I liked that cinema verité opening in the locker room with Jesse Byrne and his brother Tanner discussing Tanner’s draw, Little Bighorn. They actually sounded natural. Then in comes The Hokey One: Flint with his set lines, and BLAM! We’re back to B.S.
So happy they replayed Guilherme Marchi’s 500th ride; I missed it happening in real time. Twitter was all lit up about it. Now let’s count how often we see it, compared to JB Mauney’s ride on Bushwacker, which I think I’ve already seen 50 times—and I don’t even catch all the events, or watch the LEC. (You know that stands for Let’s Extort Cash, right?) Speaking of—if he rode Pandora’s Pyxis for his 500th ride, how much you wanna bet the score would be 10 points higher than Marchi’s 84?
Jesse Byrne: “I can’t say enough good things about Guilherme Marchi.”
Brandon Bates presented Marchi with a plaque; Marchi’s comment: “I thank God for make me happy and a good guy.” We do too, Guilherme!
I’ve decided that from now on, if the broadcasts name the judges and I don’t blink while they’re listed onscreen, I’m naming them here—or at least the ones I can catch. I’m sure we all want to know which one is the shithead on the chute who’s DQing Brasileiros right and left. The only ones I could catch this time were Chad Pighin, Allen Jordan, and Jeff Shear.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEN
Ben Jones is 35 years old today, and his present was Meat Hook. Bummer. Last time they met, the outcome was a left rib fracture for the cowboy, and another notch on his belt (or wherever) for the bull. Lately it’s becoming easier for the bulls to buck him off, so now Ben’s fighting his head. Again. 44 for the bull this time.
THIS IS WHY THE BULLFIGHTERS GET PAID THE BIG BUCKS (NOT!)
- Hideous hangup: Claudio Crisostomo put the bullfighters through their paces, with his whole leg stuck in the rope and the upside-down rest of him bouncing and rebounding headfirst under No Regrets. Jesse Byrne leaped onto the bull’s back to free Claudio’s spur, struggled, and got bucked right over the bull. That can happen when you weigh about the same as a Thanksgiving turkey. (Eventually Claudio was freed and walked away, but with a fractured left clavicle.) Jesse’s salary can’t possibly be enough.
- As Winter Jack chased him around, Jesse was giggling! He ended up breathless at the broadcasting mics. Justin McBride (who rarely opens his mouth without saying something that’s going to offend someone other than a while male): “Jesse’s laughing all the way through it—I’d be crying like a little girl.”
- Renato Nunes, needing 86 to lead, scored 92.50 on rank Air Time. Yesss!
- Mr. Feiger, half-brother to Bushwacker, son of Reindeer Dippin’, pounds each jump, front and back hooves—and fast. As soon as he ditched Sean Willingham, he kicked so high over his head, he almost did a headstand, then kicked his hind hooves on top of the Shark Cage. Good genes!
I’M JUST SAYIN’…
It’s been interesting (and depressing) to watch Renato trying to find the sweet spot: Should I be back on the end of my arm? Should I try staying over the front of the bull? When did this start being a problem? What’s going on with me? My backflips are gonna rust
I’M JUST YELLIN’…
Silvano Alves was DQ’d for taking too long in the chute—they stopped him in the middle of wrapping! Silvano actually looked mad, which happens about once every two years. What I heard the judge yelling to Silvano: “10, 5, 3, Out! Stop! Stop!” How does anyone think this guy has what it takes to be a professional judge? This was downright juvenile, petty, and ugly.
THE BROTHERS BYRNE
Cute to have Jesse comment on his brother’s ride last night. Tanner started out with a borrowed glove; he left his in the locker room. I had to laugh at Craig explaining that pop Ryan Byrne couldn’t be a judge at this event because Tanner had qualified, “and the PBR didn’t want any sense of impropriety.” HAH!! This would be the only they ever cared about propriety!
Nice bit on the dirt: “Heads up, he’s coming back,” said Jesse to his dismounted bro at the fence, as the bull decided to revisit his rider.
Craig Hummer: “Jesse, I got so caught up in the excitement, I called you Shorty!”
Jesse: “I’ve been called worse.”
Tanner concentrated very well, racking up an 88 on Compact as Jesse cheered him on. After Tanner got hit by the bull, Jesse reassured him that he was all right—as the kid developed a bruised eye.
I’M JUST ASKIN’…
- Do NBA sportscasters say, “Chinese American, Jeremy Lin?” Get over it, PBR. You wanted international reach, you got it. The name is not “BrazilianJRVieira” or “NativeAmericanGuyTsosie.”
- How is Jesse Byrne so little and Tanner Byrne so big?
- Matt Triplett scored 88.25 on Shepherd Hills Stockman (barely). Uh, isn’t it a little weird that one of his sponsors is Shepherd Hills? Can you say “conflict of interest”? I knew you could.
- I think this might be a first: João Ricardo Vieira’s bull hipped himself and changed the direction of the ride, Vieira challenged what would’ve been a zero, and his challenge was accepted! (I know; I had to pick myself up off the floor.) He was given a reride. Smart move, dude! “A very good challenge from the Brazilian,” blathers Hummer.
- This might be a first (maybe a second): Silvano Alves, still recovering from a separated shoulder on his riding arm, accepted a re-ride after his not-very-pretty out on Frontier Outlaw.
PAY ATTENTION TO THAT MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN
Very cool: Catapult Sports has Gary McCoy scientifically monitoring and analyzing rider and bull movement and force. If he’s too accurate about which rider stayed on or didn’t stay on, though, and he gets objective numbers, he might find himself out of a gig.
“JB Mauney still continues to lead.” “Still continues”?
Jory Markiss rocked a great turquoise shirt.
MAN OF FEW WORDS
What did Mike Lee know about Tank ahead of time? “He’s red and white.”
JUST SO YA KNOW
David’s Dream has been ridden 3 out of 34 outs. Valdiron de Oliveira rode him 2 out of their 3 meetups.
Stanley Fatmax “has a lot of rare,” says Ty Murray, presumably looking forward to a Stanley steak when Fatmax retires.
“He didn’t seem like nothing special.”—Gage Gay acting nonchalant about picking Tennessee Honey, because he rode him last time with no problem.
This is the 4th time Valdiron rode Sue. He scored 85.75, but got beat up: hoof in the face and back of his head, and stomped all over. How can he even stand up, let alone walk out?? He has to have a concussion after that. Helmet!!
HO-HUM, THE “LEGEND” CONTINUES (You know Hummer’s gonna start calling JB a “legend” pretty soon, right?)
JB needed 87 to win on Team Elk. McBride predicted 90. Of course they scored him 89.25. (Surprise surprise.) Too bad for Tanner, who was #1 for a moment, having ridden all 3 of his bulls. (And yes, that is the correct verb tense.) “I’da handed it to him, but it’s everybody for himself when you’re riding bulls,” said JB.