Bushwacker trots out for his spotlight turn, but there’s no mention of Kent Cox.
In the first minute of the broadcast, we hear The Name of Names: Ty Murray explained what a rider’s focus should be. “If you’re JB Mauney, you can’t be thinking about Bushwacker…”
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“If you think too far ahead, it’s gonna bite you in the rear end.”—JW Hart
BULLS BRINGING IT!
So many shockingly quick buckoffs! Who Dey did it to Robson Palermo, Seminole Wind put it to Douglas Duncan, Spotted Velvet took down Valdiron de Oliveira, Honey Hush tossed Silvano Alves, Altercation bucked JB onto the gate in about two seconds (didn’t even get his jeans dirty), I’m A Gangster Too faked out Guilherme Marchi, Big Tex Rocks “is able to rock the world of the big Brazilian,” as Hummer expressed what the bull did to João Ricardo Vieira (who apparently is interchangeable with all the other guys from South America), Mick E Mouse made an outrageous entrance (more bad luck for Vieira)… It’s a good thing a guy didn’t have to make 8 to advance to the next round.
• “We’re gonna take a moment to pause,” says Craig, explaining what’s happening between Valdiron de Oliveira and Ty Pozzobon. I was so dumbfounded by this gem that I have no idea what happened between Valdiron de Oliveira and Ty Pozzobon.
• “He gets thrown, bucked, and tossed, all at the same time.” Hummer talking about Ty P. on Wicked (debuting here; has been bucking in the PRCA). I’m trying to picture it, but all I’m coming up with is shaken, not stirred.
• “The legend of Gage Gay continues to grow,” proclaims The Blatherer. For god’s sake, the kid is 19 years old and just showed up this season, and he’s a legend?? Look up that word in the dictionary, doofus! And yet he can make it even worse: “The future is now for this 19-year-old.” Well, then I guess Gay can just go home now; apparently he has nothing to look forward to. Sigh. Sometimes I despair for the human race.
• And then Gage says Asteroid “better watch out, ’cause I’m coming for him.”
• “Silvano is one of those guys who has two World Championships not only because he rides bulls well, but also because he rides the good bulls.” Um, didn’t you and your cronies spend last year ragging on Alves because “he picks bulls he can ride”?
Mike Lee, #2 in the world, has had 6 top 10s this season, yet Winter Jack handed him the worst/funniest/longest hangup ever. His spur caught in the rope. Such a freakish hangup; Lee was flopping up and down like a crash dummy. Thank god for Frank the Tank climbing halfway onto the bull’s back to release Mike’s hand—or was it his foot? I’ll take that 77.25, thank you very much.
SURELY YOU JEST
• “It’s about fairness, every event that we’re at,” claims Craig, who clearly wasn’t paying attention to the scoring last year.
• “The judges will be the ultimate decider,” says Hummer. And don’t we wish someone else was!
• Ty Murray pronounced that Crossfire was “going to go the right at 100 mph.” After the bull decided otherwise, Hummer chimed in, “The bull goes to the left, just as Ty said.” It’s amazing how he can rewrite reality two seconds after it happens.
• Something that happened with João Ricardo Vieira and Ropin’ Dreams inspired the Bummer to babble, “Drinking some of that Guilherme Marchi Kool-Aid.” God knows what was going on in that squirrelly little mind of his that made him link Marchi with a mass suicide.
• Reese Cates slapped his bull, which Craig pronounced was due to “stupidity.” Nice. Since when are commentators allowed to dish out personal insults? If a rider said something snotty, he’d probably be fined. I say, make Craig fork out $500.
• “Asteroid is not one to brag, but his out-of-the-world performance…” Another eyeroll-worthy display of anthropomorphism by cracked Craig. But wait! There’s more! Asteroid “has nothing left to prove, he just likes to prove he’s still got what it takes.”
• “Mick E Mouse may be cute and cuddly, but once you open that gate…” Cute and cuddly, Craig? You wanna get in the chute and try to pet him?
• Ty Murray being thoroughly aggravated by Ryan Dirteater’s lack of serious effort on Stanley’s Fatmax: “There’s a million dollar bonus at the end of this!” “Maybe a million dollars isn’t worth as much to them as it is to me!”
• “Stormy Wing is going to have to weather the storm against this bull,” proclaims the Bummer about Stone Sober. Well, by now a lot of us have seen that photo of the bull’s first jump—10 feet in the air, right out of the chute. “Stormy Wing as confident as they come,” Craig’s wishful thinking continues. Instant buckoff and a hoof-crunch. Hummer turns on a dime: “Confidence can take you only so far.” 46.75 was the best bull score of the night.
I’M JUST SAYIN’…
• “The Mick E Mouse bracket” just sounds so funny when you’re talking about bulls.
• Finally Kent Cox is mentioned. Part of the acknowledgment: “This sport is built on toughness and denying pain.” Yeah, and that’s exactly why Kent is gone. “Cowboying up” can be dangerous to your health.
• “Let’s go, Robson” was the refrain at the chute as Palermo wrapped. Guess they got bored with the “Let’s go, Silvano!” song.
• “While Meat Hook dispatches one Brazilian, he will look ahead to another one.” “We now move on to another Brazilian,” says The Bummer, who seems unable to see past nationality.
• Rookie Gage Gay was flashing all the right countermoves, and beat JB. Leah, interviewing Gage, noted that Mauney walked right past her and Gay. Hmmm— any sour grapes in the vicinity?
• Notice how Hummer is particularly obnoxious when he’s at a big event? He’s like a kid on a sugar rush from eating too much cotton candy at the circus.
• And there’s the ever-annoying nonsensical conundrum: “How do you judge Asteroid when he’s so good that he gets a rider off so fast?” Here’s the clue, doofus: Guys can’t stay on him. That means he’s great. Give him a high score. If he didn’t get rid of his riders fast, he’d be considered more rideable—and then what kind of score would you give him? Low because he’s easier to ride, or high because he’s “rider-friendly”? Figure it out, PBR! I’m sick of hearing this idiocy.
PROPS TO MATT TRIPLETT
Shorty Gorham talked about how Matt tries until his head hits the ground: “He’s a trying little sucker.”
NO MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKERS NEEDED
“There’s a lot of big bad scary bulls ahead of me, but I can guarantee you a million dollars is a lot more appealing.”–Reese Cates.
“I guess I coulda did a little better, but I guess being 19 and taking second with the top bulls in the world—I’ll take it.”—Gage Gay. Yeah, 85.75 and 90.50 don’t stink.
Panda Trax, who, according to Ty, “said I’m not gonna turn it up to 10 if I only have to turn it up to 7.”
Shepherd Hills Trapper’s patented drop-down sharp cornering. It never gets old.
The power of Sasquatch.
Hot Iron’s ridiculously long jump out of the chute. Wonder how it compares with Mike Powell’s 1991 record 29’ 41/2” jump?
Meat Hook’s cool little hop-skip.
The way Bushwacker stands obediently at the out gate, then scores 46.75, to tie with Stone Sober. “That’s him turning the dial to about 6,” Ty explained. Calm, cool and collected, they said—then we get a shot of the boss bull licking mucus away from his nose. He actually can get his tongue into his nostrils. Eewww!
THIS IS WHY HE’S CALLED THE TANK
Frank Newsom jumped between LJ Jenkins and fierce Cowtown Slinger; the bull threw LJ out of the way, Frank got rolled and trampled—and kept on ticking.
CLOSING IN ON 500
Craig was yammering on about “the story of the Brazilian,” while Marchi rode Redneck away from his hand for 87.50—his 499th ride. Leah asked when his 500th ride would be: “Maybe today.”
No wonder they named Palermo’s bull Crack The Whip! His first few moves were wild. Robson’s miraculous core strength earned him that 89.50. Loved his answer to Leah about what he’s going to do if he has to ride against Marchi. Robson was giving the standard polite “I just have to ride my bull, maybe Marchi will ride his”… Guilherme yelled from off camera, “You lie, cowboy, you lie!” and jumped in to tease him; Robson batted his hand away. A little more byplay and everybody’s laughing. It’s cute to see the big boys acting like little boys. I’m glad Marchi has been flipping the rigid PBR script every now and then. The PBR could use some spontaneity!