Props to the PBR and Cooper Tires for honoring Breast Cancer Month. A lot of the riders, including Kingsolver, Proctor, Nunes, and Palermo, wore pink shirts or pink ribbons; pink chaps, shirts, and other items were auctioned to raise money to fight breast cancer. The man behind the inspiration: Chad Berger, who lost his friend Becky to the disease.
I’M MAD AS HELL AND I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE:
The PBR has got to do something about erratic clocks and buzzers, and stopwatches that show a different time from what’s on the public clock. There’s no excuse for this Amateur Hour crap in a world of advanced technology. It’s embarrassing. If bull riding is to be taken seriously as a sport with Olympic potential, you’d think this one factor, on which all else hinges, would be a primary concern. There is no room for error with an 8-second ride. Austin Meier’s trip on Superdude was clocked at 7.3 and at 8.88—how in hell is that possible? What’s responsible for that gap? FIX IT!! Ask Churchill Downs how they manage to have the starting gate and the clock operating correctly.
Aragao, Sellers, and Stewart are on buckoff streaks, and half the top riders are injured, but Kody Lostroh showed his solid technique, for an 86. Dustin Elliott is now the bubble boy, but had his 12th straight buckoff. New riders on the BFTS: Ross Lewis, who got to 7.9—a crying shame. This also may have been Sean Miranda’s first BFTS out; he rode The Bug for 86.60. Probably what doesn’t fire me up about Meier, no matter how well he rides, is his motivation: “For me, it’s a business. You gotta be smart about your business.”
Mohegan Sun was Silvano Alves’s 3rd win; he’s been on the tour only half the year—and rode 7 out of 9 bulls. It’s no surprise that 4 of this year’s top 6 money winners are Brazilians. But Renato’s buckoff streak is heartbreaking, and we all know why it’s happening. I just hope he can stop it. He’s now ridden only 2 out of 14 bulls.
MORE OF THAT OMNISCIENT NARRATOR THING:
Hummer: “Silvano Alves can’t wait to get this party started.”
CLICHÉS R US:
“The Brazilians are here, they are definitely here to stay…” bla bla bla. I don’t have to tell you from whose mouth this issued.
I CAN’T EVEN FIND A CATEGORY FOR THIS HUMMER BUMMER NUMBER:
“J.B. can continue to look up to the board or look up to the heavens to see if the answers will come.”
CODY NANCE FASHION ALERT:
Black polka-dotted shirt and pink neckerchief, with white hat—very Bat Masterson. No competition, Cody: Kasey Hayes’s cage-like mask, McConnel’s Miami chapeau.
- Glad to see Colby Yates made the buzzer without expanding his concussion collection. Of course, he’d have fewer if he wore a damn helmet.
- Never can get enough of the Ben Jones Boogie; this time it was in celebration of his 86.75 on Kickback. He’s just so damn happy when he rides, he made McBride dance in the booth last weekend—or maybe that was the booze.
- McBride, after one of Frank Newsome and Shorty Gorham’s saves: “Those guys are as welcome as Handywipes at a barbecue.”
- J.B., talking about his hand with the new elbow taping: “It hadn’t went numb yet.” I think that’s the definition of laconic. And a cool cowboy verb tense.
Debut bull Flash Bang kept Brendon Clark hung up for a long time. Clinically Insane, grandson of Mudslinger, lived up to his moniker; to quote one of the guys in the booth: “This bull is deranged in the chute.” Pinball Wizard does ricochet around like a pinball. Heathen did everything Mike Lee probably didn’t want, giving him a hard time, but Lee stuck.
Crosswired, one of my favorites, had a blood infection that lodged in his horn, yet he still dumped Valdiron– not for the first time. My own McKeeism: “That bull’s got more wiggles than a bowl full of Jell-O.”
- Skeeter’s wreck gave him a broken elbow, but the horrifying moment was the shot in the face he took. If he hadn’t been wearing a mask and helmet, his face would be hamburger.
- J.B.’s buckoff streak, which I attribute to his father’s wrong advice and injuries he hasn’t taken time off to heal, had him out of position again, after riding only 1 in 4 in Uncasville.
Jody Newberry’s scary roll on the ground kept the bullfighters busy. Still no definite word on whether Travis Briscoe will ride in Times Square. Skeeter is also questionable for the Finals, since he’s having surgery this week. Lima has a PCL tear in his knee—brutal, according to the ex-riders. It’s still uncertain who will be the alternates at the Finals. Caleb Sanderson?
- Highway 12 is no longer unridden, thanks to Valdiron. “The first time we see him rode,” explains Justin McBride, in cowboy-speak.
- Pistol also rode an unridden bull, Who Dat.
- Renato in his pink shirt and shiny pink chaps, scoring 84.50 on unridden No Vacancy.
- Newbie Ross Lewis making a ride.
- J.B.’s 88.75 on Road Daddy. Hope this turns the low tide!
- Kody L., so excited about his 87.75 ride, tossed his hat before he was off the bull.
King Lopez dumped Alves right away (shock horror), but Craig Hummer actually pronounced his name correctly! (He still can’t get “Nunes” right, though.)
THE SAD PART:
Renato, talking about his buckoff streak, which I hope has ended: “I think nobody care about my backflip any more.” Are you kidding? I was on my feet cheering in my living room—just like all the football idiots I make fun of.
- Travis Sellers was on the ground when the buzzer sounded 8 seconds, but still got a score (83.40) for his ride on Hot Rod.
- Cody Campbell rode Stopwatch for 8 seconds, per the clock, yet the stopwatch showed 7.78.
- Why is it that sometimes covering real estate gets you a bad score, and sometimes it doesn’t matter? Paycheck romped halfway down the arena, but Colby Yates still scored, winning the event over Valdiron. Hmm—is this some of that anti-Brazilian scoring?
I’m loving Pinball Wizard—so tricky and quirky. Newbie Sean Miranda’s bull was a mean one; went after him and gave the bullfighters something to do. Truer words were never spoken (about Major Payne, after whirling around a hung-up Ben Jones like a rag doll): “That bull’s got more moves than Las Vegas has light bulbs.” Bring It didn’t care that Cord McCoy was a TV celeb; he threw him against both sides of the chute, then lay down. So far the score between J.B. and Voodoo Child is 3 to 1, in the bull’s favor. V.C. fooled J.B.—the bull seems to know what a rider’s anticipating, and does the opposite. Kabookie, according to McKee, even in slow motion, is “spinnin’ like the fan blade on a Ford truck.”
- No need to give the source: Chris Shivers’s bull, Blue Bayou, “gets the two-time world champion off in 6.5 seconds.” How embarrassing for Chris (and his wife)!
- The Hummer also reported on McKennon’s sex life: “Tequila Bar gets him off.”
- Re Austin Meier in Las Vegas: “He’s gonna ride some bulls.” –Justin. Not sheep?
- “A strange and struggly—struggled—season for Ednei Caminhas.” “…the time being counted in milliseconds—millimeters.”—The Bummer, trying to speak standard English. He shouldn’t try to use big words. Maybe one of the Brazilians could translate for him.
- Hummer is getting on my last nerve (again) with his trying-so-hard-to-be-clever-segues attempting word play on the bulls’ names: “J.B.’s saying, ‘Hou’s Your Daddy Now?’” Give it up, genius! You suck at it! Who writes this babble, the same losers who “script” the Oscars?
OH NO, CRAIG, NOT THAT GETTING-INSIDE-THE-RIDERS’-HEADS THING AGAIN:
- “Pistol Robinson is hoping to come back and impress again.”
HAS ANYONE ELSE NOTICED THIS?
For some reason, Valdiron’s bulls kick up more of a dust storm than any others. Maybe because they have to try harder?
THE NO COINCIDENCES DEPARTMENT:
The matchup between Hot Pistol and Pistol Robinson. Funny, Cody!
“When you got somebody breathin’ down your back, it makes you ride better.”—Austin Meier, sitting out the championship round while J.B. rides Voodoo Child.
SO NOT FUNNY:
Wiley Peterson tricked Harve Stewart into picking Uncle Buck in the draft. Some friend! “He does everything but pull a knife on him,” McKee said about the bull and anyone who tries to ride him. Sure enough, Uncle Buck jumped in the chute and threw Harve’s head forward against the railing. Long live helmets…so we can say, “Long live cowboys!”