FINALS DAY 3
OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF—WELL, I DON’T KNOW
“One thing’s for sure—nothing’s for sure.”—Justin McBride, contradicting the entire PBR marketing strategy.
THE GOLDEN BOY
They just can’t switch from the JB channel. There was even MORE blather:
“I like what you’ve already done, which is touch on JB’s toughness… often we see the guy who’s near legendary status…” Craig blabbering on. I hope someday he looks back on this period of his life and is mortally embarrassed to see himself salivating after a 20-something-year-old cowboy who rides bulls. Ty Murray just flat out called Mauney a “legendary” bullrider.
ABOUT THIS “LEGEND” STUFF
- Let me clear up something for the chuckleheads out there. Here is the dictionary definition of “legend”:
a: a story coming down from the past; especially: one popularly regarded as historical although not verifiable
b: a body of such stories <”a place in the legend of the frontier”>
c: a popular myth of recent origin
d: a person or thing that inspires legends*
e: the subject of a legend <”its violence was legend even in its own time”>
*See a, b, c, and e, in case you think d is where JB fits in.
Okay, have we got that straight?
But wait, there’s more!
- Interview with JB: “One day you can be on the top, the next day you’re underneath ‘em.” His stupid father said, “JB gets better when he gets sorer.” Shorty tells us something we already know: there’s no sympathy for pain in his family. That makes them cold, not heroic.
- Craig babbling about poking the bear—the general idea being, when JB comes out of injury, watch out.
- Now they’re making excuses for JB getting hurt because he had to get right onto a re-ride bull with no time in between. BFD—Robson Palermo’s done it, Guilherme Marchi’s done it, and I’m sure others have, too. But they’re not allowed to have excuses.
- “Do not place the crown on JB Mauney’s head just yet.”—Hummer, trying to pretend that we don’t know what the plan is. This is how they think they’ll keep the viewers enthralled.
- Hearing what really happened to JB last night was a revelation. This is one of the few times the “wired” feature was useful. We heard moans of pain, which perfectly normal for a human being. The PBR would have us believe that JB is Superman and never feels any pain, or he “compartmentalizes” it, he’s so tough, bla bla bla.
- ANOTHER JB Mauney Athlete Profile??? How many do we need???
TALKING IN DRUNK?
- Cody Lambert re Jared Allen: “Yeah, he’s on Spacebook, too.”
- Air Time was “heads and shoulders above”—McBride seeing double.
- “It’s kinda creepy seeing you guys agree.”—Justin re Lambert & J.W. Hart. Yep.
- “It’s called bull riding, not bull sitting.”—Ty
- Ty estimates he’s been on 6,000 bulls. Wow, there’s some brain damage for ya.
- Great to see the broadcast concentrate on the bulls for a while, but I don’t think Stone Sober should be eliminated because according to Cody, he “gave up” near the end. One less than perfect trip shouldn’t eliminate a bull as a title contender.
- Close-up of Percolator looking very self-possessed and Buddha-like. Lambert said he was done with him. I’m sure the stock contractor was so pleased to hear this announced on the air.
IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS THAT GIVE THEM AWAY
- Luke Snyder is the newest member of the PBR Ring of Honor, which got the Booth Boys talking about rookies—starting with Cooper Davis, because he’s leading the Finals event so far. The obvious Rookie of the Year—Kaique Pacheco—was mentioned second.
- Ty and Craig are yammering on about something else while the riders are being introduced. What’s funny is watching the cowboys fidgeting on the stage behind them. The whole shlock shtick must be so
- Another mic moment: Aaron Roy was settling on Hungry Eyes. Somebody at the chute was yelling while applying the wedge: “Well get your fuckin’ toes outta the way, I’m trying to get it in to help you!” The bull was a wash-out. Aaron was offered a re-ride or 76ish. Took the reride.
- Craig’s new word of the week: “Numerology.” He doesn’t know what it means, but he’s using it.
- JB has a 57.81% riding percentage. If he scores 87.75, he wins the title. His 86.50 got the audience booing. The judges were shrewd: they ensured viewers for Saturday; they knew they could give him a couple of 90s to clinch the title.
I KID YOU NOT
Bonner Bolton “cashed in his chips last night”—according to Craig, who clearly doesn’t know what it means. I regret to inform him that Bonner will show up tonight.
- Derek Kolbaba is possibly the babiest-faced bull rider I’ve ever seen outside of mutton busting. Cute: Derek hanging next to JB in the locker room, trying to look casual, wearing a feather in his hat like JB, glancing over at his idol every once in a while. Just like a little brother.
- Ty’s middle name should be “WhenIwas.”
- I can’t even talk about Cody Nance anymore. The judges have chosen to ignore his spurs, and how he’s throwing his neckerchiefs into the crowd like he’s a rock star. Hey, buddy, dial it down—you’re not Steven Tyler.
- Back in Black was the bull matched up with Neil Holmes– do you still think Lambert doesn’t control the random matchups? Like the Ryan Dirteater/Red Man pairing earlier this year was an accident.
- All the tweets that get aired are praising JB. The rest of us and our “we want fairness” “there are other riders” tweets are ignored.
- Judges called Bonner on having a spur hooked. He challenged; the replay was inconclusive. They gave him an 86, but he thought Percolator was better than that and that he rode better than that—which he said on the air, miffed. This attitude isn’t going to help him much as a newcomer to the BFTS.
- Somebody please tell Ty that nobody is trying to touch their bulls on purpose.
- Kody Lostroh was at the event, but nobody mentioned why he doesn’t ride in the PBR anymore.
- Matt Triplett had an outstanding ride on Little Willie, for 88. If he were JB, it would’ve been a 90-point ride.
- Silvano Alves came into the Finals 2/14, with a 48.28% riding percentage. Not sure I heard right, but he may have ridden 26 of his 32 bulls in Finals events. Some things never change: he was put on the clock. After his 89-point ride on spinning Rebel Yell, he was positively exuberant.
- Tanner Byrne was set up with a Canadian bull (another non-random draw), Minion Stewart. His 86.75 was an excellent ride; he saved himself at the direction change when he could’ve easily have gone flying if he wasn’t so in the moment, reacting in the present. Loving this guy more every day!
WE STILL LOVE YA, BEN
Poor Ben has an even worse night; last night he was crying, tonight he was so upset about his buckoff, Frank Newsom came over and talked in his ear to make him feel better.
WHERE TO SEND YOUR POISON PEN LETTERS
Shawn Ramirez is the chute judge, who decides on DQing by putting people on the clock.
- Robson Palermo had a terrible bad landing on the top of his head (no helmet), jamming his neck and shoulder. He stayed on the ground on his knees, doubled over, fist pounding the dirt. That’s Stayed there a very long time, surrounded by medical people, was strapped to a backboard with his head and neck stabilized. Crowd was so silent you wouldn’t even know they were there. Neck X-rays next.
- Oscar P makes Guilherme Marchi’s 16th Marchi ended up grimacing between two medical crew members.
- Spiderman’s failed trip on Lee’s Dream had him sitting in back of the chute & throwing his helmet in anger. For a moment I thought he was making the groaning sound which turned out to be Hot Iron complaining in the chute.
- Fire House launched Alex Cardozo high, and Cardozo landed on his (helmeted) head, compressing his neck just like Robson did. More medical rescue, backboard, etc. He was still lying there after the commercial break. The crowd cheered as he was carried out, and he raised a hand to acknowledge them, but it was ambulance time. (I’m making believe I don’t know what happened to him, because this is the last night I watched the Finals farce.)
- Ty’s snotty remark that Reese Cates is “having a mental breakdown, slapping everything.”
- JB Mauney has more 90-point Finals rides than anyone. Gee what a surprise. Anyone who’s followed the PBR since 2012 knows why, and it ain’t about all of them being worth 90. The judges have been revving up the “Let’s see if we can get him to beat Chris Shivers’ record” campaign.
- Valdiron de Oliveira has a 44.12% riding percentage and is #9 in world. He sure was miserable after his (third) buckoff.
- Kaique Pacheco was put on the clock, and got bucked off by Pound the Alarm. Such a bummer. But hey, Craig found the silver lining: this “has simplified our plot twists.”
- João Ricardo Vieira needed 86.75 to make the top 5. Instead—ding! 86 on Mr. Bull.
- Renato Nunes on Redbone ticked me off, leaning so far back that he bucked himself off. Why are you doing this to me??
- Why is J.W. Harris choking this week??
- Why didn’t Leah Garcia interview Fabiano Vieira after his ride?
ALMOST AS GOOD AS BONNER BOLTON “CASHING IN HIS CHIPS”
“Scores have been coming at a premium, but you better be prepared to pay full price.”
THE WRITING ON THE WALL
- Silvano wins the round, Matt = #2, Cooper = #3, Stetson Lawrence = #4, and Tanner Byrne = #5
- Alves might as well not have been in the event. Instead of talking about the round winner, the Booth Boys talked about JB in the wrap-up. And again, they talked up Cooper Davis as a rookie, not Kaique.
This is the point at which I stopped watching the Finals. As soon as JRV got hurt a while ago, it was a done deal; the judges saw to that. I didn’t need to see any “coronation” and hear more over-the-top declarations about “Superman.”
P.S.—Ty: change your shirt. It’s a re-run.