The cowboys were really on tonight! GREENSBORO DAY 2
LIVE EVENT CENTER – sheesh!
Watching on the PBR website’s Live Event Center is always a less-than-desirable experience. Brandon Bates and Clint Adkins don’t give us much information about the bulls and riders; they’re too busy horsing around with Flint, entertaining the arena. We can’t see Leah Garcia’s interviews during the event; we have to wait for the winner’s interview. And hear Craig Hummer and Ty Murray trying to whip up intense rivalry among the riders is just noxious. Ty and Justin McBride actually called up LJ Jenkins to tell him that “the guys have to start frothing at the mouth.” Ty even mentioned “putting a foot on the other guys’ throat… drive nails into the coffin…” Ugh. This isn’t Thunderdome, lads: it’s a sport. And why don’t we get to see the draft happening?? We hear it, but we’re staring at a screensaver instead.
And, uh, Brandon/Clint, who’re we kidding? “Do you think JB Mauney has a chance to win Greensboro?” It’s a foregone conclusion, given how most of the judges have been behaving most of the time this season.
Major props to the person on the LEC Chat Line for posting that the correct word is aggregate (meaning “total”) score, not average. That has bugged me forever, and I don’t need any more windmills to tilt at. (And yes, I know you’re not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition.)
I LIKE IT!
The revised Stanley Stud Finder skit—yeah, baby!
According to Brandon Bates, somewhere on the internet there’s a video of Flint hula-hooping (not successfully). I think Rasmussen should have his own highlight reel; it could include his impressive Shark Cage wreck and his Michael Jackson “Beat It” routine.
Why don’t they have Tom Teague do the broadcast opening, instead of that hollerin’ hillbilly? Teague has a great bass voice, and since the PBR and pretty much the entire advertising industry thinks that the deeper the voice, the more macho the people listening to it are, why not? (I’ve got news—if they saw what some radio jocks look like compared to what they sound like over the air, they’d revise their thinking pretty fast.) At least Teague’s a real cowboy, not an actor with fake teeth and a cowboy hat yelling at us.
- Flint Rasmussen: “I am 50 shades of funny.”
- Shorty Gorham: “If they had Jones and Meier in a breeding program, they’d be on a lot of pedigrees!” Separate ones, I hope.
- Ty re Robson Palermo: “In a judged sport, there’s not a guy that’s better to look at.” I’ve got news, honey: not just in a judged sport!
- Craig Hummer’s description of Renato Nunes’ riding style: “a controlled flailing.”
- “When you‘re hitting 100-mile-an-hour fast balls, you don’t practice on 50 mile-an-hour balls.”—Ty Murray, on the difference between final-round and practice bulls.
- Brandon or Clint called Lachlan Richardson “the young Beav’s lookalike.” You gotta be over 40 to appreciate how funny that is.
- Ty’s boyhood photo: “That was a nice haircut, no matter what anybody says.”
- Ben Jones in the Truth Booth: “Pretty hard to fall off when you’re having as much fun as I am.”
- Ty: “Ben, how’s your knee?” Ben: “Eh, it’s still following me around.”
- Leah Garcia asked JB Mauney why he does better on rank bulls, but not so well on easier bulls. His answer: “My motor don’t get to running much.”
- “Comin’ in second makes you mad a lot.”—JB
COWBOYS KICKING BIG OL’ BULL BUTTS: HIGHLIGHTS
- Robson Palermo, riding with a torn rotator cuff, still made an exciting ride, for 88.50 on Dark Shadow.
- Ben Jones took Unpredictable for a great 87-point ride and dance, hugging Flint, then jumping up onto the Shark Cage so Flint could feel like he rescued him from the bull. And get this: Ben gets on practice bulls— even rookie bulls— during the week, like he’s not even wearing a brace on his leg. Then he made a point of saying thank you to Guilherme Marchi for his help. What a doll!
- I didn’t think ”Mr. Excitement,” Jory Markiss, made 8 on Tapout, but I think even if he didn’t get that 86.75, he’d fling his hat and cheer.
- I was so happy to see Renato ride Bone Handle, score 86, climb to the top rail and get ready to backflip—but on the LEC, we didn’t see it, because some idiot moved the camera; instead, we got a view of anonymous people behind the chutes.
- In the Championship Round, Ben Jones rode Back Bender for 88.75. He may be riding even better with the leg brace! We’re getting some real funny variations on that dance. (I think he danced all the way back to the chutes.) Craigbabble about Ben’s attitude being “not just infectious, but contagious.” Ew! Ben’s interview: “Guilherme told me, just bear down… I’m just over the moon, Leah… for once I can’t talk!”
BULLS KICKING LITTLE SKINNY COWBOY BUTTS
- Jack Daniel’s After Party is a seriously kickass bull! I know Douglas Duncan was miffed at being bucked off, but honestly, I don’t know who could’ve stayed on that rocket ship.
- Rusty Waters— dang! (Austin Meier probably said a lot worse.) That bull’s spin was so fast, he was digging into the ground and doing pivot turns at the same time.
- I just love Speckled Ivory; that bull puts it out every time. “He flies through the air with the greatest of ease!” A tip of the Resistol to whoever recognizes that tune.
Harve Stewart’s ride on Second Chances was reviewed; the verdict was that he didn’t make 8. He took a big shot in the facemask from the bull’s head, and bounced off. Comment from one announcer: “Do you think that qualifies as being all up in your grill?” The doc examined Harve’s head to make sure it was still on straight, but Stewart was fidgeting like a kid whose mother’s checking to see if he washed behind his ears. “If he did not have a helmet on,” Ty said, “you woulda seen an ambulance coming to take him out of the arena and straight to the hospital, and that woulda been facial reconstruction surgery.”
CHUTE ABUSE: BRISCOE DQ’d
Travis Briscoe was DQ’d for failing to nod his head on Blu Emu After the Pain when the judge felt he had an opportunity. The sequence: Travis is setting, someone at the chute says something to him, he gestures and says something about not being ready; the bull was leaning on the back of the chute. There was a bit of arguing; the chute bully said there was no reason for him to re-set. The ratbastard DQ’d Briscoe, who was raging mad and stormed out, kicking at stuff all the way to the locker room and slamming the door behind him— and he had every right. That’s shabby treatment, and the judges don’t do that to Cody Nance, who takes his sweet time even when the bull’s just settin’ there doing nothing.
I’M JUST SAYIN’…
- Kansas Twister, a little bull with a lot of liftoff, came out backwards, but Valdiron gutted it out when I thought he’d be gone several times. The audience went crazy when he made 8, but the judges did not: they dinged de Oliveira big-time with an 81. Why don’t they just flash a big “Fuck you” on the screen? They could also use it for Silvano Alves and Robson Palermo.
- Ty Murray was going on about how Silvano has to step up. Dude, no matter how well Alves rides, the judges apparently have sworn a pact not to score him more than 84-ish. That’s how they’ve kept him in 10th place so far. So he “stepped up” and rode Express (for the third time), and was given an 84 (of course). And Silvano smiled during his interview! The guy is a prince. In spite of how the judges are gunning for him, he maintains a professional attitude.
- “He is just a full-grown man,” was the only description good enough Brandon/Clint could come up with for Robson Palermo. (As a full- grown woman, I gotta say, I agree!) In the Championship Round, he needed 86 to lead the event, and you know they’re not gonna let that happen. Bigtextrailers.com was lurching around in the chute, then sat on his butt. While Robson rewrapped, of course the chute bully put him on the clock. During the ride, the bull just gave up and pooped out under Robson, who stayed on him for 10 seconds and got slammed with a 79.75— no re-ride option. Ty Murray’s comment: “That’s a horrible out; that’s a borderline re-ride.” Sure as shootin’ it’d be a re-ride—for an American rider. The judges do like to give the Americans a leg up—and the Brazilians a leg down.
HANGING WITH THE BULLS
No-doubt-stock-contractor-of-the-year Jeff Robinson showed the Ford Invasion boys his facility in the Appalachian foothills. Chicken on a Chain looked positively majestic, posing for his close-up. I like that they included Ann Robinson, since it is a family business. Jeff also introduced Rango, calling him “the rankest bull we have on the truck right now,” and told us that RMEF Gunpowder & Lead is hard to handle. No kiddin’!
- Cody Nance rode Sucker Punch, but did they check the spurs? “Good timing, good kick, every jump is just like the one before it,” said Ty. So wouldn’t that mean the bull is easier to ride, and shouldn’t that mean it lowers the score because there’s no big difficulty? And the score was?? Don’t actually SAY it or anything, boys. I looked it up: 87.25. You’d think they’d want us to know a score like that.
- According to someone on the LEC Live Chat line, the riders get $400 base pay for the event, and those who score get more. Anybody know whether this is true?
- What the hell happened in the Championship Round, Silvano?? I just don’t get it. (He’s ridden 5 out of 25 bulls in Championship Rounds.) And why was that blonde rubbing Hard Rock’s ass in the chute?
WHERE’S THE SPOON WHEN YOU NEED IT?
“Stormy Wing lives for the challenge, and loves to rise to the occasion, and tonight he has ample opportunity to soar” is almost the exact Hummer quote. What, was he rooting through the Hallmark shredder bin last night?
WHO’S THE MOST HAPPY FELLA?
Leah asked a beaming Marchi what he was aiming at next after his win (not an exact quote). He almost giggled. “To win another buckle. I just like to say happy birthday to my daughter, she’s 8 years old, and I come back next week. Hand is getting better, swelling a little bit, but I go back home and ice, and get more points.”
NUNES TAKING JB LESSONS
Renato Nunes picked RFD-HD, the bull that knocked him out, in one of the top 5 scariest PBR moments. Ty Murray was not happy at all with this pick; he said the bull and Renato’s style don’t match, it’s dangerous. Renato’s explanation: “I’m going to try him again. I try to prove myself I’m better than that bull. I learned something last week that’s why I want to do different this week.” I think that knock on the head cost him a few IQ points. Well, RFD-HD blew out of the chute like a cannonball and shot out from under him. But at least this time Renato didn’t get clocked.
THIS HERESY WON’T WIN ME ANY FRIENDS, BUT IT MUST BE SAID
The situation in Round 2: If JB scored more than 87.25 on Penny Lover— who didn’t do anything particularly fabulous— he’d be the new leader, passing Robson Palermo. Gee, what a surprise, he was scored 87.50, to move him to the #1 position and set him up for the final round, because a North Carolina boy MUST win in North Carolina. Another big surprise: when Shane Proctor rode old friend Deja Blue Emu, his 85.75 put both North Carolina guys in the Championship Round. (He scrambled determinedly to stay on that bull, who I think was more difficult than Penny Lover.) Those two judging maneuvers moved Robson Palermo to the bubble. Gosh, I’m so darned surprised.
JB needed 85.50 to win the event, and rode Superfreak for 89. No matter how much you like JB, this was no 89-point ride, and I bet even he knew it; the bull had lots of changes, but not exactly frightening leaps or skyward kicks. Gee, what a helluva surprise—the North Carolina boy wins in North Carolina, on a bull co-owned by Brian Canter, also from North Carolina. Another startling coinkydink, brought to you by the PBR Math Department!