• This was no highlight for star-crossed Austin Meier, though: Bad JNJ must’ve been binge-watching Olympic figure skating; he pulled a bizarre move, low to the ground on his hind legs and spinning. To his credit, Austin hung with him, then alongside him in a hangup until he hit the ground. He “valiantly” accepted the re-ride. (Tee hee. That one’s for Deezy.)
• Guilherme Marchi has won in Kansas City before. He made a heroic effort to stay on Western Hauler despite that backwards turnout, and scored 80.50. Said Marchi, “This ride not too pretty, but it’s 80 points in the short round.”
• Stone Sober, Dickie’s Pick of the Pen, is frightening. A photo of him with legs stretched out horizontally in a powerful mid-air kick way above the top of the gate, bull rope flying loose at both ends, and a (no doubt) very surprised cowboy perched on top is enough to make me queasy. At that point, when a guy realizes he has no control over his life, I wonder what goes through his mind: “I’m gonna come down sooner or later, but where the hell am I gonna land?? Shorty looks like a little red dot down there.”
• Caddy Shack, says The Bummer, “is going to try to manhandle the big Brazilian before the gate gets open.” The bull did a lot of thrashing around in the chute, as the chute guys yelled at de Oliveira to go. Right out of the gate, the bull burst up into the air, then frantically popped up and down, desperately trying to get rid of Valdiron. A measly 83.25 ties him with Marchi.
LOVE IS BLIND. AND DUMB.
Craig Hummer was on his soapbox bloviating to JW Hart about “generational change” amongst bull riders: “You were part of it, JW, along with Justin McBride, Chris Shivers, and of course JB Mauney.” So, is JB now past tense? As far as I know, he hasn’t announced his retirement. Hummer just wants to say JB’s name as much as he possibly can, in any context, no matter how nonsensical. And we’re all sick of it.
Mike White’s debut bull The Motto is a son of Bodacious, which should be enough to scare you. And yes, he was wicked wild.
BootDaddy.com twerked Ryan Dirteater off his back with a funny little booty move. Big booty, actually.
“These bulls have hearts, and they can be broken.”—JDub
Robson Palermo pulled himself up to 14th in the world standings after his long absence, scoring 87.25 last night (yay for the replay that let us see the ride) and 85.50 on Prince Jake tonight. This is how The Bummer backs into acknowledging how much people respect Robson: “We always talk about JB Mauney being a fan favorite…” He truly is unable to say anything about another rider without mentioning his idol. Kinda like when a certain kind of woman has a boyfriend whose name she has to inject into every conversation.
NEVER CALL THEM DUMB BEASTS
You could see the moment at which Roar said, “Oh, shit—he’s still here!” and lost heart. 84.50 for João Ricardo Vieira. After that humiliation, Roar resorted to showing off, performing a Mike Lee lap, then looked for the exit, all confused (poor thing, as Mom would say), finally spotted it and hustled out.
THIS IS WHY THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT GAGE GAY
JW Hart was telling us how Dale Doback’s action resembles his sire, Little Yellow Jacket’s: a little stutter-step, hop and skip out of the gate. Gage made that ride, even though the bull hung a horn, and then the bull must’ve tossed him 20 feet away. 84.50
• Luke Snyder was pulling Pistol Robinson’s rope on Hell or High Water. That bull was both Hell and High Water! What a wild ride and wreck—Frank Newsom took another kapow! to the ground. Lyndel Runyan managed to get Pistol’s hand out of the bull rope. Shorty flunked this one, but at least he told on himself: “It was just a bad deal; I feel like an idiot.”
• JB Mauney stands on a medicine ball to practice balance. Whew! Glad we got that national secret out in the open. Play Harder was just trying to shove his horns back into Mauney’s face, not really bucking. Shorty hollered for JB to pick a good spot. There was no good spot to land—he had to hustle pretty far and cling to the fence to get away from a hooking. Flint took the opportunity to pat JB’s butt. This bull was definitely mean. On top of that, JB was called for a slap.
• After the guys at the chute were yelling at João Ricardo Vieira to get out, South Paw pulled a big fake to the left, then went to the right, Vieira got bucked off, the bull went after him, Vieira rolled away from under his neck—and when you see him juxtaposed against the bull’s head, then you realize how huge those things are.
Sean Willingham’s good ride on Dillinger (for just 83) was the result of core strength training—and changing a lot of diapers, claims the new daddy.
Cheerio is the bull that whispered sweet nothings in Craig’s ear. (On the PBR website you can see the photos of Hummer getting some tongue.) Markus Mariluch exasperated Shorty by making it pretty far, then just jumping ship, for no visible reason. Shorty hollered from the dirt: “Markus!! He just gave up on that one!” then followed up with needling that if Mariluch doesn’t shape up, he’s going to be back doing farm work in Nevada.
THE SILVANO SCOOP
Alves last night made a ride but was thrown to the dirt and separated the shoulder of his riding arm. Dr. Tandy gave him a choice of riding or not. It’s amazing that he’s never been really injured before.
While Silvano was wrapping on Kiss Love Gun, the bull stuck his nose into the corner of the chute, refusing to cooperate, then jumped up to pay a visit to the cameraman. Hello! Can you imagine being all wrapped up in your work, carrying a kinda heavy piece of equipment, when all of a sudden this gigantic head and set of horns pops up at you six inches away? The score: 84.75. Oh, are we doing that mid-80s thing again, boys?
CALL THE MEN IN THE WHITE COATS
Delusional Brady Sims plans to be Rookie of the Year, in the top 5 this year, and win 10 world titles, since Ty Murray has 9. JW Hart couldn’t do anything but chuckle “I’m gonna say it’s hard enough to stay on the tour at this level. Took JB 8 years…But hey, set ‘em high.”
And then, we saw him perform on Bull Arrow, a nuts bull who stuttered and stumbled and dipped and dropped, Sims countering every move, for 83.40. JW had to laugh.
THE BOOK ON BEN
JDub’s analysis of our favorite Aussie: “He hits the ground harder than most other guys, ‘cause he hangs on ‘til the bitter end, and that’s why you hit the ground.” The proof was in the clips of Ben smacking to the dirt with a sound you could hear across the arena. We saw the scenario played out a bit later: Chin Music gave Ben some of that in the chute. ON the ride, Ben got hurt in the ribs, slammed against chute, kicked when he was down, then Lyndel Runyon came running between him and the bull to give Ben a chance to get up—slowly. For a moment it looked like it was dirt nap time. Then it was back to Sports Medicine for Ben. (At this point, I think he has a regular table reserved for him.) He earned 82.25 for his pains.
THE HARD WAY
Zane Lambert picked Stone Sober for the short go. Not a good move. JW’s commentary on the attempt: “He’s got his chin up in the air and lookin’ like he wants no part of it. If you don’t want no part of it, don’t pick ‘im!”
CLOSING IN ON 500
JW reminded people that it’s not just 500 rides Guilherme Marchi is making, it’s 500 rides against the best bulls in the world. Marchi racked up another one on Whippin’ Post, for 85.75 points—and came off on this feet. 2 more rides left to make 500. (That’s 500 rides out of 835 career outs.)
I’M JUST SAYIN’…
• Valdiron de Oliveira challenged the clock stopping at 5.10 during his ride on Evel Knievel. Hummer said that for de Oliveira to get a score, the replay has to be conclusive that it wasn’t a slap. But according to everything else we’ve been told on PBR broadcasts, if the replay is inconclusive, it goes to the rider’s favor. Those bendy rules again. It was a good thing he challenged; not a great score, but better than nothing: 81.50.
• Hummer then began blathering about Marchi possibly making “another Brazilian victory.” I’d like to shove a couple of flags up Craig’s (ahem) nose and see if he can tell which one is Brazilian and which is American. I am beyond sick of him constantly emphasizing a rider’s nationality. He’s creating more resentment among the ignorant bull riding fans who hate the Brazilians for being good riders. Some examples: “We’ve got 3 Brazilians out of the top 3; we know 4 out of the top 5 are going to be Brazilians.” “The top three spots: our podium filled with Brazilians: Emilio, Guilherme, and Valdiron.” “We started out the show talking about the dominance of the Brazilians. It looks like we may end the show talking about the same.” Hummer’s driving the wedge even further between fans of American riders and fans of Brazilian riders—as if no one can be both! If you’re a fan of the sport, does it really matter who’s playing it, as long as they play it well? And if you do have favorites, does that mean you have to resent and revile the other riders? Hummer probably thinks that the more he mentions Brazilian riders doing well, he’s proving that the PBR likes them. The judges aren’t buying it. They’re acting out their resentment.
It’s the first BFTS win for Emilio Resende (or in Hummer language, “for the 24-year-old Brazilian”). And Marchi regains the #1 spot in the world.
I love seeing all the guys behind the chute hugging one another.