Round 1 of The Biggest Farce on Earth

I had planned to write about the two PBR events prior to the Finals, when the outcome of the Finals could possibly have been different, but I decided not to waste the effort; I had that creepy feeling. Then I was too sickened by the PBR JB PR machine to even finish watching the Finals. I skipped the last two days of The Coronation. But I did keep some of my notes. I’m not bothering to put them in coherent form, because I still feel nauseated every time I think about what a clown show this year’s Finals were. For what it’s worth, here are the things I noticed—besides Craig Hummer’s heavy breathing.

ROUND 1

Craig said something about “the oddsmakers” again, like he did in 2013—are there people in a betting ring putting money on JB? Are the judges making a mint?

BTW, “notoriety” is not the same as “fame.” Notoriety is a negative thing. Bushwacker has fame. Charles Manson had notoriety.

The guys on the couch pre-show bit is pretty boring. Cody Lambert isn’t exactly scintillating. They might as well have been reciting press releases.

”Yet another piece in the puzzle will be decided at the 2015 world Finals.” What puzzle? WTF are you talking about, Hummer? There’s no puzzle here. We all know what has been decreed from on high.

“He’s the best bull rider going as far as I’m concerned.”—Lambert, in another flipflop from his previous evaluation of Silvano Alves.

& of course Cody launched into how he doesn’t expect much from João Ricardo Vieira, & they go harping on the “can’t ride bulls away from his hand again” shtick. He has done it, guys. Just not every time—nor has anyone else.

One of the fools said about Air Time: “He is not broke to ride.” Glad to see the clip of Renato Nunes riding him.

Justin McBride to JB: “We just watched that video of you winning your first World Championship.” That’s called subliminal advertising, folks.

All the gushing is unbearable.

McBride re Alves’s hip: “I don’t think he has came back with it.” Justin has some of the worst grammar in the PBR. Are they gonna fix it as the PBR gets slicker?

R they serious with that Kathleen Turner style voiceover crooning, “Men… Men who bla bla bla… Men…bla bla…” What a bunch of embarrassing crap!

“Is it going to be a competition, or is it going to be a coronation?” Hummer, already wetting his pants about his superhero.

Hype, hype, hype—all Hummer’s unglued moments glued together. Pass me the barf bag.

Paying attention to the bulls: These bills have been amazingly good, but the judges have been stingy with the scores.

  • Pearl Harbor is 0/5. JW Hart compared the jittery bull to a 5th grader with ADD. LOL. Holy crap! That bull was flying horizontally! He was in the air when he kicked out his back legs! Score too low.
  • Jump Street. Another jack-in-the-box bull. Caught serious air.
  • Gangster Bucks – sporting an odd skunk stripe; another bovine with a lot of bounce.
  • Bruiser’s grandpa is Little Yellow Jacket. Scored 44.75 with his high-flying rear end, kicking out the lights.
  • Brutus was brutal. After giving Kasey a shot, he massacred his hat.
  • Big Tex Wishes was fast coming out of the chute, and flew high every jump.
  • Rocco was very agile, took a hard corner.

Mason Lowe in his 1st Finals–  & of course because he rode, he reminds Craig of JB. (Who doesn’t?)

Hummer reminds us that the World Cup was when countries competed against each other. Gee, you’d never know it’s any different now.

“A heavenly performance from Divinity gets Aragao off…” aagghh! Make him stop.

LMAO: Hummer talking about Robson Palermo: “He shared a lot of thoughts with me this year that he spent a lot of time thinking about.” KMN

Cowbanger slammed Palermo against the fence. How was that not a re-ride, when other riders have gotten one for similar situations?

Ben Jones told Ty Murray he had a breakdown in the hotel suite & had to have a cry & get it out of his system. Wow. Guess next time he’ll know not to share anything big with Murray.

“The strongest guy in the world is not gonna be able to strength his way through this.”—Ty talking about Brutus. He still thinks “strength” is a verb.

“Kasey Hayes has been known as one of the dragonslayers.” Since when, Hummer??

Australian Rookie of the Year Justin Paton competed in only 3 BFTS events before landing at the Finals. Does this make any sense?

In case you forgot: Alves has ridden 25 of 30 bulls in various Finals.

Craig blathering about how JB is showing everybody how it’s done and is comfortably going to win his 2nd gold buckle. Never mind who cushioned the ride for him.

How do they not see Cody Nance’s spur hooked into the rope from the get-go?

“These superheroes wear chaps, not capes,” says Hummer, contradicting his previous stance on JB wearing a cape.

Marchi has racked up 547 rides – but he’s kind of hobbling on his way out.

Nathan Schaper is having a baaaad slump: 2/19.

“JB Mauney had gotten into the heads of his competitors.”—No, Craig, he’s gotten into YOUR head and is leaking from your every orifice.

Fabiano Vieira made it look easy on Crazy Days, especially with that snazzy getoff, for 86.75.

And yet another clip of JB talking. He gets so much air time, it’s ridiculous. & then we have to hear AGAIN about “that run he put together in 2013” and “he’s writing the same script this year.” You mean, that run the judges put together in 2013, and the same script they’re writing.

Kaique Pacheco 47.22% riding percentage. I can NOT believe they didn’t give him a score—he did that ride exactly right. Chocolate Shake’s head came up & a horn touched his hand (not the other way round), so it’s his fault? Bullshit.

“Let’s highlight what JBM has done since his 2013 win”—as if we don’t know the script by heart. More shots of him riding.

Lambert predicted an 88 for him on Wicked Stick. Never underestimate those judges, Cody. They threw JB a 91. Clearly the next script is about whether he’ll break Chris Shivers’s record for 90-point rides. Wonder if they’ll stoop to digging out of the prehistoric vaults some rides that somehow went uncounted. Yeah, they’ll stoop to anything when it comes to their Golden Boy.

JB is Round 1 winner. What a surprise.

“It seems it’s his story to write himself,” says #1 Fan. He doesn’t need to, fool. The PBR is writing it for him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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8 Responses to Round 1 of The Biggest Farce on Earth

  1. adrian reza says:

    Looks like they want to make jb the #1 everything world titles,events wins,90 point rides and money earner and who knows what else.

    Like

  2. No longer a fan says:

    Sorry to say, I really don’t care about what happens with the PBR. Their hatred of the Brazilians is awful. Wonder what new rules they will make up so JB can win again. Maybe if you cheat on your wife you will get extra points for “cowboying up”. So much collateral damage when you are given power. What an alley cat. Poor Lexie. Did anyone else notice that a blonde was with JB when he won and not his brunette wife, Lexie?

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    • A lot of people noticed the switch. I just didn’t comment on it, because I gave myself a rule about not dealing with a rider’s private life.

      I just wish there was some other way to see the Brazilian riders without feeding money to the PBR. Occasionally one makes his way onto the CBR circuit or a PRCA event, but that’s just not going to make up for losing Renato Nunes!

      Like

  3. S. says:

    You can bet on the PBR finals, at least, you could in 2010, the last time I went to Vegas. I looked in the betting room at the Venetian/Palazzo and saw the odds. I don’t know how many people bother, though.

    So what happened to that time the bull’s horn came up and hit Valdiron and they said he didn’t hit the bull, the bull hit him? Their selective memory is amazing. There was the time the bull’s tail hit Renato’s hand and they called him for that… seems like if the guy is in the right position, he didn’t hit the bull, the bull hit him, and the judges should be able to figure it out. Although of course any potential challenger to J.B. has to go down, so…

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    • Here’s how dumb people are: if you’re betting on JB and he’s the favorite, your winnings will be doodleysquat.

      Yep, selective memory at work. Interesting to note: all the riders involved were Brazilian. I guess it doesn’t matter which part of a bull hits an American.

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      • S. says:

        Well, there was no point in betting on who would win, anyway, since the PBR had already determined it, by hook or by crook. I’m sure there’s some horse-racing style betting on the other placings, though. I’m not much of a gambler, and I find the complex betting very confusing, so I hesitate to say more.

        The thing that was super weird was that they overturned a DQ on Valdiron a couple of years ago, saying he was in position and the bull’s horn hit him, but then they apparently never applied this rule again. Including when a bull slammed Valdiron’s head into the fence even though he was in position (although they finally saw sense on that one). I think some leeway makes sense, because you really can’t expect a guy to avoid a tail coming up behind him and hitting his hand when he’s in position, or something like that– it’s not like that’s helping a guy stay on, either. I’m sure their application of any such rule would be as arbitrary as ever, but, you know.

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      • All I know is, I can tell the difference between when a bull hits a rider and a rider hits a bull, and apparently those judges can’t. Or won’t.

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