If you thought the idea of bringing bull riding to China was amusing, you’ll laugh your socks off when you hear how the PBR boys are doing it. (Read the Aug. 8 article on the PBR website, “Hairihen Ready to Ride in China.”)
First, they pick an equestrian/archer/wrestler (I kid you not) from Inner Mongolia who’s never been on a bull, can’t speak English, and apparently has just one name, like Sting. (Or maybe they just didn’t bother to find out if his name has another half.) Then they ship him to Australia, where stock contractor Rick Ruhland tries to teach him bull riding in 6 weeks—without a translator, of course. The kid used a cell phone app to translate between English and Mandarin. And yet, we’re supposed to believe there really is a PBR China.
Then comes the funny stuff. See if you can spot what’s hilarious in this sentence: “As time went on, the former bull rider immediately saw glimpses of potential thanks to his pupil’s history on horseback.” Clearly no editor is on duty in the PBR neck of the woods.
And this one (not just because it’s a really run-on sentence): “The mind is just a blur because everything happens so fast,” Ruhland explained. “He took to it really quickly and I think that is from being a horseman and it wasn’t such a transition to his mind to do those basic moves he had to do because it probably all slowed down for him a lot faster.”
I kinda like that last bit. It’s perfect for a tombstone: “It all slowed down for him a lot faster.”
But here’s the stinky part: they let Hairihen compete in PBR Australia Cup events. How can they possibly justify that? Oh wait a minute, what am I saying—PBR never justifies anything—they just do it; the hell with everyone. Wonder what the real PBR riders think of this? Oh wait a minute, what am I saying—they’re not allowed to express an opinion or a feeling. Haven’t you noticed? Has there ever been a case of a PBR rider saying anything unscripted—anything even remotely disapproving of what goes on in the organization? Nope. Because if you do, you’re banished. Or at least DQ’d.