IRON COWBOY

In this bracket system, to advance to the next step all a rider needs is a 4-second ride. How weird. But I guess if they had to make 8, there’d be a good chance of the bulls pitching a shut-out.

HIGHLIGHTS
Welcome back, Austin! After I saw Meier’s 87.75 ride on Midnight Mood, I thought, I wouldn’t mind seeing Meier become the Iron Cowboy. They’re always talking about his toughness; he fits the bill. And sho ’nuff, he done did it.

NAILS ON A CHALKBOARD
“Another Brazilian” repeated ad infinitum by The Bummer. “Two Brazilians take to the stage…” says the voiceover. (Do we need any more confirmation that this is a show?)

I’M JUST SAYIN’…

  • Chase Outlaw’s altercation with the bull of the same name got him a re-ride while they were still in the chute. Interesting; this is the third time I’ve seen a re-ride given before there was even a ride. (JB Mauney was one of those.)
  • Slow children: the PBR is finally catching on to the idea of connecting bull riding with rock & roll— several years since I first started using the slogan, “Bull Riders Are the New Rock Stars.” Huge DUH.
  • Cody Nance’s spurs were SO hooked in the rope on Paleface that one didn’t come out until the ride was nearly over! He didn’t deserve that 86.
  • “A great job by all of the bullfighters in getting Aparecido out from under the bull.”—Craig Hummer, hallucinating (and mispronouncing Eduardo’s name as “Aparecidoo”), because Sasquatch tromped all over Eduardo while Shorty Gorham, Jesse Byrne, and Lyndel Runyon (in for Frank Newsom) were too far away to get in the bull’s face, reaching out and barely touching him. This time it was not a great job. And talk about CYA: after Clash of the Cowboys and some commercials, they ran a little bullfighter promo, showing two past examples of the Gorham-Newsom-Byrne team in action, in which only Frank got hurt, not a rider.
  • We’re told that Robson Palermo’s left shoulder has popped out five times in his sleep. Um, I’m thinking he may be doing something other than sleeping. You could see him keeping his left arm close to his body as much as he could, to keep that shoulder in place. His take on it: “My shoulder is not 100%; I think 40%.” And even at less than half-power, he took Stretch Armstrong for an 87-point ride.
  • Craig: “He’s wired so we can listen in.” And not hear a sound. LJ Jenkins gets 90 points— for what? Just because Jack Daniel’s After Party is a good bull?
  • I think we’ve pretty much established that Justin McBride can’t sing. I wish they’re stop rubbing it in our faces.
  • THIS IS REALLY GONNA SCREW UP THE SEO
    Hey, we’ve got Canadianaaronroy, Canadiantypozzobon, brazilianrenatonunes/valdirondeolivera/guilhermemarchi/silvanoalves/
    robsonpalermo/agnaldocardozo/marcoeguchi/emilioresende/eduardoaparecido/fabianovieira/
    joaoricardovieira, and now we’ve got None-Other-Than-JB-Mauney. Let’s count how many times this season we hear Craig call him that.

    GET OUT YER PITCHFORK AND ICE SKATES! (AND WATCH OUT FOR LOW-FLYING PIGS)
    Mike Lee was taking so much time fidgeting on J.W. Hart’s bull, Flirtin’ with Disaster, that he was put on the clock—the second time in 5 years I’ve seen an American put on the clock!

    BULLSHIT
    Man, Wipeout needed a bidet!

    THE REAL DEAL
    Hot Iron—what a fabulous bull! A streak of red lightning out of the gate, and a fast spin.
    Johnny Rocker: kinda devilish— weird, quick lil’ head-shakin’ fakes.

    ON BEHALF OF THE BULLS
    Who’s Back should not be sliding into home. This dirt is unsettling the bulls. Shorty said the bulls are slipping because the dirt is loose in this arena, but the dirt is better in the other arena. Huh? How could this happen? That gives the bulls and riders in the other arena the advantage over the ones who are slippin’ and a-slidin’ in this arena. Who did this dumbass thing?

    GOD DON’T LIKE UGLY. NEITHER DO I.
    YIKES!! Whiskey’s Rebel bull flipped Agnaldo Cardozo over his skull, head over heels in a forward double gainer; Cardozo landed face down in the dirt, helpless, and then the bull had enough time to come back around and roll him on the ground with his horns— because once again the bullfighters were not in place fast enough. That attack should never have happened. Someone should’ve picked up Cardozo as soon as they saw him land in the ragdoll position, while the other two guys should’ve distracted the bull so he didn’t head back for another shot at Agnaldo.

    OW! MY EYES!
    JB, what’s with the Op Art hat??

    PFF
    Leah Garcia asked visitor Chris Shivers what he thinks it takes to win this event: “Looks like a lot of luck to me.” Asked if he misses riding: “I miss it ‘til the short round comes around, then I see all these rank bulls.”

    SUNDAY

    You know what’s a really cool invention? The mute button. I was able to miss all of the introductory crap except for this:
    “Only the strong will survive!”—idiot shoutin’ hillbilly
    “Do you believe in destiny!?!”— Guess who?
    “When the lights are the brightest, he shines the biggest.”—Hilarious Hummer didn’t think this one through…
    “This bull is not only going to make you blink, but make you stop and take notice.”—…or this one, either.
    “Bushwacker has joined the ranks of godlike bulls.” Uh, Craig, according to my history books, it’s been thousands of years since people worshipped bulls.
    “It’s Asteroid who gets his chance to watch and wait.”—Uh, wouldn’t that be the case with any bull who’s not in the chute at the moment?

    THE BIG DOG
    The score so far: Bushwacker has 38 buckoffs in a row. Keep watching.
    IN HIS CORNER:
    “Bushwacker is the greatest bull that’s ever been. He’s Muhammed Ali.”—Cody Lambert. Yeah, but he’s not as pretty.
    “Does Bushwacker look concerned? Not at all.”—Well, I should hope not, Craig; it would be most distressing to see The Champ freaking out about Austin Meier getting on his back. He has dusted Austin before.
    PFF: the bull dumped Meier at 2.67, finished kicking, then stopped and stood there quietly. “He’s waiting for his score,” Ty explained, and it was a good one: 47.50

    FASHION ALERT!
    JB’s got some fancy chaps: orange and green design on black leather. Kinda makes up for that freaky Op Art hat that hurts my eyes.

    I’M JUST SAYIN’
    Bulls slipping all over the place for the second day in a row; how is this a fair competition, when the bulls can’t do their best, which means neither can the cowboys? And do the people in charge not understand that the sight of these animals struggling on the ground, on network TV, is gonna cause an outcry about animal abuse, from people who will see only this broadcast, and not the normal action where this doesn’t happen? How can the PBR hold one of their signature events and not get the right kind of dirt?? Who’s responsible? And if only one arena has the good dirt, that gives the bulls and riders working on that surface an advantage over the others—and skews the results.

    ‘BOUT DAMN TIME
    Cody Nance was so milking it in the chute on David’s Dream, that the Chute Guys were telling him to go— and we know how rarely that happens to an American. People are catching on, Nance.

    HOW BIG IS TOO BIG?
    Mississippi Hippy weighs 2300 lbs., according to The Booth Boys. 2200, according to The Arena Boys. Ya gotta love that good ol’ PBR disconnect. It’s kinda like when the clock and buzzer are out of sync. PFF: “It takes a long time to fall off a bull that big.”—Slade Long.

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    About Bull Riding Marketing

    Creative services, marketing and public relations professional from entertainment industry background. Published in magazines and newspapers worldwide. I believe bull riders are the new rock stars.
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    2 Responses to IRON COWBOY

    1. esther says:

      Last year they mentioned that some riders had to go from one arena to the other between rides and how this added to the rider’s exhaustion toward the end of the event (remember Austin Meier). I don’t remember hearing about that this year, so maybe they changed things. But if they didn’t, why can’t they use something like a golf cart or the Kawasaki ATV that is at the events to shuttle the riders and the bullfighters from one arena to the other?

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      • But that would be logical and sensible, and this is the PBR we’re talking about.

        My idea was that if they’re using two conjoined areas (which, BTW, attendees have complained about, because they’re seeing half the event on a big TV screen instead of “live”), they should get the same dirt for both! Or if they have more of one kind than the other, mix them together and divide the result between the two areas, instead of having one good surface and one bad one. Another DUH.

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