TAMPA COMMENTS

THE TOP 3

  1. After 24 events, Silvano Alves is back at #1… in spite of all the underscored rides, harassment in the chute, and rule-bending. His riding percentage: 60.2%. His strategy: ride more bulls than anyone else. He also said he’s working hard not to get injured. Maybe his compatriots oughta follow his example and wear helmets.
  2. According to Luke Snyder, LJ Jenkins says points aren’t what matters; “it comes down to Vegas.”
  3. Depressing: Valdiron de Oliveira’s buckoff streak is now 10. What’s going on with him?? He looks unhappy, defeated; he just faded behind the gate after he got bucked off, and that obnoxious camera was in his face all the way to the locker room. Have a heart, guys! Renato is giving him pep talks and pointers; I hope it helps, fast.

FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE

Chris Shivers couldn’t translate Cool Hand Luke’s hip hop maneuvers. Later in the Truth Booth he said he’d asked Jeff Robinson about the bull; Jeff told him what direction the bull would go. Chris was all ready for that, then the bull did the opposite. “That’s what I get for cheatin’.” The Booth Boys joked that by now he should know better than to believe a stock contractor’s book on the bull.

I‘M JUST SAYIN’…

  • 3 Day Notice was a bull with regular timing who did what he was supposed to do, and so did LJ Jenkins, so why was LJ offered a re-ride? They wanted to score him higher? Bad Moon, his re-ride, is known as a money bull. I could see why Mike Lee was offered a re-ride; Bella’s Bull didn’t seem to know what he was doing. Lee had a bad getoff, limping and being helped out; his score was a miserable 51, but he didn’t take the re-ride.

ALL JACKED UP

JB Mauney and Air Jack were dancing a pas de deux for quite a while, in a scary hangup that must’ve hurt JB’s braced elbow like hell.

HE DOES SAY THE CUTEST THINGS

Austin Meier gave one of his patented hell-bent-for-leather rides, on Bravo, for 86.25. His description of the ride: “Just had to move and groove with him.”

HIGHLIGHTS

YAY! FINALLY! Shane Proctor broke the jinx of his 14-buckoff streak by riding The Raven for 85.25.

Lachlan Richardson rode Red Gator for 84.25. His 19-buckoff streak is over!!

Chase Outlaw’s 83.50-point ride on Keepin’ It Real and his dismount on his feet. This is what his ride sounded like in my living room: Omygodomygodomygod!

ROBO RIDER

Ben Jones is riding with a brace on his leg to protect his right knee; there’s no more meniscus left, is that what I heard? Torn ACL, MCL, NCL—whatever. He said if he didn’t have that brace he wouldn’t have been at this event. I truly didn’t expect him to be able to ride, but he did! Then the bull helped him dismount by sitting down. And Ben did dance. “Yeah, I can’t move, so I just did the top half,” he told commentator Marty Snyder.

QUITE A STORY

Agnoldo Cardozo won his first event on the BFTS tour, then broke his free arm in Brazil– four times. (He returned to the tour in Thackerville.) He pulled an unbelievable scramble to stay on Black Bomber. Hummer was right: “Controlled chaos” was what Cardozo looked like on the back of the bull. But dang! They reviewed his ride and he was called for a touch.

Interesting scoring so far: keep the 2 Americans up front by scoring 1 point ahead of Marchi, and tie 2 other Americans with him. The sandwich technique.

QUOTES

  • “Sore all over,” was Robson Palermo’s answer when McBride asked how he was feeling. Well, no wonder: Robson’s postponing having an MRI because he knows he’ll be told to have surgery, and he wants to wait until after the Finals. Last season Robson had ten 90+ rides; what will the total be this season?
  • “It’s just mechanics,” was how Luke Snyder explained why everything went right on Riding Dirty, for 85.50.

FASHION ALERT—never thought I’d say this: Ben Jones looks purty in a turquoise shirt.

BULL POWER

Prator’s Pride was explosive! A huge leap forward, and at the end, a right turn that practically connected his nose and tail.

THE BULLS VS. L.J.

LJ’s re-ride Bad Moon walked out, got sleepy, and lay down. It was hilarious, but at the same time, it looked like the bull was sick or hurt. That was the top money bull of the season? So Jenkins gets a second re-ride—another hilarious, embarrassing bull. Space Chimp spun for a while, then abruptly stopped and stood there. When he picked up a little later, he threw LJ down. So now it’s a third re-ride. This is so weird! Were the bulls stoned??

THE UGLY TRUTH: THE JUDGES HATE SILVANO

Thunder Jolt was jolting around in the chute under Silvano Alves , then sticking his head down and making groans like he was barfing. Silvano looked just perfect on that ride, stayed right in sync with the bull, and was royally dinged with an 82.25. Why don’t the judges just ban him from the Finals and be honest about their dishonesty?!

THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM FOR LJ:

On his 3d re-ride, Outa Da Blue, Jenkins was given an 84, of course—to ding Silvano.

TAMPA NIGHT 2

OMG, How hilarious is that grandiose music during the opening monologue? What, did the PBR hire John Williams?

I’M JUST SAYIN’—LOUD!!

Alves comes in having ridden 8 more bulls than LJ, but he doesn’t have the point total. That’s exactly what the judges have been engineering for months, with all those low scores for Silvano. Example: Alves is prepping on Little Bit Moody, and the jerk at the chute is yelling, “You’ve got 30 seconds Silvano. Let’s go!” First the harassment, then the shit scoring again: another 84.50. These people are disgusting. They’re so desperate to keep him from winning the world title, they’re really showing their asses, as my Great Auntie Mame would’ve said. You judges ought to be ashamed of yourselves. And I’ll bet you go to church on Sunday.

And later, Hummer has the nerve to say that Alves (after scoring 86 on Ball Peen) “has not converted against top-level bulls.” Uh, don’t you mean, the judges won’t let Alves score high on top level bulls?

When Cody Nance was wrapping on Ronnie Rooster, nobody was rushing him out of the chute; he was able to rewrap without harassment. Even Hummer commented, “A lot of time spent in the chutes.” Nance was scored 86.75, and there was no way to see if that left foot was anchored in the rope or not.

SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT: YOU SLAP THE FENCE, YOU SLAP THE BULL, BUT IT’S THE BULL’S FAULT, SO YOU GET A RE-RIDE?

The clock stopped at 7.45 when Chase Outlaw, on RMEF Gunpowder & Lead, touched the fence. What a shame! That was a great ride, and would’ve been a high score. But the whole arena and all the TV viewers saw that sign move when his hand pushed it, and a touch is against the rules. Chase challenged—then ran all the way to the locker room with the camera chasing him, probably because he was ready to cry. But whaddaya know: the judges break the rule in his favor… it helps keep Alves out of the way. How are the judges going to justify this one?? Oh, I see, something “caused” the slap!! The fence-slap and bull-slap were two seconds apart, completely unrelated, and both were rule violations! And since when does a rider get a second chance after two slaps? If a Brazilian rider did that, it would be an instant DQ!

We missed Cody Nance’s scoring ride on Sucker Punch during a commercial. Now  that’s odd; NBC Sports doesn’t seem to discriminate about which riders we miss—they even let us miss a Mike Lee ride. CBS Sports just schedules the commercials during rides by people they think aren’t going to ride because they’re not usually big “name” riders. Or did NBC not want us to see if his spurs were in his rope?

EEK!

  • Fabiano Vieira was making a great ride on DeWalt Guaranteed Tough, then at 7.97, with his hand still in the rope, he got his head slammed against the steel gate and was thrown. Two things: WEAR A FUCKING HELMET, FABIANO!! Second: if it were an American rider, he would’ve magically made 8 seconds.
  • Awful! Renato’s face connected with RFD HD’s skull and he was knocked out cold, looking like a rag doll lying in the dirt— the scariest part was, with his eyes open. That bull was a powerhouse. When Nunes came to, he was limp and wobbly being led out. As he passed Eguche, he gestured toward his head, as if Marco needed an explanation of what happened. MESSAGE TO RENATO: WEAR A FUCKING HELMET!! DO YOU HEAR ME? OR YOU’LL NEVER BACKFLIP AGAIN!!
  • Kody Lostroh took a huge whack when he got thrown by John Wayne, after an 88-point ride where he looked like his 2009 self. He managed to run to the fence, but then couldn’t get up. A bloody nose probably was the least of the damage.

THE BUCKOFF MYSTERY IS SOLVED

Valdiron de Oliveira has a torn ligament in his right (riding) hand, and will have surgery after the Finals; he’ll miss the first two months of next season. That explains his recent slide. But WTF was with the re-ride flag? The guy can’t ride again! Okay, the bull wasn’t great, but I’ve seen that happen to other riders, and they get scored. Is this happening on purpose, because they know he can’t ride again with that injury? And yep: his hand got stuck in his rope as he was bucked off by Bravo. See? I told you. If they’d given him a score in the first place, as they’d do with certain other riders— even a low score— he might climb to #2 in the world standings any second. But they gave him a re-ride, knowing he couldn’t withstand it.

Robson Palermo has now been dubbed “the banged-up Brazilian.” And yet he keeps on ticking.

Craig Hummer tells us that Bad Moon, who lay down on the job last night, was checked out, and there’s nothing wrong with him. Yeah, right. What, it was a hangover? That bull was sick or hurt, and everyone who saw that out knows it. That bull’s a good bucker, and his behavior was not normal.

FOOT IN MOUTH

Marco Eguche is still #8 in the world despite a hand injury that even Ty Murray says is almost the worst kind of injury you can have. Idiot McBride’s comment (or thereabouts): “If there’s an upside to this hand injury, it’s that he hasn’t lost his bull rope that much.” Uh, Justin dear, do you mean “despite his injury, he hasn’t lost his bull rope that many times”?

HE KNOWS WHEREOF HE SPEAKS

“On a bull like Bushwacker or Asteroid, there’s no time to think. You just nod your head and after that, whatever happens, happens.” –JB Mauney

“There is zero back-up in this guy. He picks the toughest bull every time…this is the kind of guy bull riding was founded on.”—Shorty’s take on JB.

AWW, CUTE!

When Sancho bucked off Mauney, Frank Newsom tried to make him feel better with a hug around the neck. (JB,  not Sancho)

THE SHIVERS SAGA

Chris’s appearance is his last regular season attempt; he’ll be back in Las Vegas. (Does he have a choice?) 2 Facebook comments about Chris were shown on screen: one said they wanted to see him leave with 100 90-point rides. I’m sure the judges will do their damnedest to make that happen if Chris stays on any bulls.

HIGHLIGHTS

  • I never thought Lachlan Richardson could take that bull: Express is an Alves number. Okay, the bull did stumble a little, yet the judges awarded the kid 86.50 (and a sigh of relief, probably).
  • El Pastor was throwing dressage moves like a Lipizzaner stallion!
  • Ben Jones has a new leg brace for the torn ACL, NCL, meniscus, etc. in his right knee, and has to wear it 24/7, yet felt obliged to go jet-skiing today. The Booth Boys said they were more concerned about how it’ll affect his dancing than his riding. The crowd made more noise for him than for anyone else. He rode Crash for 85.50 and had a good getoff—for Ben, anyway: a backwards somersault. Then he did more than the top half of his dance (“The can’t-move dance,” he called it) and challenged Flint’s fancy feet.
  • Guilherme Marchi wasn’t in the 15/15 Bucking Battle because he fell on his riding hand yesterday and it was too swollen; he saved himself for tonight, and WHEE! scored 85.75 on Ropin’ Dreams. Then he did some weird little chicken dance afterward—Ben’s rubbing off on him.

ARRGGHH!

  • I know the Booth Boys were excited about Jared Farley scoring 86.25 on El Pastor, but “Farley able to convert in this round” makes me want to scream. You mean SCORE, okay? Stop using those stupid meaningless words! Convert WHAT?? Convert TO WHAT?? Do you guys think using two-syllable words makes you sound more macho and cool? I know all the other guys are doing it, but that just means they’re all stupid. Farley was able to SCORE, okay??
  • McBride actually called Silvano “Alvs.” IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIS EARS?? OR HIS BRAIN??
  • Championship Round: The decibel level in the arena is even higher than before; you can barely hear the rider interviews.

KNOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT…

Shane Proctor “willed himself” to stay upright on Deja Blu Emu, said McBride, who was helping him ride from up in the booth by leaning away from the well. Shorty says Shane caught his spur in the knot during the ride, but not in the chute, so it was okay (and Proctor scored 84). Then Hummer leaped in, reminding us that what Cody Nance was DQ’d for was—wait for it—he actually used the word “illegal”! Wow, the PBR actually did listen to us all squawking about the issue—they just never admit when the viewers tell them something they eventually do (if they don’t ignore it).

THE MAN!!

Marchi got fouled in the chute by Strokin and ended up under the bull, but the bull went after Frank, who also got rolled. Offered a re-ride, Marchi asked for same bull! If he got 87 or more, he’d win. The judges gave him exactly 87. SO begrudging. He made a joke in the beginning, which I couldn’t make out, but some of what I heard was: “Step by step I come, guys.”  “I just want say thank God for stay with me…” and then next to God, he mentioned sponsors. “Thank you guys, thank everybody for make this great show.”

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7 Responses to TAMPA COMMENTS

  1. 801 says:

    Also, I think it was Tampa (but it may have been Friday in Philly) Hummer had an absolutely hilarious gaff where he discussed everyone waiting for Silvano Alves to “put his throat on the competition”–resulting in a fantastic visual in my head and a thoroughly confused Ty Murray. That was one of the best nitwiticisms of the year–you can’t let it go unmentioned.

    Like

    • I think that was his mangled version of his other idiotic “statement” (how much do we hate that word now, boys and girls?) about him needing to “put his foot on the throat of the competition.” Yeah, I’m sure that a lot of crushed Adam’s apples would really stir up the race.

      Like

      • 801 says:

        Oh, absolutely. But it’s by far the best bungling of the “step on their throats” metaphor that I’ve ever heard. I keep visualizing Silvano trying to hold down a thrashing LJ using nothing but his neck to pin LJ to the ground. Classic.

        Like

  2. 801 says:

    Patiently waiting for your post about VDO’s insane underscore on David’s Dream. If ever you’ve been justified in complaining about an underscore, that ride is it.

    Like

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