SACRAMENTO, Feb. 1-2 15/15 Bucking Battle

It is so aggravating that you can hardly hear JW Hart on announcer duty because the music in the arena is so loud. This is NOT helping new viewers understand what’s going on.  Can’t somebody get their act together on the sound end? Don’t you check for things like, how is the arena volume going to affect the broadcast? Anyone who’s coordinated a live rock concert with a TV broadcast would know how to do this.

CAN’T THE WRITERS GUILD DO ANYTHING ABOUT THESE ATROCITIES?

“The rulers of the arena,” Craig Hummer called the cowboys. Or maybe it was the bulls?

Asteroid “is our Ray Lewis.” Uh, Lewis was a fullback, wasn’t he? Asteroid is a lithe 1475 lbs. The fullback would be Bushwacker.

”Carolina’s JB Mauney and Shane Proctor are hot and hungry…” said the voiceover. Ooh, he makes it sound so dirty!

Hummer’s got his alliteration dictionary out again:

Sacramento is set for “classic confrontations.”

“Asteroid… leads the bovine brigade…”

NOT A FASHION ALERT BY ANY MEANS

Hummer has new highlights in his hair. I like Austin Meier’s better.

JUST ASKIN’…

Why are JB and Shane, the #2 & 3 riders in the standings, interviewed by Leah? Oh, right, I forgot: for an interview with the #1 rider, you need a translator.

OH NO, HE DIDN’T!

Oh yes he did: Hummer said this about Ben’s attempt: “Ben Jones, his customary trip to the dirt.” Soooo not nice!

ONE FOR RIPLEY’S

Frank Newsom got too mashed up to play, leaving just Shorty Gorham and Jesse Byrne on duty. How absolutely DUMB that the PBR doesn’t have an alternate waiting on the bench! Shorty’s diagnosis: “He’s very mad right now because the doctors won’t let him back in.” No wonder: Frank was a mess! I’ve never seen his face that beat up. And he sure looked nauseated at having to sit this one out.

EXAMPLES OF WHAT STIRS UP ANTI-BRAZILIAN FEELING

• “Take note of the flags; there haven ‘t been this many Americans in the top 15 in years.”—Hummer, with yet another foot in his mouth.
• Hummer introducing the riders: “Brazilian Agnaldo Cardozo,” “Brazilian Robson Palermo,” etc.

I’M JUST SAYIN’…

• “Aganaldo” (Hummer’s pronunciation of “Agnaldo”) Cardozo started the day with an 89.75 on Buckey.
• After Chase Outlaw’s shark attack (ha ha), which scored Great White a 45, we’re told that Kody Lostroh’s plan for riding Meat Hook is to keep his hips right up against his rope. DUH— the Brazilians do that all the time (except for Renato Nunes). I thought I saw a slap, but since the replay was from a different angle, we’ll never know. Conveniently, Lostroh was scored the exact same as Cardozo, tying them for first place. (Otherwise, the flags would change.) “It’s always a fight,” said Kody. “I’m just happy when I hear the whistle.”

HEY! HOW CAN YOU FORGET THE NOISIEST KID IN THE PBR?

Hummer listed the top riders thrown by Palm Springs, but forgot to mention that Jory Markiss rode him in Winston-Salem (for 89.75; coincidentally).

LOVE IT

Palm Springs got a round of applause after he shed Cody Nance. I guess the bull didn’t like the spurs-in-the-knots thing either.

JESSE TO THE RESCUE—AGAIN

Jesse must have Flubber in his shoes. (If you remember that stuff, you must be in my age bracket.) He leaped between David’s Dream and Nathan Schaper, giving Nathan time to scramble up the fence. Somebody needs to measure how much air Jesse catches when he does these in-your-face (or rather, in the bull’s face) rescues. There may be some kind of record here.

AMEN TO THAT

• “There is no quit in Robson Palermo. His shoulders are mush, but somehow he manages to hold on.” (for 82.25 on High Octane Hurricane) “You can’t put no measure on the pain he must be feeling right now.”—JW Hart
• Sean Willingham losing 15 pounds helped him a lot. He made an amazing ride on Shepherd Hills Trapper, whose brutal cornering didn’t rock Sean; scored 87.25. “Two years ago I wouldn’t have given half a nickel chance of him riding this bull.”–JW

CLASH OF THE COWBOYS

It’s pretty embarrassing that most of the same guys who get on top of giant bulls every week wouldn’t put their heads under water to find beach balls in the mud. JW and Shorty admitted they can’t swim, but come on, guys—that water was about as deep as a bathtub.

TOO MUCH HOT AIR

Guess who was lauding JB as “equivalent to LeBron James” and “a human highlight reel.” But after his early touch on After Party, it looked like Mauney lost his confidence and leaped off the bull. He looked so annoyed with himself that he deliberately ducked the camera that was right in his face. That camera operator was lucky.

OH YES, THEY DID

Now there’s a yelling male voiceover plus Sleazy Bad Boy Mow’ Ho’ whining, “It doesn’t get any hotter than this— and that’s Bad Boy, baby.” UGH! On top of the sexist T&A pitch, she’s a terrible actress. Actually, she’s not an actress; she’s probably somebody’s squeeze. (That would be the polite word.) Another embarrassing misstep in the PBR’s supposed effort to polish up the sport for popular consumption. Guys, this kinda marketing is backwater, not mainstream.

ASTEROID

An extra $33K if you ride Asteroid. Ha! Mike Lee said if Asteroid didn’t take the huge vertical leap out of the gate, he might have a chance. Ha! again. That swinging rear end gets ‘em on the ground every time. Shorty mentioned seeing the bull’s “muscle intensity” up close, and that’s it in a nutshell. Asteroid had 10 of last year’s top 20 bull scores. And once again, we get to hear the old chestnut Hummer trots out in almost every broadcast: “Asteroid just exclaims, Not on my watch!”

RESULT

Cardozo looked so cute and proud of himself; obviously he’s not used to being in the winner’s circle in the U.S. Kody completely ignored him; never mind that supposed cowboy camaraderie. It doesn’t always cross national boundaries.