I decided to write about the PBR’s Phoenix event and skip all the ones since the Kansas City sham, because Phoenix is the first event in a VERY long time where the judges couldn’t hand favors to their favorite son. We were not bombarded with “The Face of the PBR” propaganda, we had an Athlete Profile about a different rider (though why they chose Mason Lowe is a mystery to me—no offense to Mason), and there weren’t six interviews with the same guy. It was a refreshing experience to see all the riders have a fair chance to earn points. It was a long overdue break from the WWE-style broadcasts we’ve had to endure for months.
The first anomaly on the menu was that Shane Proctor is #1 in the world standings, and his brother-in-law, whose name has been mentioned more than enough, is #2.
The worst of the event, which was not broadcast on TV, was that Roy, Bushwacker’s brother, broke two legs during the Championship Round, and has been euthanized.
QUOTABLE – FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE
“When you’re in the groove, even when you do stuff wrong, it comes out right.”—Ty Murray talking about Rubens Barbosa’s 87 on Like a Boss. I am really surprised Craig Hummer didn’t say, “Barbosa shows Like a Boss who’s boss.”
“Air Time—he’s just a freak of nature.”—Ty again.
GRAMMAR FROM ANOTHER PLANET
“He’s not ridin’ nowhere near that now. He couldn’t have got off that bull any quicker.”—Ty, talking about Paulo Lima being #1 in the world standings for a while.
- According to The Bummer, Kasey Hayes is “still searching for his relevancy.” I can’t even…
- “Throwin’ Salt is throwing water on Aparecido.” I try so hard to understand his twisted mind, but…
- “The shoe drops on the other foot.”—This ostensibly had something to do with Valdiron de Oliveira’s bull, Boots, stumbling out of the gate and confusing Valdiron.
- Apparently we watched Uncle Tink “take a chink out of Schaper’s momentum.”
Ty was talking about the injury—a torn MCL– that caused Cody Nance to take 2 months off. “…your legs are very important.”
JUST PLAIN OFFENSIVE
“We go from one Oliveira to another,” said Hummer, in a fog of utter stupidity. There’s no way after all these years that you can still think Valdiron’s last name is Oliveira. It is DE OLIVEIRA. Just like Wallace’s last name is DE OLIVEIRA. How many times do I have to use this analogy for the morons: Cord’s last name is McCOY, not COY. Therefore, you keep the “de.” It’s part of the last name.
BULL ON THE BUBBLE
Asteroid is on the cut line?! A world champion bull, one of the best ever, is now the bubble bull? A couple of not spectacular outs takes the shine off so fast? Is he being held to a higher standard because of his history? Don’t they think changing to a right-hand delivery might have affected his performance here? He seemed confused to me. Now they’re talking up Air Time as opposed to Asteroid.
FASHION ALERT—A SHOCKING ONE!
I like Craig’s outfit: a celery jacket with dark buttons and moss green pleated shirt.
THE RE-RIDE THING AGAIN
- There seems to be no rhyme or reason as to who takes or turns down a re-ride. You just can’t get into the mind of a cowboy.
- Eduardo Aparecido declined a re-ride in round 1 and kept his 80.75. Well, that makes sense to me. It’s not a horrible score. Why risk it going away?
- Fabiano’s bull, Flip Out, took a big jump out of the gate, then bucked straight up and down all the way to the Shark Cage.
- Vieira turned down a re-ride and kept his 71.
- Paulo Lima’s trip on Clubbanger, a slow spinner whose hind legs didn’t leave the ground all that much, definitely merited a re-ride. He would’ve been stuck with 59.25 if he didn’t take the re-ride on Admiral Bull–except that the Admiral bucked him off. Bet that 59.25 didn’t look so bad then.
- Tornado didn’t spin, so Fabiano Vieira got a re-ride option. Nope—he kept the 64.25 and declined the re-ride.
- Not everyone has Silvano’s nerve, though. Alves is the only guy who could turn down a re-ride and keep a stinky score, because he knew it all added up– until the new points system stopped him from using this technique.
- Brown Sugar had bucked off Ryan Dirteater twice before. This time the bull waltzed on the ground for a moment because his nose grazed the fence, and re-ride flags flew. But the score was 87.75. Why would you give a re-ride with that score? Nobody in their right mind would take that re-ride. He would’ve blown that buckle!
- Stuntin’ Like My Daddy came in at 17/0 against left-handed riders. Powerful hind end twists, catching a lot of air, and boom! Robson Palermo goes flying. 44.25 for the bull. Very amazing to hear, but Robson hasn’t won an event since NYC 2013.
- My comment on the 3rd matchup between Joao Ricardo Vieira and Air Time: Woo!! Joao had to laugh about how he got flipped up end over end in a cartwheel. And this is the guy who has the highest riding percentage in PBR.
- Ben Jones on Panda Trax was a wild ride! And that’s not an easy bull. 90.75, and the crowd went nuts.
OH NO HE DIDN’T!
Oh yes, unfortunately, he did. Winston Lopez, tagged as a replacement for The (white) Face of the PBR (whose “personal reasons” kept him out of the event), skipped his sister’s wedding, broke the bank paying for airfare (and a few other means of transportation), and landed on the dirt. “A wasted weekend, when you boil it down and distill it” was Craig Hummer’s comment, showing that he knows nothing about how you make good Scotch.
Said Craig Hummer about Stormy “swings for the fences” Wing: “It would be a rare occurrence indeed for Stormy to have two qualified rides in a weekend.” But isn’t he your “home-run hitter,” you shnook?
I’M JUST SAYIN’…
Now they do a commercial lead-in about Alves! Because their favorite boy wasn’t there, now they have room for the 3-time (some say 4) World Champion. It’s just hard to fathom how this guy is 33rd in the rankings, but my opinion (whether you asked for it or not) is that his injury freaked him out and his head hasn’t totally adjusted yet. When you go for years without being seriously injured, it’s a real kick in the head (yeah, that’s right, I did) when you have a fractured pelvis. He looks very subdued.
Hmmm…Derek Kolbaba is now Shane Proctor’s protégé? Wasn’t it just a couple of weeks ago that he was shadowing Shane’s brother-in-law?
LAUGH O’ THE NIGHT
In this week’s Hitch’d episode, Flint Rasmussen put new daddy Tanner Byrne through a polygraph test. Everything was going fine until: “Did you ever gag changing a dirty diaper?” Tanner hesitated, maybe wrestling with the truth, then admitted, “Yes.”
WHAT THE HECK ARE THESE COWBOYS EATING??
Tanner Byrne had food poisoning, too.
NEW FACE IN THE WINNER’S CIRCLE
This was Ryan Dirteater’s first win since 2011.
Following that happy face in the event results were Fabiano Vieira, Ben Jones, Rubens Barbosa, and Wallace Vieira de Oliveira.
The world standings now look like this: Shane Proctor, JR Vieira, and JB Mauney.