BASS PRO CHUTE OUT – DAY 2

BRING BACK MCKEE! NOBODY HAS FORGOTTEN HIM OR LEAH

I’M JUST SAYIN’…

  • Today (Aug.21) I received the PBR Weekly Newsletter, dated Aug. 17. The front page says Black Ivory will debut in San Antonio’s short round. We already saw that. July’s Guess the Rider contest is still posted, but not the winner, or the August game. Wake up, guys! This is amateur stuff.
  • Could the PBR be listening to me holler? Silvano Alves had an interpreter when he spoke with J.W.; we learned that his hero was a Brazilian rider who was in the finals with Justin McBride. Alves handled every move Rusty Zipper made; the ride deserved more. Even J.W. said, “Only 85.25 points!”
  • Apparently Paolo Lima is a security risk. He’s used to Brazilian bulls, which supposedly aren’t usually mean, so he doesn’t leave the arena in a hurry. And then we have the “Brazilians take too much time in the chute” thing. Did it ever occur to us hyped-up Americans that the Brazilian pace may be an advantage? While J.W. was talking about Silvano, we got a backstage shot of Alves with his rope, looking meditative and serene. Maybe that’s his secret: not freaking out about last night’s buckoff.
  • Angry Bird delivered, Douglas Ferreira was impressive, but scored only 83.75; the crowd wasn’t happy. Me, either. And Marchi deserved more than 85.75 for riding Cowboy Coffee; the crowd agreed.
  • Shane Proctor needed an 87.25 to win the event. He rode After Party, and the judges gave him 88.75. How convenient. Judge #3 again was the last to post a score–calculating how to help him win? Shane’s an excellent rider, and no one can take away anything from him, but his ride wasn’t better than Reese Cates’s, and I think even he knew it. To Coscarelli, he said, “I was lucky.” He’s been the dark horse coming up on the outside this season, and it’s his turn to be “the great white hope,” since J.B. is flailing and L.J. is inconsistent. Certain people may think that since Nunes, de Oliveira, and Palermo are out for a while, and Alves just got stomped, that leaves just one Killer B named Marchi for “The Americans” to take down, and Proctor will be their ammunition. I wish I didn’t have to say these things, but that time lag on Judge #3’s part is looking suspicious. Add to that the low scores doled out to Ferreira and Marchi, and do I have to say the rest?
  • Bla bla bla, Craig. Stop psychoanalyzing Chris Shivers.

SPOTLIGHT ON: RYAN DIRTEATER

The Cherokee Kid has been on a tear lately. Love Machine, who usually goes to the left, faked left but went to the right. Ryan’s left-handed, yet he handled the change, for 86.50. BTW, Ryan has had a #4 Power Ranking in the last 5 events.

THE CONTINUING ADVENTURES OF BEN JONES

  • Ben Jones, who came into this event at a stinkin’ 1 for 17 rode Rowdy L.J. for 86.25. He was so happy to do his goofy dance again, he added an extra move. What was different this time: he stayed forward on the bull, and was much more centered, as you could see from the aerial view of his black hat staying nearly in the same place the whole time. You’ve found the key to the mint, Ben–try not to lose it again!
  • More reasons to love Ben: in the Truth Booth, he summed up his rematch with Rowdy L.J., who previously had hung him up: “Payback’s a bitch.” He thanked J.W. for letting him practice at his ranch: “We got on some bulls.” J.W. later corrected, “We didn’t get on bulls!” Ben also gave a shout out to the Custer family for the loss of Aaron and Ned Drury this week in a car accident.

CAN I QUOTE YOU ON THAT?

  • “I got sore the more I rested this weekend. When I got going, I felt less sore.”—Shane Proctor. Doncha mean, “When I rubbed on Blue Emu, I felt less sore”?
  • Guilherme Marchi thinks Alves can win at least 4 World Championships. Talk about Great Expectations!
  • “I wouldn’t wanna be a trash can in a locker room right now,”—J.W., after J.B.’s unsuccessful trip on Haunted Hotel.

LOL

According to Sean Willingham in the Truth Booth, after he found out the booth boys were going to show his depressing stats on TV last night, he rode a bull, upping his riding percentage by 2%.

NITWITTICISMS: All Hummer, all the time

  • “Rusty Zipper will give him a chance to fly up in the standings, perhaps squeak into the final round.” [emphasis added by yours truly]
  • “If Reese Cates has a chance to move to the lead, it’ll take a ride.” Masterfully stating what goes without saying.
  • “Shane Proctor says to Reese Cates, ‘Anything you can do, I can do better.’” I bet that’s news to both of them.

HUH?

Willingham’s bull Baby Face has mucho spring in his step; he took Sean on the scenic route. “If we don’t see a re-ride, the judges just weren’t watching,” said J.W. This time they were, but Sean turned down the re-ride.

HATE IT:

  • The Nyah-Nyah Girl voice saying, “Still to CO-o-ome, AUStin MEIer!”
  • The hype about Las Vegas: “Have a chance to join this band of brothers…a reunion of heroes/legends…the likes of which the world has never seen!” Gimme a friggin’ break! It’s the PBR, not the Tuskegee Airmen.

AND BOY, IS FELICIA GOING TO BE PISSED

After his last buckoff, Jordan Hupp lost his wedding ring. After the event, the crew will use metal detectors on the dirt. Yeah, but even if they find it, how are they gonna get rid of the, um, atmosphere??

I DID NOT KNOW THAT

Guilherme Marchi’s schoolbooks had a picture of Jerome Davis inside; Davis and Adriano were his heroes.

CUTE MOMENTS:

  • Pistol Robinson, who’s 1 for 18, was another victim of the Mean Boys bar graph: his stats were posted on screen with the title, “Unfulfilled Potential.” Then he went and scored 82.25 on Wilder Side. His exit comment to pals in the arena: “I rode one!”
  • J.W. is still marveling about the Panhandle Slim clones looking like Dad. Okay, he’s a little slow, but it’s kinda funny.
  • It took all the bullfighters to peel Dustin Elliott off his bull when his spur hung up in the flank strap; he was dragged and his leg twisted every which way. The bull was stamping all over them, butting them on the ground. Very cranky. Elliott was so grateful for the rescue that he declared, “Group hug, guys!” and did exactly that.

SO NOW WE KNOW HE LISTENS TO MUSIC

“When you’re on a bull named Wilder Side, it’s time to let your freak flag fly!”—Craig

BULL STUFF

  • Bushwacker’s theme song should be “Tuff Enough” (The Fabulous Thunderbirds). In that opening quickie video clip of him charging to the pen gate, he looked absolutely eager to kick some cowboy butt: “I’ll fight you all! I’ll fight you with one hand tied behind my back! I’ll fight you standing on one foot!” (Hummer’s take on it: Bushwacker’s motto is, “Don’t even think about it!”) Bodacious had his own song (“Who’s Gonna Ride Bodacious?”); why not the bull  next in line for the throne?
  • Man, you heard the thump/crunch as Asteroid’s hind hoofs came down on Josh Faircloth’s leg. J.W. is right; that bull is steep–and his 46.50 score is .25 higher than Bushwacker’s!
  • Black Jack is half-brother to Apollo and Code Blue. Yipes! You’d think he’d be impossible to ride, or at least deliver big scores, but apparently that other 50% makes all the difference. Douglas Duncan scored 84.75.
  • Zane Lambert’s bull Rango was unridden, for a good reason: his rear end practically twists itself off. Zane landed on his head and shoulders.
  • Cowboy Coffee sure did look over-caffeinated, He did some funny side-hopping maneuvering, trying to get rid of Marchi every which way.
  • I’m A Gangster was floundering on his rear a few times, and that’s not normal. Was it the dirt, or another champ acquiring an injury or illness?
  • Poor Luke Snyder on Bushwacker–you know a bull is super-rank when his tailbone bats your helmet!

DANG!

Austin Meier couldn’t break Betta Believe’s unridden-in-10-outs streak. I can only echo Hummer (shocking, I know): “Why?”

CRAZY 8S

Shane Proctor’s bull Maverick emerged slowly–backwards. Seemed like a quick 8 seconds, but he scored 86.50. J.W. called the ride “textbook; he rides him like a day at the office.”

REALLY CRAZY 8S

Aaron Roy was off his bull and in the air before 8, which we saw on replay. J.W. had eyeballed and called it even before the replay (“I’m good!” he said), but the judges scored Aaron 81.25. Another example of selective observation. Did the judges see him not make 8 but decide to score him anyway? Or did they skip watching the replay? They’re closer than the TV viewers, and are supposedly in different locations to catch all the angles. Either way, this is the kind of crap that makes bull riding look shady, guys. And I’m being kind.

AARRGGHH

Colby Yates didn’t stick on Boone & Crockett (Fabiano Vieira rode him last night); if Hummer wasn’t blathering away, we would’ve heard the rest of what Colby said to his chuteside pals as he walked away, which began, “On the bright side…”

MORE REASONS TO FIRE ERIN COSCARELLI

After Reese Cates turned in another textbook ride (Over the Edge for 86.50), The Moron, in some bizarre context, mispronounced “ubiquitous” as “oobiquitous.” Instantly her mic went dead. There is a god!! Or somebody on that production team likes me. They really, really like me.

HIGHLIGHTS

  • Guilherme’s ride on Back Bender, a 4-year-old ABBI classic, was his 45th 90-point score (90.50.). J.W., “outstanding” isn’t even the word! Loved Marchi’s James Brown knee-drop–hope it becomes a routine.
  • Well done, Reese! Even Marchi applauded when Cates overtook his lead with 88.50 on Titanium Tough.

LOWLIGHTS

  • J.B. was the only guy to ride Haunted Hotel this season, in Tulsa, for a low score. J.W. thought it was an outstanding ride and should’ve merited 85-87. This rematch ended in a Noooo! The bull’s stutter step, according to Hummer, “wasn’t what got J.B. off…” (Do I need to comment here?) J.B. is now 3 for14.
  • YIKES! Perfect Poison must’ve gotten sick of Silvano riding him. Alves hung up; the bull kicked and crunched down on him everywhere. His vest and shirt were torn and he was bloody; the doc escorted him to the locker room. It’s the first time I’ve seen Alves hurt, so it was extra shocking.

LOVE IT!

  • New bullfighter Wendell Runyon was literally leaping over riders to get to the bulls and steer them away. That’s the kind of stuff you can’t teach.
  • Shane Proctor is leading the PRCA.
  • It was fun to see the clip of Marchi finishing a ride, then being chased up the fence by the bull. Too bad about the stupid voiceover: “He’s 10 times your size and he’s got a bad temper, but you gotta hang on for 8 seconds, and even after the buzzer, your job isn’t done yet.”
  • This week’s Ford Invasion fulfilled my wildest fantasies: Luke Snyder and Colby Yates shot Craig Hummer! Unfortunately, it was only a photo. They also took a coupla shots at J.W. His photo had two bullet holes so well-placed that he cracked, “It looks like they came from Team Brazil.”
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Creative services, marketing and public relations professional from entertainment industry background. Published in magazines and newspapers worldwide. I believe bull riders are the new rock stars.
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4 Responses to BASS PRO CHUTE OUT – DAY 2

  1. T says:

    Well, cosider the fact that my wife may well be the East coast’s most rabid bullriding fan and consider my week moments of setting precedent b y buying her great seats at the finals for the past 5 or 6 years and I should have seen this coing. The PBR’s policy of grandfathering plast year’s ticketholders by giving them right of first refusal on the seats they had, prices are getting crazy. At least if you want decent seeats. And am I spoiled? You betcha! Can I afford the tickets prices? yes – but not without feeling a sense of being ripped off, which means that instead of 3 days of Finals, my wife gets one fay this year. They are good seeats, but at $375 a seat, they damned well better be!

    if it bugs me, why do I do it? Well, she’s my wife and she has put up with major amjounts of shit from me over the years. So she’s due. She doesn’t have a lot of extravagances and ridiculous hobbies, I’ve been told that manicures and pedicures don’t count. And I figure that the fixed costs of this deal are already spent – the air fare, the hotels, the limo and the meals, the time off from work. I’ve got to p[ay those at the same rate whether I get a seat up in the rafters (did I mention that I truly hate heights?) or I get first row.

    There is a plus – I can feel as though I’m in a Gallagher concert when the bull snot flies into the first 3 rows. We should all be handed the de rigeur plastic sheets (how do you say ‘de rigeur’ in Portugese?).

    So, it’s Bull Riders are the new Rock Stars all over again.*that “de-” wortding again, got to me). If I thought the money was going to the bull riders or even the stockmen or, even more remote, the PBR investors, I wouldn’t mind it as much. What bugs me is that the vast majority of the profit on the execessive price is going to a scalper, whether or pro or amateur, they are still hte non producers with no skin in the game. My tickets ahve a face value of $129. That’s what the PBR, the riders and the arena share in. The added $246 is pure gravy that goes into the ether of greed. Not capitalism, folks (I know someone was saying that). capitalism is the PBR and the stockmen and the riders – people who are making an investment of capital, blod, sweat and tears (back to the rock theme without even trying).

    Is this hurting the PBR? Yes! A lot of people can’t afford it, so I am guessing that some of the real fans (and not the spoouse-appeasers like me) can’t go or they go and get the crappy seats where even Flynt has a hard time climbing to post-coronary. So they get bitter. me, I just try to talk my wife into doing something else. I may even give in and offer her one of those cruises i said i would never be caught dead on. Or the Inland cruise up the Alaskan Iner Pssage, so long as I can bring my camera and drink good bourbon.

    Bt these damned Finals cost me as much as Btte Midler. Or the Boss. and 15 times as much as the Austin Lounge lizxards. Now that’s a crime!

    Like

    • Well, I don’t want to let a flame war get started about who’s the East Coast’s most rabid fan, because some people in the Bronx travel far and wide for events, I’ve met a couple who fly to Vegas for the finals…and other people I don’t even know will start yelling at me.

      Does the grandfathering in of previous ticket holders for expensive seats mean they can have them if they want them, but the price goes up, regardless? That’s kind of a nice courtesy, except that if it’s corporations, not individuals, buying tickets, they’ll always be able to afford them and other people will perpetually be shut out. Unless, of course, they want to go to a scalper…but it looks like the PBR already is doing the scalping.

      Part of the reason for insane ticket prices is that they cover all the freebies and discount tickets that no doubt are given to contractors, riders, families, friends, sponsors, celebrities (if any), etc. That’s how it works in the music business. No promoter will take a loss on a seat, so they spread the debt to the paying customers, and we bear the burden. Hey! Guess what! It’s just like when corporations duck their taxes, and legislators increase ours to cover theirs. (You know Warren Buffett’s secretary pays more taxes than he does, right?)

      About the costs of attending the finals: well, there are ways to do it for less, but you’d have to forgo things like a limo and staying in a 4-star hotel. (PS: A year’s worth of mani-pedis, even at a cheapie nail salon, would more than cover a ticket, but don’t tell your wife I said that.) And there’s a happy medium between the snot-seats and the rafters, where you can see the action but not feel it. Tidier than a Blue Man Group show, at least.

      I’m curious about how you got that $129 figure. The literal meaning of “face value” is what’s stamped on the ticket, not what the event is actually worth. The highest ticket price on the PBR website is $248. I’ve got news, most of the money does go to the investors and to whoever put up the cost of staging and advertising the event, whether it’s an independent promoter or the PBR itself. The arena is a rental, so it gets a fixed fee rather than a percentage of anything. I’d love to know anything about what a stock contractor pays out or takes in for an event.

      Sadly, riders are at the bottom of the pile when it comes to the money. The PBR is not a profit-sharing enterprise. Stock contractors make money breeding and selling bulls; bullfighters, medics, announcers, tech crews, production people, Flint, execs, and deskbound PBR people all are on salary, but riders have no guarantee of anything unless they make the whistle. Even then, whatever they win has to cover when they don’t. Riders should be guaranteed a certain amount for showing up. Nobody should go home from a PBR event in the red. The PBR ought to pay travel costs, instead of riders driving for days, sleeping in a truck, or paying airfare out of their own pockets. All other sports pay to ferry athletes from here to there. Riders also should get free health insurance.

      Kind of reminds me of the attitude this country has toward theatre artists: actors should work for free (unless they’re big stars), but the director, set designer, wardrobe person, stage manager, lighting director, sound person, box office person, and even building custodian get paid. But who’d pay to see a well-lit, well-designed set with costumes? Without actors, you’ve got no production. They should be the first ones paid. The riders are the actors; they should make the most money of any party involved. Nobody’s going to buy a ticket to see flaming bull’s heads, smoke jets, flying confetti, bulls, and Erin Coscarelli. The riders are the sport.

      You’re right: most fans, some who have followed bull riding since before the PBR existed, can’t afford the tickets, can’t go to more than one day of an event, or sit near the chutes. They can go only to local events and buy the cheap seats. Plenty of people who read this blog have said they’re skipping events this year, or going to fewer, or aren’t bringing their families. The PBR is pricing itself away from its fans. And plenty of fans are furious and bitter.

      I wouldn’t try to talk your wife out of the Finals, though. The best you might hope for is bribing her with the Alaska trip, which would at least be a unique adventure. I don’t blame you for finding suicide an alternative to cruises. I’ve never understood their appeal; the one time I had to go on a cruise (I won the tickets), I hated every second of being on the ship. Why spend two days getting to Bermuda, two days getting back from Bermuda, and only two days in Bermuda, instead of getting on a friggin’ plane for a couple of hours each way and spending 5 days in Bermuda?

      I can understand paying $375 to see Springsteen (he doesn’t like being called The Boss) or an artist of his caliber, because there’s always a chance an artist will stop performing, O.D., or be killed in a plane crash, and there goes your chance to see a show. The PBR will be around for a while (if it stops shooting itself in the foot), and there will always be new bull riders coming up. Here’s the other thing: no matter what the PBR says, their events are NOT always sold out; you can see empty seats on TV, and I’m not talking about the ones without sight lines. I’d venture to say that any scalpers outside the Las Vegas venue are there to add to the hype. There’s always a ticket available. It just won’t be chuteside.

      Like

  2. Cecil Lloyd says:

    Good up to the minute blog on the Bass Pro Chute Out. Oh, wait, that was 2 weeks ago. Never mind.

    Like

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