Not sure who else is in the “rookie race,” but apparently Rubens Barbosa, who’s been here about 2 months, is leading it. Billings was his 1st event. Watching him ride Moses for 86.25, I don’t think we’ll be sayin’ Rubens who? any more. I like that high-ridin’ free arm!
- EEWW─ Moses climbing out of the chute with a long string of snot dangling from his muzzle.
- Jerome Davis’s bull Dougie Fresh was definitely fresh; he humiliated Stormy Wing.
- Explosive little Marmite bucked Luke Snyder off, then went to beat him up, danced on him, lowered his head and literally tossed his ass up and away.
- Did I hear right? Loaded Gun was ridden 2 in 54 outs this year? Nooo, that was just some nitwit commentator who said that. According to the stats on the PBR site, it’s 6 out of 22.
- RFD HD is 0 for 8 on the BFTS. Weird looking bull: black body and yellowish legs. He gives it some of everything: big leaps, rolls, uphill kick.
Frank Newsom lost the end of his pinky on his left hand doing something at home. And McBride joked about him getting right in there alongside Dougie Fresh, “with all 9 ¾ of his fingers.”
SO WHAT ELSE IS NEW?
Blabberhead Craig didn’t bother to tell us the names of Barbosa’s, Mike Lee’s, or Cody Campbell’s bull (Stitch), who welled him and whirled him off. What, no clever play on the bull stitching him up?
- “It’s a Brazilian on top, with a lot more Brazilians to come.” —of course it’s Hummer; who else thinks “orgy” when he talks about bull riding?
- “The Brazilians also like riding bulls,” DOH!! “and we’re gonna see another one get a score close to 86 points.” ─ Hummer the Bummer. How about giving us the exact score?
- “Let’s take a look at our leader. It’s none other than Douglas Ferreira…” Huh? None other than?
- Valdiron’s pure strength held him on one bull for 83 points, then on Sleeper, for 86.75. (Robson gave him the book on that bull.) Cute moment: after the ride, he said something to the camera something about his daughter.
- Mike Lee showin’ off. Come on, Mike, get offa that bull! You could hear the bull grunting like Austin Meier.
- Austin Meier’s hip shift from left to right kept him on Bad Hat Harry for 85.75 when most riders would’ve ditched.
- Whew, it was 8! Ferreira rode clone Mr Slim for 89 points, even with Judge 4 lagging behind in scoring. Valdiron congratulated him; both guys were laughing about it─Aww!
God forbid you tell us a bull’s name, Hummer. I thought you were supposed to be a commentator? How about commenting on the bulls and riders on the screen in front of us, instead of speculating on the contents of Ben Jones’ and Valdiron de Oliveira’s heads? This is not Psychology 101—this is the PBR!
WHEN IS A RE-RIDE NOT A RE-RIDE?
- Just a Smidge stumbled onto his knees, and it was a reride for Luke Snyder, even though the bull’s momentum didn’t stop─ which I thought was the criteria for a re-ride. That bull kept moving and bounded up.
- Why on earth did Dustin Elliott get a re-ride? Large Jacket’s momentum didn’t stop; he just slowed down.
- Josh Faircloth got a re-ride on Elk Country because his previous bull didn’t perform up to expectations. Sounds bogus, or at least vague. Plenty of riders get stuck with a lower score because the bulls dragged them down.
- Colby Yates deserved a re-ride for that bad exit from the chute, but Gypsy Boots was airborne. The end.
Hearing Snyder’s bull rope trailing the cowbell along the floor. Miking that was a great idea.
I’M JUST SAYIN’
- It’s interesting hearing different reactions to Cody Custer’s comments about what’s going on with the Americans. Some riders thought it was motivating, some felt insulted, accused of not giving 100%. Sean Willingham commented on the number and caliber of bulls they have to get on. All the riders have to do three-day events, and yeah, the bulls are hell. He said the riders aren’t a bunch of sissies, or weak-hearted: “I think we’re probably the best athletes in the world.” They are, but still, Custer was right: you shouldn’t be looking at the ground. Shorty did a nice spin job to help smooth ruffled feathers, but let’s see if the “tough love” affects anyone in Hartford.
- Silvano Alves was 3 for 3 in Wichita, but came in 5th because he passed up a re-ride, keeping his 73.50 score on Jake. This time, the clock stopped, while he stayed on Gator’s wild ride, correcting all over the place to compensate for the bull’s lack of pattern and bag of tricks. He was called for a slap─ he didn’t touch the bull; a horn came up and touched his elbow. He pushed the button for a replay, but the verdict wasn’t in his favor. McBride said he’d score him, and I sure would. This was real shabby treatment. I can’t imagine the judges doing that to an American. And as we saw, with Cody Lambert pantomiming to Silvano the reason for no score, Alves didn’t understand what happened…and not for the first time, because there was no translator on the dirt. Apparently it’s important for the on-camera PR effort, but not when the riders are actually working.
- During a Truth Booth segment, we missed Jared Farley’s ride on Black Smoke making him the new leader. During a Blue Emu ad, we missed Josh Koschel ride. Coulda timed it better, guys. And how did we not see Jarrod Craig and Robson Palermo score? Was it during the first 15 minutes of the broadcast─ car racing instead of bull riding?
- It’s great that the PBR finally heard all us viewers screaming for two years and got a translator, Tad Barker─ but jeez, Tad, even I heard winner Douglas Ferreira thank Cooper Tires in his interview, and you didn’t mention it! Don’t you get how important it is for riders to talk up their sponsors? Dude, put a little more effort into it.
Justin Koons has collected about two dozen 24 straight buckoffs.
Cowboys are now miked during a ride, with a volume control so they can talk if they want. Puh-leez! This is what you’re gonna hear:
1) In the chute: “Pull. Pull. Pull.”
2) On the bull: “Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!”
3) Off the bull (depending on whether the guy rode or not): “Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!” or, “Wooo!”
THE CONTINUING ADVENTURES OF BEN JONES
Ben was 0 for 2 in Wichita, and didn’t sit out this weekend, though he said he would. Stinger threw him flat on his back; Ben looked like he’d been tazered. He struggled to lift his upper body while the bullfighters told him take it easy. Unfortunately, he refuses to believe he’s mortal, and thinks this is just a matter of getting his head straight. Reality check: concussions fuck up your coordination and depth perception. Bet he even had a quick blackout on the bull’s back. His explanation of the struggle to get up: he got the wind knocked out of him.
YOU GO, TSALAGI KID!
Ryan Dirteater won last week in Wichita and has the best power ranking over the last 5 events. Amen, Justin: he’s better than he was before his injuries! Too bad Dippin had him in trouble right away.
CAN I QUOTE YOU ON THAT?
“It’s not rocket science; just stay on to win some money.” —Brendon Clark
“Just get all your bulls covered and just keep making tracks.” ─Austin Meier
“I am the sport.” ─Jerome Davis.
“He didn’t even stay there ‘til the water got hot.” ─McBride talking about Jarrod Craig’s lightning-quick buckoff.
The first part of Josh Koschel’s trip on Stanley FatMax looked good, I thought he’d ride him, then─ I quote Cody Nance: “Feet! Feet! Feet!”
BREAKING IT TO US GENTLY
We finally got a glimpse of baby Bella, J.B.’s daughter, being held by his mom; hers is conspicuously absent. The commentators talked about Mauney’s Minions, to distract us from J.B.’s indiscretion.
- Express, Asteroid’s colleague, expressed J.B. off with his hind end; Mauney hadda run for his life. He’s 2 for his last 8.
- Robson Palermo being in 10th place─ Bubble Boy. WTF happened? I never could’ve imagined this!
The ad featuring Grandma pushing aside Proctor: “Outta my way, Shane!” and coaching J.B. in the chute, razzing him, applying Blue Emu to his arm: “I’ve seen you ride.”