The event started nearly an hour late because of beach volleyball—huh?? What the bleep is wrong with CBSSports and the PBR that they don’t know this is going to happen? If you’re going to start at 9pm, then don’t say 8pm on your website. And if beach volleyball goes into overtime, too bad; shut it down— it’s time for bullriding!
SOME MILD CRABBING ON MY PART
Oh, fooey, Justin McBride is the co-host. Babble babble babble.
Where are the freakin’ subtitles so we know before the ride who the bull is?
GETTING BACK SOME OF THEIR STING
NOT SO SHARP
SURELY YOU JEST!
You can vote for the PBR’s “sexiest cowboy” by going to “The Longest Ride” on the PBR website. Whoever wins will end up on the cover of some new romance novel. I have no idea who picked the 12 “finalists,” but they clearly need glasses. Guilherme Marchi not on the list!? For that matter, not one Brazilian. Now THAT is by no stretch of the imagination an “accident.” They should just change the name of the contest to “Sexiest American-Canadian-Australian Cowboy.” We should start a write-in vote.
THE NEW ADVENTURES OF BEN JONES
I coulda sworn Ben was about to fly off Paige Stout’s bull, What Up Sucka? He made amazing corrections for his 87.25, then had one of his bad landings, took a hit from the bull’s head while he was on the ground, then was on his knees. I coulda sworn he’d pass out, because he could barely crawl, but nobody went to pick him up. He insisted on doing the dance! Didn’t even want Sports Medicine to guide him by the elbow—shrugged off the doc on his way out. Newest health issue: anemia, so he’s taking iron pills. I did notice that his face had better color lately; I thought maybe he went to the beach. Oh dear, now I can’t get the image of Ben Jones in a bathing suit out of my head. Yipes.
When I see a bull lurch under Guilherme Marchi in the chute, my stomach lurches—the best face in the PBR, and he doesn’t wear a helmet!! Of course they put him on the clock, even while the bull was bucking in there. After Party is FAST, but Marchi beat him, for 89.50. Hummer said the person cheering the loudest for Marchi was Alves. Nice! Great save by Jesse Byrne as Marchi was on his back near the chute with the bull coming at him. Jesse leaped over Guilherme right in front of the bull, but even so, Marchi was under the flying bull for a bit.
Back from his practice pen injury, Kody Lostroh scored 87.75 on rambunctious TK 500, who tried to gore the front of the chute. Smooth move on Kody’s part as the bull changed direction. Then he outclassed I’m A Gangster Too, for 91.50: a great ride, on an intense bull. After Lostroh rode and was already up on the rail, the bull lunged for him; Gangster was pissed. Somebody needs to make Kody a tee shirt that says, “Textbook.”
LUKE’S TURN TO GET RAZZED
Luke Snyder has had 916 outs, the most in BFTS history, if I heard right. Top Gun traveled, though, and Luke came up short. “He’s got a little age on him, that’s part of why he’s retiring,” said McBride, ever ready to insert foot in mouth.
I’M JUST SAYIN’…
“Even when he gets bucked off he makes it spectacular.” –Justin McBride. Uh, Justin, it’s the bulls that make a buckoff look spectacular. I doubt Mauney planned a few bounces off Bushwacker’s skull and a 12-foot flight off his back in that clip we keep seeing on every broadcast.
In Randy Bernard’s cameo appearance, he talked about JB as “the rock star of our sport.”
ONE OF THESE DAYS, I AM GONNA HURT HUMMER
“We always describe Stormy Wing as—“ Guess what the rest of that sentence is? Have we heard this b.s. enough yet? The very next sentence that comes out of The Bummer’s mouth is about how Stormy has a lot of 7-plus second rides. Those two statements don’t connect, genius!! There are plenty of guys who make 7-plus second rides. A homerun hitter hits home runs. JB is someone who swings for the fences. Stormy Wing, no offense, is not in that league! If he’s making 7-plus second rides, that’s called bullriding interruptus. In his desperation to hang a tag on every rider, Hummer is sticking to his story no matter what Wing does or doesn’t do.
TO QUOTE CHER, “SNAP OUT OF IT!”
Austin Meieir is now 3 for 19. Whaaa? Even riding in the summer PRCA tour didn’t help; his riding percentage was about 45%, though he did win in Jacksonville, Texas. I don’t blame him for sitting on the ground looking bummed, but as we’ve heard repeatedly from the veterans, “You ride yourself into a slump, you ride your way out of it.” If he could just figure out what he’s doing wrong…
Brant Atwood is impressing me, maybe because he sometimes shows that wild Hail Mary style of Renato’s. This time, his reride on Prince Albert was worth 87.50—but it took place during an attack of Hummerblather, so he didn’t get much notice.
Poker Face is 0 for 37—that’s a 100% buckoff rate—so where’s the hoopla?
BETTER THAN THOSE CLASH OF THE COWBOY STUNTS
Liked the cool footage of Douglas Duncan, Jory Markiss, and Ross Coleman (or am I missing somebody?) wakeboarding. Bull riders are more versatile than you think!
“I never felt more like a mouse in my life.” —An unhappy Brendon Clark, reminiscing about digging through a haystack looking for the key to an F-150.
By Mike Lee, of all people: his stylish light blue face cage is attached to a darker blue helmet.
Big Tex “Rocks” dumped Billy Robinson, then chased him, head down, while the bullfighters buzzed around him. To avoid them, the bull launched himself through the air like a hurdle jumper! Pretty amazing.
YUP, THEY’E BAAAACK
Marchi wins the event! JB ended up at #7, because he picked Bushwacker. Sometimes the swagger doesn’t translate into points.
Guilherme has learned so much English, I understood almost everything he said!