• Guilherme Marchi had a rematch with 10 Penny; it didn’t go well last time, but this time he pulled off an 87, even with the bull spinning away from his hand. I love the “cue ball” view of the ride: Marchi’s white hat is turning almost in the same exact spot for 8 seconds. I’m also impressed that he can kick one leg up as high as his head. Even some ballerinas can’t do that.
• Brendon Clark rode Big Cool for 81 and a hilarious get-off—a sorta sideways Spiderman climb on the fence—after his head clonked on it.
• WTF was DeWalt Guaranteed Tough doing?? That bull had a weird repertoire of jumps, stumbled to his knees, and probably stopped for a split-second, then twisted every which way while he kept bucking. Chase Outlaw was a miracle worker to hold on as long as he did. I’d want to give him a score just for that amazing effort.
• Jason Malone showed real stick-to-it-iveness, even way back on Sweetness’s hips, and came up with an 84.25. JDub highly approved of Jason’s Hail Mary moves. “Even if it don’t work, you can get up the next morning and look yourself in the mirror and shave without cutting your throat.” He’s colorful, is our JW.
Gotta love it—Zack Brown’s boots with the octopus suction cups on it. His arts & crafts project was for naught—the super-boots didn’t help him stay on Shepherd Hills Sod Buster. “The boots worked for about two seconds,” said JW Hart. “If he keeps on riding the way he’s been riding the last two performances, he’s gonna need to glue some of that up the back of his britches.”
I’M JUST SAYIN’…
• I know they like to pair up the Lukes, but so far, Snyder’s ridden Cool Hand only once. Not too cool to have Hummer in his face right after his disappointment, either.
• Douglas Duncan has had four separated ribs for quite a while; he says he hasn’t been able to do his regular workout. Workout?? Sheesh; I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed. I am so not Built Ford Tough.
• Chin Music was clanking around in the chute, making more racket than a lot of other bulls. His left spur was the last part of Cody Nance in contact with the rope at the get-off. The 86.75 he was given made him the leader, and I’m not happy about it. Plus he has one of those 1970s porn flick mustaches.
• In the video replay we saw Shane’s arm graze Fudge, but the judges called it inconclusive, and gave him an 88.75. He took the lead from Nance, and I’m okay with that, but really— they shouldn’t fudge a score like that. (Aack! I’ve caught the dreaded Hummerblather disease.)
• Oh, for god’s sake, are those judges blind?? Cody Nance’s spur couldn’t have been hooked any deeper in the knots on King of Hearts unless he stuck them into the bull itself.
• Craig had an opportunity to sling the same load of “atmosphere” he usually does when the bullfighters screw up—which doesn’t happen often, but when it does, the results are disastrous. Buck Naked trashed Marco Eguche back into and against the chute, then attacked while he was in a ball on the ground. In Hummer’s version, the guys “circle him to protect him from more blows.” He was mashed up by the time they got the bull distracted, and barely managed to haul himself away.
• JDub talked about bulls shedding their winter coats, and showed how easily he could take some off a bull’s back, holding a clump in his hand. “JW, you might try putting some of that on your head,” was Hummer’s unbelievably rude and juvenile comment, accompanied by his fake laugh. He then tried to cover with, “You know I’m kidding, partner.” Jerk. I bet he won’t have the authenticity to lose his hair—he’ll be getting a weave, and keeping up the blond highlights.
• Ty Pozzobon didn’t make 8 on Major Distraction. “Ty shoulda ride—rode that bull,” said Cody Lambert, correcting his English and making it wronger. Bonus: watching him demonstrate Pozzobon being tipped into his hand.
• Shorty using the bull dummy to mimic the moves of Mick E Mouse and Shepherd Hills Tested, while JW showed what happens to a rider when they do their thing.
Jordan Hupp easily rode Mambo #5 a bouncy white bull with black sprinkles that reminded me of ice cream. (81) “Some days this is fun.”
• Man, The Grinch is an alpha bull if ever I saw one— a handsome tough guy. He was really pissed at Sean Willingham, clobbered him, then faced off with Shorty Gorham, pawing at the ground. Tossing a straw hat at him incited him to lower his head and start to charge. I was SO disappointed that he missed it by a hair.
• JD practically bodysurfed the dirt, doing Aaron Roy no good. “This is a bull that’s deceptively good,” said The Bummer, “ridden only 1 out of 34 times in his career.” Clearly the dufus has no idea what he’s saying, because if he did, he wouldn’t be saying the bull’s not really good, he just fools you.
• Mick E Mouse blew out of there, moving forward, yanking Jordan Hupp forward and bouncing him around his back before offing him. That bull is explosive!
• Great White is a very energetic bucker. I love his double kick—the Lipizzaner stallion move—while his front legs are tucked under and his body in midair.
BULL FASHION ALERT!
Ben Jones’s bull, Tatonka, sported a turquoise bandage on the tip of his injured horn. JW’s comment: “They call it bling.” I sense a fashion trend. I can see how the bull hurt himself; he did all kinds of bumping and grinding in the chute. (Then threw Ben against the fence.)
HOPING AGAINST HOPE
This time there were only two Monster Energy cookies flanking the Shark Cage– with clothes on! Dare we hope that they’ll be phased out?
• Kody Lostroh did indeed Get Smacked last night, landing horribly on his head and neck; the resulting concussion kept him out today.
• Douglas Duncan got one foot hung up on Santiago before the get-off, then landed hard on his back. His 79.50 took the lead from Nance, but he was in terrible pain and couldn’t walk: half-hopping, holding his hip, groaning, and of course not letting anyone help him. This is exactly when you don’t want a rider to be wired.
• JB has ridden Shepherd Hills Tested before; so far he’s the only one to do it, but this time was a terrible flop: head-hoof contact, then Mauney flung on his back, out cold. Shane ran onto the dirt before anyone else. It took a while for JB to sit up, then stand up, and he was completely wobbly. Do we still think a hat’s better than a helmet?
• Marchi was injured and stayed out of the Championship Round.
• Austin Meier’s in this event as an alternate— it’s unthinkable; last year he won it! Oh noo! He touched Bring It at 5.79, resulting in “Official clock stoppage”—one of Hummer’s non-English inventions. Austin got swung out and landed on his feet. “No one harder on themselves than Austin Meier,” said Craig, massacring the English language again.
“I almost had him.”—Brendon Clark, after 2.41 seconds on Big Tex “Rocks.”
Shane Proctor is back at the #1 slot in the world standings. The Ride of the Night was him on Fudge, but João Ricardo Vieira won the event.