NASHVILLE: KNEW IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE

TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE: NASHVILLE JUDGES TREAT SILVANO ALVES FAIRLY–ALMOST

According to Craig Hummer, Pure PBR “sheds light on the inner workings of the PBR.” NOT. Close-ups of bull nose hair don’t make up for the real behind the scenes scoop. What a lot of us want is to have the judges miked—never mind the riders. We know what we’re gonna hear from the cowboys. Let’s hear the real conversations while the draw is being put together and during the scoring. Meanwhile I’ll be on the lookout for any porkers winging by my window.

JUDGES ON DUTY:

Donald Owens, Royd Doyle, Canter? Shawn Ramirez was replay judge.

ON THE ONE HAND…

Interesting analysis by Justin McBride about how João Ricardo Vieira needs to cope with bulls turning away from his hand. I liked the demo, but on the other hand (ha ha), isn’t this the same “problem” Guilherme Marchi has? Funny how these guys are #1 and #2 in the world, even with that weakness. Basically, I think they’ve psyched themselves out; there’s no reason they can’t fix that glitch.

But JRV didn’t lose it when Dracula changed directions near the end of the ride, earning him 85.75. So much for the problem with the away-from-his-hand thing.

YOU’RE KIDDING, RIGHT??

Justin’s sour grapes: if Vieira had to ride for 10 seconds, he would’ve been bucked off. Uh, they don’t have to ride for 10 seconds, genius. Grasping for straws, are we? Anything to fault a Brazilian rider.

LIKE A KID IN A CANDY STORE

Could Jesse Byrne have been any happier introducing that hunka hunka Bushwacker? He practically broke his face smiling. Love it. It’s great how the bull’s getting tweets, too. He’s had a perfect season so far, and I don’t see that changing.

MAKING TEACHER PROUD

Markus Mariluch has been getting it done lately, with impressive numbers: taking Round 1 with 89.50, then placing second in the championship round with a 90.25 career best on Jack Daniel’s After Party. The bull’s being retired after the Finals, but it looks like Markus is just getting warmed up. Confetti on his hat is a good look.

NOT COOL

I don’t appreciate those shots the people in the bully pulpit take at J.W. Harris (“he has to get used to this level of bull”) and the Brazilian riders (they’re used to riding inferior bulls in Brazil—smaller, slower, etc.). Funny how the guys from way down south end up in the Top 10.

KILT HIM A B’AR WHEN HE WAS ONLY THREE

That story about how Rooster McKeeman got his nickname sounds suspiciously familiar, but in his case, it was a pheasant.

NO JOY IN MUDVILLE

There was no faking it—JB Mauney is bummed. “I don’t feel like a cowboy when I’m sitting it out,” he said. JB missed this dance because of his injured hip and back; after x-rays he’ll know whether he’s got a back fracture. Keep your fingers crossed that it’s not. A plan for this year’s championship and next year’s? I think not, JB.

NOW THAT HE’S HANGING WITH THE MINIBULLS…

Chris Shivers as safety man was an odd sight, and I guess it felt pretty odd for him, too. “It’s a little safer out here,” he said, sitting on a horse in the arena. “Seeing these bulls – it’s pretty scary now.” I guess now that he thinks about it, he was doing something incredibly dangerous for all those years.

AWWW, MAAAN!

King Lopez is being retired after the Finals, too.

OKAY, WE GET IT

In case we haven’t been hit over the head with it enough, the next JB Mauney is supposed to be Chase Outlaw or Gage Gay. So that’s why The Bummer and McBride (great name for a ventriloquist-with-dummy-act) were praising Chase for—get this—two rides of close to 6 seconds. Here’s a travesty for you: Chase needed 80.50 to get to the Championship Round. Pay It Forward was a plain old washing machine, but Outlaw “hit the pay window,” as Craig had to say, and was scored 85.75 to creep up on Silvano (like we wouldn’t notice).

TARGET PRACTICE

When the big ol’ PBR babies who are scared of Brazilians get bored with torturing Silvano, they turn on Renato. They DQ’d (or should that be FU’d?) him in Round 1 for “spending too much time in the chute.” Suddenly we’re being told that Nunes always has a hard time getting out of the chute. Huh? Since when? A little Gaslight, anyone?

After Renato’s Round 2 85-point ride on Roar, in response to Leah Garcia’s question about the DQ incident, he clarified, “Today the bull is standing good; that’s not a problem.” He said he wasn’t going to nod when his bull isn’t standing right. During the Championship Round, he explained that in his preparation, he does what’s better for safety and for him, not based on the clock. He exhibited outstanding self-control, though you could see the suppressed anger at the treatment he’s getting, and I totally sympathize. So of course they put him on the clock again, then to add injury to insult, Walk Off kicked him out the back door.

Guilherme Marchi and Cody Lambert watched at the chute as Alves wrapped on Delco (who has bucked him off twice). I bet this scene was a result of the “conversation” the Brazilians had with the chute guys a couple of months ago. It woulda been reeeal interesting to hear what was happening, but The Bummer & McBride kept babbling loudly enough to drown out any harassment we might’ve heard. Silvano was put on the clock, so you can bet there was some. He nodded with 15 seconds left on the clock, then scored 87.50,which was quickly followed by somebody’s snide comment about Delco having “a little bit of age on him,” just like King Lopez is an old bull, implying that they’ve become easy to ride. Hello—check the rankings—both the bulls’ and the riders’.

SHANE PROCTOR SIGHTING

Shane was at the chute helping out Kody Lostroh; he’s still recovering from shoulder surgery.

I’M JUST SAYIN’…

Cody Nance is the home state fave. Some people (not the judges, obviously) noticed where his right spur was when he came out of the chute on Hot & Juicy. And have you seen the custom helmet with the American flag on top? His previous one had a crucifix on it. Are we getting the message? He’s the all American boy with God on his side. They gave him an 86, which tied him with Marchi. What a surprise.

BULLPOWER

• Bad to the Bone shot out horizontally from under Emilio Resende and looked like he traveled 10 feet sideways. I’m serious—look for video footage.
• Get him a bigger trailer: Rango’s a movie star, in The Longest Ride.
• Southpaw’s performance was Impressive, especially in slow motion. “You don’t need a Wow Factor when you have moves like Southpaw,” says the Chief Nitwit. Uhh, if the bull is outrageous in action, I think that’s called a Wow Factor.
• Fire & Smoke flipped Cooper Davis like a pancake: that airborne backflip was even more awesome because of those pretty aqua chaps.
• Lachlan Richardson on Asteroid? That’s hilarious. (Asteroid has 26 consecutive buckoffs.) “That’s a tall order,” says Justin, completely unaware of how funny that is when you’re talking about Richardson. The match was over in a blink.
• Did I hear wrong, or is it true that Mick E. Mouse is tied with Bushwacker for Bull of the Year?? That’s absurd. NOBODY ties with Bushwacker!
• As Cody Nance got ready for his Bushwacker debacle, the crowd went wild and got to their feet—and it wasn’t for the Cody. The bird’s eye view was fun: Nance was flitting around Bushwacker’s back like a mosquito on a hot plate.

QUOTABLE

• “He had the perfect getoff—if the buzzer rang at 7 seconds.”—McBride talking about L.J. Jenkins, the notorious 7-second man.
• “He doesn’t want me as his personal trainer; that would just involve stress,”—Craig Hummer, taking pity on Gage Gay.
• “He’s the biggest star PBR has, and may ever have,” – Craig Hummer talking about—hold onto your Resistols—not J.B. Mauney, but Bushwacker.

ATMOSPHERE GETTING A LITTLE THICK

Marty was pathetic: a flat spinner, barely kicking, and deserved some orange flags, but instead Gage was scored 83. “Good riders make it look perhaps a little too easy,” oozes Hummer. “That’s what they’re supposed to do,” Justin piles on. Yeah, yeah; but when Silvano makes a tough bull look easy, they ream him on the score.

PFF

“Bushwacker doesn’t want to leave any doubt in the judges or the fans’ minds that he is the best ever.”—Hummer, using his telepathic powers to transmit a message from the brain of Bushwacker.

A BULLFIGHTER HE’S NOT

Ryan Dirteater’s bull, Mostly Ghostly, was another yawn, but Ryan was given 83.75. Flint miscalculated the bull’s personality, and started showing off, tossing his straw hat at him. Talk about inviting trouble: the bull came tearing after him. Flint displayed his bullfighting chops by doing a lightning fast scramble up the fence.

BUILT FORD TOUGH

Fabiano Vieira competed with a shoulder injury to his free arm—and scored 85.50 on Skid Roe Joe (and yes, the wrong spelling is the one his owners use) by keeping that arm down below shoulder level. Unbelievable.

CHAMPIONSHIP ROUND

In a flash, Silvano was put on the clock. Do the judges really think their punitive tactic is going to stop him from doing his prep? He got out of the chute with 9 seconds left, and regardless of the attempts to rattle him, rode Rango for 92.25, in beautiful form. If you want to see how it’s done, check YouTube. He finally got a score he deserved—I was SHOCKED. Shocked, I tell you! Silvano moved to the lead, and he was one happy camper. A lot of us were.

Then came the catch: Chase needed 86.75 to take the lead, and of course those SOBs awarded him 89.25, to prevents Alves from winning. Let me remind you that Outlaw’s mount, Mr. Bull, is currently ranked 44^th and has a power ranking of 350th, compared to Rango at #6, with a power ranking of 80^th.No offense to Chase, but was that ride really worth 89.25?

Alves on Rango was Ride of the Night. Monster ride.