SEE, HERE’S WHY THE “WIRED” FEATURE IS SO INDISPENSABLE:
Craig Hummer: “So let’s listen to his preparation.”
Zane Lambert: “Pull it there, buddy.”
Craig Hummer: “Much like a batter stepping into the batter’s box.”
Silence. Looong prep. Buckoff.
Poor Zane, head in hands, with the camera staring at him.
And to think, without him being wired, we never woulda known what was going on!
AND THEN, THERE ARE THESE ENLIGHTENING GEMS:
- “And this really is a prestigious title, isn’t it?” Yup, Craig, that’s why they call it the World Finals.
- And how’s this for a big ol’ Freudian hoof in mouth: “Our Bass Pro Shop sexin’—rookie section.”
- “Bushwacker had to work to get him off.” — Craig being pervy about Marco Eguche.
Wild Card almost smashed Silvano Alves, then took out Frank Newsom—his hind hooves kicked out and smashed The Fearless One in the chin, sending him flying backwards about 50 feet. The score was 78.25 because Silvano was hanging off the bull’s side, and he was offered no re-ride. Now, if another rider was hanging off the side, wouldn’t he get an A for effort? And a re-ride option?
Meanwhile, Ty Murray kept harping on Silvano putting up low scores. Dude: have ya not been paying attention to what the judges do to him??
I’M JUST SAYIN’…
- This is a new one on me: Changeup was standing upright, fighting in the chute, not just trying to leap over the rail. It was all Guilherme Marchi could do to hold onto Agnaldo Cardozo and keep him from being mashed. Cardozo’s form on that bull looked absolutely great, and the bull did everything he should. 85.25 was a cheap score, for a ride Ty Murray called “textbook.” The crowd agreed.
- Renato Nunes needed an 87 on Black Duck to lead. Of course the chute jerk started with, “Let’s go, Renato!” “Let‘s go now!” Right at the end of the ride, the bull fell on his ass. In spite of it all, Renato backflipped from the Shark Cage— then they threw a re-ride option at him: either a re-ride or take an 81. Here’s the language barrier again: At first, Renato said no, because he didn’t know which was the re-ride bull; when he found out who the bull was, he said yes to the re-ride, which we all saw on TV. Apparently the rule is you can’t change your mind. Maybe if someone had told him the name of the reride bull right away, this wouldn’t have happened.
- Austin Meier’s titanic battle with Mud Wasp damn sure should’ve won him some confetti, not just an 89. Xrays said Meier didn’t have a break on his ankle from last night, but they put a special shield on it. Bad enough he started out with a painful ankle bruise, but then he had trouble in the chute. The bull jostled him enough to make Austin yelp in pain, and they pulled him out of there. I’ve never heard Meier make a sound when he’s hurt, other than heavy breathing, and he was really wrecked. I wish he wasn’t wired!! He was on his hands and knees behind the chute, gasping, trying to cowboy up, but he couldn’t really stand. Can you believe, Cody Lambert actually was bugging him to get out of the chute? Austin told him, “I’m trying, Cody.” It was just awful to watch. I don’t know how Meier did it; he showed an outrageous amount of courage; he pulled it up from some deep reservoir. His answer: “He made me so mad in the chute.” (Mud Wasp, not Lambert.) “It’s my job to ride bulls,” he added. “That’s the toughest guy in the PBR.”—Ty Murray.
- Smooth riding by Marco Eguche on Jungle Juice. “Couldn’ta hardly rode that bull any better,” was Ty Murray’s take. And yet the score was 82.25. The crowd and I knew he deserved more.
- “I thought I had him rode until I nodded my head, and that’s where it all went wrong.” JB Mauney talking about messing up on Mulligan Man last night.
- “The time has completely ran out.”—Ty violating verb tenses, talking about the other 6 guys chasing Silvano.
- “I fell off my bull last night, but that happens; that’s normal.”—Silvano. We could call him The Ice Man, if Jerry Butler didn’t already have that title.
- JB was mad enough to ride well, using his free arm beautifully on Hammer Head for 87. All the bullfighters hugged him. Interview: “What’d you do to re-set?” JB: “I watched a replay of last night. That’s all it took. It made me look dumb.”
- Chris Shivers was the round winner. His interview: “I don’t know about enthusiasm; I’m scared to death just like I’ve been the last 16 years. I just kept my hand shut and my eyes closed, and made the whistle.”
THAT IS ONE BUCKIN’ BULL!
- I tuned in on Davi Henrique being flung off Shepherd Hills Tested. The slow motion replay showed what a magnificent beast that bull is in action. Gorgeous!
- After Stone Sober left the chute bucking backwards, he continued leaping incredibly high, at the same time kicking out his hind legs with maximum effort. That’s a bull who really wants to buck.
- Hell or High Water jumps horizontally into the air— serious air. I’m talking Michael Jordan moves.
- The “wired” feature was good for hearing Vortex Madness roar and grunt as he flew through the air— great liftoff, with his butt aimed at the sky.
- You ain’t kiddin’, Smoky White Devil is an awful mean bull. After he unseated Ty Pozzobon, he went gunning for Ty, pawing him, and deliberately threw himself down on top of Pozzobon. That is an amazing example of animal intelligence and expression of emotion—at Ty’s expense.
- Little black Russian Roulette blew out of the chute and spun so fast, I don’t know how Mike Lee didn’t barf. Instead, he was showing off. 85.50? Shoulda been more.
- Davis/Clapp 311: what a neat little bull, pirouetting so gracefully!
TO SPIN OR NOT TO SPIN, THAT IS THE QUESTION…
Douglas Duncan didn’t want to get a hip replacement, because he said he’d never be able to get on bulls again. (He’s had 3 arthroscopic surgeries.) Well, his hips held out, but Ringo stomped the back of his leg when he was belly down in the dirt. That bull was just pogoing, not spinning, so why wasn’t it a re-ride? Because they wanted to score Douglas 86.25. Wonder what’ve been the outcome if a Brazilian rider was on that bull? I’ll tell you: a rotten low score with re-ride option, or just a rotten low score. How do they manage to ignore the fact that the bull didn’t spin, and turned back (sort of) maybe twice? Again, the judges see what they want to see.
GETTIN’ CLOSE TO THE TRUTH ABOUT THAT FASHION FAUX PAS
- Chase Outlaw’s goofy helmet is too close to a WWF costume for comfort. Leah Garcia said it was partly the result of a dare by Craig Hummer— I really think we need to hear the rest of this! (Or make the Bummer wear it for one broadcast.)
- Luke Snyder finally got a different helmet/face mask—now he can look down. “I’m not too big to admit it when I made a mistake,” he said— but couldn’t he have admitted it sooner, like when Ty Murray kept telling him what he observed about Luke’s performance? He might’ve stayed in The Zone.
THE SAGGING SAGA OF BEN JONES
Leah interviewed Helen Aldridge, Ben’s mother (“Hell’s Bells”) in the audience, who was super-excited to be there to see Ben ride; the Finals was her first time out of Australia. Quick shot of Graham Jones somewhere else in the arena, drink in hand, which he quickly put down when he saw the camera on him. Super Cool Cat gave Ben another buckoff, and another burst of mad. That’s how he used to be before he started hanging with the Brazilians; his head made great progress with them. Sometimes it’s not good to have your family in the audience.
SEPARATED AT BIRTH
Is it just me, or were Chris Shivers and Michael J. Fox separated at birth?
BOYS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN
Razor Blade’s nose was touching down as he spun Harve Stewart to an 86.50. Harve’s interview: “I’m happy to be here, and—friggin’ give me another one!”
BOYS TIRED OF HAVING FUN
Chris Shivers to Leah: “It’s gettin’ better and better. It’s almost over.”