WICHITA Day 1 Yay, Leah Garcia is on duty!

Missed a bit while I appeared in a play reading, so this is what’s left. Cheers for the Day Sheet courtesy of Bull Stock Media for filling in details…’cause god knows you can’t figure out WTH happened by searching the PBR website.

HIGHLIGHTS

  • Chris Shivers rode like his spectacular younger self, handling a huge leap by Freckles out of the chute and a buncha direction changes, for 85.50.
  • Caleb Sanderson’s got a monkey on his back. Actually it’s the other way round. In Round 1, Orangutan bucked him off. But he rode Space Chimp, for 86.50; Ty says he’s about the nicest bull you’re gonna get on all year.
  • 18 qualified rides in Round 1!
  • Ty saying how good it was to have an interpreter for Valdiron, that it was interesting listening to him talk about being a good role model, how his family is most important, what kind of example he’s leaving for his kids. Ty can relate. He enjoyed sitting down talking with Valdiron with an interpreter so Valdiron wasn’t struggling with English.
  • Valdiron put in about a 12-second ride on Bobby McGee; he dominated that bull so much, he made it look easy, so he didn’t get a high enough score. Big smile and a few whoops after he scored 85.50.
  • Ryan Dirteater’s 90.25 on Jack Daniels’ After Party was the Super-8 ride of the night. “You can’t do it any better than that,” Ty said. Ryan would pick Crosswired in the next day’s draft, but CBS lied about the broadcast time, so after checking conflicting times on the PBR, Versus, and CBS websites, and finding nothing but endless football, I gave up.

I’M JUST SAYIN’…

  • For those of us who are Tivo-less, a midnight time slot sucks.
  • Could Hummer’s face be any more orange? I thought they stopped making Man Tan.
  • In Flight #3, once again Judge 3 was slowpoking. Can anyone explain why?
  • Cooper Tires’ War Paint traveled, but Pistol Robinson didn’t have to take a re-ride, and scored 86.50. Maybe a reride is decided according to who’s riding the bull?
  • Pete Farley went over the front end and touched the bull, but I think he was fouled in the chute. How could the judges say thT bull got out clean?
  • If Hummer didn’t talk so much, telling us the obvious─ like the fact that a rider is getting ready in the chute─ Leah wouldn’t have to talk so fast when he throws the ball to her; she’d be able to finish reporting before the ride. Usually what she has to say is more useful than all that Hummerblather.

IT’S SHOWING AGAIN, GUYS:

  • Watching Guilherme Marchi’s wreck a couple of times, it couldn’t have been clearer: the bullfighters weren’t there in time for the second crunch down on him. Last weekend, the newbie was leaping over riders to get at bulls. This time it looked like they weren’t in position, didn’t know what to do when the bull went nuts, and didn’t leap in his face while he stomped Marchi. Only once or twice in years have I thought the bullfighters were any less than stellar, but this was a screwup. I’m this short of theorizing why; a lot of people can guess what I might say. Let’s put it another way: if Guilherme was J.B., how would they have handled it?
  • Worse: Fabiano Vieira’s tangle with Big Jim. Never thought I’d want to scream at the bullfighters, but they practically just watched, didn’t rush at the bull’s head, I didn’t hear one sound to distract him, and one ran away while the bull did a Mexican hat dance on Fabiano, whose spur was hung in the flank rope, which brought him down under the bull, one foot stuck up over his own head. Of course, as always, Hummer says “great job, Shorty…” so we’re not supposed to believe our own eyes. Look at the Bull Stock Media photo on the PBR website: not one bullfighter visible near Vieira, only one hand at the edge of the frame reaching toward the bull from far away. Disgraceful!
  • Silvano Alves was on “the bull that tossed Marchi last night with ease,” said Craig. How We Roll also acted up last night, wildly leaping almost over the railing while Renato Nunes and Valdiron helped pull Silvano’s rope. (Craig commented yet again on how close the Brazilians are.) While the bull was still fidgeting, guys were yelling at Alves to get out of there: another lowbrow attempt to rattle him. Silvano stuck anyway, and landed on his feet. This time the scores came in quickly─ only 83. “He does have ice water running through his veins,” said Ty. The term is sangfroid, which god knows Silvano needs, considering the degree of harassment he and de Oliveira get in the chute. It’s pretty obvious they get this crap because they’re the top riders. If they were on the bubble, nobody’d bother hurrying them.

IT’S ABOUT FRIGGIN’ TIME!

  • The PBR finally sprung for a translator for the Brazilians so they can communicate with their interviewers (and other media, I would hope). Leah asked Alves why he didn’t take the re-ride after his trip on Jake last night. He said he didn’t know what his re-ride bull would’ve been, so he kept the 73.50. Shrewd. He knows he’s okay in the lead, because Valdiron’s previous scary injury has him playing catch-up.
  • J.B. Mauney is World #10, a far cry from 2010 at this time. But hallelujah, he rode Josey Wales for 88, stayed more centered, but his free arm still isn’t moving right.

NITWITTICISMS

  • The arena has been “bullcentric” – per Hummer the Bummer’s opening blather.
  • More Hummerblather: Ryan Dirteater is “The man who is in charge of his own destiny.” As opposed to all the other riders who have Gepetto pulling their strings.
  • “Those sharp left turns would’ve gotten off many men, but not Chris Shivers…”
  • “This is a sport where you can not be reactionary at any level.” Har! Tell that to the people waving Confederate flags. Do you mean, riders should keep cool and not be emotional about riding? Or am I trying to translate nonsense?
  • “2011 could be remembered as the year the Brazilians took over the BFTS.” Yeah, Craig, let’s stoke the fires of anti-Brazilian resentment, why don’t you?

LOVE IT!

  • LMAO at the new Blue Emu commercial with Grandma helping pull J.B.’s rope in the chute and slapping the goop on him…not to mention her fresh mouth!
  • Leah asked questions in English, the interpreter asked in Portuguese, Valdiron answered in English. How’s his confidence  after making three rides? “100%.”

NOT LIKIN’ IT: THE BOO-BOO REPORT

  • L.J. Jenkins’ concussion kept him out of the final round.
  • Marchi got a broken rib and lacerated lung.
  • Robson and Marchi are out the rest of the weekend. Palermo’s left shoulder injury will get surgery after the Finals, but meanwhile it’s screwing up his season.

SPOTLIGHT ON RYAN DIRTEATER

Ryan Dirteater won both Day 1 rounds. Clamdigger’s roaring scared me, but obviously not Ryan, who scored 87.25. Ty commented on Ryan’s 3 injuries, which would’ve ended many a career, saying he has a ton of talent: “To ride this good at this level is a real feat.” Nice touch: Ryan’s father pulling his rope.

SPOTLIGHT ON THE OTHER RYAN

All I can say is, Why?? I’m seeing him get bucked off Yellow Jacket Jr. (33rd pick in the draft). Not to be a Mean Girl, but Bull Stock Media has a fantastic photo on the PBR website of Ryan being airmailed backwards out the back door.

POOR THINGS

  • Justin Koons is in a terrible downward slide; Firestorm added to it with his wicked, whipping spin.
  • After taking 6 weeks off because of his damaged ankle, Travis Briscoe took even more time off, but still got bucked off last night. He’s now 1 for 15.
  • Elliott Jacoby’s Stretch Armstrong buckoff makes it 1 for 23.
  • Cord McCoy’s 20th straight buckoff, courtesy of Ricky Bobby.
  • Aww…Colby Yates (14 straight buckoffs), sitting down holding his hat covering his face, slumped and feeling bad. I hate when the cameras poke into someone’s misery. It’s one thing to follow him off the dirt, but then leave the guy alone.

MISCELLANEOUS ACTION:

  • Defending Wichita champ Austin Meier, miked for grunting, got a 1st round buckoff courtesy of Ford’s F-150 Raptor, described as a buzzsaw.

BULL STUFF:

  • The Situation fell to his knees and rolled in the dirt. Word is he has a drinking problem.
  • The Cooper Tires Profile was of Josey Wales. Last weekend and this, J.B. Mauney let Cody Lambert pick his bulls. “This is what J.B.’s stuck with,” was Shorty Gorham’s evaluation. Guess J.B. figured his buckoff streak couldn’t get worse. “He’s bucking off bulls we’re used to seeing him ride in his sleep,” was the gist of McBride’s comment.
  • Mail Man lay down in the chute, so Stormy Wing took plenty of time. Good point, Ty: A bull can’t get momentum that way; instead of going from 0 to 90 mph, it gives the rider an advantage because first it has to get up, then leap out.
  • While Lil’ Red Kat acted up in the chute, nobody bugged Sterling Yancy (a first timer this BFTS season) to get out. That was a smart bull, reacting to his every weight shift.
  • With friends like that… J.B. picked Habanero, the bull Alves turned down last night, for Kasey Hayes. That bull took it to Kasey with stratospheric kick.
  • Hummer thinks Motown Magic “has increased the drama between himself and Bushwacker.” Ty was more accurate: “That Braemer (Brahma) right there’s no joke. I tell you what: you can’t hardly ask anyone to buck harder than that.”
  • Dewalt 20V Max: Uh, I think he’s got more than 20 volts.
  • I don’t know whether this should go under YIKES!! or a new category: HOLY CRAP!! In the chute, Whiskey’s Rebel stood on his hind legs, leaped, literally got half his body over the 8-foot-high railing, nearly knocked over the camera, then took a good look around. (“Where are my friends sitting?”) Kinda like a gigantic dog. Gotta give this one to Hummer, for saying, “It’s like your pet Labrador standing up on the couch saying hello to you.” That’s the highest I’ve ever seen a bull make it. Poor Cody Nance! “This might be the toughest man in the world right here,” said Justin about Ken Cox at the chute, who shouldered the bull back down like some NFL fullback. “Let’s see Ray Lewis do that!” was Ty’s crack.  If Cox hadn’t been there, that bull might’ve made it completely up out of the chute. (FYI, this is the same guy who handles Bushwacker.) They literally needed a 2×4 to keep the bull down; that silly little rope wasn’t going to do the job. (Why didn’t they give Cody another bull? This was worse than what Black Ivory gave Austin Meier to deal with.) All that action didn’t wear out the bull at all, and his forceful kicking made Cody hit the ground pretty hard.

HATE IT

  • The Versus ad for their shows about killing animals, Yeah, that’s real manly.
  • I hate that I now know the lyrics from the stupid PBR theme song, because I keep forgetting to hit the mute button

ARRGGHH!

Hummer’s fake serious look, with the concerned crease between the eyebrows, is getting up my nose, as is, “We get a chance to…” Will we ever “get a chance to” shut him up?

THE CONTINUING ADVENTURES OF BEN JONES

Ben is #12 in world; he failed his medical tests a week ago, but passed this week. Dr. Freeman (doesn’t it sound funny without the ‘Tandy’?) asked how he was; Ben admitted he felt a little slow. More rest was recommended; for about 15 minutes, Ben listened, then changed his mind. Little Snake was his 2nd buckoff this weekend. Even Ty thinks he needs time off; Tandy wanted him to take another week even after he passed the tests.

NOT SURE I GET IT

Dustin Elliott bucked off Moon in the short round, but tonight matched moves with whatever the hell bull he was on (wish those commentators would do their jobs), for 85.50. He chose not to take a re-ride last weekend because he didn’t want to put the bullfighters at risk. He said it was a business decision; that there was more at stake than just him and the bulls: “There’s more to it than just me.”

FASHION ALERT:

  • Love the pretty light green chaps on Tony Mendes.
  • What’s with all the facial hair on Mike Lee? Is he planning to go into the witness protection program?
  • Are sideburns coming back? Get a load of Caleb Sanderson’s.

YIKES!

L.J. Jenkins made a powerful thud when Grey Ghost chucked him. So much for being “wired so we get a chance to listen to L.J.”─ who’s 3 for 18. American rope, Brazilian rope─ it doesn’t matter at this point.

I DID NOT KNOW THAT

Little Yellow Jacket was the only bull to win the title 3 times, and after bucking off his rider, would pose for the camera.

CAN I QUOTE YOU ON THAT?

  • “Seein’ a guy that’s this big riding a bull this big is like seein’ a 6 foot tall gymnast.” –Ty Murray talking about Aaron Roy taking on Big Tex for 87.50.
  •  “It’s a fistfight between me and the bulls.” – Stormy Wing
  • “…and by SOOper 8. WE make it EASY, YOU make it fun…”─ the Nyah Nyah Girl, who doesn’t know how to EMphasize without exAGGerating.
  • “Every time he picks ‘em I do good, so I think I might let him pick them all the time.”─ J.B., after scoring 88 on Josey Wales, Cody Lambert’s pick.
  • “If it’s not one thing it’s another.” ─Ty trying to explain why Harve Stewart just can’t get it together in the big leagues.
  • “Little Yellow Jacket was a legend in his own mind.”─ Chris Shivers
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Creative services, marketing and public relations professional from entertainment industry background. Published in magazines and newspapers worldwide. I believe bull riders are the new rock stars.
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