I’M CHOKIN’ ON IT
Once again, the first thing TV viewers get is Craig Hummer talking about his patron saint: “JB Mauney completes the 8, but pays dearly.”
Two seconds later we get, “In the past, JB Mauney has always turned up the heat in the second half of the season.” Like none of the other guys, who apparently always turn up the cold.
“The name at the top of the marquee for [how long?] has been JB Mauney…” Guess who said it?
The JB report: he got stepped on after his ride and has a stomach contusion. When they ask him about having to sit out, their Golden Boy says, “I’ll give those other guys a fighting chance.” Hummer claimed, “It’s not just gamesmanship, he means it.” Maybe The Bummer is too in love to hear straight, but JB’s comment makes Mauney a completely arrogant asshole.
THE COOPER DAVIS BANDWAGON
Cooper Davis is in the #1 spot by 2 points—some of the points he gained when Fabiano Vieira had to doctor out.
Now they’re all on the Cooper Davis bandwagon. You remember this trend: find a substitute Favorite White Boy in case JB tanks. It used to be Matt Triplett.
I’M JUST SAYIN’…
Out of the top 10 in the world standings are 1 American, 1 Canadian, and a whole lotta Brazilians. If Hummer and the other booth jerks want to keep stressing the nationality of a rider from south of the border, then they should give them props for populating the Top 10 list.
I just can’t help laughing my ass off every time I see Steve Tyler all trussed up like a cowboy, screeching out of tune.
Chris Shivers is the safety man. That just seems odd to me.
They could’ve skipped this episode of Hitch’d: a repeat of the utterly stupid “Sumo softball” sketch. Gotta say, Guilherme was a good sport about it, and got into the spirit, dressed in a fat suit and a giant blue foam cowboy hat, making sumo noises. It took him a while to hit the bulls-eye and drop Fabiano into the dunk tank, though. (Fabiano in plaid shorts and a similar hat.) I think the PBR guys come up with stuff like this when they’re skunked.
The Behind the Ride segment was about bull rider Injuries: Matt Triplett’s surgery, JB, Reese Cates, Nathan Schaper, JW Harris (whose father has a similar idiotic dictum to JB’s father’s: if you’re not knocked out or your legs folded up to your head, get up and walk out of the arena). I just happened to notice that no Brazilian riders were featured—as if they never get hurt, or their injuries are minor. How about Fabiano, folks? Or Robson? Or Silvano? Not worth mentioning? This is not done by mistake.
THOSE DAMNED SHOULDERS
Robson Palermo is back (yay!). Midnight Train, though is 0 for 14 (or is it 14 for 0?) Whatever—it means nobody in 14 outs has ridden him. Neither did Robson. And of course he landed hard on his left shoulder, because that would be the easily dislocated one. He took a looong time to get up, and was helped out by Sports Medicine. The verdict: Robson has a concussion and a possible rib fracture. Well, for a change it’s not a shoulder; at this point, he probably can pop them out at will.
“Red Rover, Red Rover, sends Fabiano right over” is Hummer’s idea of being clever. If Fabiano had had the shoulder surgery, he would’ve been able to make the free arm move he needed to stay centered on the bull. Watching TV with my Dad, I explained that Fabiano is afraid of surgery. Dad (a retired surgeon) laughed. “Look at what he does for a living!” True– how can you be more afraid of getting patched up than of getting on a cranky 1500-plus-pound hunk of beef?
Why do Derek Kolbaba’s spurs have a longer shank than others?
I saw Jess Lockwood nod twice for Margy Time—why didn’t they open the gate the first time?
Didn’t Wallace Vieira de Oliveira’s bull Hey Jack hit himself on the way out? He still scored 44.75. (De Oliveira is leading the Rookie race.)
Eduardo Aparecido’s re-ride was Jump Street, for 88 points. But where was the first ride? Another commercial break?
Bruiser scores 44.50 for dumping Kolbaba. Hummer: “Bruiser continues his march toward what he hopes will be…” Seriously? The bull hopes?
Tanner Byrne had no luck on Jeremiah. Guilherme Marchi remains the only one to ride him.
PLEASE DON’T START CALLING HIM THE NEXT JB MAUNEY
So far, Jess Lockwood has scored 90 points in each of two events. “Lockwood just put Margy Tim on lockdown,” is Hummer’s way of saying, the boy scored! 88 “That is textbook from an 18-year-old kid.”—Justin McBride. Yup.
Mike Lee’s re-ride was Sam, but when was the 1st ride?? Another one we didn’t get to see, thanks to a commercial break. 501 qualified rides for Lee so far. This time he reached for his rope early—bummer! I think maybe he got a little cocky and thought, “I got it knocked out. I’m done.”
JENNY CRAIG CALLING
Cooper Davis went from 167 to 138 lbs. since last year. Lambert, with his kind touch, told him he was too fat to be riding bulls at this level. JW Hart told him he was the fat kid. His poor dumb wife ate the same chicken and broccoli and brown rice (no salt) just because that’s what he was doing. Nobody told her they’re not connected at the stomach. He also can’t do math – he said it’s like strapping a 20-lb. weight on and trying to make the fast moves you need to make.
It was great to see Cody Custer’s 95.50 ride on Red Wolf – the 13th highest score ever.
Lachlan is in because JB’s out. Seven Dust is the bull. I agree with McBride – that bull is underrated. 92.25! Great ride. Apparently Richardson doesn’t research the bulls’ resumes before he gets on them. “And that’s why you don’t look at the paperwork!” Hummer says. True. Real motivation: Richardson said he rode the bull for a buddy of his who was killed.
Lachlan Richardson wins his first 15/15 Bucking Battle!