HOORAY FOR HOLLYWOOD?

The last nail in the coffin:

So much JB Mauney worship going on, you’d never know Silvano Alves was #1. Every other commercial break, every other interview, every other comment from the Booth Boys, and even the Athlete’s Profile: JB Mauney.     
While Billy Robinson wraps, we hear the arena announcer talking about JB.
LJ Jenkins makes a ride, knocks Mike Lee out of the loop, and Hummer says, “We’ll see how JB slots in.” “…none better than JB, and what a storyline this has become. He’s won the last two events, and may get a three-peat coming into the Finals.” (More bootlicking—and predicting the judges’ performance. ) Talking about JB’s 1st pick in the draft: “It’s up to JB to seal the deal…” “The biggest story of them all is JB Mauney’s chance to cut into Silvano Alves’s lead…” And yet ANOTHER interview about Mauney—but this one is with JW Hart.

Then Craig got out his trumpet: “It’s all about JB Mauney.” Pretty effin’ insulting to all the other riders. The organization is not “The JB Mauney Show.” It’s “Professional Bull Riders”—plural. Then he topped himself: “But with Silvano now a spectator, it’s the JB Mauney Show!” I so want to slap him.
But wait—there’s more!
In the Championship Round, JB faced Shotgun Red. If he scored more than 86.50, he’d win his 3rd consecutive event. Marchi rides Slip Clutch (87.25) and moves to the lead—nobody claps him on the back. Mauney rides, all the fan boys in the arena slobber over him. JB made a good ride, so of course the judges went overboard with an 88.75. “We’re in Hollywood, Florida, but we might as well be in Hollywood, California. JB Mauney is writing his own script!” yelps Hummer, losing his damned mind over his man crush. “We couldn’t have scripted a better ending!”

GENTLEMANLY
JB claimed not to be noticing the points, and said modestly, “Sittin’ in first, you’re trying not to mess up as much as you’re trying to win.”
Cute: Alves being all giggly as Leah Garcia asked if being in his position and having some competition was better for him: “…In good position. JB behind me is very good…because more adrenaline, is good competition.”

HIGHLIGHTS
• JW Hart likens a Kiss Animalize trip to a balloon having the air let out of it. JB scored 89.75 for his ride, and probably should’ve had a couple more points for his extra 8 seconds on the bull! Even Silvano was smiling. Alves behaved like a true sportsman, and sincerely congratulated JB after this ride. They actually smiled at each other and did the Man Pat.
• Footage of Frank Newsom in action: being chased down by a bull into the ground at the gate, and the bull ending up wearing his hat.

I’M JUST SAYIN’…

  • Valdiron de Oliveira “makes Calico Kid look like he’s mutton-busting,” says Hummer, therefore the judges gave Valdiron only 80. Alves took on Lil Ugly’s weird bull action, stuck on that jerky trip, and of course his score was 80.25. That’s what usually happens when a Brazilian rider makes it look easy: they get underscored. If an American rider makes it look easy, he’s rewarded with big numbers and even confetti. And as the Finals loom, that imbalance gets worse.
  • Ryan Dirteater turned down a re-ride and kept a crummy 71.50 after his messy trip on Cujo, who threw him sideways and hurt him before he hit the dirt. Nobody batted an eye.
  • Does anyone think we need an antitrust law in bullriding? It’d be easier to say which bulls aren’t owned by Jeff Robinson.
  • HUMMERBLATHER
    • After the nice moment between Alves and Mauney, Craig had to put a damper on it: “Silvano is smiling on the outside, but you can bet he’s cringing on the inside.” There are so many things wrong with that sentence, but the basics are:
    1) Hummer’s a jerk, 2) He invents what he thinks is going on inside someone’s head—or says what the PBR wants him to say to punch up a rivalry storyline, and
    3) He’d never say JB is cringing on the inside, no matter what Mauney’s position was in the rankings—but he has no compunction about insulting Alves. The moron doesn’t get it: This isn’t the WWF; we don’t need manufactured friction to get us excited about the action. Some riders actually do appreciate another cowboy’s ride.

  • Marchi “is literally on fire this weekend.” What, did somebody torch his jeans?
  • “Guilherme Marchi has been running on emotion. The winner of the 15-15 Bucking Battle is trying to write his own Hollywood ending.” I wish Hummer would get over that Hollywood script kick. It’s old, already.
  • The bulls have “had their way top to bottom with the cowboys.”…”It’s still Marchi on top.” Oh god, Craig, that is just too funny and graphic.
  • LOWLIGHTS
    “Douglas Duncan set a record for coming off a bull faster than anybody in the history of the PBR.”—Shorty Gorham talking about Duncan flying off Kiss Psycho Circus as the bull broke the plane of the gate. Douglas still managed to execute a kneeling hang-up—quite an original move.

    YOU AND ME BOTH
    “I worry about him hurting himself in the dance.”—Justin McBride, as Ben Jones came up to bat.
    Ben, post-wreck, after being tended to by medics: “When Tandy came over with that glove, I got scared.” Much laughter from the Booth Boys.

    BULLS TO LOVE
    Highway 12, one of the top 40 bulls for the last 10 years, was named by Mesa Pate’s dad, who once had to rope him on Highway 12 when the bull escaped and shut down the Interstate for half a mile.

    BONUS BULL
    The Bonus Bull: TK 500, for $123K. How is the bonus bull chosen? Why is this one worth so much? Because he belongs to Indy 500 winner Tony Kanaan—and the PBR gave him the bull. That’s the storyline, anyway. The bull formerly known as Mud Wasp belonged to Jeff Robinson. Confession: because of my years of writing and editing, I was wondering why anyone would name a bull “To Come 500,” as in, “We don’t have that piece of information yet.”
    João Ricardo Vieira conquered TK 500, with a 87.75. He was kneeling to say thanks, when his buddies ran in, scooped him up, hugged him to pieces, and carried him over to his giant check. How great to see Adriano Moraes on the Shark Cage with him, pounding (or in bull riding, would that be patting?) him on the chest, obviously very proud of him. The math: $15K per second.

    HE OUGHTTA KNOW
    “You gotta try until your head hits the ground.”—JB Mauney

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    3 Responses to HOORAY FOR HOLLYWOOD?

    1. Trying to be a fan says:

      I just read the article on the PBR website about Frank and his troubles with drugs and the law. They are so heavy into religion in the PBR. God this and that. I am religious and a Christian but choose to keep my beliefs to myself. I don’t know why I am so troubled by God being pushed down my throat. There are, by the way, other religions other than Christianity. PBR=God/?

      Like

      • You mean, JB = God.

        I’ve said many times on my blog that religion and politics don’t belong in a sport; I don’t care what individuals do, but I resent being bludgeoned by Christianity at every live event and some of the televised ones, too. It’s fine with me if riders genuflect or make the sign of the Cross or whatever they want to do, but having a minister or priest pray before every event, as if the fans are a congregation, is intrusive. As soon as someone starts throwing a male deity at me, I get mad. I wish people realized there’s more than one way to look at things. Keep it neutral: a moment of silence, and everyone can think what they want during that moment.

        As for Frank, to quote John Lennon, “Whatever gets you through the night.” Addiction is a fatal disease, so as long as he’s saving his own life, and helping save other lives, whatever he believes is working. It would be nice if people realized there are different paths to sobriety, but AA is the most successful program in combating alcoholism; 60% of the members don’t relapse. Since it grew out of a Christian group decades ago, it’s retained that orientation, in spite of the world being a much bigger place.

        I’ve resigned myself to waiting outside in the corridor at live events until the explosions and praying and saluting are over. I bought a ticket to see bull riding, period.

        Like

    2. closeobserver says:

      Very True!! PBR already picked out the World Champion months before the World Finals! JB didn’t win it, it was given to him.

      Like

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