I wanted to talk about the Finals, but I figured I’d wait until people got back some of their marbles. So, about Round 2:
Hired bimbos trailing JB into the arena as he signs autographs. How gross. What’s the message here, folks? Wholesome family entertainment? I don‘t think so.
Speaking of which, one thing I will not miss during the break is hearing, “Know what’ll make your yard look hot?” Somebody please buy out her contract!
And then we see a whole bunch of riders singing paeans to the PBR—it’s a miracle one Brazilian was included.
Whoo-hoo! Each round win is worth $25K.
ALVES MAUNEY ALVES MAUNEY ALVES MAUNEY ALVES MAUNEY ALVES
• 24 hours ago, did he give up the championship?” The Bummer, harping on Alves not taking a re-ride. See, if you keep bringing up that red herring, people will believe it, and forget how he was lowballed all season long.
• Ty Murray was hyping up the supposed rivalry: Alves is “counting on JB faltering,” but that’s not working, because “JB’s momentum isn’t slipping;” “Silvano is betting on JB to make a mistake. He’s saying, I’m going to ride 6 bulls and you’re not.” Bla bla bla. What a load of histrionic crap.
• Of course, the first interview was with the guy who’s 2nd in the rankings. At least Mauney had the grace not to sound like the gold buckle’s in the bag. He told Leah Garcia that he doesn’t think he’s gotten into Silvano’s head: “Nobody does.”
• As Renato Nunes was wrapping on Western Way, we hear that the bull is “the one that JB won on in Grand Rapids,” and “that score of JB Mauney’s was a whopping. 93.25…” (Yeah; I remember thinking it was quite an inflated score; it was another engineering job so he’d pass Marco Eguchi.)
• While Emilio Resende was wrapping aboard Wipeout, Hummer again managed to mention JB.
• Valdiron de Oliveira took on David’s Dream and broke the bull’s 12-buckoff streak, for 86.25 and some knuckle pushups, but somehow Hummer managed to bring up JB.
• Hummer and Murray beefed about Silvano’s strategy, and betting on Mauney. They keep saying Alves is losing ground to JB because of his strategy. How stupid do they think we are? Anyone who’s watched all season knows how many times Alves was given low 80s scores, no matter which bull he rode; some audiences even booed the judges.
• The Bummer now says Alves’s method “doesn’t seem so stupid.” Real nice; I doubt he’d use the word “stupid” in any context about any other rider.
• In the draw, JB picked Smackdown—smart move! Instead of picking Bushwacker yet again, he didn’t let his ego get in the way. He picked a bull he knew could give him big points: Smackdown’s been ridden for 90+ four times. (Of course, if JB’s name was Silvano and he didn’t pick Bushwacker, he’d be accused of cowardice.) When JB needed 87.25 to lead, all he had to do was stay on; the judges always make sure he gets what he needs, and more. 93.75 on Smackdown wins Round 2.
“JB Mauney has a plan of his own, but the plan seems to be working. Hold nothing back, put all his chips on the table, and see where it falls.” (What, the table?) I am so sick of his jackassjabbering.
I’M JUST SAYIN’…
• Where in the world is Michael Gaffney? GMan used to be on the broadcasts at least once in a while; what happened?
• Marco Eguchi is out because of a groin injury, yet 5 of the top 6 spots are held by riders from Brazil—because of consistency, Renato Nunes said. No wonder the PBR is all bonkers about JB; they know Cody Nance isn’t gonna take the title, even if nobody looks too closely for possible DQs this week. He won Round 1 on Bushwacker’s half-brother Roy—but wasn’t one of those spurs glued just a little too tight to the bull’s side? I’m pretty sure the judges aren’t going to see those things now; they want more Americans climbing up in the rankings.
• Right now Bushwacker is the #2 all-time rankest bull, after Dillinger. “He’s looking to cap off a dominant season and win a 2nd world title of his own,” says Craig Hummer, interpreting bull language. “It doesn’t matter what happened all year long, it matters what happens here in their next two outs.” And that is exactly what’s wrong with how Bull of the Year is chosen.
•And the crap continues: chute guys yelling at Claudio Chrisostomo, putting João Ricardo Vieira on the clock…
• Another reason to hate Hummer: he referred to Edevaldo Ferreira as “one of a dozen Brazilians that are here for the Finals.” Has he ever said Aaron Roy is “one of a couple of Canadians that are here for the Finals,” or called Ben Jones, “one of a couple of Australians that are here for the Finals”? He also referred to Gustavo Pedrero as “the Mexican invitee.” Uh, do you mean the 2008 & 2009 Mexico World Champion, who’s also the 2009 PBR Mexico Champion, and rides in Championship Bull Riding events? Hummer’s attitude is so condescending, as if the Finals are American, and the PBR just allows other riders to participate—and he’s completely oblivious about being offensive.
LET’S NOT FORGET THE BRIDESMAIDS
Asteroid was calm in the chute under Stormy Wing, then ka-pow! That bull levitated! Maybe 46.25 wasn’t a big enough score.
If I heard right, Shepherd Hills Tested has had 55 outs, and only one wasn’t a buckoff. (JB rode him for 92.50 last year.)
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
“The more time the bull spends in the air, the more time you have to adjust.”—Ty Murray
SING IT WITH ME: “ONE OF THESE THINGS IS NOT LIKE THE OTHERS…”
Some copywriter was really lazy: “Cowboys like Douglas Duncan, Mesa Pate, and Jory Markiss shop at Boot Barn.” Maybe the ad agency assumed a stock contractor named Mesa must be a man. I’m sure Pate didn’t have a sex change operation.
• Shane Proctor talking about his first Finals: he was bored because he couldn’t gamble, and he got bucked off every bull.
• JW Hart razzing Brendon Clark: “He’s gettin’ a little long in the tooth and a little short in the hair, so he’s retiring.”
• Aaron Roy, out of action since the Calgary Stampede, won the Glen Keeley Award as the Canadian rider who earns the most money during a PBR season.
• How cute: when Flint Rasmussen congratulated Marchi on his 86.25 ride on Tarantino, Guilherme automatically kissed him on the cheek. That’s so genuine; I love it. American guys don’t do that—too afraid someone might think they’re gay. They do the hug-backslap thing instead.
• Brant Atwood’s wildly exciting 90.75 trip on Rango. May I quote my little nephew during his first trampoline experience: WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW!
PUT ON YOUR BLACK ARMBANDS
• Douglas Duncan picked Bushwacker in Round 2, and OMG! He actually rode him, but touched the bull after a few seconds. I think Bushwacker didn’t have a great day (score = 46.50), but Duncan must’ve been crushed. “That was the greatest bull ride we’ve ever seen that got a zero,” said Ty, and I agree. It was SO disappointing; I can’t imagine how Duncan felt. He’s gotta be playing that 8 seconds over and over in his head for years.
• Justin McBride is going to ride in “The American” next March: 10 contestants in a $2 million challenge of rodeo events, and the details are annoyingly complicated, but check this hype from RFD-TV: “RFD-TV and these sanctioning bodies are looking to revolutionize the sport of rodeo for the better. [Uh-oh!] There are many rodeo events that are great attractions for fans; however, there has yet to be that “one-day rodeo” that has been able to pay out this sum of money. [It’s all about the money, folks—never mind the skill.] THE AMERICAN will open the door to a competition much like golf and tennis [trying to align bull riding with sports considered “classier” than wrestling and NASCAR—haven’t I been yapping about bull riding appealing to a wider audience than those fans?—though golf and tennis weren’t what I was thinking), where mediocrity will not be welcome for the price of victory. [Huh?? That sounds like Hummerblather]. Every sport needs a large impact moment, and this will be that defining day for the best rodeo athletes in the world. So……. BUCKLE UP…” [Gee, why isn’t the PBR suing for using those two words?]
“I AIN’T OLD, BUT I’VE BEEN AROUND A LONG TIME.”–Delbert McClinton & Guy Clark, on Blind, Crippled, and Crazy.
“There’s guys riding in the PBR that weren’t even born when we started the PBR.”—Ty Murray.
“It just hurts when I land on it.”—Ty Pozzobon, on behalf of bull riders everywhere.