GLENDALE Mar. 12-13, 2011

ATTA BOYS!

First three guys out of the chute scored, including Travis Briscoe, who came into the event having ridden only 1 out of 11 bulls. He went back to the Brazilian rope─ maybe his slump will end.

Skeeter Kingsolver threw out the first pitch at a Padres game; now that’s a kid’s dream come true (and a PR coup).

Brian Canter staying on sideways and upside down on Early Bird, despite getting hung up by his ankle (shades of JB’s Code Blue ride at Madison Square Garden) for 83.50.

VERRRRY INTERESTING…

Camera experiments! Ryan Dirteater’s bull Iron Horse had a camera attached to its right horn, giving us the bull’s eye perspective. Watching the film made me kinda urpy, though. I”d hate to imagine what it feels like sitting up there between those horns. For the bullfighter’s P.O.V., Jesse Byrne wore a space satellite on his head.  When you see how freakin’ scary that job is, you hope they pay those guys A LOT. Colby Yates wore a camera on his chest─ and that’s dangerous. If he landed face down, he’d be gored by the camera. Supposedly the cowboys “volunteered” to wear the cameras, but I hope whoever came up with that idea realizes it’s a hazard to the riders.

HIGHLIGHTS:

Guilherme Marchi scored 86.25 on Outta Da Red, a bull nobody had been able to ride long enough to see what he could do. Ty was right: “This is the biggest test he’s gonna get.” Marchi mastered the bull, and came off on his feet.

Ben Jones’s Dad is still on tour with him. Ben was mad about High Range dumping him, but dude, you can’t ride ‘em all— especially with busted ribs. Ease up on yourself!

Updraft giving Chris Shivers a bad time, crashing around in the chute, made him say “Ow!” But what a great, tough ride! (86.50)

A rocky ride on Petey for Cody Nance, who showed great recovery and scored 86.75. I’m more and more impressed with our fashion plate!

Meier made Whirlwind look breezy. Love his graceful post-ride Heisman move celebrating his 87.25.

Cody Nance is on fire! 86.25 on Babe’s Fireball.

Dustin Elliott had a hard landing; his arm took a shot from Top Diamond’s hind hoof that ripped his shirt sleeve apart.

Red Hot head-butted Valdiron’s behind, obviously pissed off that de Oliveira stayed on his back for 8 seconds. The bull chased him, the bullfighters chased the bull, and Valdiron scrammed.

Marchi’s so strong, it’s unbelievable; he and Shortcut gave each other a run for the money (86.25).

Ben Jones’s somewhat ginger version of his Happy Dance after a great ride (87.50) on Rowdy LJ, with broken ribs. How cute that his father was so proud of him, he butted into Leah’s interview to put his arm around him and cheer!

Shivers on Space Chimp: textbook, all day long. 88.75.

Shane Proctor’s cooking lately; delivered a very centered 90-point ride on After Party.

Valdiron weathering Speckled Ivory’s 6-foot-high flying vertical jumps. The crowd booed loudly at his 88, because that bull is seriously rank; if Shane’s ride was a 90, Valdiron deserved 90-plus.

HATE IT:

Revisiting Paolo Lima’s awful wreck in St. Louis. WHY do they have to show it?

NITWITTICISMS:

“Tuxedo is the one who comes out on top here.”—sex-obsessed Bummer

“Kody Lostroh’s a rank bull rider.” Aw come on, Ty; he doesn’t smell that bad.

“Kody didn’t become a world champion by not being able to ride bulls.”—Shorty, unconsciously quoting Hummer’s double negatives. I think he’s taken too many hooves to the head.

Saturday: “This game’s all about 8 seconds.” I think Ty doesn’t realize any more that he’s saying this at every event. Sunday: “The name of the game first is 8 seconds, and the Brazilians are knocking down more 8 seconds than anyone else.” Ty, stop!

“Chris Shivers showing why you should always take this man into consideration when you talk about winning.” And when you talk about losing, who should you take into consideration? What the hell is the Bummer trying to say?

“These bulls do not play favorites.”—The Bummer. God, could he be any more embarrassing?

“You have to play the game to have any chance at all.”—That’s the New York State Lotto commercial, isn’t it?

Re Cord McCoy’s unsuccessful try: “Ricky Bobby says, Not this time, my friend.”—Didja know Craig speaks bull? Of course you did!

“It’s as if he stepped into the transmogrifier last night.”— The Bummer talking about Ryan McConnel’s 88.25 ride on Bad Hat Harry. No, Craig, all he did was dye his hair again, and this blond had more fun.

“Shivers has been leading wire-to-wire this weekend.”—The Bummer, clearly hallucinating. Valdiron led the event until Shivers’s faux ride on Big Iron that put him illegitimately 1 point ahead of de Oliveira.

“The Brazilian pyramid of success”— Gee, Craig, I’ve heard of a pyramid scheme, but not a pyramid of success.

I’M JUST SAYIN’…

What’s the number of seconds a rider is allowed to stay in the chute before he gets yelled at or penalized? And what is the penalty? It seems like the time varies according to the rider’s nationality. According to Shorty Gorham, a re-ride or no score depends on who the judges determine is at fault for not getting out of the chute soon enough. Does anybody reading this blog know the rule? If you do, could you please post the answer?

Paolo Crimber’s crazy to be competing with a neck collar on.

How did Cord McCoy goof up that ride?? Kingpin was spinning so regularly.

Ryan McConnel wore a great purple shirt, but still the wrong hat, which is surely why No Spots was able to ditch him quickly.

About that “We get a chance to listen in” stuff:  usually the chaos in the arena─ music, in-arena announcers, Flint on the loudspeaker─ make it impossible to hear.

Now riders are thanking their sponsors in detail every time they win. It’s like listening to Oscar winners go on and on about all the people who made the movie. The guys are plastered from head to foot with logos; we KNOW who their sponsors are.

Almost immediately, you hear a guy at the chute saying, “Let’s go, Valdiron!” trying to hustle de Oliveira out or unnerve him. It’s becoming blatantly obvious: the longer de Oliveira holds onto the #1 spot, the faster they want him out of the chute. Hey, why bother to let him wrap at all? And yet he still scored 85.50 on Cat Ballou.

Another Snyder & Clark field trip, this time in a fake Western shootout, as Hummer laughs his SO genuine laugh. Ugh. What a ridiculous waste of time.

“You don’t want to give Valdiron many chances, because he’s going to take advantage of the situation.”—Craig. Yeah, and that’s why the judges helped Shivers win.

Guys talking about less motivation, wives, and children as reasons they want to retire, instead of “I’m getting too old for this shit.” There’s no shame in admitting you’re human and your time as a rider is done.

Shorty yells loudly for American and Australian riders. I have yet to hear him do that for Brazilians. Not a peep during Fabiano’s ride on Shepherd Hills Trapper (87.25) or de Oliveira’s 88-point trip on Speckled Ivory, or Marchi’s ride on Stubby.

Shameful and dangerous: the bullfighters didn’t seem in much of a hurry to step up to help Palermo when he was glued sideways to Black Ice trying to make 8 and was going to have a dangerous get-off. Only Jesse Byrne was anywhere near him. I’m not imagining it. Look at the video, if it makes it onto the PBR website (I doubt it). When other riders are about to leave a bull (voluntarily or not), the bullfighters are all right there in the bull’s face even before the 8 is up.

It seems random as to who we see pick his bull in the draft. This time we saw Cody Nance choose White Magic.

I wish we could understand Valdiron better, or that Leah would ask him really simple questions. He was so happy but couldn’t totally express himself.

BIZARRE SCORING:

Twice Silvano Alves was scored low because the bull wasn’t up to snuff: 80.25 on Bullistic, 78.75 on Smokey. Somebody needs to help him pick bulls; the language barrier is affecting his work.

“I’m glad I’m not judging, ‘cause I probably would’ve marked him way higher than I should.”─Ty talking about his emotional response to Palermo’s determined effort to stay on Black Ice, which earned him only 79.25. I’m with Ty! Robson was amazing.

Kody Lostroh on Lucky Hou, a powerful bull, scored only 84.25. Yep, Ty, you’re right: that score is too low.

Bad Moon has serious whip in the front end, but Valdiron was sticky. His 89.50 really should’ve been a 90; that is a Rank Bull.

DO YOUR JOB, BOOTH BOYS!

SAY the bull’s name, don’t expect viewers to rely on the on-screen box─ it vanishes too quickly! Trying to follow the action on the PBR website with the Live Event Center was hopeless. Right after a ride, the bull’s name vanished; the rider name and score appeared in a different box, and you can’t look up the bull until later when it arrives in the “Completed Rides” section”—where nothing is in any particular order.

BULL STUFF:

The first 3 bulls were explosive Panhandle Slim clones: Slim’s Ghost, Another One, and Mr. Slim.

Interesting new bull: Bahada. Fast, with big bucking.

Warrior gave a wacky performance, doing peculiar things with his hind legs kicking, and still Robson Palermo scored 83.75 on him.

Segs the Juice quit as soon as he bucked off Caleb. Mission accomplished.

Debut bull Buckshot got confused about what to do after he bucked off Cody Campbell─ just stood there looking puzzled. Between Shorty and Julio Moreno, eventually he realized he was supposed to go home. Buckmaster did the same thing after making short work of Colby Yates, dillydallying in the arena

“Those are two bad dudes.”—Ty Murray talking about White Magic (14% riding percentage) and I’m A Gangster (7%).

Pure Smoke gets a bath before every out! “Chris Shivers is gonna eat him up like the Cookie Monster on a fresh-baked cookie.”—Shorty, with a not-quite McKeeism.

Cody Nance got shoveled along the ground by White Magic’s huge head. Ty’s right: that bull is the size of a firetruck.

QUOTABLE AUSTIN:

“160 pounds hit the dirt, and the bull ran off with a clean record.” In the Truth Booth, talking about what Pure Poison did to him.

“Most bulls got more personality than most people.”

LOL:

Shorty explaining almost getting trapped between the charging bull and the gate: “Every now and then you gotta let ‘em think they got half a chance; it’s all part of the strategy.”

“It’s kind of a freak of nature to watch him.”—Ty re Valdiron. That’s high praise from the all-time all-around champ.

Guess who Ty’s talking about: “He’s so little and so cute…his favorite Sesame Street character is Snuffleupagus.” Then Ty confesses to liking Snuffleupagus, too.

Ty’s comment on the photo highlighted with a diagonal yellow line that showed Skeeter practically reclining on Rusty Zipper’s back before being bucked off: “This is never gonna work!”

AN-NOY-ING!

Hummer has now dubbed J.B. Mauney “the Carolina Kid.”

We missed Douglas Ferreira’s 87.50 ride on RMEF Bugle, who’s always great to watch, because of a commercial break.

The interview with Dustin Elliott made us miss Fabiano Vieira’s 86.25 ride on Insaniac. Good thing they ran it after the commercial.

LOWLIGHTS:

Saturday night: Shivers on Big Iron: the replay showed clearly that he didn’t make 8 (the clock showed him off the bull at about 7.8), and he touched the bull, but the judges didn’t look at the replay, and gave him 89.50, making him the new leader ahead of Valdiron. Not looking at the replay is a glaring example of cheating on behalf of the Americans. Shame on you, Jeff Shearer. Even Ty said, “Chris really got away with one that time.” What happened to “the cowboy code”—you know, honor and all that? That’s not winning. And then Chris gets first pick in the draft. Sunday night: It’s infuriating listening to everyone pretend Shivers really is ahead of Valdiron by one point. The opening set piece between Craig and Ty was all praise for Shivers. Apparently Ty isn’t allowed to repeat what he said last night. But there is justice in the world! Chris was bucked off, and Valdiron wins his second event of the season.

JB’s a mess; he’s absolutely in pain and walking is difficult. It looks to me like his pelvis is out of alignment. No wonder he crumbled off Blue Demon right away. He wasn’t even mad at himself (for a change); he obviously knows his condition is to blame, not his head or anything else. But the second night, he pulled off an 87.75 on Back Door Man, then could hardly walk and needed a rest on the Shark Cage.

Ferreira looked in serious pain after being dumped by RMEF Gunpowder and Lead, but nobody rushed to help him out of the arena; he had to go to one of them and put an arm around him for support. I’ve never seen this happen to an American, Canadian, or Australian rider.

The frightening sight of Marchi on the ground as Stubby’s hooves came down just beside his head, which was not wearing a helmet. He got stomped more than once and miraculously wasn’t decapitated. Guess we have campaign to get him to wear a helmet¾ don’t wanna see that purty face messed up!

I LIKE IT:

The rider mic finally pays off! “His ass is on the ground!” said Dustin Elliott on Group W Productions. All the fussing in the chute wore out the bull─ and then there was a clock malfunction (surprise, surprise). Dustin rode for 10.68 seconds, I swear. (85)

L.J. Jenkins’s fancy ballet move on Stretch Armstrong’s back.

That bellow in the chute was from Robson, not I’m A Gangster. “This is the Michael Jordan of the bulls,” said Ty.

Ty explaining with the aid of snapshots what the Brazilians are doing right. I’m thinking the home team should take this course.

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7 Responses to GLENDALE Mar. 12-13, 2011

  1. S. says:

    The malfunctioning timer is ridiculous and unprofessional, but at least they got the buzzer back and aren’t using the offensive siren any more. Yikes.

    Maybe there’s an app for that. Steve Jobs, where are you? The PBR needs you.

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  2. S. says:

    As far as I can tell, there isn’t any real standard for how long is “too long” in the chute– it’s at the discretion of the chute judge. I seem to recall that sometime in the early to mid-2000s, they had a “stoplight” system that started with green, went to yellow, then if it went red, there was some period of time (30 seconds, maybe?) where the guy had to nod or he was DQd. The problem with this is, of course, that sometimes the bull is not cooperating and it doesn’t give any flexibility to deal with that.

    I am okay with it being discretionary, except the people with the discretion have to wield it evenly, and I am not convinced that this is the case.

    Valdiron de Oliviera is my favorite, but I have to admit that he can be kind of fussy in the chute. I am afraid that he may have been seen to have “cried wolf” one too many times, and now he’s going to be subject to this over-scrutiny forever. I did see a comment in a discussion elsewhere (after he got DQ’d at an event) that the bulls in Brazil tend to stand up straighter and be more well-behaved in the chute, so part of Validron’s apparent OCD before nodding might be due to this. (I have no idea if that is true.)

    That being said, while I certainly don’t blame any rider for wanting things to be right before he nods his head, it is infuriating when an American piddles around in the chute for no apparent reason and there’s always an excuse from Shorty or the commentators, but people start poking and yelling at Silvano and Valdiron when they have barely gotten on. It seems fairly evident that “the judges’ new clothes” are about as effective as the emperor’s were.

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    • I agree. It’s extremely rare that I hear anyone on chute duty hustling out anyone but a Brazilian, and they start on Valdiron the instant he gets on the bull, and Silvano about a second later. Frankly, I don’t care how long a rider takes to get out of the chute; they all should have a chance to feel comfortable before they ride, and it could save injuries.

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    • No sooner did I reply to your comment, while watching the Ty Murray Invitational, then I saw the most glaring example of prejudice against Valdiron I’ve ever seen. Two American riders were allowed to take as long as they wanted in the chute, then it was Valdiron’s turn, and INSTANTLY there were guys yelling, “Let’s go, Valdiron!” The two New Mexico riders who followed him were also allowed as much time as they wanted.

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      • S. says:

        I guess this is one of the few “interesting” things about the mics on the riders and the new film crew– it’s really obvious when this is happening. There was one American who spent a century in the chute and it didn’t seem to cause any concern.

        If the PBR really thinks there is a chute time problem, they need a training seminar or better, clearer policies. What they don’t need are people who don’t apply the same standards to everyone, or at least, the appearance that this is so.

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      • A timer would solve the problem–but then, the clock malfunctions at every event, so how reliable would that be? They need to get a kitchen timer.

        Like

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