Is it just me, or is all that loud hyperbolic hype at the top of the broadcast turning you off?
Pretty amazing top tier going into Sunday:
1. Fabiano Vieira, even with his bum riding arm
2. JRV, rookie (I have succumbed to laziness—in a Word program it’s a pain to find the cedilla to put over the “a” in his name. Besides, if you watch bull riding and you don’t know who this is by now, give it up.)
3. Guilherme Marchi, the next “grand old man” of bullriding
4. Silvano Alves, coming up on the inside
5. Mike Lee—he’s been surprising me all year with this resurgence, and sure getting a lot of exercise doing those victory laps.
6. Eduardo Aparecido, This is unexpected. I kinda thought Marco Eguchi or J.B. would be here by now.
STOP THE PRESSES!
Wow, an articulate cowboy: Matt Triplett. And he sure deserved to strut after his 88-point ride on Tyree’s Pretty Boy.
Yes! Brendon Clark is a commentator, just like I told him I wanted.
Neil Holmes in his BFTS debut. Check this: Round 1, 84; Round 2, 87.25 and a flying dismount from a bull sadly named Reaganator (though not the voluntary flying-over-the-animal’s-head dismount that was bronc rider Hawkeye’s specialty). Holmes has been riding for 10 years; this summer, he scored 88, 90.50, and 92.50 in the CBR’s Road to Cheyenne Finals. Looking at his CBR scores in the last few years, I can say that with only a couple of exceptions, he has just two gears: north of 86, or zero. I’d say that’s a cowboy worth watching. His interview quote: “I just wanted to let everybody know I was here and I’m here to stay.” Succinct.
WHO DO THEY THINK THEY’RE FOOLING?
Headline: U.S. riders have won the last 4 events. Yeah, because look at how many times the judges shafted the Brazilian riders and failed to notice Cody Nance’s spurs.
On Kiss Animalize, “Nance found a way,” says Craig Hummer, to get an 86.50 score. You mean, his right spur found a way.
Ty Murray was blathering about how the top 3 guys are struggling with things: JRV is struggling with bulls that turn away from his hand, Fabiano with his shoulder injury, Marchi with “Father Time” (and more of the bulls-turning-away-from-his-hand thing). Shorty chimed in about how they’re all struggling with something. Yeah, boys, and they’re STILL the top 3 guys, so as Liz Lemon would say, “Suck it, monkeys!”
We should track how many bulls Cody Lambert gives JRV that turn away from his hand. (Vieira still won the most rounds of anyone this season.) Marchi also was matched with another bull going away from his hand. How many times does this happen?
There was more J.B. hype (a montage) before a commercial, then the Athlete Profile after. Why? To make us think he’s still in the Finals race? Later we got an Extreme Close Up at the chute as he sat on Cowboy Phil. The ride was good as far as it went—halfway—then J.B. got into a bad position. Even so, Ty managed to find something to praise.
THE ANTI-BRAZILIAN RE-RIDE STRATEGY: 50 SHADES OF SHIT
- Because of Finger Roll’s bad chute behavior, JRV was offered a re-ride— or 64 points. Vieira didn’t fall for it. He did the math in his head and said he’d keep the 64, because 9 times this year he hasn’t scored on a re-ride. And there you have it, monkeys: the Killer Bs are smarter than you. They’re not trying to prove anything; they’re trying to win.
Silvano’s bull, Mr. Twitter, blew up in the chute, then just kept spinning. So here’s the choice handed to Silvano: 63.75 or a re-ride.
- Next on the crazy train: J.W. Harris (out with a back injury) and Neil Holmes were helping Chase Outlaw at the chute. Crazy Trip has history of giving scores to left-handed riders, and whaddaya know: Chase is one. The bull did a lot of lurching, and Neil kept Chase from getting hurt. Then came the rewrap. Lots of time. After all that, the bull hip-hopped sideways, barely left the chute, and bashed Chase against it upside down. Outlaw was offered a re-ride—without an insulting score. Just a plain old re-ride. Later, he was matched with Brown Sugar, a bull that Ty says goes to left.
- Emilio Resende’s bull banged against the rail a few times, sending people up the fence. Though Emilio rode just fine, the judges gave him a choice: a re-ride or 70.75. Yeah, the bull stunk, so penalize the rider.
- When Mike Lee went out on Dr. Wishes, the bull did some up-and-down, no spinning, stopped dead, and Mike climbed off like he was dismounting a stuffed cow. No re-ride jazz: he got an 80 instead.
- Here’s a head-scratcher: Flyin’ Crazy bucked Nunes half out of the chute—Renato’s leg was completely over the top rail; pretty scary. Then the bull hung his head in the chute rail on the way out—I’ve never seen anything like it. How that wasn’t a re-ride beats me, but Renato rode and scored 89.50. (Probably because he was good and mad.) His back-flip was only from the Shark Cage, and kind of wonky, but WTF, I’ll take it.
- Fabiano kept a 51.50 in Round 1, with Ty calling his result a dismount, not a buckoff, and discounting the shoulder problem, saying it wasn’t involved.
Those judges suck. And now Ty does, too.
Ty said J.B. Mauney proved last year that the Alves re-ride strategy doesn’t work. HOLY M.O.G., YOU TWERP! Do you think we’re all half-wits?? That we didn’t pick up on all the harassment, DQs, and low scores thrown at Alves all year, and all the high scores and selective treatment thrown at J.B.? (And for the millionth time, yes, J.B. is a great bull rider, and it’s not his fault that the PBR thinks he wears a halo.)
Later we’re told Alves has a 59.62% riding percentage, 3rd highest of all time–and Hummer starts quibbling about how many scores were below 80! (Craig must be really slow if he doesn’t know why.) Here’s the unbelievable part: Ty then contradicted himself, saying that Silvano’s strategy won him 2 championships. (Ya mean 3.)
Ty needs someone to talk to at home. He just can’t stop. There was one pearl of wisdom in the whole broadcast: “Every time you ride, you either win something or learn something.”
I’M JUST SAYIN’
There were a lot of awkward entrances by the bulls, and Western Hauler took a spill onto his side after dumping Marco Eguchi. Finally Shorty, uh, mentioned that yeah, the sand was a bit of a problem; too soft, too deep; pock-marked from lots of hooves. Once again, who’s in charge of dirt? Why can’t the organization find a local supplier of proper dirt, instead of sometimes dirt, sometimes sand, sometimes limestone chips? It’s not safe for the bulls, and if it’s not safe for the bulls, it’s not safe for the cowboys. Plus the sand slowed down Mike Lee’s victory run after his 87.25 ride on Meat Hook! But his event win moved Lee to #3 in the world standings.
Lachlan Richardson is making me despair. The way More Big Bucks launched him against the chute, if he wasn’t wearing a helmet, his skull would’ve split. The kid is jinxed.
Renato went way too wild, doing a back bend over Modified Clyde’s rump. That is one flexible spine! (Renato’s, not Clyde’s)
“As good as you ride, where have you been?” naive Leah Garcia asks Neil Holmes. Uh, stuck behind the race barrier, girl.
TAKE YOUR HEAD OUT OF WHERE IT IS, TY!
“Quit acting like a girl,” Murray said to J.B. Oh, really, little boy? You mean, like the “girl” who was such a sissy that she gave birth to you? Or the “girl” that was such a wuss that she gave birth to your son? You think you know what pain is? HAVE A BABY, you little twerp, and stop insulting women! Maybe this half of the human race should start saying, “Stop acting like a boy.”