My predictions for 2015:
- The PBR points system will become more and more complicated and confusing until only Cody Lambert understands it.
- The PBR TV schedule will become more and more complicated and confusing until only Sean Gleason understands it.
- The PBR will develop a spinoff website all about J.B. Mauney, which they will then develop into The 24/7 J.B. Channel. J.B. will become a franchise, with his own line of clothing, accessories, and grooming products (including a men’s fragrance which of course will be called “Just Bad”), and we’ll be able to buy stock in him. (If Craig Hummer doesn’t scoop it all up and become majority owner.)
- More PRCA and CBR riders will get a toe in the PBR door, and PBR will continue to look down its nose at them—until Sage Steele Kimzey shows up and kicks some PBR butt. Get this: coming into the PRCA Finals, Sage (age 20) was leading both the PRCA and CBR standings. He won the gold buckle in He’s also one of only two people in the past half-century to win both PRCA Rookie of the Year and the world title in the same year. (He also won the Top Gun Award). Gee, if he rides in the PBR, I bet they’ll deign to name him Rookie of the Year, too.
- Craig Hummer will break the land speed record for words per minute. And half of them will be “J.B.”
- We will discover that Ty Murray actually has two personalities, and neither one of them can make up his mind.
- PBR judges will develop even more creative math skills, until someone finally hires a hit man. (Don’t look at me; I can’t afford one.)
- PBR will install poles on the dirt for the Monster Energy “Girls” and Rockstar Energy “Girls,” and for those in chute side seats, lap dances will be free. The children (and women, and men with a conscience) in the audience will just have to hide their eyes and pretend this is good family entertainment approved by their God.
- We won’t see a bull with Bushwacker’s star power. (That’s a big ol’ DUH.)
- This one I didn’t need a crystal ball for: riders whose last names end with a vowel will dominate the Top 10 spots.