BETTER LATE THAN NEVER–SORT OF: MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, DAY 1 – THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE UGLY—AND THE STUPID

FRIDAY NIGHT: J.W. Hart is at work on the chutes. And man, somebody should’ve warned Ty Murray about the effect of his patterned shirt on YouTube. He looked like a rotating barber pole, and he was standing still.

Even with Blue Emu’s schematic of how to watch the Live Event Center on the PBR website (after you find it), I had to give up and try YouTube, where there was a delay in broadcasting (of course). And of course they used valuable airtime with the religious stuff. I even heard someone mention saints. Then another female singer we’ve never heard of, ostensibly from right here in NYC, performs the National Anthem, sounding just like almost every other cookie-cutter singer they’ve used. I’m starting to think they all just lip sync to the same recording. The only thing good about this YouTube streaming is that we hear everyone at the chutes. Otherwise, the stop-and-start motion and blurry moments made me queasy.

FIRST NITWITTICISMS OF THE 20012 SEASON: TAKE IT AWAY, CRAIG!

“If you’re gonna take it away from him, you’re gonna have to earn it.” ─ talking about Silvano Alves’s world championship. Um, ya see, Craig, that’s kinda the way it always is with World Champions. Has there ever been one who voluntarily handed over the crown?

An oldie but goodie: “Clearly the bulls have had their way with a number of the riders.” Those sluts.

“Last year was truly the year of the Brazilians’ coming out party.”—OMG, could he just once think before he speaks?? I’m sure the Killer Bs would be thrilled to know they’ve all been in the closet for years.

“If we could crossbreed him [Ryan McConnel] and Austin Meier, we’d have the perfect guy.” I kid you not; Craig actually said this. I’d love to hear what Austin and Ryan have to say about which one of them should do the pregnancy and labor part.

“The Mooresville, North Carolina cowboy never settles for anything less than his best.”  Idiot. Sadly, J.B. did less than his best most of last year, and even he knows that.

Hummer babbling about Silvano being the first man to set out on a quest to be the two-time back-to-back world champion. I guess no other world champion had the same idea going into the next season.

“A man that most of Madison Square Garden has come to see: Chris Shivers.” Oh, puh-leeze, Hummer! Did you take a survey? I’m pretty sure I came to see the Professional Bull Riders, not just one guy. (And what’n heck do you mean, “the Cajun Cowboy”?)

WOW, A NON-HUMMER BUMMER:

Flint Rasmussen (we saw a lot more of him on YouTube than on a broadcast) confessed to being a red wine drinker. “You and every other woman here,” said Brandon Bates or Clint Adkins. Lissen, you sexist dolt: some of us like single malt whisky. Make mine Laphroaig.

MIXED BLESSINGS FROM ON TY:

“You can’t let the highs get you too high and the lows get you too low.”

“He [Cord MCCoy] stands for everything a man’s supposed to stand for.”—and exactly what is that?

“JB’s a guy that will always tell you he’s great even when he’s walking like a 90-year-old man…You can’t just always use that rebel swagger and make good decisions…” Amen!

Good point: “Being a world champion changes how people look at you; where before you were the quiet guy, now you’re the arrogant, aloof guy.”

“You’d think he’d been around this sport long enough to know those stock contractors lie to you.” ─After Caleb Sanderson saying that Million Dollar Man went the opposite of the way he was supposed to. (That’s okay; Caleb rode for 85 and politely stepped off afterward.)

JDub gave some long, involved explanation of Barcode being the son of a clone and a mother of another clone of a…  I lost the thread somewhere in there. Ty: “What do you call that, a step-clone? A clone-in-law?”

Re J.B.’s messy reride attempt on Deja Blu Emu: “He only made it a half second further than Ochocinco did on him.”

HAPPY STUFF:

Congratulations to Luke Snyder, heading to groom-dom, and to Sean Willingham, who got married over the break. Luke got engaged under the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. “I gotta do something to pay for that wedding!” he said, after he seriously worked it on Alternator, a good strong bull with high kicks, for 87. 25. He couldn’t possibly smile any bigger or brighter. (Luke, not the bull.)

Valdiron de Oliveira looked very happy to be there (scene of his 2011 win), after a rough season homestretch. (More about his weekend later.)

BULL STUFF:

The first-round bulls weren’t impressing me. According to Ty, the riders knew only about half the bulls here.

Jane Clark, whose father founded the Cooperstown Baseball Hall of Fame, owns Jack in Black, who put Douglas Duncan in the well, making Jack’s stat 1 for 11.

Willingham’s bull, Dippin, went after Jesse Byrne, who was right in his face and got butted.

I don’t get it: Harve Stewart’s bull, Blank, had very predictable timing, helping Harve to only an 82─ then turned on the charm with a feisty little post-ride display. Dude, don’t save it for after the bell!

Now I know why they named the bull Kitty Kat: he was meowing in the chute. You’ve never heard anything like it. I hope I see this bull again, for no other reason.

STILL ANNOYING:

The Booth Boys forgetting to name each rider and bull before the ride, and not telling viewers a rider’s score until after someone else’s interview.

Just when you thought you were shut of that moron hillbilly announcer voice, he’s the last thing you hear on the YouTube broadcast.

EEK!

Big Spread threw Dakota Beck flat on his back. Beck couldn’t move. He got clocked in the face by the bull’s skull; blood was coming from his nose and mouth, and he looked totally dazed: no helmet. Ty and Shorty vouched for helmets: “It may not be what John Wayne would’ve done, but we’ve learned a lot since then.” Yay─ they’re starting to grok that “cowboy up” isn’t always the smartest idea. The result announced later: Dakota has a concussion and mouth laceration needing 20 stitches, and is questionable for tomorrow.

Pop Knot fell down, and J.B. Mauney got the hell off his back and outta there, no doubt having Train Wreck flashbacks. Reride time.

WORSE THAN MUSTACHE MAY.

Oh no, that facial hair disease again: Cody Campbell’s got a beard and mustache. Shorty’s got a beard. (He said it was for a commercial tomorrow, and he can’t wait to shave it off.) Austin Meier, ahead of the trend, had the same mustache and beard as always. Mike Lee was another mustache-and-beard combo man. Chris Shivers is also hairy. Pistol Robinson’s mustache is even bigger than last year. Jordan Hupp and Kody Lostroh both were growing stuff on their faces. Even babyfaced Cody Nance has a mustache! Can’t tell if Caleb Sanderson has anything going on or not; the visual quality of the YouTube streaming is terrible. At least Dustin Elliott gave up and shaved off his. I noticed that the Killer Bs don’t have beards or mustaches, so either they know what looks good, or they’re not invited to do commercials.

THE GOOD

Hey, the old man did it! Beau Hill, back from knee surgery and wearing a brace, turned in the first qualified ride, on Stiffler, for 83.25.

Kody Lostroh modeled his smaller, lightweight helmet, with the personalized touch: he added his own face mask to it. Maybe that helped him ride Frostbite, for 86.76. “Kody Lostroh puts the chill on Frostbite,” was the Hummer’s oh-so-clever description.

Ty Pozzobon, who was in 7 events last year, with a 20% riding percentage, and was an alternate at the Finals, rode one of my favorite actors. Sorry, I mean a bull named James Dean. Ty showed solid positioning, making constant small adjustments, for 86.50. He looks 12! No facial hair there.

Guilherme Marchi rode Undubbed for 85.75. Frank Newsom’s pretty damn strong— after the ride, he actually threw Marchi out of the way.

L.J. Jenkins’s solid reride on Barcode: 86.75. Nice work, L.J.!

IFFY:

Ty described Stormy Wing (who had a 22% riding percentage last year) as “cat-like, athletic.” Huh? We could hear all the guys at the chute talking, but since blabberhead Hummer was yammering over them all, he then had to ask Shorty what was happening: Sign Out was lying down. Well, Stormy rode for 86.75, but did I see touches? The video quality is so bad it’s hard to tell.

DANG!

Hot Toddy stumbled, his hind legs straight out behind him on the dirt, and 2008 Rookie of the Year Reese Cates made it just to 7.25.

Elton Cide was showing fine form on Hard Rock, using his free arm like a ballet dancer. I coulda sworn he made 8.

SHORTY SEZ:

Hummer asked Gorham how long it takes to get back into shape after the season break. “One bull, if it happens right!” And what does it take? “Fear and common sense─ and adrenaline doesn’t hurt!”

“I’m fine; why? Did something happen?”—Shorty to the Booth Boys, after a bull tripped him, butted him in the chest to the ground, then head-shoveled him along in the dirt.

WHEW!

Johnny Walker Spot and Jordan Hupp (winner of the Cowtown Classic) both ended up in their own respective wells; the bull’s head was down on the ground, then popped up à la Bodacious, but Jordan was out of the way of the horns.

SHOCKING! Mike Lee didn’t win an event last year.

THE BAD:

Colby Yates had 26 straight buckoffs in 2011, and Mean Machine made it 27.

“He just got stung.”—Craig, in his usual dufy form (that’s the adverbial form of “dufus”), explaining what happened to Zane Lambert on Sting Ray.

My eyes hurt from that lousy stream (and Ty’s shirt).

ANTI-FASHION ALERT:

How the mighty hath fallen! Well, at least I can say that Cody Nance continues to take fashion risks: his ensemble this night consisted of a bizarre face cage under his white cowboy hat. Ostensibly the contraption is weightless. Craig gets a gold star for this one: “Looks like he’s doing his Anthony Hopkins impersonation.”

CUTE:

Ty talking about his little boy at Christmas: “The only thing he thought was really cool was tearing the wrapping off the boxes.” “I think in their first couple of years we could’ve saved a lot of money just wrapping boxes and letting them tear the paper off.”—Shorty.

YUP:

“Focus on the task at hand.” ─Austin Meier.

“His sophomore slump was a world championship.” ─ JDub talking about Alves.

SHEESH, BEN!

Our unpredictable favorite dancer had his first buckoff of the season, landing sorta on his noggin, but at least he didn’t black out this time. He may wear a helmet soon. I hope. PLEASE.

I’M JUST SAYIN’…

A-durabull: a half dozen cheering Dickies Durabull kiddies in matching tee shirts. Can girls get the same shirts?

Pistol Robinson scored high (86.25) on Blue Canyon, another predictable bull. This makes no sense. When Yellow Dog was barely kicking, just flat spinning, Tyler Thomson, wearing that purple shirt I love (I’m hoping it’s not the same one every week), had a choice of a re-ride option or 65.75. Is this a case of “Everybody likes Pistol”? (Remember, Saturday’s wreck hadn’t happened yet.) And when Tyler held onto his reride, I’m Back─ who actually could buck─ with unbelievable moves, he was rewarded with just 81.50. What, do the judges have something against purple?

No wonder Ty likes Pistol─ he quoted Ty’s mantra: “Bull riding is 50% mental.”

With constant adjustments, Renato Nunes handled some jerky direction changes from John Doe. This time Renato waited and looked behind him to make sure the bull was out of the way before he did his backflip. That 84.75 shoulda been at least 86. But, you know, look at his nationality─ since apparently the judges take that into account when scoring rides.

Evildoer was flying under Silvano Alves. “You’re going to have to beat him on the judge’s score tables,” said Hummer, not two seconds before the proof of the pudding─ and you know he didn’t even realize what he was saying. The judges reamed Alves with an 83.50.

Look at the scoring and see what the judges did to the Brazilian riders: kept Marchi down to #8 and Valdiron at #11.

THE STUPID:

Douglas Ferreira was offered a re-ride because the flank strap came off Red Delicious. People were yelling to Ferreira what his choice was, he was being pressured to decide, and the guy doesn’t understand English! Why didn’t the PBR have Tab Barker on hand to translate this situation? Even J.W. said, not completely in jest, “It’s probably the flank guy’s fault for using an old rotten rope; probably had a gate tied up with it all winter.”

Hummer introducing Rubens Barbosa, 2011 Rookie of the Year: “We transfer from one Brazilian to another.” I have yet to hear, “We transfer from one American to another.” Probably a lot of people don’t get that this is racist and smacks of “they all look alike.” Think about it.

I went back to the PBR web site to try to fill in the holes in my information (all those unannounced rider and bull names and scores), and guess what? I found the Round 1 and Round 2 Draws, but couldn’t find day sheets to download. Using the Search function for “day sheets” brought up “Brad Day from Beaumont, Texas.” Sigh.

THE UGLY─ AND HERE’S WHERE I GET TO CUSSIN’:

Marco Eguche, the new Killer B on the block, rode in just two events in 2011, and made a splashy entrance in 2012. He drew Complete Debacle, who looked to me like the best bull of the night: steep vertical, variety, strong high kicks, and at one point Marco pulled himself back up onto the bull when he was nearly riding sideways. Best ride of the night! Those bastard judges gave him a low score, which the crowd booed, and a re-ride option. Some choice: get shafted on points, or get on another bull when you’re exhausted from putting out 110% on a ride that would’ve gotten Chris Shivers a 92. That was BULL SHIT. And instead of someone explaining why Eguche got screwed, or getting a translator in there to ask him for a comment, “Let’s go check in with Chris Shivers,” and have Mark interview him instead. This was really ugly, folks…but you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Wait’ll you hear about Sunday. Later, Marco turned in another real good ride, for only 84.50, though he handled all the bull’s direction changes with constant adjustments. Way to keep a good man down, guys.

Year-End Wrap Up Before New York Event

In case any of the PBR Powers-That-Be happen to read this, here are my blog’s 2011  stats, according to WordPress, the host:

VIEWS:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 13,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 5 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

• 16,420 views all-time

Your most commented on post in 2011 was PETITION TO REINSTATE JUSTIN MCKEE: 108 comments January 2011

The busiest day of the year was April 5th with 165 views. The most popular post that day was BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN!! PBR HAS NEW CEO!

These are the posts that got the most views in 2011:

1          BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN!! PBE HAS NEW CEO!

39 comments March 2011

2          Eyewitness: “Dr. Barks” Talks About the Finals–Photos Included

3          Response from PBR Board Member to Petition to Reinstate Justin McKee

14 comments February 2011

4          PETITION TO REINSTATE JUSTIN MCKEE

108 comments January 2011

5          CHAMPIONSHIP ROUND & SATURDAY NIGHT: MADISON SQUARE GARDEN INVITATIONAL Jan. 8-9. The winner: Valdiron de Oliveira!

POSTS:

In 2011, there were 44 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 84 posts.

VIEWERS:

Most visitors came from the U.S. Australia & Brazil were not far behind, then Eastern Europe, China, and Central Africa.

The top referring sites in 2011 were:

• forums.teampbr.com
• turnhimout.blogspot.com
• facebook.com
• mail.yahoo.com
• en.wordpress.com
• Some visitors came searching, mostly for Ben Jones, PBR, Douglas Duncan, Bull Rider, Stormy Wing, and Justin Mckee.

It’s pretty clear that all year long, people were upset about the firing of Justin McKee. If there’s one thing Jim Haworth could do that would earn him the undying gratitude of millions of PBR fans (which translates into money), it would be to “cowboy up” and woo Justin back to the fold. Or at the very least, pony up big bucks to have him be the color commentator at the biggest events– like the Finals. Crow doesn’t taste that bad if it’s well-seasoned.

PETE FARLEY UPDATE

I’ve searched for news on the PBR website about Pete Farley’s serious injury, and didn’t come up with anything. Dustin Elliott has been posting updates on Facebook:

Dec. 6:

Please keep Pete Farley in your thoughts and prayers. All I know at this point is he was injured while practicing back home in Australia. He was induced into a coma on Monday. Came out of it today and responded with nods and hand gestures. You’re in my thoughts and prayers Pete, get better soon.

I talked to Pete’s sister-in-law just a little bit ago. Sounds like a real similar accident as McKennon Wimberly’s last year where he was hit once and his helmet flew off and was hit multiple times unprotected. He is awake and responding and doc says he should be ok but time will tell.

December 10:

This is the update on Pete Farley from his sister-in-law’s page: “The tubes are OUT!!! Pete’s getting there. He hasn’t spoke yet but look out when he does, he’s got 5 days worth of being a smart ass to catch up on!!! Glad I’m not his nurse….”

I’m sure we’d all like to hear some official statement acknowledging that Pete’s injury is as serious as McKennon Wimberley’s, that the PBR sends its best wishes to him and his family, and that the Rider Relief Fund will help with the hospital bills. But apparently if a rider isn’t in the Top 20, he’s not news. What about the fabled “cowboy code?” Somebody needs to get on the stick!

In the meantime, bull riding fans, BRING THE NOISE to the PBR website, Twitter, Facebook, and every other outlet you can think of, demanding news about Pete.

Dec. 28:

This is all the PBR had to say about Pete Farley in their newsletter. Could they spare it?

PETE FARLEY (35): Farley, who is recovering from a practice-pen injury in Australia, started off 2011 with back-to-back Touring Pro Division event wins in Denver and Pueblo, Colo., in January, and then picked up a third lower-level win in Winston-Salem, N.C. “He’s capable,” Lambert said, “but he takes a mentality that he’d rather win a go-round then an event. He tries hard, and it’s not lack of effort. It’s hard to explain, but if you’re going to be 89 points and you try to milk 93 points out of that ride – that’s foolish and greedy. And you get paid accordingly.” He finished 12th at the World Finals, where he recorded fourth-place finish in Round 4.

NEW YORK BULL RIDING FAN GIVES IT A GO: TRUE STORY BY DR. BARKS

I did ride… and it was all Mike Lee’s fault. It was due to hanging out with him, Rocky MacDonald, and Aaron Roy in New York after Madison Square Garden’s 2010 Saturday night event. Mike asked if I had ever ridden a bull, and I told him I was from New York, and the closest I get to riding a bull is when I eat a steak. He invited me to come to Texas and said he would take me to the Lane Frost Memorial Ranch and teach me to ride. The timing never worked out, and then this year we moved to Nevada.

I have a friend, Jimmy Conway, who used to ride professionally “back in the day,” and knows a lot of the people involved, like Joe Baumgartner, Leah Garcia, Shorty Gorham, Cody Lambert, etc.; I’ve seen pix of him riding with Jim Sharpe in the background. Jimmy got me hooked up with a friend who has a bucking bull school, Pac-West Extreme Bull Riding School in California, not too far from here, and he helped make my dream come true!

If you watch RFD-TV’s PBR-NOW, J.W. Hart once had a caller who was 63 when he rode and wound up in the hospital. The look on J.W.’s face was priceless: What idiot would ride at 63??? I rode at 53 and couldn’t agree more. I am older than most of the fathers of the current bull riders, but wanted to ride after my conversation with Mike Lee that set the hook.

I asked Cody Campbell what he thought about me riding at my age. His very diplomatic quote to me was, “Well, sir, I don’t think it would be a very good idea.” He was right!!!! But, sometimes you do things you shouldn’t because you love them.

Cody knew there was no real polite way of saying “Hey there: old, tall, fat, out of shape, and very inexperienced dudes from NY should stay the hell off of bulls and leave that to professionals who are young enough and in shape enough and experienced enough to handle the extreme punishment most of the time!” So, he (like every bull rider I have ever met) was very polite and diplomatic and tried his best (unsuccessfully) to discourage me from the suicide mission. I was just letting those Mid-Westerners know that we New Yorkers are tough enough to wear blood, regardless of how foolish it was, and even if it was my blood!

But, the real lesson is that WE, the die hard fans of the PBR and bull riding in general, are THAT much involved that we will involve ourselves any way we can. I did !!!

And yup, my wife wanted me to die for riding at my age, height, weight, shape and inexperience… but I guess she figured the bull, Darth Vader, would do that for me.

It was an awesome experience and a huge adrenalin rush, and I am very happy I gave it a try. I was told I rode for about 3.5 seconds. As a matter of fact, I was told by Jimmy that he thought I rode like Bobby Delvecchio, another former New Yorker!

I hope it inspires others… as long as they realize the risks. I cannot recommend it highly enough. If I were young, healthy, thin, and had the opportunity, I would ride a lot more. I am soooo glad I rode (and survived) and would do it all again… but maybe not. One and done may be the best reality. And, there were no complaints of pain afterwards. As JB Mauney has said many times, “If you can’t take the pain, don’t play the game.”

I thank Mike Lee for his drive, determination, enthusiasm, encouragement, and hope to see him soon to talk to him about it and maybe make the trip to Lane’s Memorial Ranch and (maybe) try it again. I hope to see him in Sacramento at the end of January and talk further. And if I could work it out with Mike, I would ride again!

The really kewl part of this whole story is that the other person riding with me that day was the ranch owner’s son, Tyler Steuve, who is a great rider on the way to the pros. He has driven to Texas where he is going to compete in a number of events in the hopes of making it into the Touring Pro division and then hopefully to the PBR. He is a very kewl, honest, and very good rider… and to stay involved in the sport, soon I will become his first sponsor. I am really looking forward to helping him take the next step to find his way into the PBR! How’s them apples???

Buck 'im! Dr. Barks out of the chute on Darth Vader

Thanks for your involvement and love of the great sport of bull riding!!!!

Dr. Barks loses his "holts"

Didn't make 8, but that bull is looking good!

DAY 5 – SUNDAY SUPRAHZ, SUPRAHZ, SUPRAHZ: THAT ALVES KID WINS

I’M JUST SAYIN’…

Why isn’t Leah Garcia on this broadcast? Does someone think that because the event’s on national network TV, it’s better to have a man do the interviews, instead of the woman who’s been the glue for months? Even if NBC insisted on using its own commentator, doesn’t the PBR have enough clout to insist that he be teamed with Leah?

I may have to start a petition to shoot that jackass shoutin’ fool they use to open and close the broadcasts. Does ANYBODY like him? I think not.

The Rock Star Energy Drink commercial employed another idea I put in writing long ago: a skateboarder, associating youth extreme sports with bull riding. You guys either gotta pay me off or hire me.

That Blue Emu ad gets more relevant every time! Betcha J.B. Mauney takes baths in it.

When the hell is Rock Star Energy Drink gonna catch on that most women— who are more than half the PBR audience— don’t wanna see chickies in hot pants? When is the PBR gonna get that if they want this sport to be taken seriously, they should stop trashing it up? Move into the 21^st century. Tell your sponsors that women are people, not body parts.

People were yelling at Silvano Alves in the chute on Yellow Jacket Jr.; don’t think I’ve yet heard yelling at American riders, no matter how long they take. Alves looked way out of position, but muscled back into place for 92.25. At his moment of triumph, cleavage and a navel were shoved in our faces below a Rock Star “Bring the noise” sign. Look, the crowd brings the noise for a good ride; we don’t need boobage in our noses to remind us.

J.B. got another crack at Bushwacker. Did he actually pick him, or was this just more crappy karma? If he chose Bushwacker, he’s got a death wish.

Comin’ up on the outside: Rubens Barbosa, who turned in another excellent ride: Priceless, for 92.50, and steps off on his feet. This is the rookie to watch─ unless Adriano has another surprise in store.

“He just gave his own exclamation point in Las Vegas,” blabbered Hummer when Caleb Sanderson scored 92.50 on RMEF something-or-other─ a real boost from the judges, who just had to score him above a Brazilian—another.25 ding they think isn’t obvious. Well it is, guys. You think we haven’t noticed how many times you do it? Play back the two rides and compare. Where’s the .25 difference? For that matter, why is Caleb’s a 92-point ride? You’ve lost all objectivity. You want an American to win the event title, and you love the storyline of Caleb surprising everyone by his performance at the end of the season.

After it was all over, the announcers made a big fuss over Robson Palermo and Silvano Alves, but didn’t even mention Valdiron de Oliveira—wasn’t he #2 in the standings??

DUFUS CENTRAL

“This man has had more 90-point rides than anyone else, and every time he comes out of the chute, there’s a chance of another one,” says Hummer the Bummer about Chris Shivers. Ya think?

“If you’re gonna be the best bull rider, you have to ride the best bulls.”— Marty Snyder. DUH. Is he taking Hummer lessons?

“I guarantee you Nunes is fired up for next season…”—Craig. He just seems to get stupider and stupider as the Finals goes on. Thank god there’s not a 6^th day of riding.

Re Jock Connolly: “I saw him in the hallway just a minute ago, and he had that stone look on his face just waiting to see how things work out.” Um, he coulda just been stoned on painkillers, dude.

“Robson’s wired, so we get a chance to listen in to how he prepares.” It’s the same as last time, Hummer: he breathes. You can hear him breathe. Stop the presses! Send out an email blast! Write a press release! A bull rider breathes in the chute!

“He knows he’s got one last day of work this year, and he wants to be remembered.”─ The Bummer re Valdiron de Oliveira, making it sound like he’s every rider’s BFF and they actually tell him this stuff.  If Hummer’s been paying any attention to his interviews, that’s not how Valdiron thinks. The guy is humble, wants to do his best, and support his family.

HIGHLIGHTS

Fabiano Vieira’s unbelievable correction on Perfect Poison! He sure looked like he’d fall off portside, then starboard─ instead he pulled himself up, and scored a well-earned 91.75.

Jiminey Cricket had Douglas Duncan on the ground; Jesse Byrne jumped over Douglas in front of the bull’s face, and got himself launched Air Jordan-like into the air by JC’s horns, saving Douglas from even more of a trouncing than he did get. Jesse got applause from Duncan, and man, that kid’s worth it!

Silvano’s 88.25 ride on Big Iron. Alves is Superman.

Valdiron de Oliveira was #1 for 17 weeks before Alves passed him. He was so excited about riding Jack Daniels After Party for 90.25, he was whooping over and over. His getoff against the fence looked like it could’ve broken his arm if he didn’t get out of that position right away, but he was too happy to notice.

Theme song for Guilherme Marchi on Cowboy Casanova (86.50): “I Got Rhythm.” They were totally in sync.

My heart was in my mouth when Robson Palermo’s ride on King of Hearts was reviewed. I KNEW THERE WAS NO SLAP! The bull came up and touched his armpit. Robson got 93.25 and a big hug from Silvano, who, if anyone has noticed, isn’t the most demonstrative guy, a double hug from Marchi, another hug with Valdiron, Adriano Moraes patting both his cheeks (pretty funny), and all the guys tousling his head and squishing down his hat. MAN, THE JUDGES WERE HONEST THIS TIME! I thought I was gonna cry at the look on Palermo’s face when he realized he won the event and $250,000. He SO deserves it.

CAN I QUOTE YOU ON THAT?

“That guy is my hero when it comes to grit,” Ty said about Austin Meier’s 89-point trip on PFI Boot Daddy.

BEN AGAIN

Ben Jones and his wife were at the hospital every day at 7 a.m. to lift Jason O’Hearn’s spirits, per Dr. Freeman’s orders. Then Ben climbed on Hot Stuff, the bull that clocked Jason. He got bucked off so quickly, I thought maybe Ben conked out while he was riding.

A ROBSON MOMENT

Robson rode Crosswired for 89.75─ shoulda been at least 90; he even rode for extra seconds─ with a torn rotator cuff in his riding shoulder. Holy crap!! Have you ever torn one? Let’s see; how can I describe it? Fire and knives at the same time; even turning your head sends shooting pains all over the area. Excruciating.

Marty: “How are you doing this with your shoulder?” Palermo: “I don’t know. God help me. God put the hand and help me. I want to say thank you everybody come and help…I feel good now.”

Palermo is set for surgery that’ll take him out of action for 6 months, but of course thinks he’ll be out for only 5 months, and come back in May, missing half the season.

ROCKET SCIENCE: YA SURE YA DON’T WANNA GO 3 FOR 3??

J.B. Mauney commenting on Train Wreck falling down on him in both Finals: “That’s a kind of freak deal having the same thing happen here two years in a row. I don’t think I’m gonna pick him again.” I don’t suppose it occurred to ya that the bull did it on purpose, because he figured it worked the last time?

BULL STUFF

Paycheck fizzled out, knowing exactly when 8 is. J.B. got an 86.50, because he’s J.B., and the judges use the Chris Shivers Edition of the Scoring Manual for him, but the bull didn’t have much vertical slope.

Jaw Breaker’s unridden, 21 times in a row; he even blew off Marchi.

Shepherd Hills Trapper can stand utterly upright, then kick his hind legs sideways. Very impressive trick.

WHY’S EVERYBODY ALWAYS PICKIN’ ON ME? (Name that tune and who sang it.)

Damn, Buckey is mean— after Justin Koon came off his back at 7.25 seconds, Buckey did a big sideways leap, scrambling to get a shot at Koon on the ground. Justin’s had a lot of bad moments lately.

Somebody was yelling at Valdiron, “You got 20 seconds to get out!” just as BigTexTrailers.com started leaping forward in the chute. Valdiron made the ride (88.50), but landed hard on his tailbone and looked a bit woozy.

DANG!

Renato Nunes ends his World Finals having ridden only 1 in 5. He’s having wrist surgery in January and shoulder surgery in May. Horrible contrast to last year.

DUUUDE…

Poor Cord McCoy—the one-two punch in the same 5 days: First Bushwacker, now Asteroid. The bull hipped himself so hard it changed his direction. Cord got a reride, but─ lucky him─ not on Asteroid. At least, with his 89.25 on Gray Squirrel, he’s on an upswing after that awful 20-buckoff streak.

LOVE IT

The clip of Bushwacker showing verticality, launch, drop, hang time, and everything else he’s got─ and Ty Murray saying he looks like “flying Dumbo.”

“More Bang…More Buck” PBR promo video clip. Clever sots!

Silvano’s interview, talking about his family’s bull riding tradition and his longtime dream of winning a world championship, saying that his family will be content if he wins. Content?? I think the word is ecstatic.

Day 4 SATURDAY would be more fun with JUSTIN MCKEE

Suprahz, suprahz, suprahz: Stormy Wing won the round with 90.25 over Guilherme Marchi’s 90 (oh, those clever quarter-point dings aimed at the Killer B’s). Only Caleb Sanderson was 4 for 4.

FASHION ALERT

Pink is their color: Robson Palermo and Silvano Alves looking very dapper in those shirts.

Tyler Thomson’s still stylin’ in that purple shirt…which I hope he has more than one of, or by now, he’s stankin’.

UGH.

Clichéd country singer: bearded, jeans, cowboy boots, tee shirt with shirt layered under it, baseball cap, electric acoustic guitar, exaggerated accent; trying so hard to sound tough. How is Eric Church “the hottest act in country music”? He’s so ordinary.

HUGE FOOT IN MOUTH

Two Hummer Bummers:  “Caleb Sanderson has become the Cinderella story.” “Shows how much of a long-shot he really is.”

This one courtesy of Marty Snyder, who’s obviously been taking lessons: “Is this the best riding of your career?” he asked Caleb, after an 87.50 ride on Big Stink made Caleb 4 for 4. “For right now it is,” says the Florida cowboy, modestly. “Who’da thunk it comin’ in?” says Marty, who will never get a diplomatic post.

HERE’S YOUR SIGN:

Marty Snyder asked J.B. Mauney about his bruised tailbone. Sez J.B: “I can’t sit down very good, but they got me a pad built, and it helps me out a little bit.” Then he picked Train Wreck!!? He claims to have forgotten that previous wreck. Is the child brain damaged?? The rest of us will never forget it as long as we live. Sure enough, Train Wreck repeated last year’s performance: fell down and rolled completely over on J.B.  I’m convinced he did it on purpose, to “send him a message”: Don’t push your luck!! Can’t believe J.B. got up and walked away (with a reride option).

CAN I QUOTE YOU ON THAT?

• “After the Finals, I’m going back to Brazil, practice riding bulls, keep training; when I come back next year I hope to keep riding as well as or better than this year.” Better? How’s that possible? Well, it’s Silvano. Guess it is possible.
• “A common misperception about me is that I’m hotheaded and wild, but I’m really just passionate.”─Ben Jones. And the difference would be…?
• “The guy who gets all his bulls rode is gonna win the event.” —Ty Murray. It’d be kinda hard to lose if you did, right?

LIKIN’ IT

The spotlight on the bullfighters. Frank Newsom’s been at it 18 years!  “Frank’s always the calm one of the bunch, Shorty’s always talking, and I’m always laughing”─ Jesse Byrne, who obviously hasn’t taken enough kicks to the head yet. The Jesse cam is real trippy— what are those silver sparkles all over the dirt?

HIGHLIGHTS

• Renato Nunes reversing his bad luck, riding Mac-Nett’s Southern Wine for 86.75─ a score delivered way after the next ride. Craig’s crummy crack: “We’re not used to seeing that from this Brazilian.” Gotta love Renato throwing his hat before he’s off the bull. Now he gets high-fived when he climbs the rail for his backflip. “He had good holts with his feet,” said Ty. Renato’s quote: “I gotta ride something. I feel bad the last three nights. I gotta ride anything here. I gotta get better and better.”
• Motown Magic took his usual two big leaps out of the chute, then went into a fast spin. Rubens Barbosa earned 88.75, and broke out a funny cowboy jig in celebration.
• Robson Palermo made it look easy to ride Vitalix White Velvet and score 88. Love that he throws kisses to the crowd.  More cuteness: Alves, Marchi, and Robson hugging and slapping backs at the chutes.
• Red Man’s a half-brother to Bushwacker, and he’s supposed to be rider-friendly?? He took huge initial jumps, but as Ty said, “You couldn’t get Silvano off this bull with a rock.” 87.25 points made Alves smile on his way out.

ANNOYING!

Why are so many of the scores delayed a ride or two?

LAUGH OF THE DAY

While on duty as on-the-dirt announcer, J.W. Hart was ambushed by the fireworks during his commentary. So I’m not the only one who flinches. As J.W. helped pull Mike Lee’s rope on Betta Watchit, Hummer asked if he’d gotten over the explosions yet. “I messed myself three times,” was J.W.’s response. “You looked like a shell-shocked old bull rider up there,” Ty needled him. Hope the PBR website runs that clip of J.W. jumping out of his skin. Funny!

EEK!

• Looked like Bushwacker flung Cord McCoy 15 feet. Said the effervescent redhead: “I know it sounds crazy, but I think Bushwacker was just getting warmed up. There were still 5 more seconds to go… That sucker packs a punch.”
• Joe Baumgartner threw himself in front of Harve Stewart, who was on the dirt, to save him from the bull, took a hit, and went down. It’s his next-to-last night of bullfighting before retirement, and he took a horn uppercut in the face; looked like he was knocked out before he hit the ground. Eventually he got on his feet, but had to be walked out, receiving a standing ovation. How can he not have a broken nose—at least!?

BOO-BOO REPORT:

Joe has a concussion and chin laceration and sat out the rest of the night; he’ll be reevaluated for tomorrow. ‘It seems almost fitting that the bulls would give him a little parting gift,” said the Chief Nitwit about the couple of broken teeth.

Elliott Jacoby, in a worse slump than Colby Yates (1 in 28) separated a rib last night; tonight his bull’s hind legs crunched him on the dirt.

WHEW!

Cord’s trip on Marmaduke coulda been a big ol’ DANG! From across the arena in the booth, Ty was urging Cord to challenge; he said he would’ve paid the $500 himself. Good thing, too! There was no touch, but the judges said four replays were inconclusive. He kept the 86.50, unlike the times when an inconclusive replay means no score. I should track them so I could cite names. Cord is everyone’s darling; what if it were another rider? One who speaks Portuguese, perhaps?

APPARENTLY THE BULLS USE WESTERN UNION

Canadianaaron Roy tried debut bull First Nation Sensation, also Canadian─ and thumped hard on the dirt, fast. The Bummer trots out his tired old: “First Nation Sensation sends a message to the Canadian.” On Charlie Bullware, Luke Snyder had his hand pop out of the rope; he rode a couple of seconds without it (the rope, not his hand), inspiring the Hummerblather, “Charlie Bullware now sending a message to Luke Snyder.” Poor Luke trudged out, head in hands.

NITWITTICISM

Sue lay down in the chute under Valdiron de Oliveira, got jumpy, lurched forward, lay down again, but couldn’t psych out Valdiron, who rode for 86.75, causing Hummer to blather some dumb rhyme ending with “the Valdironanator comes out to play.”

BULL STUFF

Last night of the classic bull pen.

• Back Bender (racing for ABBI Bucking Bull of the Year with scary Bad Blake, ridden once in 17 outs, who moans and groans in the chute) corners like a Maserati. First he leaned against the chute as hard as he could, adding to Douglas Duncan’s misery from a concussion RMEF Gunpowder & Lead gave him last night.
• V-5: WOW! What Ty described as a “hop, skip, and bounce” was a series of huge up and down bounds, to Wesley Laurenco’s detriment.
• WAS YA DRUNK? Trickster was a mess! Hit his head on the way out of the chute, fell down, rolled on his left side onto Justin Koon, then floundered trying to get up. Koon had the presence of mind and quick reflexes to get his hand out of the rope right away, save his butt, and get a re-ride option.

I’M JUST SAYIN’…

Justin Koon’s reride was Mood Swings, and he didn’t have much recovery time between rides. The bull stumbled forward, scraping the ground on his way out of the chute. How is that bad gonot a re-ride? Justin challenged, but a judge said he didn’t hit the button soon enough─ what an SOB, pulling this crap at the Finals! If the judge used the Chris Shivers Edition of the Scoring Manual, Justin would’ve been offered a re-ride before he was off the back of the bull. On his way out, he banged on the button again, yelling, “That working?” I sure don’t blame him. The judging favoritism SUCKS. It’s shameful.

WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS?

Bucking Machine lurched forward in the chute, smacking Fabiano Vieira against the front of it. Renato grabbed for him, but not soon enough; Fabiano got hurt and had to get up and reset. The bull’s behavior was caused by somebody cracking open the gate a little to get him to step forward into place, but when the bull saw daylight, he exploded, thinking the chute was opening. Ya hate when that happens. Said J.W., “helping” at the chute: “I’m just playing defense for these Americans.” Very uncool, JDub.

In Brazil, Vieira rode 60 bulls in a row, but this one fell down sideways on him. Another bovine that the bartender should’ve cut off last night. No score for Fabiano, because the back of his hand touched the bull. But if it was the back of Chris Shivers’s hand, wouldn’t he get a score? Or at least a reride?

Guilherme Marchi got stuck with unridden Sancho, and said he’d had a lot of bulls who were trouble in the chute─ which I said a while ago. He still scored 90, flew off nearly on his feet; first thing he did was pick up his hat from the dirt! Style.

PAINFUL TO WATCH

• Colby Yates, in his worst slump (25 straight buckoffs), said he has zero confidence. Didn’t help that his bull was bonkers in the chute. Ty says he’s getting “too mental” about it. Hey, I’d be “mental” too, if I my income was disappearing.
• He didn’t touch the bull last night, the bull contacted him, but Kody Lostroh was so upset about his no-score, he thought about it all night and slept two hours. Not the best way to prep for Round 4. He made 3 seconds on Santiago, whose head gave him a “love tap” as Kody was on the dirt.
• J.B. Mauney hung up on Shepherd Hills Sod Buster and got hurt again. He can barely walk; it looks really bad as he limps down the hallway and has to stop, grimacing. Someone please tell him to stop riding bulls for at least 3 months!

DANG!

Randy Dirteater spotted his son, holding his vest while Ryan, a brace on his left elbow thanks to Stinger last night, got ready on Jiminey Cricket. Dad’s wise words: “It’s not an 8-second ride, it’s a 10-second ride.” Ryan made 7.69; he couldn’t have tried harder. Then Carney Man bucked him off; “irate” was how Ty described Ryan.

BEN, BEN, YOU’RE SCARING THE CRAP OUT OF US AGAIN!

Jason O’Hearn is out of the ICU, still dizzy, and may be discharged tomorrow. Ben’s been visiting the hospital every day, and will drive him home. (Obviously not to Australia.) Then Pandemic KO’d Ben. (Hummer, always one to take a Fox “News” approach to a bad thing): “Absolutely eerie that what happened to his best friend only two days ago now happens to Ben.” Ben finally got up and walked, but on his way down the hall, was seriously mad. Maybe all the knocks on the noggin are pressing the red button that triggers the mad?

AWWW

• Tony Mendes is so cute; didn’t stay on Magic Man, but remembers to say “Hiya Mom” on his way past the camera.
• It cracks me up when the little guys pound their chests after a successful ride, like Stormy Wing’s 90.25 on Delco. How cute that he calls the interviewer “Sir.” He talked about being on the coffee table at home as a kid, watching Chris Shivers on TV, and today he got to pull Chris’s rope for him: “I’m living the dream.”

FINALS DAY 3 – Douglas Ferreira is the round winner.

THAT’S JUST MEAN: The opening clip of Bushwacker in the spotlight, trying to find his way out of the arena, pacing back and forth in confusion; the gates were shut so the crowd can think he’s showing off.

HIGHLIGHTS:

• The PBR Kissing Truth Booth – Sean Gleason, PBR COO, told McKennon Wimberley he thought it was a great idea to propose to Mesa Pate in the ring, “But don’t chicken out and wave to the fans!” Mesa thought they were just going out there “to catch everybody up on what’s going on.” She definitely was surprised. She was sitting on McKennon’s knee in the Booth; he kept looking at her with such a happy face. It was just adorable how she gave him a noisy kiss. I only hope she doesn’t have to get married on the dirt. Unless she wants to, that is. “Boy, it’s a good thing she said yes. That’s a good thing, boy; you’d hate to ask in front of 18,000 people and have her say, nope.” –Ty Murray about McKennon proposing on one knee.

• It was outrageous how Elton Cide stayed on Prator’s Pride, whirling around the bull’s side. Hey, if a rider hangs onto a wild ride like this, he should be rewarded. Instead he got a 67.75 and an option for a re-ride, which he took.
• Smack Down swings his back end so far around, he almost smacks himself in the face. Douglas Ferreira ended the bull’s 14-buckoff streak with a ride that really showed his strength and 91 points. And boy, was he psyched after it, screaming for the camera.
• Woo-hoo! Robson Palermo got a standing ovation for his ride on Iron Horse, but only 87.50.  I woulda made it 90. Robson picked up the wrong hat on his way out of the ring, wore it through his interview, then realized it didn’t fit, laughed and gave it back to the right cowboy. Love it: “I’m so happy ride that bull and it make my confidence.”
• “Even if I fall off tonight, I won’t worry,” said Silvano Alves, who then went ahead and rode Yo Yo for 85. The bull tried everything and finally gave up.

LIKIN’ IT: The telestrator comparing Bushwacker and Asteroid in action.

GAAACKK!

Cord McCoy drew Bushwacker. “It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity,” he said. How is he not peeing in his pants?? He sure wasn’t smiling when he talked with Ken Cox, getting the scoop on how Bushwacker behaves in the chute. Bad enough his left eye was burned by the arena pyrotechnics and he had to wear a patch yesterday; today he has limited vision in that eye.

Harve Stewart drew Asteroid. “If I stay on him, I’ll be doing some good.” (In Bizarroworld.)  “The book on the bull” is that Asteroid’s one of the tamest bulls the stable has; you can walk up and pet him─ but once he’s in the chute, he gets mean. And according to the Chief Nitwit, Asteroid is “itching for his number to come up.” Gulp.

BOO-BOO REPORT

• Jason O’Hearn was in the ICU at the University Trauma Center; he has a skull fracture but may be out of the hospital by the end of the weekend.
• Man, Shorty has the same sore throat I do.

DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN!

Elton Cide’s re-ride bull was Little Hummer. Please tell me that’s not Craig’s offspring.

CAN I QUOTE YOU ON THAT?

• “Don’t over-think things.” ─Mike Lee.
• “Instead of going in leading, I’m going in hunting, and everybody knows I’m a big time hunter.”—Austin Meier
• “That first jump seems easy, then he gets you to set back on your pockets, and he’s smart, he knows when you’re there, and when he’s got you settin’ down, the ground comes fast… It’s like playing one-on-one with Michael Jordan, except at the end of the game, he doesn’t beat you up.” —Cord McCoy describing his 4 seconds on Bushwacker’s back (for which Bushwacker scored 48.50.)
• “Every time I nod my head I was thinking about staying on for points…” Robson to Leah.
• “The rank pen comes back Sunday. That’s when you’ve gotta dread.” ─J.W. Hart
•  “He could have a factor in who wins.” – Craig Hummer talking about Robson Palermo.  He really does get tongue-tied too often for a professional broadcaster.
• “Everybody keeps counting Caleb Sanderson out, but here he is…” Foot-in-mouth Marty Snyder.
• “I hope they keep me the underdog; I don’t like all the pressure.” – Caleb Sanderson. Well, the Brazilians were happy to oblige.
• “He puts distance between he and Valdiron.” ─The Bummer fracturing the language, talking about Alves.

BULL STUFF

• White Magic has been in the rank pen his whole career.
• Debut bull Gas Tank was a speedy merry go round; Rubens Barbosa held on well for 7.26 seconds, then was whirled off in a helicopter spin, landing on his feet.
• RMEF Gunpowder & Lead was lurching every which way in the chute, turning his head to look out through the slats at the arena. Just when you thought they got him settled, he started climbing over the railing. Douglas Duncan tried his damnedest, holding on for 7.13, while the bull scored 46.25. G&L provided seven 90+ points scores this season, 4 of them for Robson. See, they have an understanding.

EEK!

• Mike Lee hung up a long time on Jaw Breaker, got kicked a couple of times after he got loose, and was left holding onto a gate. The bullfighters charged in to help, but the bull stepped on Mike’s left foot on his way out.
• Bad Medicine stumbled down out of the gate, launched into a spin, and Cody Campbell got hung up; great job by the bullfighters freeing him, and 86.75 for Cody.
• Bad day at the office for Justin Koon: his bull fell down, hitting him against the gate; Koon hung up, the bullfighters chased the bull, and once he got loose, Koon got stomped.
• Was it Spitfire’s centrifugal force that twirled Elliott Jacoby off his back? That, and Elliott’s sticky rope tangled around his leg─ he found himself in a weird hangup on the ground.
• Guilherme Marchi did his 8 seconds in the chute on a bull that bucked so wildly, Marchi had to reset. I think the bull actually made him mad. Out in the ring, Marchi took several big knocks to the ribs as he was being twirled all over the bull’s back. Can’t believe he didn’t pass out after all that thumping on his broken ribs.

NITWITTICISMS

• “Asteroid has no plans on coming down to earth any time soon; he’s on another planet.” And Bushwacker’s “ready to shine like the sun.” Does Hummer secretly want to be a writer? Give it up, guy.
• Chris Shivers “put on a show last night and tonight he’d like to conduct a clinic…” —Hummerblather.
• “There is not a ripple on this guy’s mentality.” Hummer making an incomplete pass on a Silvano metaphor.

GAG ME WITH A FRIGGIN’ SPOON!

• “Nothing’s gonna keep the Iron Cowboy from livin’ the dream…but tonight his focus isn’t on 6 strings, it’s on 8 seconds.” Hummer, could you be any cornier??

COME AGAIN?

Is this for real? Hummer said he spent some time visiting “the Brazilian locker room.” Do they really segregate the Brazilians? Is there a Canadian locker room and an Australian locker room, too?

WAAAAH!

• Ryan Dirteater sprained his riding elbow earlier, then today got dumped by Highway 12, who shoveled him with his horns when he was on the dirt. Ryan’s now 1 for 3.
• After a quick buckoff by PFI’s Boot Daddy, Renato Nunes looked like a disappointed schoolboy, sitting down in the dumps.

THEM COOL COWBOY VERBS

• “That’s something that a year ago we wouldn’t have saw.”—Ty talking about Renato Nunes turning his head and focusing on the wrong place: the dirt.
• They don’t have to be verbs: “He’s not a guy that takes good holts with his spurs.”─Ty Murray about L.J. Jenkins.

I’M JUST SAYIN’…

• I hate these blatantly commercial names the contractors and sponsors are giving the bulls. Moon is now  BigTexTrailers.com
• What, the PBR can afford a translator only part-time? Robson Palermo had to translate for Wesley Laurenco, who was being interviewed by Marty Snyder. The sad story: Wesley was short on money to get to the U.S. to be an alternate in the Finals, so he rode in an event in Brazil to make the $1,000 for the fare.
• Only Austin Meier had ever ridden The Game Changer, Justin Koon’s re-ride bull after his bad trip. Justin just made 8 by the little fibers of the rope’s tail, and scored 89.75. He was rewarded for the same thing another rider did, who received a lower score.

GO, CALEB!

Was I imagining it, or did someone say that Say When had 34 consecutive buckoffs? That bull had some kick, but Caleb Sanderson wore him out. (84.75)

AWW!

• Great shot of lil’ Wacey Hart sitting on Spitfire, who supposedly is a gentle bull and likes people to scratch him. But not while he’s working!!
• Felt sorry for Luke Snyder trailing down the hallway after Palm Springs bucked him off too easily. That was indeed the one that got away.

IN THE TURLET

Movin’ On’s vigorous hind kick launched Colby Yates into his 24^th straight buckoff. The Iron Cowboy’s melting down.

HIS ACHING ASS

After a whole lottta “the one and only J.B. Mauney” hype, Springtime (whoever heard of this bull?) performed a series of sideways hops and kicks, but never went into a spin. That tailbone injury is so bad that J.B. actually turned down his reride option, settling for 73.75.

DANG!

Lincoln Electric’s Bring It was leaning against the chute, sticking his snout through the slats of the gate, then went out and pulled about four little fakes before he came around to the right. I was sorry to see Austin get bucked off.

THIS IS WHY WE LOVE THE KILLER BEES

“I don’t want to give up; my dream is to be a world champ, and I’m gonna try. I give my best for that.”—Robson Palermo

EKEING IT OUT DURING THE BREAK: Finals – Day 1 & 2 Without Justin McKee

Day 1: Yay, Leah Garcia is on duty!

HIGHLIGHTS: No Erin Coscarelli.

LOWLIGHTS: Only 9 qualified rides. The world’s top 3 bucked off.

THE HYPE WE HAVE KNOWN AND COME TO HATE:

“They know pain, but they don’t know fear. They’re warriors…”

“LET’S GET OUR STORY STRAIGHT BOYS BEFORE WE GET BACK TO TOWN” (Name that Delbert McClinton tune!):

One intro says the cowboys have been on the trail for 8 months. The next intro says 10.

I LIKE IT:

The rider bios at the top of the hour. It’s good to talk about the backgrounds of the Brazilian riders; maybe now some people won’t resent their success so much.

‘BOUT DAMN TIME!

Finally, they gave some props to Austin Meier as “the only American with a realistic shot at the Finals title.” But talk about a faux pas, Marty! When you interview him, what you don’t say right in front of him is, “And he still thinks he’s in this thing.”

Austin was so sticky on Buzz Saw: textbook ride, perfect getoff on his feet─ and was awarded only 85.50! Everyone booed that score, even me, thousands of miles away.

“Your first one don’t matter if you don’t ride the rest.” –Austin’s answer when Leah asked about his successful start.

THOSE WERE THE DAYS, MY FRIEND…

JB Mauney was the only man in history going 8 for 8 last year…Last year Renato Nunes entered the Finals as #3, rode all 5 bulls, and closed the 1300-point gap. He was only the second person to win both the World Finals and World Championship in the same year. This time he knew he didn’t have a chance. Sigh.

AWWW MOMENTS: Valdiron de Oliveira walking in with his son.

LOL

Either the Blues Brothers are bull riding fans or the Feds are on the PBR’s case—suits in dark glasses and cowboy hats (that’s the undercover part) accompanied the riders into the arena.

I’M JUST ASKIN’…

Since you moved the Sky Box down onto the dirt, wouldn’t that make it the Earth Box?

P.S. Where’s Michael Gaffney?

OY!!

Save yourself the airtime, guys: J.W. Hart and Justin McBride chattering away behind the chutes were saying nothing important.

CAN I QUOTE YOU ON THAT?

• Guilherme Marchi talking about Silvano Alves: “I think he’s the one who’s going to break all the records.”
• “There aren’t any confidence-building bulls here.” ─Ty.
• “That guy rides way too good…He’s gonna have to stub his toe really bad at the finals” for anyone else to win.– J.B. talking about Alves.
• “Oh yeah, that’ll get your heart going a little bit.” ─Shorty Gorham after the unridden Rango used both ends going after the bullfighters.
• After Shorty and Jesse Byrne were voted tops by the riders, Shorty called Jesse “a young stud.” Um, just exactly how would you know that, Mr. Gorham?
• Ty Murray, sympathizing about Shane Proctor’s groin injury likened that muscle to “a star pitcher having elbow trouble.” Kinda funny if you think about it.
• Tremors took a tremendous leap out of the chute, hung his leg in the gate and hit one of the cameras. “Good thing we have more than one camera,” said Ty philosophically.
• “I have the fuzzies pretty good.”—Luke Snyder. And maybe a concussion, but of course he’ll ride again.
• “I figured these last guys would dog me out.” ─Caleb Sanderson after winning the round, placing ahead of  Silvano, much to his surprise.
•  “Silvano doesn’t have a bad bone.” ─Valdiron de Oliveira

WHEW!

Call Aussie title-winner Jock Connolly an artist. At 3.3, the clock stopped for a touch, and the first review wasn’t conclusive. Ultimately a slow motion close-up showed Jock being ever so careful to keep from touching Damn Right: his wrist was just an inch above the bull, so boy, did he deserve the 86.50!

HUH?? Hummer called Pete Farley “the resident Babe Ruth.” What, with a 15% riding average?

I DID NOT KNOW THAT: Singer Moe Bandy used to be a bull rider.

MIXED BLESSINGS:

• Smart move: letting us hear Clint Adkins and Brandon Bates introduce the riders. But one of ‘em called Alves “Silvanyo.” There’s no excuse for this. Bad enough it took Hummer two years to say it right─ now someone has to train the in-arena announcers. This is pathetic. Do other sports announcers get athletes’ names wrong?
• Somebody up there sort of likes J.B. Mauney. He drew debut bull, Sic ‘Em Sam─ kind of a badly wrapped gift, don’t you think, Mr. Lambert? J.B. got hung up, crumpled, trampled, butted in the ass, had a bad getoff─ and still managed to score 87.25.

OH, THAT AGAIN…

Praying to “Father,” talking about protecting America, bla bla bla, an Air Force honor guard presents the flag…all the stuff that pretty much guarantees that the U.S. will never take bull riding seriously as a legitimate sport. Then “the very talented and lovely” McClymonts, who have some weird ideas of harmony, warble the national anthem. “Ram-parts” couldn’t have been more nasal if they were wearing clothespins on their noses. Maybe I blinked, but the only event at which I’ve ever heard a man sing that song was in Times Square, and red-headed rocker Travis Clark (www.whoistravisclark.com), lead singer for We the Kings (www.wethekingsmusic.com), knocked the Star Spangled Banner out of the park. Either ask him to do it again, or hold auditions, for god’s sake.

YIKES!

• In a frightening moment or three, Brendon Clark, substituting for injured Skeeter Kingsolver, went over Pure Smoke’s front end, Joe Baumgartner jumped in front of the bull to keep him away from Brendon, the horn hooked under Joe’s vest and tossed him around like a rag doll. Those protective vests are the best idea this side of helmets; maybe nothing can be thoroughly bull-proof, but the sight of Baumgarten being hoisted up and away makes me hope the vests can be strengthened even more.
• Dustin Elliott said his main goal is to leave the weekend with money, but Carney Man bucked him off at 6.24, then stamped on him: both hind legs came down hard on Dustin’s back, plus one hoof kicked his helmet. Elliott got up off the ground with his shirt torn and blood visible. The good news was that he “was not badly hurt” but was “bruised, with a laceration on his nose,” and okay to ride the next night. Those are all relative terms, obviously. Other people would be in the hospital.
• Luke Snyder hurtled forward over Backbender’s hump, took a horn in the face, bumped against the bull’s head and shoulders, got bucked off, then the bull stamped on his leg.

THIS IS HOW WE KNOW YOU’RE NUTS:

• Shorty Gorham’s philosophy: a wreck like Baumgartner’s is the best way to start a Finals. “You know it’s gonna happen to you sooner or later; just get it out of the way.”
• Pit Boss spun Cord McCoy off like a copter– and the guy is still smiling. It’s a little scary.

BULL STUFF

• Now I know why they call him Bad Blake: he went KA-POW! right out of the gate.
• Never saw a bull stutter-step in mid-air, but Porcupine Puncher did when the chute gate opened.
• This is how you know he’s a superstar (besides the 24 straight buckoffs he had coming into the Finals): when he’s being profiled, Bushwacker heads straight to the camera.
• Mr. Feiger may look “like a little ol’ roping steer,” as Ty said, but the bull was so vertical and had so many unorthodox moves, he could be a star if he keeps it up.
• Big Stink, one of few debut bulls here, is a pretty big, powerful bull for a newbie.
• Last year Train Wreck “pancaked” J.B. Mauney; this year he slid Silvano Alves off sideways. Sheesh!

NITWITTICISMS (What would we do without them?)

• He’s about to get his chance to dominate Vegas,” said The Bummer about Chris Shivers. What in tarnation has Craig been smoking??
• “We heard from him; we know what his quest is, to go 6 for 6.”─Hummer blathering about J.B. Mauney. What J.B. actually said in his Athlete Profile was that he doesn’t have a chance, he has nothing to lose, so he can just let it all hang out and go at ‘em.
• “He doesn’t swing for the fences, he just hits single after single…”─Hummerblather about Silvano. Umm, dude, Alves has been swinging for the fences all year. That’s how he ended up winning the Finals.

TALK ABOUT “MANNING UP”!

Guilherme Marchi broke 6 ribs in that infamous wreck which I don’t want to recount here. He didn’t think he’d be at the Finals, but decided the week before that he felt good enough to go. Mud Wasp, a debut bull, was butting and banging around in the chute, not helping Marchi’s nerves any (and this is a man with 45 90-point rides), but the Brazilian bombshell (oh, come on, don’t tell me you don’t think Guilherme’s pretty) scored 86.50.  Made me happy to see all that he-man chest-thumping and fist pumping (which is not something I’d normally say─ ask my friends).

“PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN…”

This time Mike White was on dog-and-pony-show duty (or should I say, bull and pony), chasing bulls around, swinging his rope. But this crop of the-best-of-the-best bulls aren’t necessarily showoffs; they’re getting extra face time because after the ride (or lack thereof), the chute guys deliberately close the exit gate each time the bull gets near it, so the confused animal goes for one more lap around. To the audience, it looks like he’s hamming it up so they’ll “bring the noise;” meanwhile, the bull’s probably thinking, “WTF? I know it was around here somewhere!”

DAY 2   Valdiron de Oliveira& Rubens Barbosa tie for the round win.

LOWLIGHTS:

• Hot Stuff trounced Jason O’Hearne; his forelegs crunched down on Jason’s middle, hind legs crunched his leg. I’d be surprised if it’s not shattered. Jason was flattened, taken out on the backboard. The aerial view of 8 guys in black hats carrying him looked so much like pallbearers with a coffin it gave me the willies. He was taken by ambulance to the hospital with Ben Jones’s wife Christy and Brendon Clark.
• Ty’s TV test-pattern shirt is making my eyes cross.

BOO-BOO REPORT:

• Dustin Elliott’s injuries from last night made him miss tonight: bruised upper back, facial laceration. He told Leah he’d be back “If I can take a full breath and not hurt.”
• Jock Connolly hung up on Jack Daniels After Party; Jesse Byrne jumped in and got the rope loose. Score: high 80s. Jock took some bad shots, medical staff carried him out; he had to drop out of the round.
• That knock on the head last night made Luke Snyder bite through his tongue. Eeww!

HATIN’ IT: More of that loudmouth jerk at the opening of the show.

HIGHLIGHTS─ LOTS AN’ LOTS OF ‘EM

• Willie Wilco came flying out and Cord McCoy scored 84.25 on him. Cord’s on fire!
• Mesa Pate, owner of Cowboy Casanova, predicted a 90-point score, Rubens Barbosa obliged with a masterful 90.75 ride, and they both sure looked happy.
• The two video clips of “World’s Strongest Man” Ken Cox, forcing Whisky’s Rebel back down into the chute as the bull climbed halfway over the gate. Nowadays the bull’s head and horns are tethered to the chute to hold him there. Hummer commented to Shorty that this was the farthest he’d been standing away from the gate all night: “Did you draw straws for it?” “No, Craig─ I’m scared.” Tyler Thomson finally had to give up. This diva bull almost didn’t make it to the finals because of his bad behavior.
• Hector Cardona, invited from Mexico, scored 87 on Louisiana Purchase, landing on his feet. Gotta love the kid’s chest-thumping─ and on his way through the Hall of Legends he smiled at the camera and said Hi to his mother.
• Mike Lee’s outrageous correction to stay on his bull as it stumbled forward, for 88.25. Hummer’s comment: “Mike Lee with a veritable Matrix maneuver.” I didn’t see the movie─ you all decide if that made sense.
• Kody Lostroh, riding with a torn ACL and NCL, earned his 87.50 on Too Sexy with the kind of ride he used to make all the time. “Picture perfect” is right, Ty.
• Wow, Caleb! Sanderson says he doesn’t remember anything from the time he gets on a bull until after he gets back to the locker room, but he was totally “in the moment,” to use a stupid Method Actor phrase, reacting to Big Iron with great countermoves, not anticipating or over-correcting. 87.50.
• All the clones came to the party tonight, and Stormy Wing drew Slim’s Ghost, who put him through the wringer. “He’d rather drag to death than starve to death” was Ty’s description of Stormy hanging onto that bull like J.B. hung onto Code Blue. The clock stopped at 5.57, he challenged, and he was right─ he hadn’t touched the bull. The judges scored him only 79.50 for that display of true grit.
• “You can’t be any more out of position than that!” Ty Murray said about Luke Snyder on Chocolate Thunder. Luke was literally in the air, off the bull, but still holding the tail of the rope, for 81.75.
• Eww—the nostril cam crawled up Toy Soldier’s nose while he gave us the beady eye. Marchi said he was nervous (last night his knee got hurt in the chute), but he rode for 88, stepped off on his feet and up onto the Shark Cage to show off: a headstand into his hat. Last night it was a cartwheel.
• Robson Palermo rode Tuxedo with a torn rotator cuff in left shoulder, landed on that shoulder, and scored 87.75. Hummer was right—that is superhuman. (After his Nov. 2 surgery, Robson heads for 6 months of rehab in Brazil.) Sounds like something I could use, too. Without the surgery.
• Valdiron has ridden Speckled Ivory 3 of 4 times, for high scores, this time a 90.75 that was spectacular in slow motion. He couldn’t look happier; it’s been a while since his last pushups with Flint. To the camera he told his wife, daughter, and son he loves them.
• Pete Farley’s Mom’s gotta be proud of his terrific adjustments in response to every change Cool Spot made, earning 87.25.
• Douglas Duncan’s good-looking 88.25 ride on Over the Edge, alighting on his feet.
• Fabiano Vieira exited The Situation like he just stepped off the curb, for 86.

BULL STUFF

• No wonder we haven’t seen Crosswired in a while! He had a horn infection, and it sounds like he almost died; they removed the horn, and he’s back, with plenty of high kick─ enough to send Pistol Robinson out blinking and dazed.
• Couldn’t believe my eyes: Mr. Slim was doing a paddle turn on one hoof. Dancers, take note.

HUH?

• “He’s had a career year, but he realizes: why stop there?” Hummer talking about Caleb Sanderson.
• Valdiron de Oliveira and Silvano Alves entered the arena in a DeLorean. Hummer said it’s “Back to the Future” night in the arena. No explanation followed.

STFU, Gringos

• Hummer talking about Valdiron and Silvano being “desperate” to do better tonight. Excuse me, but I think when you’re in the lead you’re not all that desperate.
• Interviewer Snyder (inserting foot in mouth) asked Silvano if last night he lost the opportunity to put the championship away. Alves looked serious and told the translator (supposedly), “No, I’m not nervous about this; if I’m meant to be the champion, I will. There’s four days left, if I ride my bulls I will be the champion.”

GOTTA LOVE IT

• “Who’m I gonna pick to win the world championship? That’s easy; that’s me.”—Austin Meier
• Shorty’s crib notes strapped to his wrist, Jesse Byrne’s stylish helmet cam. Hummer suggested using “the Jesse cam to make training videos.” Not a bad idea, if you can stand the vertigo nausea factor.
• Just like Adriano Moraes, once Marchi learned some English, you couldn’t shut him up. First he did all his thank yous in English, then he did them in Portuguese, too.
• Alves and de Oliveira whooping at each other and high fiving after Silvano’s ride on Mr. Slim.

AW JEEZ…

• Another “lovely young lady” with off-pitch, who thinks she can improvise on the Star Spangled Banner─ who just happens to be married to J.W. Hart.
• Josey Wales was Colby Yates’s 28^th straight buckoff.

TEE HEE…

• “I know you enjoyed your time in the locker room with your buddies.”—Craig talking to Chris Shivers.
• “Caleb Anderson is still on top.” ─Guess who.
• “Caleb Sanderson has assumed the position.” Does Hummer have any idea he’s saying these things?
• “He’s either direction.”—Ty. That’s something you’d expect Hummer to say.

I’M JUST SAYIN’…THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO PLAY CRAZY 8s, JUDGES!!

Chris Shivers’s trip on Cooper Tires’ Wild & Out should’ve been a no-score. The slo-mo replay showed him off the bull before 8, but he was scored—88.25, no less. Ty’s right, “He really got by with that one.” Yeah, and it’s not the first time judges ignored reality to score Chris—high. This blatant favoritism sucks. People are sentimental because a great rider is about to retire, but this disgraceful cheating doesn’t add to his reputation. And wouldn’t “the cowboy code” tell Chris he oughtta tell on himself? He’s taken illegitimate scores three times this season that I recall. In contrast, Douglas Ferreira was flung around in the chute by I’m Back, the bull wiggled and leaped wildly all over the arena, a re-ride option on the basis of that out was denied, a replay showed Ferreira off the bull before 8, but because he’s not Chris Shivers, he wasn’t scored.

AND THIS IS NOT HELPING FOREIGN RELATIONS:

Shown on the screen: “Total Domination,” a chart illustrating the fact that the Brazilians have won 19 of 29 events this season (so far).

THE HIGHLIGHT WE NEVER TIRE OF: BEN JONES

Ben said in Las Vegas he’s never ridden his first bull. His father was in the stands watching for the 1^st time at the Finals. Ben said he was riding for his buddy, injured Jason O’Hearn. Ben’s bull Gypsy Boots has a bad rep: a mean streak. Shorty’s pre-ride commentary, as the bullfighters went on red alert: “Ben has a tendency when he hits the ground to go to sleep.” In the chute, every time you thought Ben was ready to go, the bull lurched forward; when they finally got out, the bull banged against the chute and ricocheted everywhere, taking big leaps. Ben rode for 86.25, jumped onto the Shark Cage to dance, then jumped back down. I think I heard him say Jason’s his best mate, he loves him as much as Christy─ I hope he said almost.

TAKE THAT, OCHOCINCO!

Justin Koon scored 85 on Deja Blue Emu, but he shoulda got more points for the extra 5 seconds he rode.

I DID NOT KNOW THAT

Silvano’s grandfather and father were bull riders.

Luke Snyder has competed in more consecutive events than anyone.

NITWITTICISMS

• Going into a commercial break, The Bummer announced, “We’re coming back with the top 13 in the world, which of course includes World #1 Silvano Alves.” Otherwise it would be the almost-top 13, Craig.
•  “Can he answer his good friend?” (meaning, Silvano to Valdiron) “We talk about the money, but it’s the honor and the title these men are going for.” Uh, have you not been listening, Craig? All the Brazilians have talked about how important winning money is to their families.

MEAGER FASHION ALERT: Great purple shirt on Tyler Thomson.

CAN I QUOTE YOU ON THAT?

• “It’s a cowboy sport. It’s reactions, not a game plan.”─ Douglas Duncan.
• Robson talked with Leah about the Brazilians doing much better tonight: “Last night I buck off and I so mad; I make a mistake last night…last night maybe a little intimidated, but we talked and laugh and make it better today.”
•  Valdiron talked about how he didn’t ride his bull last night, but tonight, “I try more hard.” He was bubbling away, and finally ended breathlessly, “I so happy now.”

I’M JUST SAYIN’…

• Didja notice, the two Fantasy Pick winners are female?
• Where’s the friggin’ translator for Marty Snyder’s interview with Valdiron de Oliveira?

TRU DAT!

”When you’re a professional, you have to give it your blood and work hard every day.”─ Guilherme Marchi

EEK!

Last night J.B. Mauney sprained his tailbone (yeah, that’s the technical term). He said he wouldn’t be sitting on his back pockets tonight. Sho’ nuff, he rode Chicken on a Chain for 86. That bull still brings it. But poor J.B. backstage was bent over, head hidden in the curtains, jiggling like you do when you’re in pain and don’t wanna scream. Earlier, Leah asked how he dealt with the pain. “You gotta be a cowboy, you gotta be tough. A cowboy’s supposed to be tough, and I try to be,” was his answer, showing once again that pigheaded is not the way to steer.

LOVE IT!

Buck Wild was a loonytune in the chute; L.J. Jenkins nearly got bucked off. While the chute guys were trying to help, we heard L.J. call the bull “this motherfucker.” Yay for cable TV─ we get to hear real cowboys be real cowboys instead of the sanitized Yes Ma’am, Aw shucks squeaky-clean cartoon we’re supposed to buy.

GUEST BLOGGER: BullT, From the Thomas and Mack Arena on Friday of Finals Week

Finals: Thomas & Mack Arena

I figure that you either watched the event itself or you caught up on the blow-by-blow descriptions on this blog or even (when desperate) on the PBR site. Just to give you a sense of the flavor, here are the thoughts I jotted down from my over-priced seat.

I would have great photos to accompany this, given that the seats were right up front, but PBR has a policy displayed all over the place, saying that cameras with interchangeable lenses are not allowed. In the past I got away with bringing one in, but I didn’t want to take a chance on having to chase down my camera kit after the show. Once again, though, the best action seemed to be in the stands and not on the dirt …

We got here early, settled in and were treated to that same annoying woman’s voice you hear on Versus every week doing ads. And Colby Yates’ new CD. Sorry, old son, being stomped on by livestock does not make you a star singer and btw, you need a new band and arrangers! What I’m waiting to hear is some down-home Brazilian folk music or some Portuguese hip-hop.

In our bright red seats, we found ourselves surrounded by stock contractors and breeders, plus a few random wives/girlfriends/ buckle bunnies. I’ve seen some very good openings at PBR events in past years, and I’ve seen a few mediocre ones. This year’s counted as pure crap. I’ve seen better choreography and delivery at a bad high school musical. And please, Mr. Site Manager─ hire a real arena sound guy before you perforate an ear drum with boomy bass. The
system is great, but with 48 speakers in each corner and another 6 or more in the center beneath the new hi-def screens, things get crazy loud.

I was quickly very glad for those great new screens, too. With the first ride of the night, the wives and girlfriends in Gold Buckle seating have to stand up and block the view.

After my first PBR Finals (and, incidentally, my first live bull riding event) I commented that PBR seemed like a cross between World Wide Wrestling and NASCAR, with some livestock and a Pentecostal tent meeting thrown in for variety. This year they threw in a scantily clad (in a country way) girl waving a scorecard placard over her head. Goofy me! Took half an hour to realize she was the Applause girl and the sign said “Bring on the Noise!” All the superfluous crap going on made it hard to focus on the bulls. As if Flint wasn’t enough of a distraction for those who paid $400 a seat and didn’t really want to watch the bull riding occurring in the other half of the arena.

Speaking of the arena: Thomas and Mack has an unusual ring setup. There are chutes at both ends of the arena with the Shark Tank and iron gates dividing the ring. They do “flights” at either end, moving back and forth every so many rides. From our seats, it was very hard to see clearly what was going on in the opposite half of the ring. That’s when you get to dally with Flint and the cowgirl. Did you notice that I’m not thrilled with this layout?

When we first saw the PBR in Las Vegas it was at the Mandalay Bay arena, which was the more tried-and-true setup and where we had a much better sense of being involved from start to finish. I don’t know if it is the fault of the ring or if it has to do with television interruptions and all that entails, but the flow of events was much choppier than in the past and there was less of a sense of being part of the action. Or else I’m just getting old and cranky and a tad spoiled…

There were quite a few real emotional folk among the stock contractors who were in line for $500k that gets awarded for Best Bull. They even had cowbell supporters in the stand. I can imagine that it costs a small fortune to field bucking bulls, transporting them around the country and keeping them healthy and viable for the year. I learned that you need to allocate at least 5 acres per bull in your homey ranch. I’m guessing that far less than 10% of your bulls make it to the big time PBR and CBR events, so that makes for some fair-sized spreads. Like 3 or 4 Central Parks end to end? So long as we are helping these ranchers out, how about next year we give an award for longest unbroken stream of bull snot let loose on mid-air jumps or spins? With a bonus point for actually hitting someone in the audience with it!

My first real excitement of the night came courtesy of J.B. Mauney. There is such an obvious difference between the top ten and the rest of the riders. More poise and stage command, for sure. And better riding, by far. Which means that things really liven up toward the final 5 or 6 rides each night.

From what I understand, for all its talk about caring about the riders and the “bull athletes,” the organization still takes big advantage of everyone but the star riders with strong brand recognition. It seems that only the top guys make any money. In fact, I’m not sure how any of them afford to hang in there at events from week to week. Probably the same way the Minor League baseball guys do─ depending on the largesse of family members and sleeping in rat-trap hotels on the backside of each town they hit, driving together in their pickups to save money. Because driving a Prius to save on gas would simply not live up to the Cowboy image!

All the more reason for me to be so pissed off about paying $395 for a ticket that has a $126 face value printed on it. The riders don’t get a penny of that, nor do the stock contractors or even the PBR itself. It goes to people who provide very little to the process and add no value at all to the events themselves. The music industry has faced this problem for years and, to be fair, so have some of the other sporting events that draw big crowds. $1200 for Barbra Streisand fall into the same category (not for me, thanks) and I’ve heard of Super Bowl prices well in excess of my first new car.

There have been lots of changes over the years with bull riding, but it seems to me that the PBR can’t decide what it wants to be when it grows up. They start with rockabilly, switch to some old Queen tunes, and then end up with techno. I hate the techno music! Thought I was on vacation in the Dominican Republic suffering through a cruise ship invasion.

And for those who are there live, Flint did indeed have more hair in the past (me too), and he climbed to the nosebleed area a lot quicker and more often before his heart attack. Given that he had a heart attack and now has a pacemaker in place, I believe, it’s truly amazing how he moves around the arena and dances his jigs and stuff.

Change is needed, for sure, and the PBR took on a big task when it set about making bull riding a mass market sport. But I get the feeling they need to not worry so much about reinventing the wheel. Grab hold of some of the folk who have been through this in other venues and media (like live music events). You can’t please everyone.

The guy sitting to my immediate right was at his 11th Finals in the same seats. He resisted the temptation to sell them to the scalpers, but he left early because of all the drinking and annoying sounds surrounding him. He said, “The focus is all wrong!” That may well be a marketing price that will have to be paid, but baseball has lost a lot of diehard fans who find the newer fans too annoying and disruptive. On the other hand, the Stones survived bad judgment at Altamont.

So many were too drunk to see! One of the people singled out for the Fan of the Night award turned out to have passed out cold in the high-dollar seats. Quote of the night was, “He’s spent the weekend at Bernie’s!” Bad American beer in plastic bottles. You pass out and even Flint can’t wake you up─ so he moves some of the clown makeup from his face to the drunk’s. Wait─ that reminds me of some nights at college! Minus the bulls. Dude, you’re in Vegas! Wait for the after-party to get lit up. You may not remember what happened after midnight, but you’ll at least remember the bulls bursting out of the chutes.

Something else I don’t get: a lot of people seemed to leave early. How can you not stay for the Boys from Brazil!?! A cultural note: Brazilian fans have huge energy and a sense of joy. They are so damned happy when their guys win. A clean-cut happy, if you will. Nothing vindictive or in-your-face attitude about their win, just a lot of energetic glee. I like that.

Personally, I think they are winning because they work harder at it than anyone else and it means so much to them. The Americans will catch up, for sure. It happened in golf when, after a few seasons of losing, they all realized that the new winners were taking the sport much more seriously and were spending a lot of time in the gym getting strong and building their endurance. One look at the forearms and biceps from Brazil lets you know that someone is working out. Riders like Austin Meier obviously get it. And that, IMHO, is why he was nearer the top this year.

I saw it when I rode motocross. I’m dating myself, but a lot us did well because we were young, innately talented and crazy. They may still be talented and crazy, but now they spend hours each week getting fit and building their skills. And we don’t get embarrassed by European riders at every World Cup event anymore. I see the same coming in the PBR.

And are only a few of us noticing that they just seem to tolerate the Brazilians? I was there when Justin McBride was about to win his last Finals and they couldn’t kiss his ass loud enough, frequently enough or publicly enough to avoid the spread of male HPV throughout the broadcast booths. They were OK with the first Brazilian to win (your picture with him was great) but now that there seems to be a national trend, it seems they are just embarrassed and want them out of the way as quickly as possible. But they did give him his million bucks!

All in all, an interesting night. See you in Madison Square Garden after New Year!!

COLUMBUS – THE HOME STRETCH…and we still want McKee back!

THE BOO-BOO LIST

• Valdiron de Oliveira is in a slump from a previous injury; because of his shoulder, Robson Palermo isn’t competing this weekend; Renato Nunes is coming back from a long layoff; Guilherme Marchi is injured—yet they’re still the top guys! Yikes. But why isn’t everyone making a big fuss over Austin Meier? He’s right up there with them.

THE CONTINUING ASTONISHING ADVENTURES OF─  Do I have to say his name? (That one’s for The Big Man.)

• Can’t believe Ben Jones is riding this weekend—not only that, but he went into the championship round as #1. This time he did the dance on the Shark Cage, with Flint. In his interview with Leah, he was upbeat: “A lot of people have been talking like I’m half washed-up…I’ve been cutting wood all week…” It’s good to see that goofy smile again. (God, I never thought I’d say that.) The interviewer: “What are you doing right this weekend?” Answer: “Not thinking. Just letting it hang. Tandy said I was dancing too much and that was part of the reason I was getting dizzy, so I’m having a break and saving it for the championship round.”
• Ben was sparring in the gym this past week. “I don’t think he’s ever been accused of being a softie!”─ Ty Murray. “Ben’s wired so we get a chance to listen to his preparation.” Like we could understand it. (You know who said that, of course.) Pearl Snap was bumptious in the chute, but Ben scored 86.25 for his third ride of the weekend, and yeah, he was psyched. No dance, but he thanked his wife, who “stood by” him through it all. She must be as nutty as he is.
• Hummer claims Ben’s rebound is due to “his live in the moment mentality…” Says Ben, “I’m back on top of the world. I just had to have that week off and get everyone out of my head, just had to get Ben back into my head.” I wonder what the MRIs and CT scans actually saw.
• Then he took several hard hits from Widow Maker: the bull’s head to his face, the hump to his head. Ben stumbled to the fence looking half-conscious; as people pulled him half up over the fence, it looked like he was going to black out right there on the railing. The guy’s got great survival instincts, to keep running from the bull even in that state. Bang in the face, bang on the head—no helmet, of course. Pleeeeez, Dr. Freeman─ tell Ben he can’t compete without a helmet.

HIGHLIGHTS

• Hey—here’s the biggest highlight of all: We haven’t been subjected to Erin Coscarelli for a few weeks. I assume the PBR management and David Neal have the sense to keep Leah Garcia on duty for the Finals.
• Couldn’t believe my eyes: Cord McCoy scored 86.25 on Whiskey’s Rebel, the bull that’s so crazy-nasty in the chute. Cord’s chute technique: he waited until the last minute, sat down on him like a feather, and nodded immediately; the bull came out backwards. Who knew Cord had it in him? I thought he was overmatched—I eat my words!
• Renato is back after 6 months away! And he rode White Tornado last night, which unfortunately wasn’t broadcast. I wish I’d seen that first backflip!
• Ryan Dirteater’s 86.25 ride on Betta Believe. The Cherokee Kid is showing real confidence. (I’m sure it’s due to the Cherokee Nation tee shirt I gave him.)
• Formula 409 was turning so close to the gate, but J.B, stuck on those awkward turns, and scored 84.25, which makes him now 3 for 3. That bull was a bully: ran after Shorty and I think it may have wiped its nose on his ass.
• After Renato rode Another Husker for 87, I thought he was going to climb up to the rafters to do the backflip. He was so happy during his interview, who the heck cares what he said—he was positively giddy.
• Talk about bending at the waist─Cody Nance on Rock Star was folded in half, out of position, and kept going: 84.50 No quit in that guy!
• Bending at the waist also worked for Ryan McConnel, who’s finally loosened up. 85.75 on Back Door Man.

TRUE DAT:

• “Valdiron de Oliveira is a scary guy to have in your rear view mirror.” ─Hummer. That makes 6 good ones, Craig.
• “When you ride, everything works good; when you fall off, that’s the problem.”─ Renato Nunes

NITWITTICISMS: Pure Craig

• “It all starts with staying on for 8 seconds, doesn’t it?”  
• “It’s the change of direction that gets Pete Farley off.” Yeah, a lot of guys are like that.
• Douglas Duncan loses his footing, “And after that it’s cake work for Bar Code.” Uh, perhaps “cake walk,” Craig?
• “The Buckeye State has been good to J.B. Mauney. He’s got his swagger back as well as his smile, which means the rest of the competition better watch out.” Hate to break the news, dude, but one good ride is not gonna push J.B. up past the crowd ahead of him.
• “Now it’s Valdiron who has to answer himself.” Actually Craig, you’re the only one who talks to himself–pretty much through the entire broadcast.
• Silvano “has sent a message to his doubters.” Fool, there aren’t any doubters left!

NEWS FLASH!

While Jordan Hupp rode Stickler for 81.50, OMG! Craig Hummer stopped talking for almost 8 seconds! I thought maybe he dropped dead of a heart attack. I know I almost did.

CAN I QUOTE YOU ON THAT?

• “I beat last night’s ride by 7 seconds!”─Cord McCoy
• “You have to try as hard as you possibly can without trying too hard.”—Ty. Now if only he would explain that.
• “The problem isn’t what Robson Palermo can do, the problem is what Silvano Alves can do.”—Craig.

WHEW

• Elton Cide, who hadn’t scored in 9 of 14 events, handled Squawk Box’s direction change, for 86.75.
• Robson Palermo had to cope with Slim Chance, another wacko in the chute.  Is it just coincidence, or has he been getting all the bulls who are bad in the chute? “Let’s listen in to his preparation,” (said The Bummer), which consists of breathing. The bull jerked him forward, Robson slapped the bull, then had to keep trying to hang on; he looked so depressed; escaped right into the chute and back to the locker room to sit down.

I’M JUST SAYING:

• Those are some serious dimples on Zane Lambert!
• Is it my TV or is the makeup artist slapping it on Hummer with a trowel?
• 4^th installment of the riders’ visit to Hawaii: Thankfully, we didn’t have to see the cattle branding again. It wasn’t the smartest move, showing footage of calves squealing and bellowing in pain and fear─ guaranteed to turn off people on the fence about bull riding because of the cruelty to animals issue, even though the PBR has a statement on its website about that. In this century, branding isn’t necessary. In Scotland, sheep ownership is identified by which color paint is sprayed on the sheep’s rear ends. I’m sure there are higher-tech ways of showing who owns an animal. A radio collar or tag like scientists use for tracking whales or cheetahs?  Put on your thinking caps.
• Cord McCoy has the chirpiest attitude, no matter what happens to him in the arena. Wonder if it’s the concussions.
• Silvano Alves was on Tight Rope, with everyone yelling at him to get out of the chute. Gee, that’s not what Luke Snyder said when he was coaching the young Hawaiian bull riders, telling them that when you get in the chute, “That’s your time in there, nobody else’s.” Except if you’re Silvano Alves, apparently. Certain people don’t want you to get focused and comfortable in the chute; they’d rather rattle you so you get out discombobulated and buck off. I don’t think that’s worked on Alves yet. You’d think the chute bullies would’ve given up by now. When you saw the aerial view of his yellow helmet, you saw how perfectly centered he was. Kinda deserved more than 85.25.
• You’d think that with all the prickliness about the Brazilians “taking over” the sport, somebody would be upping the volume on Meier. Give the man credit for being a great bull rider, and stop saying it’s about his grit. Grit alone doesn’t keep you on the back of a bull. It’s talent.

GOOD ON YA!

• Calling attention to the Warriors in Pink campaign, the Ford Invasion visited stage 3 breast cancer survivor Marcy, who went through 16 rounds of chemotherapy, surgery, and 6 weeks of radiation. “Your fight with cancer makes our 8-second battle seem like nothing,” said Luke. This is a very good move to show respect to women. ( wonder how Colby feels now about that line in his “Concho Whores” song, which I won’t repeat because it’s so insulting to women.)
• Silvano, the only rider to go 4 for 4, looked so happy with his buckle, his 3^rd event of the season. He thanked god: “With every ride I’m thankful I’m still healthy.”

DANG!

• Missed Dusty Ephrom score during a commercial. “He’s spurring with both feet!”─ Ty.
• The clock stopped at 7.70 for a touch, Robson challenged, but the replay showed his elbow just grazed Smoothie’s spine; the #3 in the world finished 4^th for the weekend.

BULL STUFF

• The Bug had timing like a bucking machine, Ty said, and he’s not kidding. Luke Snyder scored 86.25, which seemed to be the number the judges liked handing out the most. And then The Bug wanted a little extra face time.
• Ty’s description of Bar Code: “This bull swaps ends every time he turns around: he puts his head where his butt was and his butt where his head was.” (Those of us with lots of ex-boyfriends have seen this unfortunate behavior up close and personal.) All of Douglas Duncan’s practicing during the week to keep calm in the chute was for nought: his right foot came up and pretty soon he was off to the side.
• Now I know what the fuss in Hartford was about the bull called New Britain 1843: he’s the former Thomas the Train.
• Lincoln Electric’s Bring It, as Ty Murray put it, “This bull leaves absolutely zero room for stubbing your toe.”
• How is Yellow Jacket Jr. a “bubble bull” if he’s been ridden 1 out of 15 times ? He bucked off Mike Lee before he even got into a spin. Fortunately, he did end get slated for the Finals.

TALK ABOUT “HONEY DO”!

Sean Willingham spent a lumberjack week building a wedding gift for his fiancée, and cut his right hand with the drill.

LOWLIGHTS

• Unbelievably, Renato Nunes is on the bubble.

EVERYBODY SEND HIM A HUG

Apparently when Valdiron de Oliveira bucked off last night he was angry. Hard to imagine, but he’s been on a downslide since his awful wreck. Tonight, Montanacanvas.com got him leaned back at 7.52, then bucked him off. Valdiron didn’t want to look at the camera when Leah interviewed him; he kept his face hidden under his hat. Never heard him sound so emotional: “This is the worst weekend of my professional bull riding career. I really want to be the World Champion.” He deserved to be World Champion , the way he was riding until that wreck; don’t know if he’s in good enough shape to catch Alves. Silvano can be the Champ next year. (Call me sentimental.)

YIKES!

• The Situation “put the World Champ in the blender.” I think it was Ty saying that. Kody Lostroh and the bull clonked heads, and without a helmet, Kody’s noggin would’ve been pulp; he was in the chute on his knees, kinda stunned for a moment. Said Shorty: “Kody told me he had to think about it a bit, but I think he’s just messin’ with me.”
• Dusty Ephrom hit the dirt, dumped by re-ride, Joey, and did a really scary move, his legs crunched up and scrambling like a bug that you haven’t squashed completely. Eek.

HATE IT

The lawn mower ad: “Hey—you know what revs my engine?”  “That’s Bad Boy, baby─ mow with an aTTitude!” I just don’t know how to make my computer imitate her sibilant “TT.” Folks, if ya gotta hire a bimbo to sell mowers, at least hire a talented one. Ads like this make the PBR look amateurish. It’s the kind you’f see on very very late night cable sleaze channels. Oh, wait a minute: is this a case of somebody’s squeeze wanting to get into “show biz’?

FASHION ALERT

Clay Taylor didn’t score in his 1^st BFTS event, but rocked a nice color combo: robin’s egg blue shirt, spring green chaps.

LOVE IT

• Silvano in Slo-Mo shows you how strong a rider he is, using his left foot to pull his weight into position to stay on a bull when he tries to spin him into the well.
• Shorty’s shout-out to Ben. Yeah, that’s one rider who always gives 110%, no matter what Cody Custer said.
• Ismael’s pat on the back for the size of the riders’ hearts. And some guy named Chad Pennington.
• Seeing a little boy in Hawaii rocking out on a mechanical bull.
• Better sit down, folks, because you won’t believe what’s coming: Thank you Craig, for referring to Mesa Pate as “a young stock contractor” instead of mentioning her gender or appearance. (I know: shocking. I saved it for last so you all wouldn’t faint.)