’s skull. My ongoing message to Fabiano: Why aren’t you wearing a helmet??

• Silvano Alves, who is 1 for 8, needed a tad more than his 82.50 on The Price Is Right to be in the top 15. Here’s where that “ding!” technique keeps him from moving up. The judges know their “tad”s.
• I think there’s a betting pool to see who can say J.B. the most times. So far, Craig is making a pile.
• Danutso was bucking backwards! He got rid of João Ricardo Vieira, and Craig couldn’t have been more overjoyed that the world standings shifted. That’s the difference between a real pro announcer and this clown. A real pro wouldn’t be declaring his love for one athlete over another, and be beside himself because his favorite moved up to #1.
• In spite of not being in the top 15, Alves and Pacheco were given a chance to ride because two riders were out of the Championship Round. They decided against it. It’s a mystery.

• “And speaking of outstanding, J.B. Mauney…” Justin leads into how they’d like J.B. to ride Long John.
• Then we were shown a couple of adoring tweets about J.B. They’re never gonna show one that questions the impartiality of the judges.
• At the top of Round 2, the conversation turns to J.B.
• “What does J.B. do to impress the judges?” asks Craig. That, my friend, is the million dollar question. Basically, all he has to do is show up at the event.
• “Nobody has been better than J.B. for the last few years,” says Justin, who clearly hasn’t been paying attention for the last few years. He then proceeds to explain what happens when J.B. lifts his arm over his head. It’s simple: the judges give him more points.
• After Ryan Dirteater’s attempt on Palm Springs, Craig thinks Ryan “took a page out of J.B.’s book, throwing his arm back.” Because god forbid anyone should think that any other rider also throws his arm back regardless of what J.B. does, because of course the world revolves around J.B.
• “J.B. Mauney and João Ricardo Vieira in a slugfest,” is how The Bummer characterizes what’s happening, talking about how Vieira “could slip to #2 or even #3” because of J.B. What he really means because of the J.B. fans in the judging hats.
• “J.B. Mauney still to come. He’s one ride away from possibly overtaking and moving into the #1 position.”—The Bummer. As if J.B. couldn’t possibly get bucked off. Of course, we all know that if he stays on a bull, he’s automatically getting a high score to help him to the #1 spot.
• “Matt Triplett is becoming almost like a carbon copy of J.B. Mauney.”—Craig, who’s wearing J.B.-colored glasses and insulting Matt in the process, by not giving him his due.
• “We’ll find out if with another ride J.B. Mauney can move into that #1 spot…” – Craig. As if there’s any real suspense. We all know what the judges are going to do.
• “Coming up, the fan favorite from North Carolina.”
• “J.B. Mauney just seems to want it more!”
• “One of the best we’ve ever seen in the sport!”
• More praise. Saying J.B. was the only guy who rode Bushwacker. That’s Craig’s fantasy, and he’s sticking to it—never mind reality. Once again: Markus Mariluch and Thiago Paguioto have ridden Bushwacker. J.B. had bad timing for the nod, just as Beef Cake leaped up in the chute. Shorty said he didn’t think J.B. nodded. Love is blind. J.B. challenged the call, but the nod was clear as day on the replay. He got bucked off, dudes; get over it. It happens to all riders. Oh, but I forgot: he’s Superman. “J.B. Mauney is gonna compose himself and get ready for another…” says Craig as we see J.B. being pissed off back behind the pen.
• And then we had to hear Hummer talk about J.B. again, “lurking.” He avoided saying that Mauney got bucked off in Round 2.
• We also heard how “Jeremiah took care of Shane Proctor, J.B. Mauney’s brother-in-law.” In case we forgot who J.B. Mauney is, we’re back to that obnoxious identification meant to tell us who Shane Proctor is. Any excuse to say His name.
• “Meanwhile, J.B. Mauney’s got some redemption on his mind…”
• Of course J.B. is “swinging for the fences” by picking Long John for the final round. McBride predicts a 90+ score. What a genius. “He’s one place behind João Ricardo Vieira; already has 100 points…”
• Frantic Craig: “J.B. Mauney does it again! The fans wanted it, Mauney wanted it…and it goes to the hands of the judges.” Well, we know where that’s going: 92.25.
• More babbling about J.B. “But Mauney—he is a giantkiller.” Craig is bent on making this guy immortal.
• Back from commercial – more babbling about J.B.
• While Eduardo Aparecido was wrapping on No Regrets in the Championship Round, Hummer blathered on about J.B. Aparecido made several miraculous recoveries, for an excellent 87.75 ride.
• Craig for some unknown reason had to mention J.B. again while Fabiano Vieira was having a hard time with Red Rover.
• More crap from Craig about slaying dragons.

And finally:

Eduardo Aparecido wins Thackerville. “But just as big a story is the fact that J.B. Mauney is going to be our new world’s #1.”—Hummer, practically drooling. God forbid he should give the winner more than a split second in the spotlight when his man crush is around.
So of course they interviewed J.B. instead of Eduardo, and frankly, J.B. needs a new script. I’m sick of hearing the same thing over and over.
Any newcomer to the sport would’ve thought J.B. won the event. Nicely done, judges. You handed Mauney another two rounds to get him to the top of the leaderboard.

As Craig put it, “There has been a Teutonic shift in the plates.” ROTFL!

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