The rest of Duluth

ROUND 2

HIGHLIGHTS

  • Marco Eguchi on Straight Pipe, whom he rode for 85.50, showed serious core strength and focus. This time I am going to generalize about Brazilian riders—at least, the ones I’ve seen. Of any athletes I can think of, they have the most amazing core strength. They need to release a workout video—although, having seen the clip of Robson Palermo’s sit-ups (legs wrapped around a suspended punching bag, pulling himself up in mid-air), I know I’d be crying and barfing before I got to the third one.
  • Renato having to scale down his backflip because of those low fences; he gave the ground a serious scan before he went backwards. It’d be really embarrassing to be in the dirt up to your knees. His 86 on Pistols & Roses was well-deserved; he was spurring away.
  • Guilherme Marchi (now with a 66.67% riding percentage) needed 84.50 to get to the Championship Round. Only a very strong guy could take two rides within two minutes; Western Hauler was his re-ride after Blurred Lines was just flailing and acting kooky. (The judges still replayed that ride several times, looking for a non-existent touch.) Western Hauler impressed the crowd by leaping straight up in the chute. Marchi was motivated (oh god, did I just channel The Bummer??); he really dug in on that bull—heavy-duty core strength!—and came up with an 86.25.

DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH
The PBR is trying out that new chute clock, which will officially be added to the setup in Sacramento. They’re trying to make us think this will make things fairer. (I guess they’re sick of hearing about “the JB clock.”) I can’t believe people think this is going to change anything. Each rider gets a minute in the chute, after which he’s put on the clock—except when a judge decides to give him another 30 seconds. Or 60. You could drive a Ford F150 through that loophole.

HUMMERBLATHER

  • Valdiron de Oliveira is “one of the great Brazilian riders we have on this tour, along with Robson Palermo and Marco Eguchi.” Hey, nitwit, how about “One of the great riders we have on this tour,” period??
  • “It’s the Brazilian that says, You’re on my turf now.”—Hummer babbling when Renato Nunes gets aboard Pistols & Roses. Seems the Killer Bees don’t even need names anymore; you can just refer to each one as “The Brazilian.” Um, in the female world, that designation refers to a rather painful waxing job.
  • “I’m a Panda Too, acting like a grizzly bear.” Sheesh.
  • “One thing about the Brazilians, they always rehash the rides afterwards.” Not like those American riders, who only watch videos! This guy just blathers for the sake of blathering—he doesn’t even know when he’s not making sense. Apparently Sportscasting for Dummies didn’t include a chapter on, When you have nothing relevant to say, STFU!

BULLISHNESS

  • Fun Size, who once damaged Valdiron de Oliveira, made short work of Markus Mariluch. He’s a little, mean bull—Napoleon complex?
  • Vortex Madness: now that bull was awake! His odd bouncing trip, kicking at his belly, did Ryan Dirteater no good. BullSisters (literally) Michelle Simpson and Teresa Workman of Leap of Faith Bucking Bulls oughta be proud of their half of the bull.
  • Boot Legger showed Chase Outlaw who’s boss; the kid looked all shook up. That bull wanted no part of the bullfighters; he went straight for Chase’s butt to roll him. Not that I want to know what it feels like to be a tumbleweed, but I wonder what goes through a rider’s mind when a one-ton, snorting, snotting, pissed-off piece of meat is shoving you head over heels with a two-pronged skull the size of a Mini-Cooper.

I’M JUST SAYIN’…

  • Did Sean Willingham totally make it to 8 seconds on Bet on Black? He’s the only Georgia native at this event, so of course he did, and not only that, but he also scored 86.75. Yep, a hometown boy score.
  • I’m really feelin’ for Austin Meier. He just can’t seem to do anything right—at least, not for very long. That clamping down/tightening up thing just doesn’t work, as Ty Murray and JW Hart have said ad infinitum. But can he fix it??
  • Eduardo Aparecido took on Delco, #127 in the PBR’s rankings. Now that’s a bucking bull! Best trip of the bulls so far. He was seriously pissed off about being ridden, and chased Aparecido right up and over the fence. The 81.50 was Delco’s fault; he scored 39.50. Apparently they lose points if they travel along the chutes (if they have a Brazilian on their backs). Not so for Ben Jones, who received an 83 on Train Robber, a cream puff (compared to Delco), who last year had a 20% buckoff rate and is #1,205 on the BFTS bull list—and here received a 40.25. This bull had no spin, some wild jumps yanking Ben forward, then galumphed all along the fence halfway into the arena. Ya see where I’m going with this?
  • Personally, at an event, I like when bulls travel away from the chutes; I can get a better look at them.

THE MONEY SHOT(S): COULD WE PLEASE HAVE THEM?
Look, camera operator: if a bull is putting on a show after a ride or buckoff (in this case, Good Time Charlie, after dispensing with Douglas Duncan), the commentators are talking and laughing at it, and the crowd is reacting to it, show the damned bull! Don’t cut off the replay as soon as the rider’s off his back—let the TV viewers see what everyone else is making noise about! A lot of bulls like to play after work.

AND SO IT GOES…
As JB Mauney prepped on Black Bart, in the background Flint Rasmussen was playing the harmonica—the same song he debuted in NYC (or rather, the same half-song; he hasn’t learned any more, as far as I could hear). JB needed 84.25 to get to the Championship Round. Naturally that merited an 87.50. BTW, what’s with this crawling away thing he’s been doing lately?

LOWLIGHTS
Silvano Alves’s riding percentage has disintegrated from 43% to 35.71% (same % as Cody Nance, and that’s not cool). His buckoff from Dirt Peddler (at 1425 lbs., a relatively svelte bull) was just ugly. This is officially a slump.

YOU’RE SCARING ME
What’s with Cody Nance’s short chaps?? Unique, yes, but so NOT a fashion statement. Not a good one, anyway.

CHAMPIONSHIP ROUND 

HIGHLIGHTS

  • We’re told that Guilherme Marchi is “on a mission right now; his private life is getting focused, so he’s doing well.” Still a mystery, but none of my business. Regardless, he was warned about the clock—no surprise there—but another serious digging job (for 86.75) made Surprise Package look easy. Leah Garcia remarked that lately he’s spurring a lot more, and I WISH I could’ve heard what Marchi said to her, but the Chief Nitwit was talking over the interview. Marchi put on a fake tough American voice, and the sentence ended with “baby!” Very funny.
  • Wipeout was a good pick for Valdiron. His arm’s sore, but he put up 88.50 points. Later, with a camera on him and a big smile, he said, “I tell my wife, I love you.”

BULL TALK

  • “He’s like the next Blueberry Wine, I think.”—Tiffany Davis re Super Freak, a little bull with a lot of personality, and according to her, a fan favorite. It’s cute how she feels about her bull. It’s a family affair, too: Super Freak and his son Freakster both bucked in this round.
  • Strongest Bull of the Night: I’m A Gangster Too: 45.25. When you saw the aerial view of what this bull did, you see Lachlan Richardson tossed every which way like a cornflake in a windstorm. That’s a lot of bovine power!

In spite of his mean rep, as soon as he dumped Lachlan, he clocked off and just stood there waited for the gate to open. It’s so funny to me that the bulls all know where they should exit, so when the guys deliberately keep the gate shut, the bulls get confused and do a circuit of the arena looking for the way out. The audience thinks the bulls are just strutting their stuff all around the fence, when the bulls actually are thinking (hey, if Craig Hummer can read a bull’s mind, so can I), “Damn! I know it was around here somewhere—where the hell did it go? That stupid Siri got me lost again!” “I’m done for the day, and I want my martini and dinner! Quit screwing with me, guys!”

I’M JUST SAYIN’…

  • Though the rope was at Robson Palermo’s fingertips at 8, he did earn 87.50 for his trip on Fire Rock. It’s ridiculous that Judge Jeff Shear uses a hand stopwatch for timing, which is why the time on the clock and the time on the replay is never the same. Talk about a margin for error!
  • Bad to the Bone didn’t look so bad to me; he just spun, but a lot of riders get plenty of points for staying on one of those. Marco Eguchi needed 88 points to lead, so 87 was all they could spare him. No storyline here.  Well, there is, but people don’t want to admit it.
  • Stanley Fatmax has dumped Silvano Alves in every one of their 4 matchups. So naturally somebody matched them up again, and Stanley won their 5th go-round. If I were Silvano, I’d have something to say about this. LOUD.

HUMMERBLATHER
Rango has beat JB Mauney 3 times. Babbles The Bummer, “You’re only gonna fool JB Mauney a few times. Eventually the arrow is gonna point in his direction.” Huh? You mean like on a compass? Well, whatever arrow he was talking about pointed right at 91.75 (what a surprise). “Crack open the confetti,” exclaims JB’s biggest fan. Again: huh? Of course this moved JB to the lead at that point.

STOP THE PRESSES!
Mike Lee has ridden Meat Hook 2 of 3 times, but AWWW, MAAAN! The bull faked him out at 7.24. So now he and Meat Hook are even. The big news: they put Mike on the clock! An American! On the clock! I just saw the Devil zip by on ice skates.

INEVITABLE RESULT: STORYLINE
Sean Willingham, taking on C Note, needed 82.75 to lead, so he got an 88.50 to put him on top, of course. JW Hart explained that Sean has a new baby girl, and they get expensive. Whaddaya know: the Georgia native wins in Georgia.  I’m too tired to do the math and see how the judges managed that, though I do appreciate Willingham’s statement, “I’m one of the older guys, so I gotta work harder.”

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Creative services, marketing and public relations professional from entertainment industry background. Published in magazines and newspapers worldwide. I believe bull riders are the new rock stars.
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One Response to The rest of Duluth

  1. pazle says:

    I agree about Hummerblather. He irritates me when he sounds so knowledgable.

    Like

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