Folks, if you haven’t yet signed Sheri Balzer’s Facebook petition to bring back Justin McKee, please go to this link: http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/justin_mckee/
Sheri owns Pretty Pony Ranch; check out her website: www.PrettyPonyRanch.com
Note from Sheri:
I got an email from Justin this morning, again thanking me for all we fans are doing. I have also been frustrated with the PBR and their lack of acknowledgment. I have written to the CFO of Spire Capital Partners, so maybe that will help.
Again, thanks in advance!
ST. LOUIS INVITATIONAL Feb. 26, 2011
Can’t give you my take on the final night, because I had to watch the Oscars to make sure Colin Firth won his Academy Award. You go, boy! I’m just sorry Geoffrey Rush didn’t get his truly deserved second Oscar.
This broadcast, J.W. Hart was paired with Craig Hummer; J “Dub” was in fine form. We were spared Erin “I have no idea what I’m doing” Coscarelli’s painful efforts because─ woo hoo!─ Leah’s back!
Cody Nance is really heating up. After his Round 2, 87.75 ride on Deja Blue, he was pleased, with good reason. The new Dad said, “Hopefully this’ll pay for some new baby shoes.”
Travis Briscoe has “C-H-I-N” written on the fingers of his riding glove, to remind him to keep his chin down. Factoid: He’s wearing the only helmet on the BFTS that’s officially approved for bull riding; the other guys are wearing hockey helmets with movable chin pieces. And yet, the slump continues.
Newbie Chance Roberts is impressing the hell out of everyone. He took on RMEF Gunpowder & Lead, a kickass bull, and scored 88.50.
The Bummer started with them right at the top of the show; what can I say?
Talking about last weekend: “Austin Meier couldn’t wait for it to be over, but Colby Yates is one cowboy who couldn’t wait for it to end.” Huh??
Re J.B. Mauney’s tough trip on Bad Medicine: “He absolutely efforted himself through that ride.” Dude, that is so not a Kool Kowboy verb tense.
“It’s like an English major trying to write the Great American Novel: you don’t want to have any dangling participles.”—I have no idea what this blob of Hummerspeak had to do with Austin’s Truth Booth appearance. (See Kool Kowboy Verb Tenses.)
“Chris Shivers hopes for a big score here.” As opposed to all the other riders who hope for a small score.
“He shocked the world!” Craig yells as Brendon Clark earns 89 points on Flip Side. “Well, I don’t know if he shocked the world…” says J.W. (Thank you.)
“Brendon Clark and Luke Snyder─ two of our icons!”—Make him stop!
When Bad Hat Harry jerked his chin down to the ground to get rid of Valdiron de Oliveira, owner Jeff Robinson had a “Chess-Sheer” grin on his face, according to Hummer. The last time I read Alice in Wonderland, the grin was on a Cheshire [pronounced che-sher] cat.
More x-rated Hummer: “A potent line-up of Brazilians in this round.”
- Austin Meier’s flashy 85.50 ride on Alice Cooper. I thought it was worth 90, especially compared to Ryan McConnel’s 85-point ride on Gigolo, who seemed to be half asleep. The commentators are always talking about Austin’ grit, try, effort, bla, bla, bla, but Leah Garcia nailed it when she said, “He’s using more technique.” Then he hustled an 85.75 out of Hustler (whee! look at me! I’m doing Hummerisms!). Says J.W: “Ain’t the prettiest form in town, but it’s effective!”
- Leah explained that positioning his injured hand to the center of the bull’s back makes Guilherme Marchi better able to ride bulls away from his hand. “Guilherme Marchi could ride this bull sitting on him backwards,” said a stock contractor. Marchi scored 84.75 on Tight Rope, who was stumbling and practically kneeling to let Marchi get off his back. And later he was virtually nailed to After Party’s back, scoring 90.25 and making it look like a walk in the park. His #1 spot on the Shark Cage was well-deserved.
- Silvano Alves rode King Lopez for an 88, despite several lurches that looked like he wouldn’t. “This guy’s gettin’ stickier than Elmer’s glue,” was J.W.’s attempt at a McKeeism. Not up to the master’s level.
- Sean Willingham’s unbelievable ride on Big Tex─ the 88.50 score provoked serious booing from the crowd, for good reason. That was a 90-point ride if I ever saw one.
- I like the segment with Shorty highlighting Big Tex, who looks deceivingly docile. The other bulls try to ham it up on camera, pawing and lowering their heads like they’re going to charge any second. Big Tex was probably planning a sucker punch.
- Apparently, RFD-TV and Road Daddy both can tell time. As soon as 8 seconds was up, they stopped moving.
- Leapin’ lizards! Single Shot and Paycheck have some huge jumps.
- Not Perfect Poison’s greatest out; he spun like a merry-go-round but didn’t kick very high. And yet somehow Sean Willingham scored 86.25. Go figure.
- Child’s Play (Round 2, Flight 4) did a scrabbling, crawling crab imitation, then spun flat. I guess having big ol’ Caleb Sanderson on his back was too much for him.
- I’m Back lived up to his name: when he was done, he returned to the arena.
- Shorty’s Book on RMEF Gunpowder & Lead: “This bull’s got a bad attitude. You can see him throwin’ a fit in there.” That’s putting it mildly; he was determined to climb out of the chute.
I’M JUST SAYIN’…
- Whatever happened to using the Shark Cage during the whole event, instead of waiting until the end?
- According to J.W., “The Brazilians get out of the chute too fast for the flank man.” Then why are the chute guys constantly yelling at them to hurry up and get out? No one bugged Ned Cross to hurry up out of the chute on Holy Roller, though; he had plenty of time to re-wrap.
- RMEF Bugle wasn’t doing much, but Fabiano Vieira didn’t get a re-ride. Why not? This is one of those vagaries that drives fans crazy. What exactly merits a re-ride? Sure, we all know that if the bull’s momentum stops long enough to affect the ride, or the rider’s spur hangs up in the chute, there’s a re-ride flag going down. But what about all the other times? Some inadequate bull action gets a re-ride, some doesn’t. Are the re-ride criteria subjective or objective? This shouldn’t be a matter of philosophy; the rules about the bull’s performance criteria should be written down in detail for all to see.
- Hummer’s obvious desperation to tout an American rider to stand up to the Killer Bs has him blabbing, “We’re going to get to see J.B. Mauney a little later!” like J.B.’s the top-billed act at a festival concert. Hey─ we’re also going to see Austin Meier, Ben Jones, and a lot of other stars. I’m the first to admit I’m a Minion, but his Mauney Mania has gotten out of hand.
- Ryan, darling: yes, you wore a black hat to work today, but it’s not the right one! Get that one with the red brim on, and you’ll once again be Mr. Clutch.
- We’re all glad Brian Canter is back, and obviously he is, too, but deciding to tough it out all season with a knee brace after tearing a ligament last night might not be the best decision. Meanwhile, could all the announcers please stop commenting on his size?? How do you think that makes a man feel? I don’t care how “tough” a cowboy is, nobody likes that shit.
THE INEVITABLE CLOCK MALFUNCTION(S):
- During Dustin Elliott’s ride on Big Easy (87 points), the clock malfunctioned, so then we go to “hand time.” Using a stop-watch isn’t foolproof: accuracy depends on how quick a human’s reflexes are in pushing in the stem. A guy’s score and prize money shouldn’t depend on somebody’s thumb! Why on earth can’t the PBR do something about the clocks? Never in any sport have I heard of a clock malfunction being a regular feature of the action.
- The clock stopped for no reason during Silvano Alves’s ride on Hustler, and he looked completely confused. The re-play judge said he slapped the bull’s hump at .77 seconds while he was still in the chute. Alves had no idea what was going on. Said one of the Booth Boys, “I think someone maybe needs to tell him whether he’s being scored or not.” It couldn’t be clearer that the PBR needs to provide a translator, or Adriano needs to assign a Brazilian to take turns helping out in situations like this.
J.B. was thrilling us all with his ride on Bad Medicine, and it looked like he hit the ground at exactly 8. I thought, let him have the score. But in the re-play, we see his elbow hit the ground before 8. He was 6/100 of a second short of a qualified ride, which kept him out of the short go. I totally approve of him throwing his helmet and rope and kicking the cowbell all the way into the locker room. And if I were the camera op, I’d back off. Let the guy have his moment.
Paolo Lima got his head knocked, his neck whipped about, and then Bad Moon’s hoofs missed his head on the ground by inches. He was carried out unconscious.
Kody Lostroh’s WTF!? on Sleeper. Kody’s the one who was asleep. So disappointing.
- The Nostril Camera used for Extreme Close-Ups of a bull’s muzzle in the chute. Eeeewww!
- A scorecard-holding Rock Star Energy Drink bimbo with her lower abdomen exposed, above a little schoolgirl pleated skirt. That is just fucking perverted, guys. Keep your sick pedophilic fantasies to yourself, not on TV.
- “You lose your feet, you lose your seat.”—J.W., talking about Chance Roberts coming unglued from Real Legit. He made it even better: saying that Chance was so matter-of-fact about what happened. “If it’d been me, they’d have been showing the wet spot!”
- “When you ride bulls right, it looks easy.”—Austin Meier
- J.W., about Shane Proctor being the first to ride Cajun Kid: “He played him like a first-class pianist.” I think McKee was throwing his voice.
- “Walk away today, you ride again tomorrow.”—J.W.
- Douglas Ferreira, whose first BFTS event was Portland, got bucked off by Best Ever. “No score for you!” said Shorty.
- Chris Shivers is happier now, he says, because “having your family with you on tour makes for a funner time.”
- “That bull got kind of an effervescent feeling.”—Shorty, describing How We Roll.
- Ben Jones explained what’s going on with him: “Four broke ribs.” Then after riding Buffalo Hump, he ended up flat on his stomach, took a horn in the back, and finished by hanging onto the rails breathing hard before being helped from the arena (score: 86.25). Said Ben later, “It’s just a niggly pain.”
- “I should’ve ridden him and it really sucked; it made me really mad!”—Dusty LaBeth
- J “Dub” sympathizing with Brendon Clark, who came off Hot Stuff when he lost his rope: “When you’re sitting in the middle of him, and you know you got him rode─ it’s the emptiest feeling in the world; it’s a disgusting feeling. I know what it feels like.”
KOOL KOWBOY VERB TENSES:
“I was beat up, crippled up…”—Austin Meier
J.W. marveling about the “spooky” resemblance of the Panhandle Slim clones, Mr. Slim and I’m Back, to their sire. Uh, that would be the definition of “clone,” J. Dub.