BRING BACK MCKEE! NOBODY HAS FORGOTTEN HIM OR LEAH
I’M JUST SAYIN’…
- Today (Aug.21) I received the PBR Weekly Newsletter, dated Aug. 17. The front page says Black Ivory will debut in San Antonio’s short round. We already saw that. July’s Guess the Rider contest is still posted, but not the winner, or the August game. Wake up, guys! This is amateur stuff.
- Could the PBR be listening to me holler? Silvano Alves had an interpreter when he spoke with J.W.; we learned that his hero was a Brazilian rider who was in the finals with Justin McBride. Alves handled every move Rusty Zipper made; the ride deserved more. Even J.W. said, “Only 85.25 points!”
- Apparently Paolo Lima is a security risk. He’s used to Brazilian bulls, which supposedly aren’t usually mean, so he doesn’t leave the arena in a hurry. And then we have the “Brazilians take too much time in the chute” thing. Did it ever occur to us hyped-up Americans that the Brazilian pace may be an advantage? While J.W. was talking about Silvano, we got a backstage shot of Alves with his rope, looking meditative and serene. Maybe that’s his secret: not freaking out about last night’s buckoff.
- Angry Bird delivered, Douglas Ferreira was impressive, but scored only 83.75; the crowd wasn’t happy. Me, either. And Marchi deserved more than 85.75 for riding Cowboy Coffee; the crowd agreed.
- Shane Proctor needed an 87.25 to win the event. He rode After Party, and the judges gave him 88.75. How convenient. Judge #3 again was the last to post a score–calculating how to help him win? Shane’s an excellent rider, and no one can take away anything from him, but his ride wasn’t better than Reese Cates’s, and I think even he knew it. To Coscarelli, he said, “I was lucky.” He’s been the dark horse coming up on the outside this season, and it’s his turn to be “the great white hope,” since J.B. is flailing and L.J. is inconsistent. Certain people may think that since Nunes, de Oliveira, and Palermo are out for a while, and Alves just got stomped, that leaves just one Killer B named Marchi for “The Americans” to take down, and Proctor will be their ammunition. I wish I didn’t have to say these things, but that time lag on Judge #3’s part is looking suspicious. Add to that the low scores doled out to Ferreira and Marchi, and do I have to say the rest?
- Bla bla bla, Craig. Stop psychoanalyzing Chris Shivers.
SPOTLIGHT ON: RYAN DIRTEATER
The Cherokee Kid has been on a tear lately. Love Machine, who usually goes to the left, faked left but went to the right. Ryan’s left-handed, yet he handled the change, for 86.50. BTW, Ryan has had a #4 Power Ranking in the last 5 events.
THE CONTINUING ADVENTURES OF BEN JONES
- Ben Jones, who came into this event at a stinkin’ 1 for 17 rode Rowdy L.J. for 86.25. He was so happy to do his goofy dance again, he added an extra move. What was different this time: he stayed forward on the bull, and was much more centered, as you could see from the aerial view of his black hat staying nearly in the same place the whole time. You’ve found the key to the mint, Ben–try not to lose it again!
- More reasons to love Ben: in the Truth Booth, he summed up his rematch with Rowdy L.J., who previously had hung him up: “Payback’s a bitch.” He thanked J.W. for letting him practice at his ranch: “We got on some bulls.” J.W. later corrected, “We didn’t get on bulls!” Ben also gave a shout out to the Custer family for the loss of Aaron and Ned Drury this week in a car accident.
CAN I QUOTE YOU ON THAT?
- “I got sore the more I rested this weekend. When I got going, I felt less sore.”—Shane Proctor. Doncha mean, “When I rubbed on Blue Emu, I felt less sore”?
- Guilherme Marchi thinks Alves can win at least 4 World Championships. Talk about Great Expectations!
- “I wouldn’t wanna be a trash can in a locker room right now,”—J.W., after J.B.’s unsuccessful trip on Haunted Hotel.
According to Sean Willingham in the Truth Booth, after he found out the booth boys were going to show his depressing stats on TV last night, he rode a bull, upping his riding percentage by 2%.
NITWITTICISMS: All Hummer, all the time
- “Rusty Zipper will give him a chance to fly up in the standings, perhaps squeak into the final round.” [emphasis added by yours truly]
- “If Reese Cates has a chance to move to the lead, it’ll take a ride.” Masterfully stating what goes without saying.
- “Shane Proctor says to Reese Cates, ‘Anything you can do, I can do better.’” I bet that’s news to both of them.
Willingham’s bull Baby Face has mucho spring in his step; he took Sean on the scenic route. “If we don’t see a re-ride, the judges just weren’t watching,” said J.W. This time they were, but Sean turned down the re-ride.
- The Nyah-Nyah Girl voice saying, “Still to CO-o-ome, AUStin MEIer!”
- The hype about Las Vegas: “Have a chance to join this band of brothers…a reunion of heroes/legends…the likes of which the world has never seen!” Gimme a friggin’ break! It’s the PBR, not the Tuskegee Airmen.
AND BOY, IS FELICIA GOING TO BE PISSED
After his last buckoff, Jordan Hupp lost his wedding ring. After the event, the crew will use metal detectors on the dirt. Yeah, but even if they find it, how are they gonna get rid of the, um, atmosphere??
I DID NOT KNOW THAT
Guilherme Marchi’s schoolbooks had a picture of Jerome Davis inside; Davis and Adriano were his heroes.
- Pistol Robinson, who’s 1 for 18, was another victim of the Mean Boys bar graph: his stats were posted on screen with the title, “Unfulfilled Potential.” Then he went and scored 82.25 on Wilder Side. His exit comment to pals in the arena: “I rode one!”
- J.W. is still marveling about the Panhandle Slim clones looking like Dad. Okay, he’s a little slow, but it’s kinda funny.
- It took all the bullfighters to peel Dustin Elliott off his bull when his spur hung up in the flank strap; he was dragged and his leg twisted every which way. The bull was stamping all over them, butting them on the ground. Very cranky. Elliott was so grateful for the rescue that he declared, “Group hug, guys!” and did exactly that.
SO NOW WE KNOW HE LISTENS TO MUSIC
“When you’re on a bull named Wilder Side, it’s time to let your freak flag fly!”—Craig
- Bushwacker’s theme song should be “Tuff Enough” (The Fabulous Thunderbirds). In that opening quickie video clip of him charging to the pen gate, he looked absolutely eager to kick some cowboy butt: “I’ll fight you all! I’ll fight you with one hand tied behind my back! I’ll fight you standing on one foot!” (Hummer’s take on it: Bushwacker’s motto is, “Don’t even think about it!”) Bodacious had his own song (“Who’s Gonna Ride Bodacious?”); why not the bull next in line for the throne?
- Man, you heard the thump/crunch as Asteroid’s hind hoofs came down on Josh Faircloth’s leg. J.W. is right; that bull is steep–and his 46.50 score is .25 higher than Bushwacker’s!
- Black Jack is half-brother to Apollo and Code Blue. Yipes! You’d think he’d be impossible to ride, or at least deliver big scores, but apparently that other 50% makes all the difference. Douglas Duncan scored 84.75.
- Zane Lambert’s bull Rango was unridden, for a good reason: his rear end practically twists itself off. Zane landed on his head and shoulders.
- Cowboy Coffee sure did look over-caffeinated, He did some funny side-hopping maneuvering, trying to get rid of Marchi every which way.
- I’m A Gangster was floundering on his rear a few times, and that’s not normal. Was it the dirt, or another champ acquiring an injury or illness?
- Poor Luke Snyder on Bushwacker–you know a bull is super-rank when his tailbone bats your helmet!
Austin Meier couldn’t break Betta Believe’s unridden-in-10-outs streak. I can only echo Hummer (shocking, I know): “Why?”
Shane Proctor’s bull Maverick emerged slowly–backwards. Seemed like a quick 8 seconds, but he scored 86.50. J.W. called the ride “textbook; he rides him like a day at the office.”
REALLY CRAZY 8S
Aaron Roy was off his bull and in the air before 8, which we saw on replay. J.W. had eyeballed and called it even before the replay (“I’m good!” he said), but the judges scored Aaron 81.25. Another example of selective observation. Did the judges see him not make 8 but decide to score him anyway? Or did they skip watching the replay? They’re closer than the TV viewers, and are supposedly in different locations to catch all the angles. Either way, this is the kind of crap that makes bull riding look shady, guys. And I’m being kind.
Colby Yates didn’t stick on Boone & Crockett (Fabiano Vieira rode him last night); if Hummer wasn’t blathering away, we would’ve heard the rest of what Colby said to his chuteside pals as he walked away, which began, “On the bright side…”
MORE REASONS TO FIRE ERIN COSCARELLI
After Reese Cates turned in another textbook ride (Over the Edge for 86.50), The Moron, in some bizarre context, mispronounced “ubiquitous” as “oobiquitous.” Instantly her mic went dead. There is a god!! Or somebody on that production team likes me. They really, really like me.
- Guilherme’s ride on Back Bender, a 4-year-old ABBI classic, was his 45th 90-point score (90.50.). J.W., “outstanding” isn’t even the word! Loved Marchi’s James Brown knee-drop–hope it becomes a routine.
- Well done, Reese! Even Marchi applauded when Cates overtook his lead with 88.50 on Titanium Tough.
- J.B. was the only guy to ride Haunted Hotel this season, in Tulsa, for a low score. J.W. thought it was an outstanding ride and should’ve merited 85-87. This rematch ended in a Noooo! The bull’s stutter step, according to Hummer, “wasn’t what got J.B. off…” (Do I need to comment here?) J.B. is now 3 for14.
- YIKES! Perfect Poison must’ve gotten sick of Silvano riding him. Alves hung up; the bull kicked and crunched down on him everywhere. His vest and shirt were torn and he was bloody; the doc escorted him to the locker room. It’s the first time I’ve seen Alves hurt, so it was extra shocking.
- New bullfighter Wendell Runyon was literally leaping over riders to get to the bulls and steer them away. That’s the kind of stuff you can’t teach.
- Shane Proctor is leading the PRCA.
- It was fun to see the clip of Marchi finishing a ride, then being chased up the fence by the bull. Too bad about the stupid voiceover: “He’s 10 times your size and he’s got a bad temper, but you gotta hang on for 8 seconds, and even after the buzzer, your job isn’t done yet.”
- This week’s Ford Invasion fulfilled my wildest fantasies: Luke Snyder and Colby Yates shot Craig Hummer! Unfortunately, it was only a photo. They also took a coupla shots at J.W. His photo had two bullet holes so well-placed that he cracked, “It looks like they came from Team Brazil.”