There be holes in this one, matey, ‘cause when you’re watching with a posse, you get kinda loud and distracted. Shout out to the PBR Bronx Fan Club─ we must do this again!
- Athlete Profile on Robson Palermo. (It’s about time!) Robson, who’s from Sao Paolo, started his career at Acre, in the Amazon, working on a farm. His quotes (translated): “I saw that I could make money bull riding. I saw that my life could change, and could change for my family, too. I saw cowboys in the U.S. and Brazil riding bulls and making a lot of money. I said, That’s what I want to do.” He started sending money to his family and buying land. Now he lives in Tyler, Texas, with his daughter and new son. “I’m building my family,” he says. Showing off the baby, he jokes, “That’s my little future bull rider.” Actually, Robson wants him to be a doctor. At the top of the show, we saw Robson’s ride from last night—yowza! He muscled that bull every which way. Last night he scored 88 on Kat Hour, this time 87.50. But Too Sexy bucked him off; clearly that injured arm is hurting.
- Renato Nunes (remember him?) is having physical therapy so he can ride in 4 weeks; he says he’ll be at the finals.
- Cody Nance “Could have ate a sandwich while he was riding that bull,” Ty said about his 85.75 Buckwheat ride.
- Silvano can stay on anything. Tapout, for 86.50. Titanium Tough, for 88.25. (Not so tough now, are ya, big lug?) Alves looks calm before he rides and calm after. One smile for the camera; that’s it. Talk about “serenity now!”
- Shane Proctor’s masterful 87.50 ride. The guy’s blazing!
ONE FOR THE FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO REEL
Dustin Elliott’s bull came out of the chutes “a little squirrely,” per either Justin, and braked at exactly 8 seconds. A hilarious 84 points.
“Other than the slap, he made a really good ride,” said Ty or J.W. about J.B.’s slap at 2.13. I have the eerie feeling that the Blue Emu ad is actually a reality show.
- Yadah Water literally turned out ass backwards, and de Oliveira teeter-tottered off. Not a good look for Valdiron.
Ross Coleman is retiring. We saw clips of his rides, Ty and The Bummer interviewed him, and he was tearing up. Can’t imagine what it feels like to know that part of your life is over. On the bright side, in an interview outtake, when asked about his proudest moment, he talked about a Ft. Worth event in which Aaron Semas was matched up with Perfect Storm. The bull, known for dropping down in the chute and rolling like an alligator, pulled Semas down underneath him, and Coleman jumped into the chute with him. “I picked his little (butt) up and threw him up over the chutes. I saved his (butt) from getting seriously hurt and maybe even getting smoked bad. That was one moment in my career where I was pumped up. … It’s a brotherhood and you have to take care of each other.”
I DID NOT KNOW THAT
Matt Bohon is ready for hip operation #2. Coulda fooled me; he wasn’t even walking funny.
I’M JUST SAYIN’…
- Could Pistol Robinson possibly take any longer to get out on Flirting with Disaster? Yet nobody hurried him. And he got a nice fat 89.25, though it wasn’t a pretty ride.
- Some production fool kept putting the wrong bull name on screen. The troublemaker under Austin Meier in the chute wasn’t Speckled Ivory, it was Black Ivory. Speckled Ivory is the bull who yanked Ryan McConnel over the front end─ and oh yeah, this would be your sign: he’s speckled. Black Ivory is─ guess what? mostly black─ with a hump the size of the Matterhorn between his shoulders.
- Ryan McConnel’s ride on bull-that-remains-nameless-because-nobody-bothered was more centered than he’s been in a while— but he did get a little cocky and threw the hat before he was off the bull. It was a messy dismount.
- Ryan Dirteater got a reride because his bull galloped across the arena, even though he stuck on for 8 bumpy seconds. The CBR, however, doesn’t seem to care as much about distance, if the bull’s bucking─ think about it: isn’t it harder to handle a whole buncha forward jumps yanking you back on your arm at the same time as the bull’s bucking? I think unless a bull is just plain running and nothing else, this idea that “traveling” is an automatic re-ride needs re-examining. What’s a big arena for?
- Some bull names aren’t listed here because the booth boys didn’t bother to say them and/or a name appeared on screen for a split second; and trying to find the full results of any event after the fact by clicking relevant links on the PBR website does not work.
- “There’s a reason they call him the Ice Man.” “The man they call the Ice Man.” Poor deluded Bummer, desperately trying to convince us this is Silvano Alves’s nickname. You’re the only one who calls him that, chucklehead. We get that you’re trying to make it catch on, but nobody’s following your lead.
- Luke Snyder’s bull slapped his face; if not for the cage helmet, we might’ve seen a Bodacious-type disaster.
- Fabiano Vieira got really trashed against the fence.
- Black Ivory was a maniac, maniac in the chute. Without a helmet, Austin Meier’s face would’ve been mincemeat. His Dad rescued him from a sitdown mashup. Cut to Pistol Robinson not making a ride. Return to Black Ivory, still rambunctious, banging his head on the end of the chute. One touch to his ear and he went nuts. Tried to climb out of the chute and nearly succeeded. Finally the red flag went down, so Austin could get a new bull. Cut to another rider. Back to Austin, who finally got out of the gate─ and after all that drama, he didn’t stay on. Sigh.
Double Clutch came out backwards, Marchi started going wild with his leg too soon and lost control, then leaned onto the bull and slapped.
THEM CLONES, THEM CLONES, THEM SLY CLONES
Pistol Robinson didn’t ride Slim’s Ghost.
- No more fan discount unless you buy tickets with a PBR Visa card, and only until 3 weeks before the event.
- No post-event party – according to fans, the PBR stopped this perk in January.
I LIKE IT
- Ty Murray is a consistent Robson Palermo fan, and always talks up his riding style.
CAN I QUOTE YOU ON THAT?
- “It was so much fun screaming with new voices.”—Georgina V., founder of the Bronx PBR Fan Club.
- “We’re getting psyched for the Hartford event!”—Jane J.
- “It’s fun to meet all these people whose blogs I read. I‘ve now met all the phantom writers!”─Sarah T.
- “I feel compelled to say how cute Ty looks in those glasses. He looks like a professor now. He gives Bull Riding 101, and now he looks the part.”—Amanda
- Seeing the guys prepping in the locker room, making a racket and laughing.
- Renato in the house!
- The hilarious split-screen comparison of Asteroid and Bushwacker in action as Ty compares notes, showing J.B. Mauney in orbit off Bushwacker’s back and Asteroid perfectly perpendicular to the dirt. He couldn’t get more vertical without crashing onto his back. (Asteroid, not J.B.)
- I don’t see how Palermo’s arm didn’t come out of the socket during his long hang-up; White Velvet yanked him every which way. Robson hung on sideways a few seconds beyond what anyone but maybe J.B. and Austin would do on their best days. Even Ty said, “He’da a broke me right there.”
- Ryan McConnel’s pick of Big Casino was a good’un─ scored 88.50. But no surfing! What’s up with that? (Think I detected a hint of blond in the crew cut, though.) I’m awaiting the return of Surfer Dude.
- I swore Delco would throw Mike Lee, but Lee said two Hail Marys, and after a clunking finish against the fence scored 88.75. Exciting ride.
- Silvano Alves and Perfect Poison’s 6th matchup, for 86.50─ their “lowest” score. (With Alves, it’s all relative.) I think those two will be sending out a Christmas card together.
- Valdiron rode Yo Yo for 84 points. I can hardly believe it, but Valdiron was on a 5 buckoff streak. On his way off the dirt he joked, “I ride one!” Jesse Byrne helped in the clutch again.
- Hats off to Austin Meier! His 90.25 ride on The Game Changer was something to see. (BTW, as if guys care, his hair’s getting cute; the hat hair isn’t looking so dreadful.) Then he took on Ranger Red, unridden in 2011, with 7 straight buckoffs, for 82.25. “I’m not gonna quit trying ‘til my head hits the ground.” Not sure if he actually said this, but he sure lives it. The last seconds looked like J.B.’s come-hell-or-high-water Code Blue ride in New York. Ty put it succinctly: “He’s a warrior.”
- Canadianaaron Roy’s fantastic 88.25 ride on PFI Boot Daddy: wild turns, strong direction changes─ all handled.
- “Super Classic” bulls (3- & 4- year-olds) were bucked twice in 72 hours: their first out was on Friday night; only the best 30 returned tonight.
- As the bulls were introduced in the film clip at the top of the show, Bushwacker came right up to his mark and let out a groan. Somebody’s giving him acting lessons, I swear.
- Party All The Time bucked like a Waring blender, to Kasey Hayes’s detriment.
- Back Bender’s explosive performance just blew Harve Stewart into the ozone.
- Watch Pandemic’s lightning fast spins!
- I’d like to meet whoever named the bull Wavy Gravy! I took a clown class with the real thing. (And I’ve got the photo with the red nose and rubber chicken to prove it!)
- Shepherd Hills Trapper, who’s 2 for15, has an interesting head-down, lowdown style. This time, “allemande left.”
- “Bushwacker’s not about to let some planetary upstart bla bla bla…Asteroid’s trajectory has been astronomical; his otherworldly form has bested all rivals over the past few events.” “Forget shooting for the moon, he’s got plans to soar for the stars and shine brightest of all.”—Gag me with a fuckin’ spoon, Hummer. Unless this bovine drops dead, we’re gonna be assaulted with this planetarium imagery until the Finals are over.
- “With Alves putting the freeze on the competition…” Give it a rest, Bummer. The only guy called “The Ice Man” is singer Jerry Butler, as in, The Impressions.
- “Brendon Clark is able to roar against Lion King.” Guess who had that one in the chamber ever since Cody Lambert made up the weekend’s bull roster? 83.50 isn’t exactly “roaring.”
- “It may be too soon to crown Silvano Alves this year’s king, but he is making sure all the reservations are in order.”— Craig. Huh? Is that another mixed metaphor that makes sense only to you?
- “Shane was just looking to get off.” I know you expected this to be another bit of Hummerblather, but unfortunately, this time it came out of Ty Murray’s mouth. Sigh.
- “All sports have the pressure of winning and losing, but because of the danger of this sport, there’s extra pressure.” Not a gem, Ty. Don’t sit so close to Hummer, will ya?
- Bla bla bla from Hummer re Alves distancing himself from his “human adversaries… now he has a chance to put his money where his mouth is.” Huh? WTF are you babbling about? You’re the one running your mouth, nitwit. Silvano lets his riding speak for him.
- Ryan McConnel was quite the Chatty Cathy about his bull and the work he’s been doing for the past few days (you know: that last-minute working out stuff.)
- Shorty’s now a dirt expert. Hilarious. He can give a dissertation on the quality and performance of every surface.
I’M JUST SAYIN’…
- About this drummed-up “competition” between Bushwacker and Asteroid: up to now, Asteroid’s had 8 outs in 2011 and was ridden twice (with one 76 score): a 75% career buckoff rate. Bushwacker’s been working 3 years and has delivered 22 straight buckoffs in 26 outs: a 96.2% career buckoff rate. Only one person has ridden him: Thiago Paquioto (who??), in the 2009 finals, for 89.75. The last-minute hype about Asteroid is a transparent attempt to make us think Bushwacker isn’t a shoo-in. It’s pretty damn obvious who Bucking Bull of the Year should be. Asteroid’s impressive, but his few victories are paltry compared to Bushwacker’s sustained asskicking. J.W. says Bushwacker has to prove himself against Asteroid. Shorty’s got the answer to that: Bushwacker makes it look too easy. “Bushwacker does it with ease; he figures, why give 100% when you can do it with 50%?” True dat.
- Cord McCoy now is the Jughead. 18 straight buckoffs, this one courtesy of a bull named after Archie’s “good friend.”
- Pistol Robinson did another lengthy chute prep, on Damn Right. The bull wasn’t wanting to cooperate, Shorty says. But when Alves or de Oliveira take more than 30 seconds, it’s their fault. Pistol rode for 86.75, then once again, booth boy blabber drowned out Pistol’s smart crack as he left the dirt.
- Douglas Duncan’s bull had not a trick in his repertoire, but the ride was scored 87.25.
- Rango galloped Guilherme Marchi all over the arena. Now, in the usual PBR “rules,” shouldn’t that be a re-ride? I thought “covering real estate” was a no-no. Other riders have been given a re-ride for less. Since when are rules elastic? This b.s. is a clear case of prejudice: let’s see how we can whittle down the “Brazilian domination.”
- Colby Yates didn’t make the ride on Shepherd Hills Tested. He’s got 11 straight buckoffs, but his Iron Cowboy win still guarantees him a place in the Finals. Looks to me like something’s hurting him, and it’s not just his pride.
- Changing his approach from studying bulls to not cramming isn’t working, L.J. Shorty thinks it’s a confidence thing.
JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THERE COULDN’T BE ANY MORE─ YET ANOTHER REASON TO FIRE ERIN COSCARELLI
Erin told us Robson’s bull was Black Velvet, but of course it’s White Velvet. Just when you think she’s improving, ya find out she’s colorblind.
I DID NOT KNOW THAT
Ryan McConnel is the one who gives Ty the book on the bulls. Did L.J. resign that job?
- How did Dustin Elliott let Large Jacket get away? As soon as I wrote that, Ty said he let that one get away.
- Santiago made Ryan Dirteater scoreless; 2nd week in a row.
- There’s no reason Jordan Hupp (for 12) should’ve come off Air Patrick (whose rear looks like a Jackson Pollack).
How awwwdorable was that picture of Ty’s new son sitting in his dad’s cowboy hat! You could just hear the shit-eating grin on his face as Ty said, “Is that the world’s greatest looking baby or what?”
- Erin’s big revelation about “the dynamic relationship between Silvano and Fabiano”: They’re workout partners! Roomies! Friends! and oh my! get this! Silvano is the godfather of Fabiano’s kid! Fabiano is the godfather of Silvano’s!” Gosh, that’s shocking, with guys who work together, travel together, and grew up in a Catholic country where being a godfather is what you ask a close friend to do. Then Craig, in a stunning exhibition of hoof-in-mouth disease, steered toward a wreck: “It’s like any great relationship; it starts out with friendship and…” Glad something happened to throw him off track; I can’t believe he didn’t realize where he was headed.
- Motown Magic has a lot of leap and strong kick right out of the gate, as Cody Nance knows. Ty described one move as “allemande right.” Either Dancing with the Stars has scarred his mind, or he’s giddy from sleepless daddyhood.
- “No, I feel good.” Alves’s answer to Erin “The Moron” Coscarelli’s question about whether he feels pressure…as he’s holding the event buckle he just won.
SHORTY’S CRYSTAL BALL
Shane Proctor looked hurt even while he was on his bull. “He left that bull, he didn’t get bucked off,” was Ty’s assessment. Shorty Gorham knew it was a groin injury. “When he started to look at the ground, you knew something was wrong, because Shane Proctor doesn’t look at the ground.” He explained that when you feel a groin popping, as he did during his riding days, “I thought my pelvis was broke.” Ouch! The upshot: Shane will be out the next couple of weeks, depending on how his rehab progresses.
- The offensively misleading (I’m being nice) ad for Versus shows about killing animals: “You can do more for Mother Nature carrying a rifle than you can carrying a protest sign…Seems the best way you can protect the environment is to hunt in it. [SFX: Gunshot] Join us in our not so silent protest.” Protest? Sportsmen contributed $17 million last year to “protect” the environment? You mean, to buy hunting rights in national parks, among other efforts. If elk and deer are overrunning the country, stop killing the wolves and let them kill the elk and deer. At least they eat what they kill, instead of hanging a buck’s rack over a fireplace.
- The pitch for the Heroes and Legends Las Vegas event (no, not a reunion of The Justice League of America) includes: “The largest gathering of heroes ever assembled…” “the hallowed ring of honor.” The most arrogant ad copy ever. What small world is that ad agency living in? And how shameless are the PBR ad execs to approve this spew of bilge? Riding a lot of bulls for 8 seconds doesn’t make you a hero. It makes you a great athlete. Heroes save lives in the operating room, stand up against oppression even if they get shot, put out fires, pull people out of wreckage. You know: Nelson Mandela. The suffragettes. The FDNY. Martin Luther King, Jr. The emergency workers in earthquakes, floods, and explosions. Get your priorities straight, boys.
- Oh dammit, the Nyah Nyah Girl is back─ just when I thought (because I so fervently wish it) we’d get through an entire event without that annoying nasal wheedle.
Chris Shivers’ long hang-up after an 87-point ride Rainbow; Frank Newsom was the hero, yanking the rope out.
CAN I QUOTE YOU ON THAT?
Ty re Bushwacker and Asteroid pix: “Just looking at the pictures, my hands get sweaty─ but I don’t have to get on!”
THE STRANGE CASE OF J.B. MAUNEY
J.B. Mauney is 4 for18 (yikes!), probably his worst career trough ever. Misery Business isn’t a brilliant bull, but thank god J.B. got it done, for a generous 87.50. His arm is still doing funny things, though. He let Cody Lambert pick his bull; I think if he had a tougher bull, he wouldn’t have made the ride. And believe me, I hate saying this!!
“This bull’s out of line, and sometimes I am, too,” J.B. said about Perfect Poison* (not Silvano’s pet; the other one). “He’s the one that got left, so that tells you what the guys think of him,” Ty said of the draft. J.B. was off that bull before they were barely out the door─ less than 2 seconds. (Oh, no! the Blue Emu Grandma jinx!) He looks like everything is hurting; he’s hobbling again. “He’s looking like a 95-year-old man, all crippled up…” Ty’s right. This is where Mauney was last year going into the Finals. He never wants to sit one out, use common sense and heal, get physical therapy, or whatever it takes to get himself healthy. It’s called self-sabotage.
Some of the Built Ford Tough Invasions make me scratch my head. Sean Willingham is a wakeboard legend? Airdogging? Luke Snyder looked like an elf in his wetsuit.
- Robson Palermo got bucked off by Rock & Roll, even though he’s one of only two 4-time winners this season. That shoulder is really defeating him. This guy just doesn’t get bucked off 3 bulls in a row. I just don’t know how he’s going to hold onto his place in the standings. He won’t get surgery before Las Vegas, but immediately after.
- Chris Shivers took a re-ride on Bad Medicine, who’s been ridden 33% of the time. Chris has more 90+ rides than anyone, but this wasn’t one of them. On the bright side, hey! There was no blasting music during the ride!
SURELY YOU JEST
Pistol Robinson, who had 4th pick, wanted a re-match with Asteroid. Cody Nance, who had 8th pick, said “Bushwacker” like he felt he had to, but knew it wasn’t a great idea. I get that they want to go for maximum points, but wouldn’t it be better odds to go with a bull you know somebody can ride? Even J.W. said, “I like Pistol Robinson on Asteroid, but I’m not betting on Pistol. This is going to be a good one for the stock contractors.” Shortest ride I’ve ever seen: 0.93. “This little bull folds in half,” Ty laughed. Cody’s ride was about 2 secs, and it looked like he couldn’t even begrudge the bull his buckoff. “He’s the Michael Jordan,” Ty said about the bull. True dat.
*AT LAST: THE CRIB NOTES!
From the PBR Website, Sept. 22, 1011 (could they have waited any longer to clarify this?)Closet Gangster: Perfect Poison (Editor’s note: There are currently two bulls named Perfect Poison on the BFTS. The one referenced here is owned by Boyd & Floyd, and is not the same animal that Silvano Alves has covered six times this year) will be in the Built Ford Tough Championship Round for the second week in a row, and the fifth time since the summer break from the BFTS. He’s been unridden since Mike Lee made the whistle in the sixth round of last year’s World Finals.