Mike Lee’s 83.50 ride on Shock Wave was the kind he should’ve made on Friday. The bull was the reason for the low score: he spun only a little, and travelled, knocking over a barrel with Lee still on him. Covering real estate doesn’t seem to be a big deal at CBR and PRCA events, but the PBR judges seem to be particularly allergic to it.
DECOMMISSIONED: Chase Outlaw’s buffalo hat.
He did much better in a regular helmet: a well-deserved 88 on Johnny Walker Spot.
Tonight Brendon Clark remembered how to ride bulls: he loosened up and scored 86.75 on Carolina Kicker.
DOIN’ IT BACK ASSWARDS
It’s not how it usually works, but Misunderstood’s direction change helped Douglas Duncan not fall off; he was ready to go off the side, but ended up with an 87.25.
Smoke Stack had no spin, was just jumping all over, but he was the first U.S. bull Lachlan Richardson has ridden in um, how long?? He ended up with a choice of 71.50 or a re-ride, but I was very relieved anyway. His re-ride on the clone, Mr. Slim— not so good. Shoulda kept the 71.50.
- MVP believes his own PR; he helped Aaron Roy to an 86.25, started to trot out of the arena, had second thoughts, and returned for another dose of limelight.
- Shaky Waters seemed like a nice merry-go-round ride for Edevaldo Ferreira, two-time PBR Brazil champ, and then suddenly at 7.3, plop goes Ferreira.
- Unridden Midnight Special stayed that way despite Silvano Alves; his awkward, weird entry caught Alves off-balance right at the chute. Another unridden bull was his bonus: Quiet Riot, who also stayed that way.
- Stunning performance by Apache Warrior, after he trashed Jory Markiss. Poor Jory: the bull backed out of the chute, mashed him against it, fell down— every wrong move possible. Re-ride flags went down, which the bull apparently took personally. He refused to leave the arena, bucked when wrangler James DeBord roped him, yanked back hard on the rope when DeBord’s horse ran ahead into the out gate; James got bucked off, and finally shut the gate between horse and bull with the rope still connecting them. The horse was so freaked out, he was still touchy during the next ride, and had to be replaced.
FASHION ALERT, thank god, because too many guys are in sponsor uniforms:
Rookie Cody Johnson was sporting some snazzy red and silver duds.
- Scary wreck for Dakota Beck (yes, I did that on purpose), who ended up under South Point getting stomped.
- Stormy Wing had a freaky hangup on Bad Blake that seemed eternal (at least, it probably did to Stormy), as he swung horizontally around and around the bull. Reminded me of JB Mauney’s flying sideways trip on Code Blue.
‘SUP WITH THAT, CALEB?
Caleb Sanderson is disturbing me. Lately he seems to just give up, let go of the rope, and jump off the bull. In Section 2 he seemed to just quit Contraband’s back at 7.5.
One of the weekend’s biggest Awww!s was when Big and Rich bucked off Ben Jones— especially since The Game Changer did the same on Ben’s first ride of 2013.
PBR, TAKE NOTE: THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT POTENTIAL “FANS.” THEY ONLY CAME FOR THE BEER.
Last night, a row of bombed bozos had to be ejected from the Garden because they were just too obnoxious. So yeah, it was a really great idea to blast “Saturday Night’s All Right for Fighting” over the P.A. tonight. My personal beefs: the fat guys and dressed-up gals who always managed to stand right in my eyeline when a ride was starting— one fool even decided she needed to get beer while the World Champion was riding— and the two twerps in my row who made three beer runs, then three pee runs. I was up and down so many times, I might as well have been at Mass.
TRUTH OR DARE?
The Lie Detector skit— OY! I’m sure we’ll see far too much of it this year, so I won’t bother with the details. One funny moment at the end: three riders in a police lineup against a height measurement wall. (Are they big enough to go on all the rides?) Poor Silvano, being drafted into this farce like. It’s nauseating, how the PBR uses its riders like trained monkeys.
FLUNKING MARKETING 101
Speaking of trained monkeys: entering the arena now requires the riders to walk the gamut of applauding Monster Energy Drink bimbos (or Rock Star Energy Drink bimbos? same difference). Has no one told these “women” that there are better choices than being the tits and ass segment of the show? Apparently no one has told the men who make “marketing” decisions like this that they’re degrading women their daughters’ age. Or maybe they like that thought. UGH.
Just when you think the PBR is trying to get away from the bull-riding-fans-as-morons image, they feature a long spiel by some big loud wrestler on behalf of Monster Energy Drink (or was it Rock Star Energy Drink?). He needed subtitles.
A&R DEPARTMENT (AUDIO REPULSIVE)
Saturday, the music was so loud, we couldn’t hear the arena announcers. But we did get a big earful of the shoutin’ hillbilly and the replacement bad song. They retire one of the two huge mistakes, then find another one. With all the talent in this country, especially in Nashville, they couldn’t do better? Then later a horrible rap “song” about New York was inflicted on us, accompanying a video of rides and wrecks.
But nothing was more repulsive than “Country Girl (Shake It For Me).” The lyrics, by some slick little jerk (you should see his picture: a real Hollyweenie, thinking he’s so cool) are telling a woman to “shake it” for him, and “Shake it for the young bucks sittin’ in the honky-tonks/for the rednecks rockin’ ‘til the break of dawn… Somebody’s sweet little farmer child/she got it in her blood to get a little wild… Country girl, shake it for me,” etc. Sexism, voyeurism, and pedophilia, all rolled into one. UGH. Who picks the music for these events and makes the deal for the theme song of the year? I’d like to kick his ass. Or at least his ears.
FLINT HAS THE RIGHT IDEA
The Painted One’s Year in Review of songs he never wants to hear again was spot-on. I never get tired of his posed-on-the-prow Titanic bit. That song made me gag the first time I heard it, and I couldn’t even sit through the movie. Two hours and we still hadn’t seen the iceberg. Sheesh!
ON THE OTHER HAND…
After an extra-special burst of silly dancing, Flint’s antics made either Clint or Brandon (they really ought to get two announcers who don’t sound alike) despair: “What you’re doing actually makes me afraid for the future of mankind!” And it only got worse, at which point one of them yelled, “Just stop it! Seriously!”
AND THEN THERE’S THE MANUFACTURED CUTE STUFF:
It looks like “Clash of the Cowboys” is replacing the Ford Invasion: two teams, the Outlaws and the Bandits, compete in various dopey messy activities. Robson Palermo’s on one team; this plus Silvano in the skit is the PBR saying it’s not prejudiced against Brazilians. Don’t do them any favors, boys.
ONLY IN NOO YAWK
PFF: the crowd booing the two wannabe deerhunters who shot plastic arrows anywhere but near the fake animal.
AUSTIN’S NO-FUN DAY
Meier’s trip on Pennsylvania’s Pride consisted of the bull galloping, jumping, falling, and banging against a barrel, then finished off with a hangup.
LJ’S NO-FUN DAY
LJ Jenkins had it even worse: Bikini wrecked and rolled him, and LJ left the dirt holding onto his arm, being escorted to Sports Medicine. My guess was either a dislocated shoulder or broken arm (or both); later the diagnosis was his shoulder.
HE’S STILL JUST BAD
The judges were very enthusiastic about JB’s ride on Unpredictable, whose wacko move at the chute probably would’ve dumped 99% of the guys in the PBR. Instead, JB scored 88.50.
All of this is how JB took Round 2, building on his 86 from last night. Maybe ringing the NASDAQ bell earlier in the week pumped him up. Too bad we could hear Brandon Bates during the winner’s interview, but not JB!