Iron Cowboy – Arlington, TX Mar. 3

On duty: Ty Murray, J.W. Hart, Leah Garcia.

WTF was that stupid Uh-Duh noise “song” during the fireworks part of the opening? Are we replacing one piece of crap song with another?

Hummer just told us what the PBR’s thinking is; he says the bracket format, which starts with 24 riders, is “Much like the NCAA basketball tournament.” Except the b-ball guys aren’t dealing with 61 bulls. If there’s a tie, the re-ride judge will decide, (unfortunately). If it’s still tied, the match will be decided by the riders’ rank. This format pits one rider against another. Who did the matchups? Whose crazy idea is this? There’s no chance for riders outside the top 25 to compete unless one of the heavy hitters scratches.

SHORTY SEZ: He’s betting on Eguche. Easy money.

WOO HOO! Robson Palermo returns next week.

I’M JUST SAYIN’…

  • It’s nice to see J.B. win one, but I wonder who would’ve won if you went by what the scores should have been, instead of judge favoritism?
  • Starting out with championship round caliber bulls is great for viewers, but not for the riders. Don’t take my word for it. Here’s Austin Meier in the Truth Booth: “It’s the most physically demanding event we have all year long.” J.W. explained the physical strain of the format this way: if Marco Eguche makes it to the end of the bracket, Asteroid is his 5th bull. “How’d you like to have Asteroid be your fifth bull?”
  • Nice that the bullfighters are included in the introductions…but revolting to see the bimbo brigade greeting the riders with their pom-poms shaking. This isn’t “all American.” It’s SEXIST.
  • Leann Hart doing the Star Spangled Banner: a lot of her variations are just a way of avoiding what she couldn’t do─ like hold the “glare” note.
  • George Strait and Reba McEntire are headlining: why can’t we see them, not Leann?
  • “You can always enhance your experience by going to the Live Event Center,” says Craig Hummer. You mean, you can always aggravate your experience. Have you ever tried to use that feature of the website, Hummer?
  • Jordan Hupp’s bull Pure Smoke performed like an automaton. “Every jump is just like the one that came before it,” said Ty. Yeah, all the rider has to do is keep doing the same thing. For this he gets 87? Of course: ding the Brazilian who’s ahead by one of those quarter-points.
  • The jerk at the chute put Marchi on the clock, hustling him out before he was ready, and as a result, Jaw Breaker bucked him off in less than 2 seconds.

THE CONTENDAHS

Asteroid looked freaked in the spotlight, pacing anxiously. He’s a newbie at this fame game. Bushwacker had surgery 8 weeks ago, and you’d never know it; he knows how to pose; he susses out the situation, waiting for his exit. That’s maturity for you. Coming in today, Bushwacker has 26 straight buckoffs. Asteroid has 10.

“He was pretty much a lunatic as a two-year-old,” said Kent Cox about client Bushwacker.

“I’m one of the guys who’s had the privilege of getting on both Bushwacker and Asteroid in the same week,” said Cord McCoy, who’s obviously taken too many pitches to the noggin.

“After two jumps, my face hit his head…The only reason he didn’t sling me out of the arena was ’cause my hand was hung in the rope,” J.B. described his previous Bushwacker trip. “I know a lot of guys don’t wanna get on one o’ them bulls, but who remembers 85-point rides?” Now that’s a motto you want stitched on your vest!

“We also throwed in smarts,” said Ty Murray, breaking down Asteroid’s and Bushwacker’s skills. Showing a telestrator photo of Asteroid handing another rider’s ass to him, he explained, “This is no shlub; this is a world champion, Silvano Alves.” He shows the Buckwacker photo: “And this is no shlub, either, this is J.B. Mauney, World #1, being slung around like a rag doll.”

Well, this time, J.B. made it to 7.22 on Bushwacker! I will repeat my prediction from a year ago: J.B. will be the guy who rides him. That bull is a wild thing: serious hang time, and I love that double kick while his whole body’s in the air.

ARRGGHH!

  • Renato should’ve ridden Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey. He was just too far back on the end of his arm.
  • Wicked BigTexTrailers.com beat Stormy Wing around the corner, for a fast buckoff. Stormy was screaming in frustration on his way down the backstage corridor.
  • Why why why did Jory Markiss reach over with his right hand on Lincoln Electric’s Bring It?? He was doing such a good job.
  • “The Brazilian storyline will continue.”─Hummer the Bummer.
  • “Austin Meier hopes Train Wreck won’t derail him.” Guess whose banal comment?

HIGHLIGHTS

  • Marco Eguche, 22 years old, #3 in the world: his eyes didn’t move from Bucking Machine’s hump. That’s how you’re supposed to ride. 86.75
  • Justin Koon took on RMEF Gunpowder & Lead. Credit him for staying put when the bull hit his stride. But what was the score?
  • Motown Magic was shooting forward in the chute. What a great-looking ride─ good reason for Nunes to cheer. 89
  • SurpriseCanadianTyPozzobon’s 89 on Buckoff was inflated. But Craig says he’s “Keepin’ the dream alive.” What dream he’s talking about, betcha not even Ty knows.
  • Even though Cracker Jack went away from Valdiron de Oliveira’s hand, he was defeated. 86 wasn’t enough for that ride. Then The Bummer had to spoil the moment with, “Cracker Jack has never faced the Valdironinator!”
  • I thought I remember White Velvet being more difficult, but J.B. scored 86.50. “J.B. Mauney does what he does best: rides bulls,” said The Bummer. Could he BE any more of a jerk??
  • Marco Eguche on Backdraft─ score? “This young man is sending a message to the rest of the men in the arena,” blathered Hummer.
  • WOO HOO! Austin Meier broke Rango’s14-straight-buckoffs streak with a 91-point ride! Interviewed after the ride, he was way too modest about it: “Aw, shoot; that one’s done and gone; I’m ready for the next.”

BULL STUFF

  • Shamoun, with 15 straight buckoffs, pulled some unbelievably tricky changes of direction back and forth, and tossed Luke Snyder at 6.86. J.W. called it a “cheap shot.”
  • L.J. Jenkins lasted 6.01 seconds on Flirting with Disaster; J.Dub described the bull: “He’s got a hair trigger and a hare brain anyway.”
  • Highway 12, who’s 1 for 17, stands in the chute with his nose right at the crack in the gate, ready to go like a runner on the starting block. He’s been around for a while, and still kicks cowboy ass.
  • Rock & Roll is knocking ‘em down left and right; he has 11 straight buckoffs. Big, strong Valdiron lasted about 5 seconds; the bull’s rear whip loosened his grip and nearly flung him against the fence.
  • “He doesn’t have a set pattern; he’s like a balloon you let the air out of.” ─Ty Murray, describing Jaw Breaker.

LET’S GET THIS STRAIGHT, ONCE AND FOR ALL

Someone who shall remain nameless said this event had “Four legendary bulls.” Lissen:  Something or someone who’s still alive can’t be a legend!! I don’t know how many friggin’ times I’ve heard people call some entertainer or athlete a “legend.” They’re not. They’re an entertainer or an athlete. After they die and people start making up stories about them, then you can call them “legendary.” Paul Bunyan is a legend. Finn McCool. Pope Joan. The Greek gods and goddesses. Not Mulligan Man or Shepherd Hills Tested! Not even Bodacious! Nobody is circulating made-up stories about bulls.

Here’s an example of a rock & roll legend: since the 1980s, a story has been circulating that a certain monster rock band had a rider to their contracts demanding that god knows how many tons of M&Ms be included in the backstage feast─ but not red ones. Someone had to pick out all the red ones. If anyone has a copy of that rider, I’d love to see it. Meanwhile, it’s a great legend.

EEK!

  • Cody Nance’s 4th attempt on Jack Daniel’s After Party, which lasted under 5 seconds, was his longest ride yet. His elbow touched, then he got into a bizarre hangup, scrambling and trying everything to stay on.
  • Red Hot was doing the red hot fandango, but not what he was supposed to do. Marchi was offered a re-ride, but instead kept his 70 score. I think his mind’s on the missus, who’s in the hospital with two broken legs, and that’s where it should be. But where’s the translator when Cody Lambert wants to know “right now” whether Marchi will take a re-ride? There was a heated discussion between Lambert and Marchi, which I’m sure wasn’t helped by the language barrier; Cody told Marchi that if he keeps that low score, Ryan Dirteater’s bull will beat him. Marchi took the gamble. Dirteater lasted 5.11 on Loose Cannon; maybe taking the bull while it was lying down made the difference. Marchi’s gamble paid off. Leah asked him, “Do you think that was a risky move?” “Of course,” he said. “Ryan Dirteater very good bull ride.” He did mention he wasn’t feeling good about his riding this week.
  • In the 3rd meeting between Valdiron and Smack Down, you could heard the “Smack!” as Valdiron hit the ground. That is one big, tough, fast bull.
  • Shepherd Hills Trapper turned down low, his front legs and head sliding on the dirt, then at 3.1 seconds slammed down Marco Eguche and jumped on him. The bullfighters weren’t close enough, and Eguche got hurt. Why weren’t they close enough?

CAN I QUOTE YOU ON THAT?

  • J.B. lasted 4.73 on Shepherd Hills Tested; his hand popped out of the rope. He said he was going to get more rosin on his rope. Later he’ll face Bushwacker for the fourth time. “He better go get the whole bag of rosin. There ain’t any bull that jerks down on your arm any harder than Bushwacker.” ─Ty Murray.
  • “You got 8 seconds left in you?” said the chute guy to Austin, who was prepping on Asteroid. “God, I hope so!” said Austin. Next thing you know, the bull’s nose was on the ground while his ass was directly overhead, and in 4 seconds Austin was gone.

TOUGH DAY AT THE OFFICE

Lucky Mauney: right after Bushwacker, he gets a crack at Buckey, the bonus bull, for $50,000. That ride lasted only half as long as the one on the Big Boss Bull.

MISCELLANEOUS

$98,000 is the top bull price for Backseat Buckers.

GAG ME WITH A VERY LARGE SPOON

  • “This is the chance to earn your way to Mount Olympus.”─ Hummer the Bummer
  • At 7.72, Austin Meier’s helmet and Train Wreck’s skull clashed. “And for the final exclamation point, he throws him against the chute,” was the Bummer’s blather.

DANG

  • Aaron Roy had a better time when he skipped the first Iron Cowboy event to get married. This time around, his ACL injury got him bucked off Party All The Time.
  • I’m about ready to slap Ryan McConnel upside the head─ oh, wait a minute; he already does that himself. Ty says he takes power away from bulls for two jumps, then just rolls off. And yep, he didn’t stay centered on Hee Bee Gee Bee.

LOVE IT

  • Valdiron didn’t give Tab Barker a chance to translate; he ran his mouth for a while before he came up with some words we could understand: “I go for the win. I don’t go for the lose. I don’t like lose.”
  • The only thing Ty Pozzobon wants to know about his bull is what color it is.
  • Jory Markiss’s bull Far Far West (I think?) took out fast, and dumped him. ‘We’ll get ‘em next time!” he told his father.
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About Bull Riding Marketing

Creative services, marketing and public relations professional from entertainment industry background. Published in magazines and newspapers worldwide. I believe bull riders are the new rock stars.
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