Since I’ve been focused on other things the past couple of months, I thought I’d crank out this one right away, instead of dragging myself (and you) through something that happened a week (or more) ago.
OH FOR GOD’S SAKE!!
“Two-time world Champion JB Mauney is placed among the greats” is the first thing we hear. “Can the “Mauney Making Moments” begin here (or whatever the rest of that stupid sentence was)?” The voiceover spewed all this garbage hype about the PBR’s favorite–regardless of the fact that Mauney’s #15 out of the 15 riders here. God forbid the PBR should do the same hype for 3-time (I mean 4) World Champion Silvano Alves! “Uncharacteristically first out of the gate,” Craig Hummer dissembles, trying to put a spin on the fact that Mauney is at the bottom of this particular pile. The PBR is never going to give you reality. They’ll say anything to keep up the pretense that Mauney is still on top—which he hasn’t been so far this season, in case anyone’s interested in the truth.
And after all the Hummer-McBride gabbling about how JB is going to make up for his performance last time (1 for 3 in Anaheim), he’s bucked off in a second and change, by Wired Child, who scores a 44. He sure looked bummed, but I don’t care anymore. And as if we don’t get enough of JB, now we have to see him in commercials—two in a row, no less. (Wrangler & the PBR shop)
NOT HERE TODAY
Guilherme Marchi got hurt at last week’s Championship Round in Anaheim, and I’m glad I wasn’t there. Seeing it in replay was bad enough. He hit his head, then got stepped on so badly, on his lower back, that he was knocked unconscious. That’s the first time I’ve ever seen this happen to him; it was frightening to see this strong guy flat out on his stomach in the dirt. (It was the same horrifying situation years ago at Mohegan Sun, when Validiron de Oliveira was knocked out; seeing that big strong guy not moving scared the crap out of everyone.) Marchi got a concussion, so he wasn’t competing today. It looks like the PBR is being more cautious about clearing concussed cowboys to ride, after all the publicity about Ty Pozzobon’s death. BTW, if you haven’t read it, Maclean’s magazine, from Canada, did an excellent job of examining Ty’s situation. Tanner Byrne in particular gave information we wouldn’t have known if it weren’t for writer Charlie Gillis. The only thing Gillis did wrong was calling Pozzobon a “rodeo star.” As the old PBR slogan said, “This is not a rodeo!” Here’s the link to the article: http://www.macleans.ca/sports/with-a-stars-death-rodeo-meets-its-nfl-moment/
MONSTER BULL ACTION
- Stone Sober vs. Matt Triplett: The bull’s first move, almost right there in the chute, was a kick at the ceiling. Bye-bye Matt.
- Ryan Dirtwater on Deep Water: “This bull can be special, but also sometimes a little ordinary”?? Justin, what?? The bull crashed himself sideways across the gate just after exiting; he was in a damned hurry. Ryan was flung off, and then got stomped. He’s offered a re-ride, but if you need to be helped off the dirt, maybe taking a re-ride isn’t such a good idea.
- Mason Lowe made it almost to 5 seconds on Cochise, which is miraculous, considering what a monster that bull is.
- Cooper Davis went flying off Hey Jack almost immediately out of the gate. 44.25 for the bull.
- Dener Barbosa had the misfortune to get on Seven Dust (who, BTW, made his entrance in a cloud of dust). Barbosa bailed; he knew it wasn’t going to get better. Bull score: 44.50
- Smooth Operator rolled to one side, rocked to the other, and Mike Lee became acquainted with the dirt.
- Shane Proctor, who has a 33.33% riding percentage, got on Honey Hush, but I guess losing those few pounds didn’t help him stay on.
- BULLETIN! Fabiano Vieira was not OTC! Made it to 6.04 on Brutus. Another 44.50 bull score.
- Ryan Dirteater’s Little Red Jacket re-ride was also a major ouchie: this time he got thrown against the bucking chute, then landed hard on his right hip. The list of his major injuries is horrendous. He couldn’t get up off the ground without help from Sports Medicine. Meanwhile, the bull kept spinning like a coked-up top.
- Eduardo Aparecido met up again with Jack Shot, and the bull won the rematch. Another 44.50 score.
- Kaique Pacheco, #5 in the world, got on Moto Moto “in great position to move the momentum over to the right,” Craig babbled. Oh, for Christ’s sake, Hummer, learn the English language! What on earth are you trying to say?? I guess all Kaique’s fidgeting in the chute while OTC was necessary. He really was determined on that bull, keeping his eyes on the hump. The score was 86.75; the bull’s was 44.25.
ANNOYING: Craig generalizing about how all the Brazilians study every bull they’re going to get on.
- Derek “the Kolbaba Kid”—one of those fake nicknames Craig invents and tries to make stick—made a Mike-Lee-worthy plop! when Mystical made him hit the ground. 44 for the bull.
- Marco Eguchi, with a 62.50% riding percentage, got on Bruiser, last year’s World Champion Bull. Damn, after all that announcer talk about what a good matchup it is, Marco was history after one rotation by the big boy. 45 for Bruiser.
- Pearl Harbor, who came in at 21/23, literally flew in mid-air out of the gate. Rubens Barbosa looked like he was going to ride, which would have been impressive, but Aww! he came off. 46.25 for P.H., making his stat 21/24.
- Jess Lockwood has a 57.89% riding percentage, but had to face Long John. “That’s how JB Mauney has made a [something-or-other] in the PBR: by riding the unrideable bulls,” says Justin McBride (apropos of nothing). Let me clarify something here: if a bull is unrideable, that means nobody can ride him, period. If you want to say “nearly unrideable,” then you can say that JB rode him. And so did JW Harris, and Nathan Schaper, and Guilherme Marchi, and Douglas Duncan. As Lockwood was in the chute, we had to endure a lotta hype from the Booth Boys, while there was a lotta prep from the kid (and you know they’re never gonna put Jess OTC), and a harsh buckoff—with a stomp from a hoof on his leg. 45.25 goes to Long John. I’m feeling sorry for Jess already; the PBR hype machine has decided he’s the Next Great White Hope, and already have him posing for boy-band type publicity shots. Don’t listen to them, Jess! Stay sweet!
- Kaique Pacheco wins, with the only ride of the night. (The bull power here was exceptional. Scary exceptional.) Being interviewed afterward, Pacheco looks so freakin’ calm, it makes me laugh. Props to Leah Garcia for pointing out that Kaique is the World back-to-back Reserve Champion. His comment: “I’m good, but a little sore, my leg.”